A/N: the previous chapter wasn't really meant to be continued. It was an idea in response to so many Naruto-harem fics. Still, the thing about ideas is that they never really go away…
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Sakura's Harem
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Chapter 2: How It Affects Canon
Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.
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Several years later…Haruno Sakura checked her dress for the nth time as she climbed down the stairs on her way towards the mail. As usual, there was a nice little pile waiting for her to pick up. Whistling a cheerful little tune under her breath, she rooted through them, not bothering open the envelopes to know who they were from. After all these years, she could tell by the handwriting on the address alone.
Of course, that didn't mean she knew who it was.
Still, that didn't mean she didn't recognize her long-writing secret admirers. She just didn't know who they really were.
Putting the letters to one side to read later that day, Sakura skipped off towards the academy, adjusting the white ribbon in her hair. It was a gift from Ino and she really liked it.
"Hey, Sakura-chan!" at least five girls greeted as she walked out her door.
"Hey Haruka-chan, Michiru-chan, Hotaru-chan, Seiya-chan, Yaten-chan, Setsuna-chan!" she said, waving towards them. "Gotta go! It's graduation day at the Academy!"
With that she was off, not noticing the way the girls swooned in pleasure as she said their names. "She talked to me…" they all gasped.
Haruno Sakura. Age twelve, and the most popular girl in the village. Especially with the other girls.
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Uchiha Sasuke crept cautiously to his classroom, trying not to be caught by…
"Oh! Sasuke-kun!"
Slumping in dejection, Sasuke pasted a fake smile on his face that had seen better days and turned to face his worse nightmare. "Oh, hi there, Sakura-chan," he said, trying not to shake in terror. He was an Uchiha, damn it! "I was just looking for you…"
Sakura smiled. "Are we still on for our date later, Sasuke-kun?"
He wanted to give a negative, he really did, but one look over her shoulder made his blood run cold. "O-of c-course, Sakura-chan. The usual time?"
Sakura giggled. "I'll be there," she said, kissing him on the cheek before skipping off to class.
Swallowing audibly, Sasuke turned to the crowd of girls who had been giving evil looks from over Sakura' shoulder.
Tendo Akane stepped forward. At a signal from her, every girl in range held a kunai to the Uchiha's throat. "You will take her to her favorite restaurant. You will treat her properly. You will be polite at all times, you will complement her clothes and her hair. You will make no attempt to touch, kiss or leave her and you will certainly not hurt her feelings or there will be… consequences. Is that clear Uchiha-san?"
Sasuke gulped. "Crystal."
At the back of the crowd, Uchiha Satsuki, Sasuke's twin sister, glared hatefully at her brother. What did he have that she didn't to be able to attract the attentions of Sakura-hime. She hoped he eventually got around to killing Itachi-teme. Then she could get rid of him and have Sakura-hime to herself!
When the crowd of girls went away, only then did Sasuke allow himself to slump down to the ground, curl up into the fetal position and shake like crazy. He prayed to anyone listening that he ended up in a team without girls…
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Hyuuga Hinata found herself in quite the dilemma. Sitting diagonally to her left where the two most beautiful people in the world. One had beautiful golden locks, crystal blue eyes, a devil-may-care grin and an unbreaking will and determination. The other had silky strawberry hair, the fairest skin in the world, the sunniest, most beautiful, angelic smile and the grace and carriage of a goddess.
Naruto-kun… Sakura-chan… Naruto-kun… Sakura-chan… Hinata mentally struggled, before collapsing on top of her desk, her head in her hands. Oh, I cannot choose… I MUST HAVE THEM BOTH!
The most popular girl in the village and the most popular guy in school didn't notice the profusely nose-bleeding Hyugga behind them as they chatted, the best of friends. Besides Ino, Naruto was actually Sakura's best friend. How did this happen? Well, it sort of went like this:
One day, some bully decided– to the horror of all the girls and women present– to pick on Sakura. Some say he was a kid whose promised girl had broken with him when she set eyes on Sakura, others a jounin in disguise who didn't like the fact his girlfriend kept comparing him to a little girl. Needless to say, before any of the girls– and women, let's not forget– could do anything, Naruto had appeared out of nowhere, yelled at the bully for picking on girls, kicked the guy in the groin and pulled Sakura to safety. They'd been friends ever since.
Needless to say, this had a wonderful effect on Naruto's reputation. Every single woman no longer saw him as the 'demon fox' and would promptly beat up any male who claimed so in their presence. After all, there was no way he could be a demon when he was Sakura-hime's best friend, Sakura-hime who was so pure, snow was pitch black in comparison. Him using his dark, demonic influence to control Sakura's mind? Impossible! The gods would not allow it! In a single event, Naruto managed to change the mind of half the village.
Girls flocked to Naruto, wishing to be in the presence of the one Sakura held in such high esteem. At first popular by association, his personally soon ingratiated himself to anyone who hung around long enough, making him popular in his own right. Heck, a couple of girls had even gone on dates with him.
Of course, their first love was still Sakura-hime. But some did think that Naruto was a good second.
And Sasuke? He was off limits. As Sakura-hime's (unworthy) chosen one, he was allowed to live for as long as he pleased her. Not only would no one dare take what was Sakura's, but some of the girls also disliked him because he took Sakura's attention away from them.
Naruto? Oh, he was no threat. He was Sakura-hime's trusted Knight, there to protect her from villainous fiends.
Somehow, this is probably not what the Yondaime meant by 'treat Naruto as a hero'.
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Meanwhile, in the special kunoichi classes…Suzume pushed her glasses up her nose. "Now, on to the lesson."
She flicked her hand towards the board, from which hung a huge picture of Sakura, and a slightly smaller picture of Naruto, as well as a picture of Ino. "Though in speaking to her we must refer to her as 'Sakura-chan', you will all refer to her as Sakura-hime at all other times. You will think of her as Sakura-hime at all times."
"She is Sakura-hime, now and forever!" the class recited back. "We give ourselves to Sakura-hime!"
Suzume nodded, then pointed at the picture of Naruto. "Naruto-sama is the Princess's Knight. You will treat him with the respect he deserves as the hero he is. He is the Princess's Right Hand, her Defender in the Light. No matter what others may say about him, we know his true worth, for he is the Guardian of the Princess, Protector of Purity!"
"Hail Naruto-sama, Guardian of the Princess! Protector of Purity!" everyone chorused.
Suzume pointed towards the picture of Ino. "Ino-sama. She is the Princess's other best friend, and as such, free of the base desires we mere mortals posses. She alone has the strength to speak to our Princess without being overcome by her beauty. She alone in Konoha may approach the Princess without fear. Yet despite these superhuman abilities, she does not abuse them, seeking only the Princess's companionship as a friend. She is the Princess's Left Hand, her Guiding Wisdom!"
"Praise be to Ino-sama! Grant us her strength and fortitude before the Princess!" the class chorused.
Reaching down, Suzume picked up something with a look of utmost disgust. Laying it against the board, making sure it didn't touch any of the other pictures, she impaled it with a kunai. It was a badly abused picture of Uchiha Sasuke, riddled with cuts, holes and other damages. One corner was burnt.
Suzume gave the picture a look of disgust. "Behold the face of evil!" she cried, gesturing with another kunai. "This is the Dark One who tempts our Princess with his honeyed words and evil intent! He is our greatest enemy, for he may yet manage to turn our Princess to darkness. Behold, our greatest foe, Sasuke The Unworthy!"
"Fuck you, Sasuke-teme!" all the girls said, saluting with their middle fingers upraised.
Suzume slapped a hand on the tabletop. "Friends, from this day forth, you train to be kunoichi of Konoha. And even though we will be made to swear to protect the Leaf, we all know the Truth. We fight only because, in defending Konoha, we defend our Princess. You will train to be ninja's and defend Her from the shadows, the way her Knight protects her in the light. Go and guard our princess with your lives!"
"FOR SAKURA-HIME!"
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Two passing chuunin instructors passed Suzume's classroom, wondering about it indistinct noises.
"I wonder what they talk about in there?" one guy said to the other.
The other guy shrugged. "Girl stuff, probably."
The two didn't give it another thought.
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"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Larxene screamed as she blasted those crowding her.
"But Larxene, I love you!" Roxas cried as he threw himself at her feet, wrapping his arms around her leg. She beat him senseless with her other foot.
"You make me feel like I have a heart!" Axel cried, reaching for her. She picked up what was left of Roxas and used it to hit him repeatedly.
"My delicate flower…!" Marluxia said, before he got hit by a bolt of lightning.
"My Larxene! My Heart! My Kingdom Heart!" Xenmas said, before finding Marluxia's scythe in his gut.
"Larxene!" Demyx, Luxord and Lexeaus said.
"Larxene!" Zexion, Xigbar and Xaldin cried.
"My darling!" Vexen extolled.
"Hey, Larxene-baby!" Saix said.
With a frantic cry, Larxene teleported herself out of the press of bodies and ran away to a certain room in the castle.
"Namine! Hide me! The guys have all gone nuts!" Larxene said, before turning around and barricading the door with anything she could get her hands on.
That done, she turned and 'eeped'.
Namine was lying on the bed without a stitch to her name, looking at Larxene with half-lidded eyes. "Oh, how awful. Come over here, Larxene-sama. I'll take care of you…"
Larxene cursed ever talking to that creepy character in the suit. First it asked her why she felt no desire except for a heart, then it said she'll have the hearts of everyone…
Somewhere, Desire sneezed.
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- To be continued... (?)
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A/N: silly, isn't it?
Sasuke the abused. Naruto the hero. The Kunoichi Cult of Sakura. Princess Sakura? Oh, wonderful, wonderful crack!
Please review, C&C welcome.
Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.