Sailor V versus the Aurors. Well, did anyone inform the Aurors of V-chan's use of poison gas as the non-letal option so solve an hostage situation? Well, now you know why Artemis' so whipped: between Minako and Luna, it's just safer that way.

by lord Martiya

Disclaimer: the anime Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon and all its characters are copyright of Naoko Takeuchi and Toei. The novels of Harry Potter are copyright of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury. The original idea of this story comes from the man called bissek. All the rest, is mine. All the rest apart the Bravests of the Brave, they allow only the Queen to own them.

Note: Sailor V powers here are based on the manga Codename: Sailor V, where the Sailor Moon franchise originally started. Also, I'll make use of some of the local villains, with Danburite (master villain of the manga and Kunzite's subordinate), Princess Linlin (the one youma who actually bested Sailor V in single combat) and the Pet Trio (V's saddest victims. Seriously, getting killed with anti-mosquito incense?) appearing for sure.

ACT 1: TABOO

"BOY!"

Harry Potter had not exactly a good life. Yes, he was a famous wizard, yes, he had just won a tournament and a thousand galleons, but his life was, for lack of a better definition, waste of a crap-eating monster with intestinal parasites: he was famous because a madman killed his parents but he survived, he was the victim of a few killing attempts a year since he discovered he had magic, the tournament was a successful plan to resurrect such madman, he saw a friend dying before his eyes, the Ministry for Magic wasn't even verifying about Voldemort's return, and he was struck with his hated relatives for the summer. And now his uncle was calling for him.

"Yes, uncle Vernon?" he said.

"Explain!" Vernon replied while tossing him an issue of The Times. One describing Sailor V killing monsters. The very same picture that appeared that day on The Daily Prophet when they exposed a breach of the Statute of Secrecy (only the Times' one didn't move). Harry couldn't help but facepalm.

"The monsters actually exist, and the Ministry for Magic is hunting her because she's doing it in public."

"Ministr-That's why everything's going to hell, there's people like you in the governement!"

"Uncle Vernon, the Ministry has authority only on the magicals. But yes, they're a bunch of idiots that's sending Magical Britain to hell. Why don't the-" Harry was wondering why they didn't hunt the creatures when he realized why: because they cared about appearances. And Harry was ruining them. "Oh, shit... You still have the shotgun, don't you?"

"Let me guess, the terrorists obeying that madman who orphaned you are back, the Ministry for Freakishness refuses to admit and you're a witness."

Harry nodded.

"OK, I'll try to leave this place for somewhere safer." Vernon said, before going to search for housing near a Gurkha barrack. He may have little love for the foreign mercenaries, but anyone fool enough to break Queen's Peace near them was a dead fool.

Amelia Bones was in her office, looking at a firewhiskey bottle and fighting the urge to get drunk. Dumbledore was insisting that Voldemort was back, and even if he wasn't there were still his followers in action, Sirius Black included. There were those monsters popping out and attacking muggles. And what the Minister wanted her to do? To arrest the one person doing vector control on the monsters, because she was breaking the Statute of Secrecy! Why did Crouch had to publicy trial his son, instead of arranging an 'accident'?

"Boss?"

Bones looked at the newly arrived person. Rufus Scrimgeour, her Head Auror.

"What now?" she asked.

"We've found a way to track Sailor V. Apparently, she casts often a spell called Crescent Beam."

"You want to use the Taboo Curse on that?"

"It's the faster way to get her. Then we'll be able to deal with the things she's hunting."

"Do it. And let's hope we don't get in too much trouble..."

Sailor Venus, better known as Sailor V, was a very complex person, one that very few people could actually claim to understand. In fact, only one person in the entire world could make the claim, and it wasn't her mother. But a basic understanding of her would show a few facts: she had quite a nice string of First Loves, was extremely competitive, loved videogames, was not to be enraged (as the youma Hibiscusy had discovered at her own expense: the first punch sent her flying and nearly ripped her head from the neck), and was a perfectionist (at least when something got her interested). The last was the one reason for her ability to become fairly decent in Queen's English, and with a perfect pronunce, in just a week since she started getting lessons from the cop she had saved from the youma, Katarina. It was also the reason for the form of her latest attack on youmas, against a pet trio of a catgirl, a very feminine dogboy and a wonderful-looking androginous female mosquito. As she had taken offence at the latter being so good looking as a male, Sailor V had used a first strike made specifically for her.

"DDT, bitch." was V explanation at Chuu Chuu (the mosquito) spasming after the gas bomb was thrown.

"You will pay for th-" Wan Wan (the dog) was crying. Then he got uppercutted with his open mouth. Left punch, thankfully: the slightly stronger right hand was busy holding a katana.

"I will execute the harakiri sentence!"

"I'll stop you!" Nyan Nyan (the cat) declared. "And harakiri is a ritual suicide!"

"Be my guest: I have to live with her." Artemis stated.

"Crescent Beam."

And the cat was disintegrated too. Never get V-chan pissed... Then, V heard a few pops and ducked. In time to dodge various red flashes.

"Dawlish, dammit! You could have dodged!"

"He's Stunned, Tonks."

Sailor V looked up, and noted three things: Wan Wan had ran away, a guy apparently named Dawlish lied knocked out, and four oddly-dressed people popped out from nowhere were surrounding her. The most notable ones were a lionine-looking man and a young woman with fairly normal clothes and bubblegum pink hair, the latter busy trying to revive Dawlish with her foot.

"You made the dog escape. Give me a good reason for not kicking you in Holloway and tell your cellmates you're pedos." V threathened, mentioning the county's prison for women and young offenders.

"Er... Listen, we have orders to take you away for violating the Statute of Secrecy." the lionine man said.

"The what?"

The lionine man facepalmed.

"She doesn't even know... Listen, you're using magic in public, and we can't have that." he said.

"Then help me killing the youma and I'll be on my merry way." Sailor V replied. "And I'm still waiting for that good reason."

"You can come with us on your feet or knocked out."

"Venus Sulfur Smoke!"

Coughs followed the summoning of the smoke, and the foursome dragged Dawlish away before teleporting.
"V, did you farted?" Artemis inquired.

"A-Artemis, that's the smell of Venus' holy atmosphere!" Sailor V replied. "I was trying to take them alive, and-"

"ALIVE? VENUS' ATMOSPHERE IS MADE BY SULFURIC ACID!"

"Actually it's mostly carbon dioxide, it's the clouds that are made by sulfur dioxide and droplets of sulfuric acid. And I used a very low concentration, one I could easily heal them from."

Artemis facepalmed. She was Japanese but didn't know what a seppuku (also known as harakiri) was, yet she knew what Venus' atmosphere was made of. He dreaded asking, but he had to.

"And you know this how?"

"Hey, I'm Venus' warrior princess, it's just natural I'd like to know about my dominion."

Yes, it was as usual for Minako.

"Dad, is that legal?" Dudley Dursley asked his father.

That was a surprisingly good question, as he and Harry had caught their father/uncle fabricating molotov cocktails.

"Why should a cop protest for me keeping petrol in beer bottles?" was the reply. "It's not like there's a primer on these, I keep them separated!"

"But... Why?" Harry asked.

"You told me of those dementors that are pratically soul-sucking zombies with no headshot vulnerability, and given we're not in US flamethrowers are ten years of jail."

It made sense. After all, not even the near-immortal dementors could work if you burned them to ashes. He just hoped they would die fast enough...

Amelia Bones finished reading Scrimgeour's report from St Mungo, and facepalmed. Why, oh, why her? And why had to be Dawlish the unscathed one? And why had the target to re-say the phrase?

"Dawlish, Shacklebolt, do it, and beware of anything!" she ordered.

Aino Minako was at her friend Katarina's home, telling her and Alan (mutual crush of both girls) of her latest adventure.

"And then I had to-"

POP! POP!

"Not again..."

Minako turned, and saw that Dawlish was back, this time with a calm-inspiring dark-skinned man. And if her instinct was right, the latter was way more dangerous than Dawlish. So, he was the target of Minako's kick, a kick he managed to block with some sort of energy barrier, even if Minako's kick forced him to stumble a little.

"Hey, y-"

Dawlish was interrupted by Katarina sending him flying with a judo move, while Minako continued to attack his companion's barrier.

"Gentlemen, you're breaking and entering. Explain this." Artemis ordered.

"A talking cat?" the man wondered.

"Well, yes. My master died, and I'm babysitting the one's kicking at you to make some money and get new boots." was Artemis' sarcastic reply.

"Sorry, we didn't know of wizards or witches here, we'll immediately go away. And it would be better if you didn't pronounce Sailor V's spell."

With that, the man ran, grabbed Dawlish and 'popped' away.

"Am I the only one knowing how to give them a lesson?"

Then they noticed that everybody present told those exact words.

"What's that laugh?" Sirius Black asked.

"Neighbour is being visited by Minako crazy girl. Neighbour often laugh when she's around." Kreacher said. "Creepy..."

"You know, you're right. How can you deal with her?"

"Kreacher has heard the man with the strange eye laugh. Kreacher can deal with everything."

"Mad Eye can LAUGH?"

Harry Potter, Dudley Dursley and Petunia Dursley nee Evans were watching Vernon Dursley like he had grown another head. They had good reasons. After all, in his working trip to London, he had not only bought Harry new clothes, but they matched the ones he had bought for Dudley. And they were official Sailor V t-shirts and baseball caps. Something was off. Then, Vernon explained. And they understood. Whoever in the Ministry had declared war on Sailor V was a poor fool.

Amelia Bones was observing the group that had last attempted to catch Sailor V. They weren't exactly in good condition, but at least Dawlish hadn't been humiliated again. Seriously, how the hell did he pass the course, even with recommandation?

"Tell me how she made fools out of you." she ordered.

Scrimgeour complied, to Amelia's horror: Sailor V had just used their own Taboo Curse system against them by calling her spell while in a barrel in the mid of the Thames, and in full view of the Muggles to boot, before ordering Scrimgeour not to try and annoy her again. And if that was not enough, she made her threath while holding Scrimgeour in mid-air from the chin with a single hand, showing some kind of magically-augmented strenght. She was potentially more dangerous than Voldemort himself. Seriously, how could that go worse?

Sir John Major put down his phone, closing his call to Shorncliffe. Yes, he should have had Malcolm do that, but he was about to be replaced, and calling THEM personally was quite exciting for the Prime Minister.

Curious... Why am I feeling the need for an evil laugh? he mused.

End note

I had a lot of fun writing this one, for I got the occasion to show you three often forgotten things.

The first is that Minako/Sailor V is quite the asskicker in hand-to-hand combat, even more than Makoto/Sailor Jupiter (who may be physically stronger but is grossly inferior in technique. Meaning that Sailor V could defeat her as easily as ENDYMION did once), sometimes reaching the ridicolous level (not counting those times she physically mauled various youma in the Sailor V manga, there was an instance in the Live Action where the famous idol Aino Minako was attacked by low-level youma that were defeating her bodyguards until she kicked one of the attackers in a pillar. Then the rest started backing away).

The second, companion to this, is that HP wizards are quite weak in the P.E. department, meaning that if your average Auror gets into arms range from a street punk, then your average Auror is screwed, never mind a trained cop or somebody like Minako. I'd kinda like to put Voldemort against Dudley: Voldemort would probably laugh at the idea and let Dudley come near, then Voldy would find out what a boxer can do.

The third is what happens when Minako's ever-changing mood becomes mad and/or serious: Hibiscusy's defeat was taken straight from the Sailor V manga, the apparently invincible cardian Gigaros got her serious and was left crippled after a single attack (and don't get me started on what happened when she double-timed Eagle's Eye and Tiger's Eye only to find out they were playing with her feelings, that has to be seen), and in the Live Action the goddamn QUEEN METALLIA herself was forced to run out of the apparently invincible youma she was possessing by a single attack from a dead-serious Venus, who at the time was almost dead by an unspecified disease.

Another funny part was the Taboo Curse. Seriously, how is it that in the books nobody broke the Taboo on Voldemort's name so to lure the Snatchers in a trap (like having a guy lie in open ground and say 'Voldemort', then as the Snatchers appeared an ambush group would curse them in the back)? It would have been quite a morale boost for the anti-Voldies and a strike at Death Eaters' one, and there was always the chance to get somebody important.