Chapter Two: Charlie Buckton's Journal
Tuesday 3rd March 2009
20:04
If I was indecisive about swearing off guys before, I am 100% sure now. And if I never see Hugo Austin again, it'll be too soon. The day started with coffee where I got harassed by Colleen about attending some stupid speed-dating night she's got planned on Thursday. Two words – no way! I can't think of anything worse. And she seems to have it in her head that I'm going to end up as some sad old spinster. I'm not that bad! I mean, there was Roman. I had serious feelings for him. But looking back, he was never into me on the same level. Then Angelo. Let's not even go there. And Miles. We kissed. It was nice. Okay, it comes to something when your smallest disaster since you arrived in town is a stupid kiss with a friend that never should have happened. And that's not even mentioning pre-Summer Bay disasters. And now there is waste of space Hugo. He went to all that effort to ask me on a date, after an extended period of flirtation, and then he stood me up. I wasn't even going to make an effort but between Ruby and Watson getting over-excited about it, I guess I bought into it too. So yes, I did make an effort. And if Alf's reaction is anything to go by, I looked pretty nice. Even if I do say so myself. And then, just as I was buying myself a drink and preparing to wait for the jerk, he called to say he couldn't make it and left me standing there feeling like a fool.
I never should have bothered in the first place. I never should have said yes. It was against all my instincts. I've been saying for a while now that I just don't want to get involved with a guy for a while. I need to be single, spend a little time being me. Ruby insists that's a cop out. She has this whole theory worked out that I don't let people get close to me, that I hold them at arms length and nobody knows who I really am. I don't know. Maybe there is something to that. It's just that if people know you, they know how to hurt you. I started opening up to Roman and look what happened there. He was never really real with me and I got hurt. But I don't have to be in a relationship to be happy. Colleen is old fashioned about things like that. I've got a job that takes up a lot of my time; I have my sister to look after, my Dad to care for... My life is pretty packed. I wouldn't have time for a relationship even if I wanted one – which I don't. I categorically don't. I went on the date because Hugo asked and I made an effort because other people encouraged me to, not because I wanted to. Maybe it might have gone somewhere if Hugo had been a worthwhile human being but he messed it up and ruined any chance he ever had with me. His loss. End of story.
Right now, I'm mostly just embarrassed. I've been a bit short with Ruby, who tried to apologise to me for getting all excited about it. I guess I was just looking forward to a bit of attention. I can't help but crave someone to care about me. But at the same time, being close to someone... no, it's not really for me, not right now. Ugh, I'm going round in circles. I need a glass of wine and a hot bath and then I'm going to curl up in my lonely bed.
Wednesday 4th March 2009
18:07
It's been yet another long day, beginning with a bad mood. I overslept, stubbed my toe on my dresser and by the time I got to the shower there was no hot water. I stormed out of the house as quickly as possible and even though I was running late, I couldn't bear not to stop for a coffee on my way. Colleen just topped off my morning by hassling me yet again about the stupid speed-dating thing again, even making comments about how a man would probably like a woman in uniform. I really didn't need that image in my head today! As if I would play uniforms with anybody... well, maybe a couple of times. Anyway, moving on... The day got progressively more wonderful as I bumped into the delightful Hugo (are you detecting my sarcasm?) who apologised about last night and offered up some lame excuse that I really wasn't in the mood for.
Work was pretty slow all day – lots of paperwork, a fight and a speeding ticket. Fortunately my mood did pick up marginally. Alf was a really sweetheart at lunch time, telling me that Hugo wasn't worth it and basically that I shouldn't bother with him. No need to tell me! I won't be! I am a man-free-zone from now on. Journal, it's just me and you from now on! He put his foot in it by telling Hugo how dressed up I was, which is quite embarrassing but I won't hold it against him. You can't really hold anything against Alf. He's too lovely. Hugo and I talked about Ruby and Xavier later and we've made some kind of peace and agreed to support our siblings getting together, although if Xavier hurts my little sister one more time, I swear I'll hunt him down. And if Hugo thinks he'll ever have a second chance with me, he has another thing coming.