The Heavy Music Club

by Tastychainsaws

A mysterious transfer student arrives with her guitar and wins the heart and minds of Sakuragaoka students with her coolness. It's up to Tsumugi to expose this transfer student as what she really is... a nerd. Mugi sets out on a fun adventure full of heavy metal, nerdisms, and a heavy scissor shaped sword that keeps breaking everything.

2. In My Scissor Sword I Trust

The Heavy Music Club

A Story By Some Stupid Asshole

Part Two

In My Scissor Sword I Trust

"Rise my brothers, we are blessed by steel!

IN MY SWORD I TRUST!

Arm yourselves, the truth shall be revealed!

IN MY SWORD I TRUST!

Tyrants and cowards for metal you will kneel!

IN MY SWORD I TRUST!

'Til justice and reason will wield!

IN MY SWORD I TRUST!"

-In My Sword I Trust by Ensiferum

1

"It's too quiet," Ricchan complained as we went along with our game, Sawa-chan at the helm of running this show. I also remembered honorifics, so that was neat too. "Can we get some music going?"

"Oh, wouldn't some Helvi Leiviskä be wonderful?" I suggested. "Her symphony number three is very uplifting, I think. Oh, what about Mika Pohjola?"

Sawa-chan shook her head and explained with the sound of her fists against the table, "This is classic role-playing with dice, miniatures, and Mountain Dew!" This was only partially true since we didn't have any miniatures. To represent the field of battle, we had a collection of guitar picks, a worn out pencil of eyeliner, a battery, and a copy of Alanis Morisette's Jagged Little Pill on cassette. Naturally the latter represented large boss enemies. Sawa-chan continued, "In times like these, it is only natural that we play the most fitting of music?"

"Led Zeppelin?" Mio-chan asked. "Kashmir sounds like a fitting song for a sort of epic journey. What about Hendrix?"

Yui-chan nodded at that, "A Merman I Should Turn to Be sounds just as good too, doesn't it Mio-chan?"

She smiled at Yui-chan, "Yes! Oh, what about Blue Oyster Cult's Fire of Unknown Origin album? Micheal Moorcock helped write lyrics for that."

"Who's that?" Yui-chan asked.

"He wrote the Elric of Melniboné fantasy series in the 70's," Mio-chan explained, matter-of-factly.

Sawa-chan sighed, "Come on, forget all that great music and interesting literature! If it's role-playing games, it's either Blind Guardian or Dragonforce!"

"Is neither an option?" Ricchan asked.

Mio-chan spoke up, "Blind Guardian also did a song based off the Elric series. I've never listened to the band myself."

"Nightfall in Middle-Earth!" Sawa-chan exclaimed. "We listened to this on repeat during my last year here, and so will you."

"Could be worse," Mio-chan shrugged and sipped her Mountain Dew, wincing at the horrible taste.

"I'm having fun either way," I chirped and sipped at my own soda, and gagged on the wretched taste. I gave the rest to Scissor-chan, who was sticking up out of the hardwood beside me, doing horrific damage to the flooring. Scissor-chan was not thirsty.

So we went with Blind Guardian against popular vote, and returned to the game. Sawa-chan cleared her throat and reminded us just where we were, "Okay, so Mugi-chan, now Darth Nox has infiltrated the lair of Cult of Irony while Mio and Ritsu are sneaking around out back. Yui has distracted the guards long enough, but her tiger is beginning to draw suspicion."

"Did I manage to sneak my machineguns in under my robes?" I asked.

"No," she replied. "But you still have your double-bladed orange lightsaber and Shiba canons. One of the cultist approaches you and says in a nasally voice, 'Did you like, totally see that person out there with that tiger? Tigers are totally lame, aren't they? Like who would want a tiger?'"

I paused, having to think on this. Sawa-chan's role-playing was frankly very bad and this was not ironic at all so I was not sure how to respond. Then I remembered I was a Sith Lord and said, "I wave my hand in their face and say, 'You will think tigers are cool.'"

Sawa-chan replied, "The Ironic Cultist falls for it and leaves you alone, but the path to the King of Irony is still paved with many challenges. You won't be able to make it without your friends."

"Hmm," I said aloud, "I better do what I can to cause a diversion, to get my friends in to help me!"

Sawa-chan nodded and gave me time to think, then looked at Mio-chan and Ricchan, "While Mugi, I mean, Darth Nox is trying to figure out a way to create a distraction, a horde of were-squirrels come out of the sewer pipes and attack."

"Were-squirrels!?" Mio-chan gasped. "I thought it was noon and a waning crescent moon!"

Ricchan giggled, "Darth Dark, that's silly."

I huffed, "Don't tease my cool Sith name!"

"These are super were-squirrels!" Sawa-chan exclaimed, waving her arms in emphasis. I began to wonder if she was drunk. It made sense since I saw her routinely take sips out of a thermos throughout the day in the corner and shiver. "One of them shoots eye lasers at Ricchan's character..." she rolled a handful of dice and shook her head, "Dealing enough damage to turn her into ash. Now they're looking at you Mio, readying their acorn grenades."

"No saving throw?" Ricchan pouted.

"This isn't fourth edition!" Sawa-chan barked at her. "Back in my day you didn't get saving throws! Sorry Ritsu, you're dead, but Mio will probably bite it soon to keep you company."

"Oh drats," I sighed, realizing I had spent my points wrong making my character. I put no points into the skill that let me teleport to allies in danger, and too many points into beekeeping. At least my bountiful supplies of honey had gotten me past the guards. Wait, I remembered something! "Sawa-chan!" I squeaked. "With forty-seven ranks in beekeeping, I can telepathically communicate with my horde of Africanized bees and tell them to help my friends!"

She looked unsure and replied, "I don't know about that Mugi, you have to make a beekeeping check which is... uh... I think a hundred-sided dice, a coin flip, and..." she sighed heavily, "Yui-chan go get the ouija board."

A 67, a tails and a ghostly message telling us to leave later, Sawa-chan threw her hands up and exasperatedly shouted, "Fuck it! Bees! Bees attack the squirrels! Who designed this terrible game!?"

"Hooray!" I happily clapped for myself.

Don't ever... be... alone... A scary voice said in my head. I realized I was probably now haunted by ghosts.

"Everyone!" A new voice came, rushing into the clubroom. Why, it was none other than Azusa-chan, coming to remind us she was part of this story, no doubt. She had in her hands a flier for some event, drawn mostly in black marker and red pen. "I found this in the hallway!"

"Azu-nyan!" Yui squealed and ran around the table, past me and bumped right into Scissor-chan. She fell on her face as Azusa-chan approached us. She threw down the piece of paper onto our table, landing right into a condensation ring of a Mountain Dew with only a single sip taken out of it. That could have belonged to anyone.

"Look! A new club!" Azusa-chan panted for breath. "The antithesis of ours, and they don't seem friendly at all!"

"Is Yui-chan alright?" I asked as Yui-chan was slumped on her side groaning in pain. Scissor-chan had not budged an inch.

Ricchan looked over at the paper and snatched it up, "Heavy Music Club? Azusa, you're worrying over nothing! Who wants to join a club about heavy music? Everyone in this school is laid back and heavy music is for alcoholic and quasi-suicidal drug addicts."

"She has a point," Mio-chan nodded.

Sawa-chan shrugged, "That club? The transfer student is trying to get it going with her sister, don't worry about it. When you all play your show at the festival, you'll get new members. I think she and her sister want to masturbate with their instruments a bit, but their music is kind of a passing fad. It's fun once in a while but nothing to make a club over."

"Yui-chan?" I prodded Yui-chan's unmoving form.

Azusa-chan frowned, I think, she was out of view, and this story was written in first person. First person was the laziest of all writing styles and anyone who wrote this way deserved a good swat on the head. Anyways, Azusa-chan said, "But look! They said they have a secret reward to anyone who joins. What could it be?"

"Probably black shirts and alcohol," Ricchan replied. For some reason my eyebrows perked up at 'alcohol'.

"You all are worrying too much," Sawa-chan insisted. "It's getting late, and we better wrap up. Good session. Mugi, get your thing out of the hardwood."

"Don't worry," I grunted and pulled Scissor-chan out of the hardwood, "You can buffer this out... I uh... think..."

I could see down to the Tea Ceremony club room below through the hole I had created. I picked up Yui-chan and put her over my shoulder with Scissor-chan on my back. I said to the rest, "It was very fun, everyone! I better get home and do all this homework and other things I do alone. I'll get Yui-chan home alright!"

2

"What do you want!?

What do you want!?

I want rock'n'roll,

Yes I do!

Long live rock'n'roll!"

-Rock of Ages by Def Leppard

"Rock of ages, rock of ages... still rollin', still rollin'..." I quietly sang to myself as I walked through Yui's neighborhood with her unconscious form on my shoulder. I wondered if she was okay, but her quiet humming and gentle singing along to my own singing was indication she was just enjoying not having to walk. I could understand that.

As I was carrying her home and contemplating on the absolute agony my entire back was in, I noticed something peculiar. Why, it was the Himizawa girl, and we were out of school! She was turning onto this street from another and we were about to meet at the intersection. This was a perfect chance to meet her.

"Hello!" I chirped at her, but did not get a response. A barrage of static from her told me she was listening to loud, heavy music. She didn't seem quite approachable,

"Try tapping her shoulder!" Yui-chan suggested, playing with my hair. Having my hair played with made me purr like an ocelot.

Sell your soul to Satan, that ghost added.

I walked up behind Himizawa and gently touched her shoulder, she wailed in surprise and spun around, squealing, "Whoa! Oh, it's just you. Why did you sneak up on me!?"

I felt a strange sense of satisfaction of being the surpriser and not the surprisee for once. I didn't mean to upset her though. I responded with a friendly smile and said, "You were listening to music, I'm sorry I frightened you. I'm Kotobuki Tsumugi, we are in the same class. Pleased to meet you, Himizawa-san."

I outstretched my hand and she simply ignored it, and looked at the multiple objects I was hauling with me. Her eyes went from Scissor-chan, Yui-chan, Korg Triton Extreme 76-chan, and back to me. I realized I must have seemed like a character in a video game with an inventory of assorted goodies.

"I'm Yui!" the heaviest item in my inventory introduced herself like a baby sloth hanging from its mother and saying hello to the other sloths.

She bit her lip and looked at us strangely and spoke a little smugly, (very smugly actually, but I don't like criticizing people), "Yeah... it was Sawako-sensei that said I should hang with you and your friends. Said you were in a band?"

I nodded happily, "Why yes we are! Do you play an instrument?"

Himizawa smirked and gave me that same look that made Ricchan uncomfortable from the scary mean girl in The Forever Night. "Psh, I'm practically the best guitarist this side of Japan," she boasted with a puff of her chest; not that I was looking. "What do you baby nerds play? Light music?"

"Uhh," I said.

"Yep!" Yui-chan acrobatically climbed off of me and my shoulder sighed in relief. "I'm a guitarist too! What kind of stuff do you play?"

Her face darkened, and her index finger and pinky made horns on her hand. "Metal."

"Like Avenged Sevenfold?" Yui-chan asked her.

Himizawa stared at her, one eye twitching as blood ran down her nose to her lips. She made a wild and frankly terrifying grin and replied with a shrug, "Me and my sister are playing in our band Satsugai at the culture festival. You'll see then."

"Oh boy!" Yui-chan chirped. "Our band is playing too! I can't wait to see you perform!"

"Likewise," she replied turning away.

Then I remembered something, "Oh! I saw you at Friendly Local Game Store, remember? I was the girl you helped out! Look, I bought that scissor thing in a spur of the moment I entirely don't regret."

Himizawa froze in place like I had said something offensive. She looked over her shoulder, bleeding and frowning, "The fuck you talking about you stupid nerd? I wouldn't go into some lame store. Get your head checked."

I stood there shocked as she marched off. Nobody had ever been so belligerently mean to me in my life. I couldn't think of anything to say and watched her stride off, putting headphones in her ears and bobbing her head to what was certainly music for people who wrote fanfiction.

"Are you okay, Mugi-chan?" Yui-chan asked me and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Y-Yeah!" I nodded, lying. I stammered out, "I-I'll see you tomorrow, I need to get home."

We said some quick goodbyes and I went off again on my own, going down the only road I had ever known. I couldn't get her words out of my head, and they played on repeat like the world's most unwanted record player. Why would anyone berate me for just trying to be friendly? I couldn't understand it, but made a note to watch out for her. I didn't want her abusing any of my friends, and my gut was telling me this festival was not going to end very well.

3

"No-one can destroy the metal
The metal will strike you down with a vicious blow
We are the vanquished foes of the metal
We tried to win for why we do not know."

-The Metal by Tenacious D

The next day we found ourselves in the clubroom after school, trying to finish those Mountain Dews from the big case we had bought. Each of us followed a ritual where we would take about two sips, gag, and pour the rest out in the sink. In Finland I could handle straight vodka with my cousins and not even flinch, but this stuff was something else. I felt like I needed to brush my teeth after drinking it.

"As we all know," Ricchan said so things could be exposited to the reader, "the cultural festival provides us with the perfect opportunity to drum up new recruits!"

"Or keyboard them up," I smiled while eyes were rolled at my awful joke. I had mostly recovered from yesterday's berating. I wondered why that metal playing girl was so mean. My cousins in Finland listened to Nightwish and weren't mean at all. They were also happy drunks and lived in a perpetual state of being drunk or hungover.

Ricchan continued, "How are our new recruitment posters looking, Azusa?"

Azusa-chan looked miserable, but then again, after drinking this soda, we all did. She gloomily said, "I spent all night making those posters and used up at least ten of those crayons I took home from that diner down the street. Then all morning I put them up, but someone went and tore them all down and replaced them with advertisements for some new club! "

"Wait, what!?" Ricchan the Prez-o-Dent gasped, slamming her fist down and ratting soda cans. "Which club!?"

Mio-chan came into the room from the restroom and went to grab something of hers off the couch. She immediately yelped in surprise and fell. I heard her voice shout, "Who left the scissor sword where someone could trip over it!?"

"Sorry!" I called back. "My bad! Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she grumbled and stood up. "Azusa, someone tore down your posters and-"

"We know," Azusa-chan and Ricchan said in unison. Yui-chan was was distracted playing the sixth Touhou game on Ricchan's laptop on the easiest setting but still not doing so well.

I spoke up, "It was Himizawa's club, wasn't it?"

Azusa-chan looked at me in surprise, "How did you know?"

"Their name's almost exactly like ours!" Ricchan ranted. "She can't do that! That's copyright infringement!"

Mio-chan answered, "It is if you filled out the copyright form like I told you to. You did fill it out, right?"

Ricchan looked the other way and pouted, "It doesn't matter. What's in a name anyway?"

I finally got a chance to reply, "I met Himizawa, and she isn't particularly nice. I think she's trying to steal our potential recruits for her own club and her band Satsugai."

"Satsugai?" Ricchan frowned and shook her head. Then blurted out, "Damn it! That's a cool name! Okay, we really gotta show them up in the festival."

"Do we have any ideas?" Mio-chan asked. "Besides just playing really well?"

"We could get naked." I suggested without thinking.

"Not this time," Mio-chan replied. "I don't think there is much we can do except play well and file a formal complaint about our posters being taken down."

Ricchan spoke up again, "Does anyone want to go see what that Heavy Music Club is all about? They sound like rivals, and I want to know what we're up against."

Azusa-chan put her head in her arms and pouted, "I don't want to even think about them."
Yui-chan and I went to comfort her and she told Azusa-chan, "I can go if you don't want to. The way they ruined your posters was not okay at all!"

I shook my head, "I should do it. I don't want anyone getting near Himizawa, she's a very mean person."

Yui-chan nodded and looked downtrodden, "She said terrible things to Mugi-chan yesterday."

Ricchan flexed her arm to look tough and said, "We should go beat her up then! Nobody picks on Mugi!"

While I was flattered and somewhat aroused by Ricchan's display, I shook my head and exclaimed, "Absolutely not! No violence! Maybe I could just pretend to be interested in their club and see what they're up to. If it's just those two sisters playing their music, then we'll leave them alone."

"It takes four to make a club," Mio pointed out.

"Maybe their friends joined," I reasoned. "Either way, I'm the only one who can play their instrument fast enough pose as a connoisseur of heavier music."

"She's right," Azusa-chan rose her head. "Mugi could just play some piano scales or Bach fast and say she wrote that. Metal fans are too dumb to know the difference."

Ricchan reluctantly agreed, "Okay, Mugi has to be our spy then until I can get those two Iron Cobra pedals and learn double bass."

I smiled at everyone's encouragement but knew Ricchan wouldn't learn how to play fast drums until at least one person in this room was dead and we had moved on to Feeding a Dream at least. I replied, "Thank you for all your nice words. I promise I won't let you down!"

"Wait!" Yui-chan blurted out. "Let me come too, I don't want you going in alone!"
"You can't!" I dramatically gasped. I took her wrists and we looked at one another meaningfully, "You don't even have a distortion pedal!"

"But my amp has a gain setting!" She cried back as we made eye contact. "I can play muted power chords, I swear!"

I looked away, shaking my head, "No... Yui-chan, it's too risky. What if they ask you to play a Slayer or Metallica cover!? You're a teenage guitarist, they won't expect anything different!"

"I don't know," she admitted, looking the other way. "All I do know is that I just want to be with you!"

"Yui-chan..."

"Mugi-chan..."

We looked at one another, and the background became sparkles, bubbles, and various shades of pink. I wondered if there would be a saliva trail if we kissed.

"Stop," Mio-chan pulled me away, and Ricchan pulled away Yui-chan before this could escalate.

"I swear," Ricchan grumbled, "every time we try to do something serious you two have to go and make it weird. This is why we never do anything serious."

"You could do something serious with me," Mio-chan said, shyly. That was directed at me and I began to wonder if this story was a fun parody of nerdism and metal or a harem. I was quite okay with the latter.

"Stop that!" Ricchan snapped at her. "This is getting a little too gay for me."

I chuckled and thought about her and me in The Forever Night but realized if I broke the fourth wall one more time I was going to get bad reviews for this story over it. I stepped across the room and picked up Scissor-chan, throwing her over my shoulder with a grunt. I stood heroically and boldly proclaimed, "You can count on me to get to the bottom of this! Because in my scissor sword I trust!"

I quickly turned around and a chorus of shouts came at me.

"Mugi-chan be careful!" Shouted Yui-chan.

"Not the window!" Shouted Azusa-chan.

"Watch it!" Shouted Ricchan.

"Be careful!" Shouted Mio-chan.

It was too late, Scissor-chan shattered the window. Their shouts had surprised me and made me drop the piece of metal. It fell out the window, breaking three air-conditioners below it as it fell downwards and sliced a petunia bush in half.

"Oh poodle socks," I sighed and looked down at the window. I looked at the rest, "I can pay for this!"

I rushed downstairs to the ground level and retrieved Scissor-chan who had not received a scratch, then left one of Daddy's business cards there so they knew who to bill. Luckily on the ground floor was the Heavy Music clubroom, so I could go there right after. On their door was a poster for a band called Carcass. Already I did not feel super confident about this. I felt even less confident when I saw a handwritten sign that said, "Only active Saturday evenings. Come next Saturday to discuss how we will crush the Light Music Club!"

"Well, butts!" I heaved in frustration. "Nobody crushes my club if I have anything to say about it! Himizawa, you messed with the wrong passive aggressive keyboardist!"

To Be Continued

(Author's Notes/Other Silly Shit- I am having a blast writing this, and I hope people are enjoying reading it. I'm hitting hard with the references to my other works, but I've been fucking doing this for nearly five years now on this site so I feel like I need to indulge in that slightly. I just want to write a story where I can have stupid shit and references and not have to worry about making it good. This is stress free and I can write a chapter in an afternoon.

Leave a review if you want, if not I won't be heartbroken. After Bringing the Dawn and the absolutely fucking catastrophe and failure that turned out to be I really don't even care anymore.