Yes, you're not dreaming, I finally updated this story! (It mostly took me time because I just couldn't write Zetsu character. So I just stopped caring about it)

And thus, my dear readers, I'll have to tell you something: this story will border the AU by moments (but with Harry, it was simply unavoidable) and yes, it'll have slash. Didn't I already say it in the first chapter? (Don't remember...)

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Except Harry's insanity. That's it.

So, here! Take this chapter!

"What do you plan to do?" Harry asked as he watched the boy leave their den.

Madara shrugged and slowly turned to the dark being that was stationed in the ceiling.

"Zetsu," the old man said. "Follow him."

A shadow slowly seeped out of the ceiling and left the cavern after bowing curtly to the old man. Meanwhile, Harry folded his arms and hummed a tone under his breath.

"I'm soooooo bored right now," he muttered while glaring at Madara who was still doing some strange experiments in his dark corner (Harry had called it the 'emo corner').

"Then why didn't you follow him with Zetsu," the old man grumbled.

Harry shrugged and cracked his articulations. As he was made in wood, he had to move pretty frequently if he didn't want to be petrified. But the most annoying thing about his little predicament was that every time he tried to sleep, he ended up petrified and Zetsu always tried to eat him.

Well, he tried to. Not anymore.

It seems that an angry Harry was more than enough to scare shitless a carnivorous plant-boy. Not that it mattered to the concerned, they still hated each other guts.

"With my bastard of a little brother?" Harry exclaimed before puckering his lips and scowling in disgust. "No way in hell. I bet that he'll try again to kill me…"

"When will you two realize that you need each other to live?" Madara sighed in aggravation before rubbing his forehead.

Harry observed him in silence and clicked his tongue when he noticed that his creator looked now older than Death.

"Eeeh," the wizard drawled with a mocking smirk. "But, mummy, we only need you~ Until you die, that's it."

Madara frowned harshly and scowled at his failed experiment.
While Zetsu had been a success, Harry had been the first and the Uchiha knew that something had really go wrong when he had created him.

Harry's soul, or being, was different from anything else. He couldn't use chakra and the genjutsu were uneffective on him. That last point was the sole thing that had let him live all those years. However, there was something else.

The boy could use nature chakra. Or at least, that was what it seemed to be.

Madara hadn't really seen him use it, Harry was really attentive to never do something in front of him or near him. Nonetheless, his creator knew of his abilities thanks to Zetsu. The latter had effectively told everything that he saw his brother do to their creator.

It was obvious that Harry hadn't appreciated that. Not one bit.

The four years looking boy shrugged as he watched the old man scowl and yawned loudly.

"You know what?" he muttered for himself. "I'll follow your little fanboy, he's the only one who can give me a sane conversation here..."

Well, if he wasn't talking about that crush of his, the Obito boy was actually pretty interesting. His ranting of a hidden village called Konoha were funny and way better than Madara's old stories about revenge and something along.

Madara shook his head and sighed deeply while his first creation vanished with a little poof.

"Sometimes, I really wonder why I let him live," the old man muttered under his breath.

But then, he remembered Harry's face whenever he asked him to give him his Harry Junior and the Uchiha smirked evilly.

Yes, watching that dejected face when the brat realised that he wasn't going to obtain his little Harry yet was the best thing.

[...]

Harry jumped and stopped on a brand tree next to his abhorred brother. The latter turned one of his eyes to glance at him before looking once again at the teenager that was petrified in front of bloody corpse.

The wizard frowned and pursed his lips when he clearly felt the magic around him hum loudly.

"What's going on?" he asked to the bicolored teenager by his side.

"It seems that the boy is secreting water by his eyes," Zetsu answered with a disgusted face. "He could have kept it inside."

Harry rolled his eyes and ignored the ranting of his dear brother. His black counterpart, while more silencious, was still as aggravating as the ranting (and white) part.

Suddenly, the wizard tensed and narrowed his eyes. The magic around him was restless and he didn't understand why. He looked around him, scanning attentively the perimeter and frowned when he noticed that the anomaly was coming from the corpse.

"Who's it?" Harry asked tersely while he fidgeted briefly on the branch. He was pondering if jumping to Obito's side or stay by his annoying brother's. The latter turned his bicoloured face to the wizard and snorted.

"A kunoichi from Konoha," Black Zetsu answered with a light shrug.

Harry puckered his mouth and began swinging on the branch. However, the magic around him gathered on his feet and he was glued to the bark. He pouted and scratched pensively his neck.

"Say," he muttered and Zetsu raised a brow while he folded his arms. "What happened to that kunoichi to disturb the mag- the chakra like that?"

The boy-plant smirked and tilted his head.

"Bijuu," he simply said.

Harry's eyes widened and he took a deep breath while the magic (or chakra, whatever was its name) around him began rumbling around him. His feet began to melt and fusion with the tree but the wizard didn't even care about it (even if it was going to be a pain in the ass to cut his ties with the vegetal).

"Which one?" Harry asked with a low voice.

"Three tails, not that powerful…"

The wizard nodded absentmindedly and his lower body began fusioning with the tree at the same time. Meanwhile, Zetsu did the same as he had noticed the Uchiha's more than unstable state.

That was the first time that Harry had been near a bijuu. It wouldn't be the last but it was the first time that the boy realised how much his life was intertwined with the beasts.

As he prepared himself to teleport to another tree, the wizard frowned when he clearly noticed how his magic was humming in happiness around him. Also, his body hurt a little.

He was finally beginning to grow.

[...]

"Like trees needs light and water to grow, you need something to do the same," Madara explained with his raspy voice while Zetsu kept watching the now sleeping Obito.

Harry ignored him and continued watching the stars from a crack in the wooden ceiling.

"Your… brother just has to absorb chakra and eat humans," his creator added while fumbling in his things to look for something (probably alcool. That old man loved getting drunk under the moon). "But you, even after all those years, you didn't need anything and never got old. However, today, it happened. Isn't ironic that it happened once you fed on the residual chakra of a Bijuu?"

"So I need those Bijuu's chakra if I want to get older?"

"And stronger," Madara completed. "That means that you'll be a crucial tool for our plans."

Harry snorted and decided to not tell his creator that he didn't intend to help him in his megalomaniac plans. He had enough being a plant-boy who didn't have genitalia, thank you very much.

The wizard took a deep breath and admired the stars. In his world, the night sky wasn't so pretty and he could understand why the centaurs were so against humanity.

He had already realised that his creator wasn't going to give him his little Harry. So that just meant that he had to look elsewhere to find someone who could manipulate wood and give him his sacred rod.

'Well,' Harry thought while stretching happily. 'I just have to wait for the old coot to die and then I'll finally be free to live.'

The following week, Uchiha Madara died.
Blood loss from hemorrhoids.

Harry had never laughed so much at a funeral.

[...]

Several days after, once Obito (now called Tobi) decided where to go to begin Madara's megalomaniac plan, Harry parted his way from the two other males and stretched happily once Tobi and Zetsu disappeared in a wind of leaves.

However, the wizard wasn't as alone as he thought.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he uttered darkly when a familiar form appeared by his side.

White Zetsu just shrugged and scratched his cheek before smirking at the wizard.

"Madara-sama told me to watch over you," he answered calmly. "so it's going to be just the two of us!"

He hadn't even ended his sentence when an arm pierced his chest and the white boy blinked before laughing maniacally.

"This is priceless!" he exclaimed as blood began to spurt from his mouth and chest. "You didn't even wait a day to kill me!"

"Can't you die quietly?" Harry grumbled while he extracted his brother's heart.

He looked at the organ before shrugging and crushing under his feet. White Zetsu fell on the floor and stopped moving. Then, his body began to fade away and Harry groaned.

Of course, it had to be a clone.

The wizard shook his head and decided that he wasn't going to care about the plant's whereabouts. If Jusetsu wanted to follow and was ready to endure Harry's murderous intentions, the wizard wasn't going to refuse it. It was always great to travel with a punching bag after all.

"So where're we going?" the latter piped while he appeared from nowhere next to Harry.

The wizard rolled his eyes and used his magic to strangle the plant.
It wasn't a clone this time.

Jackpot.

[...]

Harry's second meeting with a Bijuu was somewhere in a country called Kiri. He had tracked down the Three tailed beast's energy (or chakra. It seemed that this energy was a lot like the magic that Harry used. However, Madara had said that he used something totally different from everyone so it's not like it mattered to him) and was now in front of what seemed to be a ninja village.

The boy, now looking like he had five years old, stopped short in front of the entry gates and whistled as he admired the walls and ninjas that kept watch at the gates.

"So this is a Hidden Village," he whispered for himself.

Nobody answered him and he smirked for himself. It seemed that the correction from yesterday had scared White Zetsu enough to leave him alone for nom. And the wizard was going to use this time-alone very wisely.

"State your reason for being here, brat," one of the ninjas said once Harry stopped in front of him.

The wizard cocked his head and his smile widened until it became more of a grimace than a smile.

"I'm here to see the Bijuu," Harry honestly answered.

His eyes widened as lances and shurikens pierced through his arms and legs.

'Seriously?!' the wizard thought with incredulity. 'You answer with the truth and they treat you like that? That's it, I'm over with being a gentle and honest boy.'

"Call Mizukage-sama," the ninja who had transformed Harry into a pinned butterfly told his comrades. "I'll stay with this little bastard…"

Harry wanted to sigh. However, it seemed that with all the weapons that were on his body, it was pretty much impossible. The little boy closed his eyes and wondered why the hell he always ended in situations like this one. (He blamed Madara. The old coot was a masochist and his creator. Some of his masochistic streaks must have come in his gene pool)

Footsteps sounded just by Harry's right and the boy turned his head, at least tried to as he had a shuriken that pierced his shoulder and didn't let him move as he wanted.

A foot connected with the wizard's chest and the boy groaned with the impact. He opened wide his eyes when he noticed the magic rumble around him and his fingers twitched. Roots began to spread from his back and, as he still was pinned to the ground, nobody noticed it. The roots hid in the humid ground and Harry took a deep breath when he met the inquisitive eyes of a teenager with grey hair.

"Who are you, child? And why do you want to see me?" A deep voice asked him.

Harry blinked and he observed calmly the teenager. Then, as the magic settled around them, he attacked.

Roots emerged from the ground and went for the teenager's feet. The latter frowned and jumped swiftly to avoid the roots. However, he hadn't seen that Harry had escaped from all the weapons that pinned to the ground.

And thus, the teenager ended in the boy's wide open arms.

"Sweet Merlin," the wizard whispered as he hid behind the teenager's body as the other men were still going for his blood. "I suddenly understand why Mummy said that they were beasts of chakra..."

He briefly closed his eyes and let the magic around him tighten his hold on his body. The bark that was actually his skin creaked loudly and Harry began to laugh happily when he clearly felt his body begin to stretch and grow.

"Wh-what's going on!" the ninja that had pinned the boy earlier exclaimed as he watched his Kage be held hostage by a child.

The teenager didn't seem fazed by his peculiar situation and his pink eyes calmly observed the boy that was hiding behind him grow old excessively quick.

And then, once he had the appearance of a grown man, Harry stopped laughing and let go of the teenager's shirt. He swiftly jumped away, roots vanishing once again in his back and smirked at the grey haired young man.

"I'm Harry," the wizard finally answered as he stretched his fingers to see if everything worked alright.

"Why did you want to see me?" the teenager asked once again with a calm voice.

The wizard cocked his head and winced when the bark actually creaked and began to fall from his flesh. He frowned and scratched his recent injury to realise that his new being was actually disappearing right from the start.

"I didn't want to see you specifically," the man shrugged and winced when this time it was the skin from his shoulders that broke from the action. "I just wanted to see the Three Tailed Beast and... You know... Eat it."

The teenager frowned harshly and suddenly was right next to Harry with a weapon (shuriken noted Harry absentmindedly) pressed against the wizard's neck.

"Who sent you," the teenager asked to the now swiftly rejuvenating man.

"No one," Harry shrugged once again and groaned when he clearly felt the bark protest from the action. "I was just hungry and followed its trail."

"Put it in the dungeons," the teenager suddenly spat while he jumped away and vanished in a twirl of wind. "I'll discover which village sent him..."

Once again pinned against something, this time against the walls of the hidden village! Harry rolled his eyes and let the ninja put some kind of manacles around his wrists.

"With this, you won't be able to trick us again," the man chuckled darkly before pushing him in the village.

It was the first time that Harry entered a Hidden Village. Not that it mattered since he was already planning to escape from there.

The prissy teenager had said dungeons. Dungeons!

Weren't they ninjas?! Harry thought that they had better class than that.

He kept his head low as they crossed the whole village and just listened to the magic around him.

It seemed pretty calm and fluid, almost like water. Harry tilted his head when he sensed something strange in the flow. He turned his head and widened his eyes when he noticed what was perturbing his listening.

"Holy sweet Merlin's underpants," he hissed with a hyper voice as he almost choked on his spit. "Is that a human shark?!"

The teenager with blue skin just blinked before scoffing and kept walking.

Meanwhile, Harry was harshly pushed by the ninja and he frowned. Why did that rude man interrupt his fun? It was a human shark! A human shark walking among humans!

Harry wanted to open the teenager's mouth and see if he had a lot of teeth like the sea predator.

Also, he wanted to see if his little shark down there was shaped differently from humans.

Merlin, curiosity was killing him.

[...]

The moon had already rose in the misty sky when White Zetsu's head came out from the floor. Harry just raised a brow and folded his arms on his chest as he waited for his stupid brother's explanation.

"So," the latter began with an amused voice. "The Mizukage's dungeons? In no less than a day? Congratulation, older brother! I'm sure that Madara-sama'd be happy to hear that you ended in a cell two weeks after his death!"

The wizard rolled his eyes and finally decided that he had had enough of Zetsu's nagging.

So he just raised his arms and let the magic around him destroy the manacles. Then, he took hold of Josetsu and smirked at the man.

"You know what this means, right?" Harry asked with a light voice.

His brother shrugged.

"I won. Pay up," Harry's smirk widened as White Zetsu scowled and slowly began to morph into another person's body.

"The bet said that you'd end in the Bingo book too," he relented and the wizard just scoffed.

"After what I'm going to pull out, believe me. They will make a book for me. Or seven. I like that number."

[...]

"Yagura-sama," an ANBU called as he opened the door. "There is nothing about the boy in the Hidden Villages. In fact, there isn't anything about him anywhere. It seems that he appeared from nowhere..."

The Mizukage put his chin on his joined hands and looked with a bored face at the ANBU.

"What did else you find out?" Yagura finally asked.

The ANBU tensed and sweat rolled on his masked face.

"It seems that the boy uses a unknown genjutsu," the ninja answered. "He broke free from the dungeons and is now wreaking havoc there..."

The Mizukage didn't seem fazed by the news and didn't move an inch.

"Send the ninjutsu specialists," he told the ANBU after some seconds.

"Ninjutsu, sir?" The latter asked with a strained voice.

The boy that they were going against was using some unknown genjutsu and seemed to use a bloodline like the Hokuton and the Mizukage just wanted to send their ninjutsu specialists?

"He's just weed," Yagura calmly explained. "You just need to cut it at his roots."

[...]

"WOOOO-HOO!" Harry screeched as he used some magic to make him fly in the corridor.

He passed at mere inches from a ninja's nose and laughed happily when a rain of weapons fell on the place where he had stood mere seconds ago.

He avoided another blow from a kunai and took a step back when one of the ninjas began to attack the others. So Zetsu was going to help him in this battle. How sweet of him. (Still, Harry wasn't going to stop killing him when he was bored)

As he was back to his five years old body, Harry was now able to move like he wanted and he enjoyed it. A lot.

He avoided another salve of shurikens and suddenly froze when he felt the now familiar chakra of the shark boy.

"Hiya!" the wizard exclaimed as he made his feet take root on the ceiling so he could see the newcomers to his playground. "I'm Harry and you?"

The shark boy blinked and clenched his fingers around the hilt of his sword before smirking. This looked like it could be a good fight.

"Hoshigaki Kisame," he told him with a deep voice.

"Have you a shark like cock?" Harry asked and he had to avoid a rather sharp sword by the following second.

The boy swiftly rolled on the ground and ignored the others around him to point his finger at the shark boy and pout like a brat. (Well, he had the body of one so... He was a brat)

"Why did you do that?!" he whined like the kid he was/looked like. "I thought that... I THOUGHT THAT WE WERE FRIENDS, KISA-CHAN!"

"AH?" Kisame exclaimed as he tried to chop Harry into little bits.

"Weren't we the bestest friends ever?!" The wizard continued whining as he avoided expertly every attack from the ninjutsu squad.

"AH?!" The shark looking teenager repeated as he felt his brain stop from all the stupidities that was blathering the young boy in front of him.

"But then, you could be just shy," Harry added almost pensively. "Is it that, Kisa-chan? You're just being shy?"

Hoshigaki Kisama had never wanted so much to disappear from Earth. And to kill a brat.

Never.

[...]

Strangely, Harry escaped from the dungeons with an arm missing. Not that it really mattered as he could regrow it. But still, that Sharky boy had been good with his sword.

It made the wizard wonder if he could be as good with his other sword.

And that made him realise that he still didn't have his Harry Junior.

And thus, Harry decided to forget everything about the Bijuu (his hunger be damned) and to just go look for somebody who could give him what he most wanted in the world.

But Harry didn't know that his little stay in the Mizukage's dungeons had already changed things.

Mostly because the Mizukage sent ninja to all the other Hidden Villages to announce that there was a strange man going after the jinchūriki.

And one of these ninja was going to Konoha.

[...]

"Also, it seems that the boy is made of wood," the ANBU scratched nervously his neck and cursed his mask for keeping all his sweat on his face. He was slowly suffocating there.

"Wood," Yagura stated plainly. "Akasuna no Sasori?"

The ANBU shrugged.

"Send the Seven Swordmen," the Kage turned his head to look at the arm that was on his desk. "And keep watch over Hoshigaki Kisame. He must not die."

The ANBU frowned under his mask and finally nodded stiffly.

Once he left the room, the Mizukage raised a finger and threw a kunai to the dark corner of his room.

"State your intentions," he ordered with an icy voice.

"Tobi is a good guy, yes he is," a voice chirped happily while a man appeared from nowhere and greeted the Kage with a little wave of his hand. "And because Tobi is a really good guy..."

A red eye suddenly shone ominously and Yagura tensed.

"I'll make sure that my little friend doesn't lose something important..."

[...]

"So where are we going now?" White Zetsu asked with a bored voice as Harry walked faster than before his little stay in Kiri.

"To somewhere where they could manipulate wood," the wizard told him absentmindedly.

He was going to obtain his Harry Junior. That was it, no more doubts, no more 'Mummy will give him to me if I stay another day'. He was going to take his destiny into his own hands and finally take a piss like a man. (And not release it in form of vapour like plants did)

"How about Suna?" Zetsu said as he shrugged. "They have good puppets."

Harry's eyes narrowed and he began smirking while he accelerated his steps.

"Suna then," he whispered sweetly.

Meanwhile, Zetsu smirked evilly and nodded to himself.

"He's going to Suna," he whispered to himself.

[...]

"Got it," mumbled Black Zetsu as he watched Tobi run in front of him. "We're going to Konoha as planned. Don't let him go there."

So, a lot of things happened in this chapter. But still, so many question are left unanswered... Will Harry get his Harry Junior? Does Kisame have a shark shaped sword down there? Is there going to have any humor in this story? Will Josetsu have his rightful characterisation one day? Who's in Harry's harem? What about the real protagonist of this story, will he appear in the next chapter?

So many questions and so little answers.

Next chapter preview:

"This cuteness shouldn't be legal!"

"Stay back! Don't touch him!"

"Yes, you're the most cutest beast in the whole world, yes you are!"

"Is he... petting him?"

Review?