Chapter 2
Owen was lying on the bed staring at the ceiling replaying their conversations over and over hours before when he heard footsteps coming up the stairs. He shot up, "Cristina!"
"Nope! Try again." The voice was familiar and ever-surprising. It was the last person he thought he'd see tonight.
"Derek?"
"Yah! It's me. I brought scotch."
It was the third round by now and both men sat at the kitchen table and continued to share the silence.
It was the next morning and Cristina was awoken by a screaming Zola. It was already the fourth time for Cristina to be awakened by Zola. But it really didn't matter. Her mind was racing all night long, racing with thoughts, uncertainty and more thoughts. She thought about her dad, how she'd misses him every day. And she thought about the ridiculously, privileged life her parents gave her. She thought about every critical moment that got her to this moment. Seeing Owen for the first time off that ambulance. The icicle, the first hot kiss and wondering who the hell was this man. Then meeting him again with all the darkness and what they went through—the PSTD, Beth, the choking, Teddy, the shooting. She thought about Owen and his face—the happiness when he heard the news and the complete anger and sorrow when she told him about the appointment.
Zola continued to cry and she thought to herself. Can I really do that? Do I want that? At the moment it was a definite no. But in the same moment she knew she wanted and still wants a life with Owen. That was about the only thing she was sure about. She never has been good about telling him but she knew in her whole being that she needed Owen—she couldn't breathe without him. Can I think I could want it? Can we? Together? Zola's crying was getting in the way of Cristina's thoughts. She sat there on the couch just waiting for Meredith to soothe Zola. Wailing from Zola, waiting from Cristina..waiting and suddenly Zola's cries quieted with a hush from Meredith in the distance. Holy fuck! She's doing it. My Mer...skinny, twisted Mer is doing it. SHE is doing it! She ran up the stairs and slammed open Zola's door.
"Okay, let's do this. I'm doing it!" Cristina yelled. Meredith was startled and puffed some baby powder in her hand over Zola. Zola giggled.
"What are you doing, Cristina?" Meredith asked.
"I'm going to...she paused... think about this," Cristina said with an elated and oh-so-proud voice. She held Meredith square against her and said,
"I'm really going to think about this. I'm really not going through with the appointment yet or maybe ever, I don't know. But I'm going to imagine a life and not be afraid. You still have Wyatt's pager number right?"