Stan Of The Dead

I don't own South Park, or SOTD

Chapter 2

Stan looked down at his book report and sighed. It was absolutely terrible. That was the only word he could think of to describe it, although he was pretty sure that his teacher, Mr Garrison, would come up with something a little worse. He drummed his fingers on the desk and gazed at the classroom door, trying to come up with a suitable excuse before Garrison arrived. There was the truth, of course, but somehow he didn't think that would help.

The bell rang in the corridor and there was still no sign of Garrison. Stan wished he'd hurry up. He wanted to be put out of his misery and get the F he knew he deserved.

"Stan!"

Stan turned around in his seat. "What Red?"

"You haven't said hi to Wendy yet," Red said.

"Oh, sorry." He looked at Wendy. "Hey Wendy. Is that better?"

"Isn't there something else you want to say to her?" Bebe asked.

"Er…" He glanced at Wendy, who smiled at him hopefully. "…no."

Her smile began to fade, but Red and Bebe could barely suppress theirs. Stan realised he'd done something wrong, but luckily he was saved from any further interrogation by Mr Garrison entering the classroom.

"Okay children, let's take our seats. We've got a lot to get through today," he said as he walked to the front of the class. "Now, you may remember that I gave you a book report to do last week. I asked you to read one of the Harry Potter books and then explain why it sucks balls. I'm going to come round and collect that from you now so there's no chance of anyone copying from anyone else during my lesson. Eric."

Cartman gave him a 'Who, me?' look.

Garrison began to walk up and down the rows of desks, collecting homework and making random comments like: "Good try, Timmy", "Very nice, Annie," and "You were supposed to read the book not watch the movie, Eric!"

"Psst! Stan!"

Stan rolled his eyes and turned around to face Red, Wendy and Bebe again. "What?"

"Do you even know what day it is today?" Bebe asked.

Stan gave a frustrated sigh. They weren't going to let this go, were they? Why couldn't they just tell him what their problem was?

"Yeah. It's Wednesday," he said sarcastically.

All three girls glared at him, but he was past caring. It wasn't his fault that he didn't know what they were talking about. Why did girls have to be so goddamn cryptic?

"It's my birthday," Wendy said quietly.

This revelation hit Stan like a lightning bolt. He stared at her, openmouthed.

"Oh geez, Wendy…I-I thought it was next week!"

"It's today, loser!" Red said.

Wendy looked so downcast that Stan's heart sank. She looked as though she was about to cry. Unable to face her, he turned around and stared at his desk, his face burning with shame. He was so engrossed in his misery that he didn't even notice Mr Garrison until the teacher rapped on his desk.

"Earth to Stanley!"

Stan stared at him, completely confused. "W-What?"

"Gimme your homework, butt-for-brains!"

"Oh, yeah. Right." Stan handed him his book report. All the fears he'd had about it were so far from his mind, he could barely remember them – that is until Garrison said:

"What the hell is this?"

Stan shut his eyes. "It's my book report."

The rest of the class quietened as Garrison looked at the single sheet of paper Stan had given him. It was creased and torn and had a large muddy footprint across the middle of it.

"I can explain," Stan said meekly.

"This oughta be good," Garrison said. He rested his butt on Kyle's desk and waited expectantly.

Stan took a deep breath. "I admit, I forgot about it until yesterday and then I was late home and I tried to work on it but I was tired and couldn't really concentrate." Stan remembered the freaky hobo and suppressed a shudder. "I was gonna get up early this morning and do it but I slept through the alarm, so I did it on the bus instead, which would've been fine except the bus almost crashed trying to avoid some douchebag walking in the middle of the road and I dropped everything on the floor and by the time I found it again it looked like that."

"I don't give a rat's ass what happened, Stanley," Garrison said. He held up Stan's homework. "This is not a book report. Compare what you handed in with what Token handed in." He extracted another report from the pile in his hands and held it up for the class to see.

Stan looked up miserably. Token's report ran to several pages, was neatly printed and had a picture on every page. The suck-up had even laminated it.

"I feel sorry for you, Token," Garrison said. "It must be hard being stuck in a class full of retards." Several of the class glared at him. "What? You all know it's true!" he said, waving a hand dismissively.

Stan stared despondently at his desk. He could hear the girls whispering behind him, which made him feel worse.

The rest of the lesson dragged on interminably. He watched the clock, willing the time to go quicker so he could get out of the classroom and talk to Wendy. At last, after what felt like hours, the bell rang.

"Finally!" he muttered. He had just put his books into his bag when Bebe appeared beside his desk. He sighed. "What is it now?" he asked wearily.

Bebe smiled. Stan began to get irritated.

"Whatever you've come to say, just say it!" he said.

Bebe's smile grew wider.

"Bebe, cut me some slack, will ya!" Stan said. "I'm having a really crappy day already, if you hadn't noticed!"

"Wendy breaks up," Bebe said.

Stan dropped the book he was holding. "What?!"

"Wendy breaks up," she said again. She walked to the other two girls, who were waiting for her near the door. "Loser!" she said over her shoulder.

"But…no, wait!" he called, but Wendy and her friends had already disappeared into the mass of kids flowing along the corridor.

Stan slumped back into his chair, his bag hanging limply from one hand. He felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. He rested his head on his desk and choked back a loud sob.

"Get your ass out of my classroom, Stanley!" he heard Mr Garrison say from somewhere above him.

Stan got up and left the classroom, dragging his bag behind him. He wanted to talk to Wendy, but he knew that would be almost impossible with Bebe and Red hanging around her like a couple of bodyguards. If only he could get her on her own…He went outside to join his friends in the playground, his brow furrowed in thought. He needed a plan, and he needed it fast.

The old stereo was heavy and quite dusty. Stan put it down on Wendy's front lawn and looked up at her pink curtained window, blowing out a breath. For a moment he considered running away, but that would mean carrying the stereo all the way home again. Besides, this was all Wendy's fault. If she hadn't ignored him all day, he wouldn't have had to resort to this. He took a deep breath. It was now or never.

He bent over, his finger hovering over the 'Play' button…

"Stan, what are you doing?"

Kyle's voice made Stan jump. He glared at his friends, who were standing on the pavement behind him.

"What are you guys doing here?"

"We followed you over here," Cartman said. "Kahl thought you were gonna do something stupid so we figured the only decent thing to do was come and watch."

"Wendy won't talk to me if you guys are here," Stan said. "Get lost, will ya?"

"No way dude," Cartman said. "These are front row seats and I'm not giving mine up."

Stan sighed. "All right, fine. But keep your mouths shut, okay?"

"We can do that," Kyle said, shooting a warning look at Cartman.

Stan turned back to the stereo and took another deep breath. There's still time to run away… He exhaled and hit 'Play'.

Peter Gabriel's Shot The Monkey blared out, the vibrations from the speakers causing minor tremors under the boys' feet. Stan watched Wendy's window hopefully. At first nothing happened, but then she appeared. She looked down at him for a moment, her expression unreadable, and disappeared. Stan switched off the music – to the relief of his friends – and waited. Now he'd got her attention he could…

"Oh for fuck's sake!" he said loudly.

Two faces had appeared at the open window. Unfortunately, neither of them belonged to Wendy.

"Peter Gabriel?" Bebe said disdainfully. "Oh my god, you are so unoriginal!"

"What are you doing?" Red shouted. "Wendy's neighbours' are all sick, you inconsiderate jerk!"

"What?" Stan looked at the darkened houses on either side of Wendy's. "I didn't know that! What's wrong with them?"

"I don't know! Sounds like its contagious though, whatever it is."

"Look, I'm real sorry about that, but I need to speak to Wendy."

"Well she doesn't want to speak to you," Bebe said.

"Why don't you let her decide that," Stan said. His temper was beginning to fray.

"She already has," Bebe said.

"Really? I didn't hear her."

Red leaned a little further out of the window. "She doesn't want to see you because you're a big fat loser who forgot her birthday. Now get lost before we call the cops!"

"I'm not leaving until I've spoken to her!" Stan said. He folded his arms and stared at them defiantly.

"Then you're gonna be waiting a long time!" Red said.

"Why do you two hate me so much?" Stan asked. "What'd I ever do to you, huh?"

The two girls looked at each other. "We don't hate you," Bebe said. "Much."

"Why have you been trying to split me and Wendy up then?"

Red gasped. "We'd never do anything like that, Stan!" she said, with feigned innocence.

"That's bullcrap, and you know it!" Stan said. "You've been dripping poison in her ear for months and yeah, I'm not totally blameless, I get that, but you've been taking every opportunity to run me down! Like today when you got the whole school to sing Happy Birthday to her at lunch! You did that on purpose to humiliate me!"

"No, we did it because it's Wendy's birthday," Bebe said. "Geez, paranoid much?"

"Oh, whatever!" Stan said. He was so angry he could barely think. "Well congratulations, you finally got what you wanted you evil fucking psycho…WHORES!"

The word was out before he could stop it. Red and Bebe looked shocked. Behind Stan, Kenny sucked in his breath sharply and Cartman shook his head.

"He was doing so well," he said sadly.

Kyle looked at him.

"Rule number one: never insult your girlfriend's BFFs," Cartman said. "It's a classic rookie mistake."

Stan looked down at the ground, the rage draining out of him. He took a moment before he looked back up to the window again.

"I'm really sorry," he said.

The two girls regarded him with cold, unforgiving stares. To Stan's dismay, Wendy appeared beside them.

"I'm really really sor – "

"Save it Stan!" she shouted. "You know what, they were right about you. You are a loser!"

"No I'm not!" Stan paused and considered this for a few seconds. "Okay, maybe I am – a little – but they've been driving a wedge between us for – "

"You brought this on yourself!" Wendy said. She shook her head, tears filling her hazel eyes. "It's over."

"Oh and by the way, Wendy's birthday party is at the weekend," Bebe said. "Consider yourself uninvited!"

Wendy shut the window, making it clear that the conversation was over. Stan glared at Red, who was still watching him. She smirked at him. It was only for a second, but she made sure he saw it. Then the pink curtains were closed and Stan was left blinking up at the window, feeling nothing but frustration and confusion.

"Those bitches," he muttered. "They totally screwed me over."

He sat down on top of the stereo, shaking his head. "Today can't possibly get any worse," he said to the world in general.

Something cold and hard slammed into the back of his head. Stan blinked as the world began to slide away from him. "Spoke too soon," he said.

Then he slumped forward into darkness.

Okay, not the best ending, but this chapter's been giving me a lot of trouble. The next one will be better!

Chapter 3 up soon…