Part II

As they rode out to the stand which was about eight miles away, Adam talked while Joe listened or at least feigned to listen. Adam explained high grading since they needed trees for saw logs. He talked about the two pieces of string used to measure diameter; you couldn't just go and cut every tree that looked good, one had to choose specific ones and leave others standing. The trees couldn't be thinner than the length of the string when it was wrapped around the trunk. Some immature trees that were in bad positions, Adam explained, had to be cut as well. So Adam went on with the lesson as they rode, pointing out certain trees to illustrate points. He glanced occasionally at Joe riding silently along, holding onto the lead of the third horse carrying their supplies-the paint, brushes, food and extra blankets-as if his life depended on it, his knuckles white from tightly clenching the rope.

Finally they reached a clearing in the stand which Adam chose as their camp site.

"Here? Why are we staying here?" Joe asked while looking around.

"Because it's in the stand, it's a good site and there's water nearby. Why do you care anyway?" Adam had already started unsaddling his horse-the work they had to do needed to be done on foot. Later they would move deeper in the stand; that was the usual way it was done.

Once he had finished, Adam walked over to the pack horse. Joe still sat on Cochise. "Now, let's unload this and see what Hop Sing packed for us to eat," Adam said, pulling the items off the horse's back. Joe continued to sit, making no effort to dismount.

"Don't you plan on staying?" Adam asked, dropping the food sacks on the ground.

"I remembered something I need to do back home," Joe said. "I'll send Hoss back to help you." Joe turned Cochise toward the Ponderosa.

"The hell you will," Adam said, reaching out and pulling Cochise's reins to stop him. He then grabbed Joe by his jacket front and dragged him off his horse.

"You're going to stay and work. Understand?" Adam held Joe by his jacket and gave him a slight shake; he was surprised at how light Joe was. Adam figured that Joe had dropped at least 15 pounds if not more. Joe had lost the roundness of his cheeks and his clothes had begun to hang on him but Adam didn't expect this lightness; he was almost insubstantial. "It's what Pa wants so it's what we're going to do." And with one last shake, Adam let Joe go and Joe staggered a bit backwards.

"You'll be sorry for that, Adam. You may be older and stronger and bigger, but I'll make you sorry."

Adam just shook his head and made a sound of disgust but inside he was afraid-not due to Joe's empty threat which is what Adam knew it to be, but because until just now, he hadn't been quite aware of Joe's condition. The three of them had decided to intervene just in time, Adam thought.

Adam pulled out some cold chicken and biscuits that Hop Sing had packed and the two of them ate in silence, Joe glowering at Adam whenever their eyes met. Then Adam took Joe out and together they measured trees and Joe watched as Adam made a slash with the paint about four feet up from the base of the trees that were "saw grade." Then Adam explained which younger trees should be removed and why. Adam showed Joe how to make the mark at the base for these trees. He explained how the loggers read the different marks and what they would do. Then Adam told Joe to show him what he learned, to mark a few trees, but Joe had obviously been distracted the whole time Adam explained the process; he asked the same questions over and over. Adam remained patient and answered them; he noticed how agitated Joe was and soon the dark began to fall and Adam suggested they go start camp and Joe readily agreed.

"Go get wood," Adam told Joe once they were back at their site.

"Why do I have to get the wood? You go get it." Joe stood facing Adam.

"Do you want to spend the night out here without a fire? Is that what you want?' Adam kept his voice low and calm but Joe recognized the edge to Adam's words.

Joe shook his head and dropped his eyes. He turned and left to gather wood and Adam started pulling out the coffee and food that he would heat for their dinner.

Joe was behaving as contentiously as he had been for over a month and Adam began to wonder if this "adventure" was the right decision. But they had discussed the idea more than once and Hoss had said that if something wasn't done soon about Joe, he'd have to move out; Joe was becoming impossible to live with. Hoss said that he knew that Joe had been through a personal hell and still was going through it, but some things a man just has to move beyond. And Ben had reminded Hoss how very young Joe was, not yet 21, and that he hadn't really had to face anything like this before-and face it alone.

Adam had listened and suggested that he take Joe to mark the rest of the stand of trees. Maybe if it was just the two of them he could get something out of Joe, find some way to help him. He knew about things like this, Adam had said, and he could empathize with what Joe was going through. Both Hoss and Ben remained silent. They knew that Adam wouldn't talk about his time in his desert perdition, but both knew that it was to what he referred.

Adam and Joe ate in silence, sitting on their saddles propped around the fire. Joe, much to Adam's surprise and delight had made three trips to gather wood. Then Adam realized that it was because Joe wanted to keep the fire going all night. Adam noticed that Joe kept looking around nervously.

"You haven't been camping since you and Orin went on that hunting trip, have you?" Adam asked the question nonchalantly-seemingly nonchalantly, but he had a purpose.

"No," Joe answered, "and don't bring up Orin." Joe threw his plate and fork on the ground. "I'm going to water a tree and then I want to bed down." Joe stood up.

"Fertilize one too. Maybe it will improve your disposition-push some of that spite out of you." Adam sat and watched Joe walk away. Then he gathered up the plates and forks and cleaned them for the morning's use.

When Joe returned Adam stood up. "I'm going to go drown a tree," Adam said. Then, "Feed the fire, would you, Joe."

Adam noticed that Joe started to say something curt but caught himself and only responded with, "Yeah, I will."

When Adam returned, he stood just outside the firelight and watched Joe. Joe had dumped out his saddle bags and was ransacking Adam's belongings and all the supplies and necessities that they had packed for the trip. His face was flushed with exertion and the sweat on his brow glistened in the firelight.

"This what you're lookin' for?" Adam said.

Joe's head swung around and he stared at Adam who stood holding a little, brown, glass bottle.

"Give that to me, Adam," Joe said holding out his hand. "It's mine."

Adam squinted as he read the label. "Tincture of Opium. Why're you taking this, Joe?"

"None of your business." Joe walked toward Adam, his hand outstretched. "It's mine. Give it to me."

"No." Adam said. He slid the bottle back into his pocket. "I'm keeping it."

Joe gave a desperate sound, an animalistic sound, and threw himself on Adam and began wrestling with him. He sobbed with despair as he realized that he was too weak, too small to even move Adam more than a foot from the spot. Finally he pulled away exhausted and dropped to the ground, covering his face with one hand and began to shake with sobs.

"Joe," Adam said quietly, kneeling before him, "I'm here to help you. Let me." Adam put one hand on Joe's shoulder and Joe immediately struck it away.

"You want to help me? Give me that bottle, then. That will help me." Joe's chest heaved. He was frustrated and angry and felt the crawling fear that overcame him every time he thought about being alone in the dark with the images of Orin's burning clothes, the flames leaping up his legs, and the echoes of his screams in Joe's head.