Housestuck: The Split

Chapter 2: Don't Split Yourself

Beginning AN:

If it seems like the new Hecksing timeline is considerably more detailed than the rest of this, it's because I just took it from the old version of Chapter 1 of this. And yes, I actually glanced back at the incomplete, old plan for the first chapter this time. I did cut off the ending part and altered it towards this plot... I will post the old version of the two chapters eventually, so you can see what I mean.

Disclaimer: The following fan fiction depicts stunts performed by several expert teenagers and one badass cat alien (that is also technically an expert teenager...). Do not attempt any of these at home. Seriously, it could mess you up!

"AIBUR!" Nepeta held her arms out for a hug. "It's good to see you ba-"

Aibur punched her in the face.

"Now, if you will excuse me, you peasants are tresspassing within the glorious boundaries of the Prism Crew. Die."

The gold leo sign (not gold like goldblood but like the internet color gold; like Homer Simpson's skins) began glowing as Aibur started filling with energy.

"NOW, COME AT ME!" She yelled.

The Rainbow Crew shrugged.

"Oh, one last recap thing," said Jade to the reader, "the Alphas are badass. I forgot that. Now:"

Damara used a telekinetic blast without even looking, but instead of pushing Aibur she laughed.

"I AM IMMUNE TO PSYCHICS!" She shouted.

Laughing, Vriska tried to Manipul8 her, but she was able to sense that and looked down at her.

"WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU?!" And then she threw a ki blast around Vriska, who barely dodged.

"Okay, we have to find a strategy around her." Said Nepeta.

"SCREW THAT!" Shouted Mituna, who blasted at Aibur with his red-blue lasers...

...Which had no effect. Aibur just shrugged it off.

And Kankri's super sickle move did nothging either. Shit.

"Now it's my turn."

So then she got a giant golden gauntlet thing and punched the ground, sending the entire Rainbow Crew flying.

"And that's just me..." she said as Nepeta began to black out. The others were already blacked out. "Wait until you see the full might of the glorious Prism Crew!"

"Ai... bur..." Nepeta said before falling asleep completely.

Let's take an intermission to show what the split timeline did to Hecksing. (That's where the title came in.) Anyway:

So... first Alucard's whole thing with meeting everyone and stuff in Hecksing: The Dawn was the same. All the way up until between chapters 5 and 6 - Rip's invasion of the Harley manor, covered in Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals. Rip did not exactly have a complete change of heart without Jade to remind her of something that WILL be covered in this fan fic so when she went to betray and work for the Millennium the event during her secret backstab work didn't happen so she wasn't exactly purposefully trying to get herself fired anymore. This will be important later.

By 2011 Hecksing still ended up as just Alucard, Integra, and Walter. (Oh and the nameless Guards.) Well, Alucard still ended up getting Seras recruited and stuff. Uh... I don't really care or know about Pip and I like my OC Carl, so Carl ended up still killing Pip... now, Anderson, Flanders, Luke, and Card Guy still died... the first major change was back in chapter 2, "Valentine's Day."

You see when Jan jumped out with now an arm, Doctor wasn't there to say "Hm I could use you for something." He wasn't blown up either since there's no detonation chip thingies. ANYWAY, PLOT TWIST: Walter only ripped off Jan's arm because he knew about the project in advance! It was the Millennium thing! (Also the arm was made with help of the Rainbow Crew unknowingly to get revenge on Alucard killing Edward Cullen.) So instead Doctor just appeared in hologram form (didn't feel it was important enough to go in person) and told Jan "Nah you failed, get back to base we'll think of something else for you to do." And Jan went "Fuck... okay." and reluctantly used his guns to propell himself there. (Ah, the good old times when I had to come up with ways for the characters to travel large distances, before the Limebloods and portal rocks could just teleport everyone wherever.)

Cut to chapter 4, the interesting shit where things go down. Rip no longer faked being stupid just to be fired and went on the mission - by the way, no, none of the Harleys were killed in that mansion thing, they're all safe don't worry - and Jan couldn't trick her out of it. Not like Jan had any sort of extra reason to go on, since he didn't have his robo arm. While there, Alucard still went to investigate. That's when they re-met. Alucard and Rip, and by the way in the loop timeline they never really had a chance to re-meet after the events of Hecksing: The Dawn which is kind of sad if you think about it too hard.

But Alucard used the power of friendship (no this had nothing to do with him secretly mind-clearing her with Sage of Shadow powers, in face not much of what goes down in the last three parts of this Crconikals events were caused by the Sages being Sages just their personalities) to suddenly make Rip realize that killing around and fighting goodguys was wrong, and reminded her of all the good times they had together. Rip nodded and they both started traveling back to the United Kingdoms of London.

Meanwhile, Zorin was now sent on the invasion solo. Because she didn't have Rip's coolass bullet powers helping her and because Carl was a more badass than Pip (Pip just has guns which can be blocked by magic cards but Carl's sonic wave guitars that could blow them away read chapter 3 of HUC, it proved this shit) Zorin was quickly outnumbered (eventually Carl sonic waved all the Millennium soldiers and he was cool enough to keep the Wild Geese alive, so one Seras one Carl and a shitload of Geese compared to one Zorin is an outnumbering, also one Integra since she never left because there wasn't a Alucard death so she didn't need to get a replacement). But Carl thought she was hot, he had a thing for tattoos, so he just kind of tied her up and still kept her alive. And Seras confessed her love for him so she would kind of agree with his things. Zorin also confessed her new sudden love for Carl and just like that redemption was in the air.

Because Alucard wasn't dead Walter didn't reveal that he was really part of the Millennium, so he kind of had to play along when Integra had no other order or anything and did the right thing to send Hecksing out to fight the invasion. Later that night, Alucard and Rip returned, just in timr for Rip to tell them about the plan to capture Quimby. Because Alucard was the go-to solo mission guy (Carl was originally sent on the chapter 8 mission solo because Integra didn't like how he basically invited the ladies to run her bed, but since Integra kept a close eye on them and since there was only three and not four because Rip wasn't there yet Carl, Zorin, and Seras could have fit in Seras's coffin. Remember Rip has huge tits that's why.) he went to try to keep Quimby from being kidnapped. In this case Jan went with the Captain instead of Walter, because of a conversation Alucard had with Rip earlier he recognized the Captain and asked if he wanted to join Hecksing. The two of them teamed up to kill Jan, Alucard familiarized him, and eventually just let Quimby go safetly.

However, a bad thing happened earlier in the morning. Because neither he nor Homer Simpson were killed, the Troll Empress's original plan to draft Alucard and Homer to the jury duty were as promised. Let's see... Alucard, Homer, Integra, Seras, Rip, Carl, Captain, Zorin, Walter... that's almost enough for a jury right there (remember the reason why the Rainbow Crew didn't want to help out John and Jade was because actually Rose's plan all along was to reunite with the first generation Crew members, and also none of them really liked jury duty anyway), let's add in Quimby. With a full jury of ten, suddenly Lawyer Guy attacked. Since Alucard wasn't as stupid as Carl was, when LG stabbed Integra he simply asked Seras to turn her into a vampire, and he didn't do it himself since otherwise that wouldn't awaken her vampire powers (his vampire-turning stuff was exhausted with Seras a few days ago, unlike most vampires he can't actually convert that many people without long rests). During this crossfire Walter decided "Okay they're just gonna pile on more and more vampires and less and less Millenniums the sooner I just disobey orders and reveal myself as a Millennium the easier even if I think now it's too hard" Just after Alucard and Rip deactivated Lawyer Guy, found his chip saying he was made by the Troll Empress, and Integra led to go after Troll Empress (Carl didn't want to give that order because he was a lazy ass and already fed up with the Millennium as-is) and also got her vampire powers awakened by killing and eating the traitor Walter. Because Walter was really a fallen angel and Integra absorbed him, this also made Integra very powerful. Fallen angel skills, nice.

So just like the Brazil thing everyone except Integra (if we're counting the jury then Quimby didn't want to go either also he has a country to rule; Homer survived the Lawyer Guy fight he just trying to forget about it) went over on Alucard's flying tank to America (even though the Troll Empress is the queen of the island of Alternia, her actual office is in America because she turned Alternia into so much of a shithole even she doesn't really like living there) where they encountered something...

"Urgh..." Nepeta woke up and saw Hecksing above her.

"We found you passed out and in the Prism Crew's prisim-prison." Integra explained. "Now we've recruited you."

"YES YOU'RE SAFE. :d" Said Alucard with a big grin.

Then Integra pointed a gun at Nepeta. Who didn't even flinch.

"Now... you naked weirdo." I forgot to mention that the Rainbow Crew has all kinds of weird outfits, and Nepta's is naked. "What the fuck were you doing able to infiltrate the infamous Prism Crew like that? No ordinary person could do that. We are a secret organization, and a shady one, so I am not afraid to demand fucking answers like this."

"WAIT WAIT WAIT INTEGRA!" Alucard cried. "UM, DON'T DO ANYTHING DRASTIC AND STUFF...!"

Integra sighed and put the gun down. "Fine."

"We're actually from a different timeline." Rose explained. "We are known as the Rainbow Crew."

Integra put her gun back out - and aimed it at Nepeta. "Ah, are you a branch organization of the Prism Crew then?!"

"No. We were part of a different timeline, then we went back, and split the timeline just to, uh... it was Roxy's idea. So we met with this Master Chief Kamina guy who lectured us about using time travel and we basically I think ended up assassinating someone to do his dirty work... wait, what a bastard."

"Kamina?" Alucard frowned. "I worked with him. I don't like that guy."

Kanaya pointed an angry finger at Alucard. "WAIT A MINUTE! IN MY ORIGINAL TIMELINE, YOU KILLED MY OLD BOYFRIE- oh wait. We made up for that in the... war arc?"

Alucard shrugged but also smiled like a loveable idiot. "I'm sorry I have no idea what you are talking about. Now Integra, can you please put the gun down?"

Integra sighed. "Alright. Anyway, the Prism Crew is a powerful organization of evil. They are not a Hitler Revival Group, but they are still pretty bad."

Then suddenly an explosion happened! It was Aibur, who blew through the wall of the... uh, I guess the Hecksing American fort! And she was with fifteen other catgirls (but they notably all seemed to be different species) in the same painted on uniform as her! Aibur smirked.

"Ah, Hecksing." She said. "I knew I should bring some backup. Prepare for an utter ass-kicking!"

And then there was like this one with made out of fire that threw lots of fire, and one made of water that threw lots of water. Hecksing had to run out and hide with the rainbow Crew. (PS all of Hecksing is there not jsust Alucard and Integra.) But then Nepeta looked at Alucard.

"So... Sage of Shadow..." Said Nepeta. "hrm, and said you knew Kamina..."

"Yes." Alucard replied.

"And Aibur's alive in this timeline... Hecksing in general, do you think you can make contact with Kamina? I am thinking of reviving the Aibur in the other timeline so that version of me can be happy, and knocking this Aibur out of being evil so the me on this timeline can be happy."

"OKAY BUT FIRST!" John shouted. Dave shusshed him because that would have given away their position. John was about to keep shouting in protest but he knew Dave had a point, one Abiur is badass plenty is just overkill. "you'll need to explain some things! who is Aibur?!"

Nepeta sighed.

"Okay, backstory time." She said.

Which we will find out next chapter!

Closing AN:

Already more than a third of the way through Season 1!

And trust me, if you think this is moving too fast, you probably really wouldn't have liked the alternative where it would have taken itself way too seriously, dragged on way too long, and devoted way too much screentime for the whole Rainbow Crew.

As per Crconikals tradition, the next chapter will be out in three days. This will keep going until Chapter 6 on the 15th.

Anyway, since I lost yesterday's Isaac daily run (although not today's), I gotta think of a new avatar. Good bye, _ank _ills, hello... something else, I guess.