So. If you know me, and after all these years quite a few of you do (and I'd like to meet the rest of you, I'm very chatty), you know that my method of writing involves a lot of flailing, then I'll sit down and writing the whole thing, hate it, flail, whine and either leave it as it was or completely rewrite it.
This time I rewrote.
That's my excuse for why this took so long.
This is a short chapter, but I like to think it packs a certain punch.
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The house was quiet, dark and motionless. Later, when he thinks back on this night he will tell himself that he knew the second he walked in the front door that something wasn't right. But, at that moment, when he stepped over the threshold with a bounce in his step, he had no idea what was in store for him.
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"I'm only home for half an hour," Derek called to the back of the house where he could see a faint light coming from the kitchen.
He didn't notice that he got no reply. He bound up the stairs and stripped off the trousers and pullover sweater he'd worn to the hospital and pulled on a pair of jeans and a button up shirt. He turned back at the last minute and grabbed his discarded clothing and tossed them into the hamper.
"Meredith?" He called as he rushed back down the stairs, "Is there any of that meatloaf leftover?"
Still he got no response. And still he didn't notice.
"Hey," he greeted her as he entered the kitchen, "What's that?"
"Your travel expenses."
"Why?"
"Did you know that last year you made 46 trips to L.A.?"
"We talked about this," Derek opened the fridge to see if maybe she'd saved some supper for him.
"I didn't eat," Meredith flipped through the papers and dragged her finger down a list of numbers she'd written jotted down, "You spent 88 night's there."
"3 days a month doesn't give me adequate time to spend with my students, Meredith," Derek turned to her, puzzled. Then it dawned on him, "Do you think it's time?"
"88 nights this year. 72 last year. 69 the year before that," she taped her fingers against the paper, "Only 15 the first year, but there were 8 trips in 3 months back when you were interviewing and just meeting with people."
Derek grinned, "You think it's time we moved to L.A.?" He sat down across from her and reached for her hands, pressing them between his own.
She glanced at him, then carefully extracted her hand.
"That's 124 night's over the past 3 years that have been paid for from our joint account."
"And the room is almost three hundred dollars a night," Derek leaned forward to look at her rows of numbers.
"It's almost thirty-seven thousand dollars," Meredith agreed, "A third of which is mine."
"I didn't want to say anything," Derek moved his chair around the round table to sit closer to her, "But, I've been looking at some houses when I've been down there, just looking at areas, there's some beautiful houses by the beach, condo's close to the university, townhouses downtown. If you want a house there are some suburbs nearby that we can look at. Why don't we both take a trip down in a few weeks, we can find a realtor and look at some places."
"Maybe Addison knows one," Meredith remarked dryly, her eyes becoming hard.
"She might," Derek tried to push away the hardening pit in his stomach. He was starting to feel uneasy. He was already slightly on edge, he knew she was in town. She'd called him a few days ago to tell him she was going to be there –– he was suppose to meet her at her hotel in 20 minutes. Ever since Addison's flight had landed, 3 hours ago, he'd been tracing Meredith's movements in the back of his mind, the chances of them running into each other were slim, but it didn't keep him from worrying. "Actually, I could give Naomi a call in the morning, I think she's the one that found Addison her house, she might have some contacts."
Meredith stared hard at him, "Or we could just call Addison. She's in town."
"Is she?" Derek hedged. Part of him now knew what Meredith was up to –– and it wasn't house hunting –– but part of him still held out hope that perhaps Meredith had just heard through the grapevine that Addison was in town preforming a procedure and was simply gauging his knowledge on the subject. "Yeah, you know, now that you mention it, I did hear that she was going to be in town."
"I saw her on the ferry."
"Oh?"
"You have a son."
Derek couldn't tear his eyes away from her. His mind was racing so fast that he couldn't actually process the separate thoughts.
"I need you to say it." She looked at him, he could see her heart breaking as the words left her lips.
He couldn't speak. He could only watch her eyes fill with tears that she wouldn't let fall. He watched her shake her head and her eyes silently pleaded with him to speak up and deny it. But he couldn't do it. He couldn't open his mouth and utter the words that would end their marriage; no matter what he said, it would destroy them.
Meredith looked away from him, running her fingers through her hair. Her breathing was ragged and her eyes had lost their squint as any narrowing would squeeze the tears out.
"Meredith…" All he could think of saying was her name; anything that would keep her with him. She couldn't leave if he was saying her name calling her back, "Mer––"
"Is it not what I think?" she asked, a touch of innocence seeping into her tone, "I keep looking for ways that it could be not what I think, but I keep coming back to the fact that you had an affair. You spent tens of thousands of our money, money that is partly mine, to screw her."
"No," his voice was suddenly forceful, "I don't know what Addison said to you––"
"Just say it Derek! Please. Because I'm starting to think that you made up this whole teaching thing just to be close to her. And your… son. God. Derek. You have a child with her."
"No! Meredith!" He grabbed her hands, squeezing them tight, "It's not my kid! I don't know what Addison said to you. But I swear Meredith, I promise, he's not mine. I could never cheat on you. I love you, Mer. It's not my kid."
"But," she softened, he was her husband and she wanted more then anything to believe him, "She said he was yours. He looks just like you."
Derek looked down at his hands. "I don't know. I don't know. Maybe she met someone that looks like me and so her kid looks like me. I don't know Meredith. But, he's not mine."
"Maybe," Meredith grasped, "You didn't know? He's what, 4? That was before we got married. Maybe you just ––" she didn't want to say it, "Once, and she never told you?"
"Meredith, I promise you, I didn't sleep with Addison."
"But all the trips––"
"I'm teaching. I'm teaching graduate classes. I've maybe seen Addison twice since I started. She's never mentioned a kid. I've never seen her with a baby."
Meredith stared at him a long moment, then stood and left the kitchen.
Derek rested his elbows on the table and rested his forehead against his palms and sighed. He knew how it looked to her. And if the situation was reverse he'd know he'd have doubts. But, he had to convince her. He couldn't loose his wife. He pushed his chair back, the legs scraping against the wood floor, and trudged up the stairs to their bedroom where he knew she'd be.
She was crying.
"I'm sorry," he apologized.
"I… I want to believe you," she looked up at him from where she was seated at the edge of the bed, "But she has no reason to lie to me, Derek. He's your son."
"Meredith. He's not. I promise you, it's just impossible."
"You're lying to me. Just –– I can handle it. Just, tell me the truth. I can handle it. Please. Derek. Please."
Derek hesitated. Did she want a lie or did she want the truth? "It was just once. Before we got married."
Her eyes widened.
He started to pace across the floor, avoiding her eye and staring intently at the carpet, "I went to a thing at Sam's, it was Naomi's birthday, and I had a few drinks because I was uncomfortable being there. I was tired and stressed, we'd just booked out honeymoon and Richard had just retired and I was overworked and UCLA had just offered me this position and I had no idea what that meant for us, if we'd have to move or if you'd even want me to take it… And, Addison was there, and one thing led to another."
"You slept with her."
"I woke up the next morning at her house, she was gone. We've never talked about it. I haven't seen her since," he turned to stare at her, "I didn't know she had a baby. If he's mine she never told me." He cautiously crossed the room and sat down beside her at the edge of the bed.
She stood and stared pacing. She wiped a few angry tears from the corners of her eyes. "You have a son."
"Addison has a son. I just happen to be his father. Maybe" He watched her. Her expression was unreadable. He began making plan in his head. He'd give her tonight. He'd suggest she take a long bath, he'd bring her a glass of wine. Then tomorrow he'd talk to her. Maybe she'd agree to sit down with Addison. This could work. He just needed a plan. "I love you. My life is with you. I don't even… If I do have a son, if that is my child, I'd want to know him. But, you are my life. You come first." Meredith turned back to him and dropped her hands to her sides determinedly. Derek looked at her expectantly and smiled cautiously.
"I want a divorce."
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Derek hesitantly raised his fist and knocked on the door. It opened almost immediately and Addison stood before him. Her hair was disheveled and she was wearing her pajama's and holding a glass of wine.
"I'm sorry," she apologized immediately and stepped away from the door to let him into her hotel room.
He paused in the entry way and let his eyes adjust to the dimly lit room, the only light was coming from the TV which was turned to the TV guide channel. There were two beds in the room, one still pristinely made up, not even wrinkled, but the other was rumpled. A small foot stuck out from under the covers and a small dark curly head rested on the pillow. Derek crossed the room and stood above the bed, staring down at the sleeping boy, before sitting on the edge of the bed and gently resting his hand on his back.
The little boys eyelashes fluttered then opened slightly. "Daddy?"
"Hey, Christopher. You don't have to wake up, I just wanted to say 'goodnight'."
"Canth we goeth fithithin'?"
Derek chuckled and bent over to kiss his forehead, "I don't know what you just said. Go back to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."
Christopher obediently closed his eyes and his breathing immediately deepened as he fell back asleep.
Derek rubbed his back a moment, "I love you, Son."
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Did ya like it?
I want lots of reviews for this chapter ('cause OMG you guys rocked with the reviews on the last one. Where you all on some sort of Addek crack? It was awesome). But my basic plan for the weekend is to lay on my deck and tan and finish 'Gone with the Wind' and read reviews. So you guys need to do your part and send reviews so that I don't get fed up with Scarlett (it happens).
So review. Make comments. Ask questions. Engage me in dialog.
REVIEW!
