eleutheromania - an intense and irresistible desire for freedom.
Much to Bramblepaw's surprise, when he got back to camp and peered into the medicine cat's den, Lilypaw was present.
Her white pelt was sleek and shiny and her green eyes were wavering like a glossy lake. The she-cat honestly looked tired and gloomy, like the burden that she had carried on her shoulders, a burden Bramblepaw probably caused, was weighing down on her shoulders with even more force than before.
It was a definitely sad look, and it even made Bramblepaw's stomach crawl.
Lilypaw almost immediately noticed her brother. "Heya, Bramble," she sighed, watching intently as the medicine cat leafed through her herbs.
"Hello, my wonderful sis...ter," Bramblepaw scurried over and quickly settled down beside her. "I was terrified about you."
Lilypaw flicked her ear. "Why?" She grunted, her eyes twinkling, "there's no reason to be worried 'bout me."
Frown. "You practically vanished out of nowhere!" He exclaimed, eyes widening for effect. "You could've gotten devoured by a clump of wolves while my eyes weren't focused on you!"
The medicine cat giggled in the background, and Bramblepaw felt his ears burn in shame.
Lilypaw, however, didn't focus on his descriptions and instead just looked plain bewildered. "Chill," she mumbled, "ya should just get some herbs from the meddy cat to calm yo nerves."
In the background, the medicine cat apprentice finally burst into laughter, swiftly followed by her mentor. While the two fought to get their laughter to die down, Bramblepaw's heart crumbled.
"Will you be training with the...with us tomorrow?" Bramblepaw hesitated, and quickly clenched his teeth after.
Lilypaw snorted. "Ya can't get me to sit in a room wih Tangle for any longer." She paused and glared down at her paws. "Tangle 'ousily likes dad, and wih mom being sick and all..."
The she-drifted off, and briefly squeezed her eyes shut. Bramblepaw could only offer a small shoulder-nudge as comfort, in fear of her lashing out, and gently fumbled over to the two medicine cats. One of them-presumably the med. cat in training-had furrowed her brow and continued staring at Lilypaw with an anger that could fuel a thousand suns.
She whipped her head around, mouth gaping open, and Bramblepaw couldn't help but notice the obvious overbite. Her pale ginger coat was fashioned with flower petals and she smelled strongly of herbs; a musky, almost hypnotizing aura.
"Can you'th believe that'th?!" The she-cat practically snarled, amber eyes blazing. "What does'th th'e know?!"
Bramblepaw, caught off guard and slightly memorized by the strong smells, blinked and tried to ignore the fact that, hey, that was a pretty rhetorical question she had asked. But with the way she stared daggers through him, he could only assume she wanted the question to be answered.
"She was just doing what she thought was fantastically right," he sighed. "She doesn't really-"
"Doe'thent really what?!" She hissed, the back of her neck bristling. "Nobody knows'th 'thiddly squat about how much Tangledfur'h gives to other'th!"
To be honest, Branblepaw was completely taken aback. He didn't expect her to snap at him! But the bitterness of her tone was like a snake with outstretched fangs sinking parched into him, venom sizzling like haywire through his veins. It hurt more than the sheer embarrassment of his misused words; he just didn't like seeing others upset.
For a few seconds, he simply stood there, his mouth open and thoughts bumbling. Should I snap back? He thought cautiously, feeling the burden of the med. apprentice's yelling weighing down his stomach. Should I reflect it back onto the sour her? Or shall I hold it and let her take her feelings out?
Before he was given much decision, the main herb-dedicated she-cat stepped forwards, cringing and looking despondent. The she-cat was also swirled with thick, earthy smells that were hypnotizing. Not to mention that she was also a beautiful one, with a heavy tortoiseshell coat and rosy blue eyes. It almost looked like the tips of her fur were dusted snow white. A soft peach nose finished it off, along with her gentle, calm look.
Pointing her nose down, she frowned at her apprentice. "Amberpaw," she warned, lashing her tail, "you know what we said about your..."
As the she-cat trailed off, the so-called Amberpaw's ears flattened against her head. She glanced cautiously up at her mentor, as if she expected another harsh glance, but when the only glare was her own she lowered her head again.
"Th'orry," she mumbled.
Dismissively, the med. cat twitched her tail before turning her full attention to Bramblepaw. He had to admit, he could already feel heat rising to his face as he was stared down by the she-cat's pearly blue eyes.
"I apologize about..." She began to signal towards Amberpaw, who now cleansed her paws while observing a pile of berries like they were the most interesting thing in the world, "I'm Jasminetail. Your name would be..."
"-Bramblepaw," the tom eagerly responded, a smile crossing his face.
Jasminetail grinned back wholeheartedly before a look of sincere concern crossed her face. "Bramblepaw," she began, studying him closely. He could just barely hear Lilypaw cackling softly in the background, and he made a weak effort at blocking it out. "You seem...heated. Have you shown any signs of a fever?"
Lilypaw burst out laughing, flanks heaving and all. "Symptoms of the love fever!" She blurted, gasping for breath.
If Jasminetail had had a reaction, it would've been the hint of a smile that pulled up her lips; besides that, she seemed to ignore Lilypaw's remark-thank StarClan. But the blue-eyed beauty had moved closer now, her muzzle brushing at his face.
For a few seconds, Bramblepaw stood completely still, his eyes glued to Jasminetail. She had such a wide eyed, small-faced look to the point that she looked more like a kit than those around her. Sucking in a deep breath, the flustered tabby try to ease his quivering fur, the whole world caving in on him...
And then the gorgeous tortie doubled back laughing, two more voices joining in.
Oh.
As Jasminetail stumbled to her paws, still chuckling under her breath, Bramblepaw stared at his paws, bewildered. What did I expect? He mused, dumbfounded. I guess I just thought her beautiful eyes were signaling something so I just did what she was doing... He flicked an ear. StarClan, I hope I didn't make the great her embarrassed...
But the she-cat was far from any form of discomfort. Bearing a gleaming grin, Jasminetail gave the distressed tom a soft shove. "Don't be so hard on yourself," she purred. "We were just joking around...kiddo..."
A mere "friendzoned" escaped Lilypaw's jaws before her bothered brother sent her a stinging glare. Her smile melted into a neutral look.
As Jasminetail gave him one last smile, he watched as she ordered Amberpaw in the same stopped, forgetful fashion to bring herbs to Robinstar. In the moments that he watched with curiosity gazing his gaze, a presence suddenly looked beside him.
The tom practically jumped out of his pelt. "Lilypaw!" He hissed under his breath, "don't scare me like that."
She gave him a lopsided grin. "What? Thinking about your girlfriend?"
A soft "I'm flattered" whistled from out of Jasminetail. Bramblepaw's ears burned in response.
Deciding to ignore her remark, he leaned into her ear as a new thought collected in his mind; however, Lilypaw decided she was on a roll with her smartass remarks and opened her jaws again; "For the love of Sta'Clan, if you come over here wih some sort of theory-"
She was cut off by the audible laughter of both medicine cats this time. Cue Bramblepaw's ears burning even worse; he might even get a sunburn at this rate.
"Lilypaw," he urged again, trying to get her attention without embrassing her. The last thing she needs is me getting on her nerves again, he thought.
But when the she-cat continued talking, giggling and making witty remarks and gestures towards the two medicine cats, he stopped. Maybe it was the better choice to leave her alone.
With a soft frown, he quietly left the medicine cat den.
Lilypaw was an oddly keep-to-herself kind of cat.
Most cats she met—whether at gatherings or, well, practically anywhere—were drawn to her sometimes-witty nature and her generally warm attitude. The words she drew out in loud, puffy breaths were like music to their ears; a tune you kept on listening to, despite the rumbling in your stomach that tells you something's not right.
At least, Lilypaw thought so. She was pretty sure that others always had a bad gut feeling about her—but how could she blame them? They may not know her personally, but she had always been afraid that some cat could peer into her eyes and draw out every misleading, manipulative and selfish remark and she would watch as their delighted face melted into one of disgust.
Pure disgust.
On the other hand, her brother Bramblepaw was very silent and always looked like there was something on his mind. When they talked, she saw patterns racing before his eyes, a million adventures she longed to go on painted on page after page of the infinite book that was his mind. She was jealous of how when others talked to him, his clear, non-lispy voice rang out in no breaths and in perfect tune. The way he smiled softly and the other cat nodded and listened.
And then they turned around, assuming he was done, even though words were still sliding out and you could tell excitement ran through his veins as his eyes sparkled and he blabbered on in hushed tones. But then he noticed—he noticed they assumed. And then he shut up and turned around too.
It was honestly a little sad. (At least she didn't have to deal with being ignored.)
Sad how all she had wanted was peace, all he wanted was endless talking, and yet they attracted the opposite.
"I truly don't understand," Bramblepaw used to sigh, as tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. "It doesn't make sense."
"Nothin' makes sense." She used to reply.
And that was true—to a point, at least. StarClan knows why she was like this—bitter, attention-grabbing, begging for attention like a kit begging to go outside, yet yelling at those who got too close in fear they would look past her shining smiles and little dances and see what a monster she was inside. She didn't want to admit how much it scared her.
(It scared her a lot.)
Squeezing her eyes shut, Lilypaw gave herself a second to breathe in the morning air. To just relax for once before he went into hiding—somewhere, anywhere. She just needed time to recharge.
"Lilypaw?"
And, as she gently opened her eyes, she was met with a pair of giant orange eyes practically staring into her soul.
"A-hey!" she cried out, giving the she-cat a shove. "What was that for?"
Jasminetail cleared her throat. "You were doing…"
"-th'omething weird!" the small apprenticed finished. "You were being th'o quiet! It'h like th'omeone flipped a th'itch on you."
The startled she-cat blinked, before smothering her paw in licks. "I'm fine!" she giggled softly. "I just got sleepy suddenly."
Feeling a pit of worry nest in her stomach, she decided to lean on the den wall and listen more than talk. She twitched one ear and relaxed her breath; however, she could still feel her stomach turning, a sickening feeling of 'they know' bite at her throat…
"Did you hear Tangledfur still has feelings for Chestnutpelt?" Jasminetail suddenly spat out, blinking wildly. "I heard her and Dovetail whispering about it."
Lilypaw had to bite down to keep herself from getting startled again. But…but why were they talking about this? Just when she thought she could get her mind outta this mess, it followed her and bit her right in the ass.
Not only that, but…but Jasminetail wasn't…forgetful? What was going on? It was almost like she was fueled by…
"Wha'th?" her apprentice gasped, even holding a paw up to her muzzle for effect. "Really? While Swallowth'ream is sth'ill alive?"
…gossip.
The tortie gave a slow nod. "I know…" she fumbled, "Dovetail's sister, Sandfoot, is in love with a cat from RiverClan too, and they're in a fight because Dovetail caught him flirting with some other she-cat. Dovetail told Sandfoot, and now Dovetail's blaming herself for her sister's relationship falling to pieces."
Wow.
Amberpaw made a 'tsk, tsk, tsk' noise, which ended up just sounding like her breathing heavily due to her lisp. It was almost laughable, despite the fear and anxiety fogging up in Lilypaw's brain. "What if Dovetail lied just to get a mate?"
Jasminetail gasped. "Oh my StarClan!" she shrilled, then looked around, focused on Lilypaw for a few seconds, and then snapped her head back to her apprentice…aka gossip buddy. "She totally would though. Dovetail is a nasty, mate-stealing, jealous and selfish she-cat after all! I can't even look at her—she's disgusting."
For some reason (a reason Lilypaw knew all too clearly), the last two sentences that rolled off the medicine cat's tongue stung her like a swarm of bees. Besides the mate-stealing…that's what they'd think of me, huh?
"You can never, ever th'rust RiverClan ca'th," Amberpaw mused, giving her head a dramatic little shake.
She even looked at me. I think she can tell I'm not all I appear to be.
Head spinning, Lilypaw shakily stood up, heading towards the entrance. The medicine cats' words echoed throughout the den.
"Patchheart is the real mother of Toadpaw?!"
"Th'odpaw had a huge crush on me in the pas'th!"
"Applesth'orm was th'otally hitting on you at the gathering, by the way!"
"Oh gee, he is quite the handsome cat!"
"I know, th'ight? If I were older'h, I'd th'otally be his mate. Swoon!"
And with that, she squeezed her way out of the medicine cat den, feeling the she-cats gazes burning on the backside of her head.
(This scared her a lot more than she'd like to admit.)