This hadn't exactly gone the way he'd planned. Then again, to be honest he didn't really have a plan. Things had changed so much in the past year, what the hell was he supposed to do or say anymore?

Charlie.

He should have spent more time with the boy or tried harder or maybe he shouldn't have fought so hard for custody in the first place but really, would his mother have been any better? She was as emotionally unavailable as he was, if not more so. No wonder their son was now buried below their feet. And still, he probably didn't see him as much as he should. But he couldn't. There was some part of him that still blamed that nurse bitch for everything but really, she had been more of a friend, more of a help to his son than his own father. Perhaps that was what had burned him up so much. A stranger had been there for the boy he'd been so happy to see born, and so happy to raise until everything crashed down around him. His career came up and became more important, and maybe that's the downside of being a parent, sometimes your priorities get screwed up and you don't realize what's important, what's really important until it isn't there anymore.

The last time he had seen Jackie Peyton, it had been the night Charlie died. She'd left him after he'd yelled at her and tried for another twenty minutes or so to work on his son, even though he knew he was dead and there was nothing more that could be done. He was angry and hurting, that familiar pain in his chest once more. Damn anxiety attacks, they'd be the death of him one day. Though the way he had been feeling about then, why was it taking so long? Mike had gone up to Maternity for some reason, maybe to scream at Jackie, maybe to kick her out but the sight of the little baby boy in O'Hara's arms and Peyton standing there with tears in her eyes as she looked down onto the fresh faced baby boy, he couldn't say anything. He walked out of the room, out of the hospital and with him went Quantum Bay.

Truthfully the funding was still there but the overwhelming protection and everything that had come with him, disappeared. The hospital was back to running itself and while the patients never saw a change, there had been one in the nurses of the ER. To be honest, right then he didn't care about that hospital, or those people or even the nurse he so despised. He had to bury his son, call his ex-wife and tell her the news and attempt to pick up the pieces of his life that now lay in shambles around him.

That was six months ago.

Cruz was still living in his condo, the same one he'd been in the first time he realized that his son and Peyton had some kind of connection. His son's room was still the same, though the door had been closed for several months before that. Now the door lay open, with his cellphone on the charger, blinking once or twice at him. He had gone in there yesterday, in the afternoon to try and face down the demons that lived in that room when he'd noticed there were at least four messages from Jackie Peyton on his son's phone.

"What the –" Cruz stared down at her sideways glare on her son's phone and frowned at it. He wanted to scream at the phone and felt the heat of overwhelming heartache hit him once more though this time he ignored it. He had pressed the voicemail button.

Most of the messages are asking how he is, telling him about her day and the things she's been through. How her divorce is going and she wonders if he had to watch his parents go through this too and maybe that's what made him the way he was. She doesn't want to see her daughter do the same thing but it feels like that's exactly what is happening. The last one is more recent, probably two days ago, talking about how her birthday is basically fucking her over. It would figure wouldn't it? Still, the boy has been dead and the best she has to talk to is his phone. As angry as he is, there's some part of Cruz that can't blame her for it. But the anger reigns supreme.

He had been called back to All Saints because of Akalitus' memory loss while she was on the floor, Quantum Bay was reassigning him as much as he didn't want to go back into that place again, he didn't want to deal with those people or see that nurse, he had to confront her. Yesterday had been normal, he walked back in to groans and glares from most though Zoe was her usual upstanding and bouncy individual.

"Now obviously, we had our problems the last time and I'm here to make sure that things continue to run smoothly. Until further notice Akalitus has been removed from her position, putting me back behind that desk until we know what is causing her slip. We all can get along here; I want to make this as easy as possible."

Most people ignored him, continued working or what have you. Peyton had come in, tossed him a surprised expression but had turned away from him, walking over to check on a patient and for the time being he hadn't done much else towards her. Seeing her again, he lost what he'd been going to say. She was sober, that was nice. She looked tired though, and really causing a scene wasn't what he'd had in mind. It doesn't exactly demonstrate unity amongst the staff when a doctor is yelling at a nurse.

Once the night was over and it was a long night, Cruz had followed Jackie out and took her arm, planning to confront her about her calling Charlie's phone, she wasn't his to talk to, she wasn't his mother she was just a friend of AA. That's all…

As the hot water beat down on his back now, Cruz closed his eyes and wondered how the hell they got to this place?