AN: I couldn't sleep because I was so worried about my missing cat so I stayed up working on this in case he came home. that's why there is a second chapter so soon. He is home now though so I can go to sleep... thank god because it is 4:30 am...
The next morning Allen slowly opened his eyes looking to the window. The sun had only just begun to rise lighting the horizon with glowing orange hues. Slowly sitting up his hair cascaded over one shoulder and down his back. Yawning Allen rubbed one of his eyes sleepily. Looking over his shoulder Allen found he was the only one in bed which was pretty common in the mornings despite Allen constantly asking Cross to wake him up when he got up. Getting out of bed Allen pulled on his silk like black robe tying it closed before he made his way down to the kitchen to make himself some breakfast. Cross had already left for work Allen was pretty sure of that. It was common. Though to his surprise when he walked into the kitchen Cross was cooking breakfast. Despite the fact that Cross owned such a large house it was only Allen and Cross in it, no staff, maids, or cooks, Allen liked that part of it.
"Hey... What are you still doing here?" Allen asked walking over to Cross watching him cook some eggs.
"Making breakfast. What am I not allowed to cook?" Cross didn't take his eye off the eggs to make sure they didn't burn.
"I didn't know you could cook. I've never seen you cook. But you probably shouldn't smoke while you cook, you might get ashes in the food." Allen commented looking to the cigarette between Cross' lips. Was Cross ever not smoking? That always made Allen worry about Cross' health.
"It's fine. And I can cook I just never had to because when you showed up in my life you took over the cooking." Cross said putting his cigarette out in the sink since Allen wouldn't stop staring at it clearly worried he would drop ashes in the food. Then again Cross had done that before and it ruined the food.
"Hm... I thought you would have been at work already. Won't you be late?" Allen asked looking to the clock on the wall. Usually Cross really was long gone by now.
"No I took the day off." Cross replied plating the eggs since they were done. Allen stared at Cross rather surprised by that. He couldn't think of a single time Cross had taken off work, he would sometimes even work the weekend. "What? You were the one who said you wanted to spend time with me." Cross pointed out noting Allen's surprise.
"It's not that... well... I just... wasn't expecting you to take the whole day off, since I'm just the mistress." Allen moved to the table sitting down pulling one of the glasses of orange juice closer to him. Orange juice even though it wasn't sweet was one of Allen's favorite drinks especially in the morning.
"Look we both were wording things badly last night. Yeah work is important but you are the only love I have." Allen gasped softly his head quickly turning in Cross' direction. Even though they had been together for a little over a year Cross never really admitted to loving Allen.
"Geez... what is with you? You're surprised by that too? Really... though I suppose that one is my fault." Cross sighed setting a plate of food in front of Allen sitting across from him with his own food.
"I'm sorry... Seems we really are bad at talking aren't we...?" Allen sighed softly as he examined his glass of orange juice in his hand.
"You really are miserable aren't you?" Cross asked when he noticed Allen kept sighing and talking softly.
"Not necessarily. I am happy when I'm with you like I said yesterday. You're my home. It's not you I'm miserable with. Really to be honest I think it's me I'm unhappy with. Being with you has made me realize my life is stuck. I don't mean like I'm stuck with you, I mean... I have no direction. I'm still working at that small cafe you found me out from time to time. That's not how I want my life to be I know that but I don't know what exactly I do want to do. I've never really thought of my future or what my goals are. You have your life all worked out but I'm just a kid with no direction." Allen explained taking a sip of his juice.
"Eat your food too. Your diet is stupid." Cross instructed pointing to Allen's plate with his fork.
"Its not a diet I'm just not hungry lately." Allen retorted dully focusing on his drink as he stared out the window at the sunrise. Huh. This was the first sunrise he saw together with Cross.
"And as for what you were talking about earlier. I didn't have my life sorted out on my own at 22. That's the difference between you and me. My family pretty much laid my future out for me. You however have no influence on your life so you could make any dream or goal you want. So its harder for you because there's no end to what you could do." Cross said more serious as he ate. Allen looked to Cross out of the corner of his eye listening to him.
"So its normal to feel this way? Hm... But shouldn't I have some idea of what I want to do?" Allen sighed closing his eyes resting his chin in his hand his face aimed towards the window still. Slowly Allen opened his eyes a little. "Oh... its over already..." Allen said a little disappointed.
"Huh? What's over?" Sometimes Allen really threw Cross through a loop.
"The sunrise... we missed it." Allen pointed to the sun. Cross looked to the window as well staring at the sky.
"We miss it ever morning. What's so different about today?" Cross rather was confused by Allen today.
"Well we're both home I guess... I don't know... It just different. Well I think its because usually either you've run off to work without waking me or we sleep through the morning. We've never really watched the sunrise together. That's something we've never done together. Hm... Marian?" Allen looked to Cross setting his hand on the table.
"Yeah?" Cross looked to Allen pausing his eating giving Allen his full attention since Allen called his name so seriously.
"Is it possible... to start over...? Like I said last night... it feels like we skipped the whole dating part... I mean you took me to dinner that one time then it was all sex after that... then moving in together... really... I get you being an older guy and all so its different for us... You can't do childish dates like people my age like the amusement or movies. But if we started over then we could get to know each other properly like normal people do." Allen said softly as he looked to the window again with a gentle expression. That gentle expression Allen always held when Allen was talking about something serious, it almost seemed like Allen's true face. Cross wasn't sure what to make of that look. It was his honest face, that's what it was. Whenever Allen spoke honestly from his heart he had that expression.
"Okay. Then we'll start over. I suppose you have a point that we perhaps moved a little too fast. But that doesn't mean you'll move out will it?" Cross set his fork down. He was fine with starting over but if Allen moved out then they really would lose all the progress they made and Cross worried that they would see less of each other than they did now. It had taken so long for Cross to get Allen to agree to move in especially when Allen learned where Cross lived.
"No I won't move out. Even if we start over you're still my home. And I can't give up my home especially since I've never had one before." Allen smiled softly at Cross picking up his fork taking a small bite. "Whoa. This is really good. You're an amazing cook!" Allen's smile grew more bright at the taste of the food.
"Thank you. I've been cooking since I was a teen but you're a great cook too." Cross resumed eating since Allen was eating now.
"Since a teen? Why's that?" Allen asked blinking at Cross surprised by that fact.
"Because my parents were too busy so when I got hungry I would go to the cook for food so she taught me how to cook. I started to cook on my own when my parents fired her." Cross explained finishing his his food off.
"Oh... Why did they fire her?" Allen was a little sad to hear that since it seemed like Cross and the cook were close.
"Because my mom caught her and my dad having sex in his study." Cross answered as if it was nothing. A sweat drop trailed down Allen's face. Like father like son as they always say. Yes Allen knew Cross was a womanizer before they started sleeping together but for some reason Cross stopped sleeping with people a little before he asked Allen out to dinner so Allen heard from Tyki. Tyki and Cross were close friends and drinking buddies so Allen could believe what Tyki said about Cross.
"I see... well... From my perspective its better than her getting fired for sleeping with you... But that's the jealousy talking." Allen muttered looking off to the side again.
"Hey you're the only guy I've slept with so be happy about that." Cross pointed out getting where Allen was coming from but still.
"Which is probably in part because i dress and act like a girl. But anyway don't you get a little jealous when I talk of previous lovers?" Allen looked to Cross again completely serious.
"No because you've never talked of previous lovers." Cross retorted almost a little annoyed by that.
"Oh... huh... well I guess because I can't really call them lovers since we never had sex... You were my first lover after all..." Allen was completely honest without even thinking about it. That was one thing he liked about being with Cross. He felt comfortable enough around Cross to be honest.
"Huh?! Come again!?" Cross slammed his hand on the table completely in shock. Allen blinked at Cross taken aback by the sudden outburst. Usually Cross was so calm.
"You... didn't know? I thought I told you..." Allen sat looking lost in thought as he went through his memories of the first time they had sex.
"Oh... I guess I forgot to. Is it really that bad?"
"Is it really that bad?" Cross wanted to hit his head on something really hard. How could Allen ask that and so innocently as well? And what 21 year old was still a virgin and just gave that up without telling the other they were a virgin? Geez it was the same night as their first date they had had sex too so Cross had just assumed since Allen was so willing. "Geez kid... If I had known that I would have waited longer and been more gentle. How did you not cry?" Cross hadn't exactly been the most gentle throughout the whole night. He had been at first but as the night went on he got a little rough.
"I actually did... but you couldn't see it since you had me on my knees. I'm good at crying silently." Allen really was used to crying silently since he used to live in shelters and he didn't want others to know he cried himself to sleep a lot. And the first time with Cross had hurt a little but it wasn't so bad and he didn't regret it one bit though he wished he could have been able to see Cross at the beginning instead of them doing it doggy style for his first time. Though that was clearly entirely his fault for not telling Cross he was a virgin or that he didn't want to do it that way.
"Then we are definitely starting over. And as much as it pains me to say it, since we will be doing this properly this time, that means no sex for a while and so when we do have sex again it will be like our first time all over again but it will be different this time. It will be better." Cross huffed. Now he really regret comparing Allen to a mistress because if he hadn't they so would have had sex last night. If he had known that two nights ago would be the last time they would have sex for a while he so would have made it last longer. Damn this was going to be hell.
"Oh... okay then... I mean... We don't have to skip the sex since we've done it so many times... but if that's what you want then okay." Allen was surprised that Cross even suggested no sex. And how were they to not have sex if they shared the same bed? Wouldn't it be impossible to resist sex then?
"No we are starting over so no sex. Which means one of us will have to move to a different room to sleep alone." Cross already knew that they would have issues with the no sex rule if they stayed in the same bed.
"But I don't want to sleep alone!" Allen whined like a little child. He was so used to sharing the bed with Cross he couldn't imagine sleeping alone again. He wasn't sure he could. The thought of sleeping alone made him think of all the cold lonely nights he suffered through at the shelters. That thought made Allen frown a little as he looked down at his plate. "I don't think I can... I'm so used to your warmth... I'd be lost with out it to be honest... The warmth of another person, of the person you love... nothing can replace that." Allen was back to speaking softly still frowning a little as his gaze was aimed down at his food but he wasn't really looking at it.
"Okay so no sleeping alone... but still no sex." Cross couldn't make Allen sleep alone. Not when he talked and looked like that. Allen smiled softly at Cross when he said that but the smile wasn't a real smile. It was only used to mask his pain, Cross could see that clearly. One day Cross would know all of Allen's scars, the physical, mental and emotional ones. And Allen would know all of his. Not that Cross had as many as Allen but he did have his own scars. His life wasn't as bad as Allen's he knew that. He had a house, good schooling, no one ever hit him. Really the main issue in Cross' life as a kid was he had two parents who were completely unavailable, and he was a man whore before he met Allen. Though he had a few heartaches as well. Cross knew little of Allen other than he was a high school drop out. How is it that they had been together so long but knew so little of each other? Allen was right, they were terrible at communication and talking to each other. But with them starting over they could change that.
AN: Sorry I took this down for a second to take out the part about Allen's mother because I have a better idea for his family history.