Gaara sighed and rubbed his sore shoulders. His letter to Kankuro had been so damned long! He really didn't want to do the next one. But it was either that, or go to sleep. Considering the sand demon, Shukaku, tried to eat away at his personality every time he slept, well …he went to try and find more parchment and ink.

o.o.o.o.o

Dear Temari,

As you are no doubt aware (being the extreme busy body that you are), you already know why I'm writing this letter to you. So screw you.

1. I'm sorry for filling your make-up jars with sand. You'd called me a 'shrimp'. And everyone kept telling me I couldn't kill you over it, so I did that instead. Actually, killing you would have made this list much shorter. Hmmmmm. Too late now.

2. I'm sorry for ruining your recital. Seriously, I was trying to rescue you. See, I'd fallen asleep out of boredom and when you started to sing, I thought you were being tortured. I'm not sure I should have to apologize for that, but I'm really trying here.

3. I'm sorry for cutting the heads off all of your dolls. But I needed them for target practice.

o.o.o.o.o

73. I'm sorry for spying on you in the shower. It was Kankuro's fault. He'd told me you'd gotten your thing cut off in a fight. I just wanted to see. Wait, this one is really his fault after all. Well, I'm not starting this letter over just to erase this one apology, so just ignore it. Skip over to the next one.

74. I'm sorry about setting your hair on fire and blaming it on Kankuro. Shit. I forgot about that one in his letter. And he got a black eye from you on that one too. Well. I'm not re-writing his letter, so you can tell him I've apologized to both of you in this letter. That should cover it.

75 I'm sorry for calling you a bitch after you tried to stop me from eating your ice cream. Nope. Actually, I'm not really sorry about that one. You weren't sharing.

o.o.o.o.o

912. I'm sorry for murdering your first two boyfriends. It wasn't that they annoyed me or weren't good enough for you, it was just for fun really. Oh, and I know you blame me for the freak sandstorm that killed your fourth boyfriend, but really, I didn't have anything to do with that one.

913. I'm sorry for maiming your third boyfriend, but look on the bright side. He lived.

o.o.o.o.o

1023. I'm sorry for practicing my Desert Coffin Jutsu on you. Hey, at least Baki stopped me. Actually he bribed me. You were worth a dozen cream filled donuts.

1024. I'm sorry I thought you were only worth a dozen cream filled donuts. I should have asked for more.

o.o.o.o.o

1579. I'm sorry for tossing you through that window after that one fight we had.

1580. I'm sorry the window was on the third floor.

1581. I'm sorry I didn't get you any flowers while you were in the hospital.

1582. I'm sorry I ate all the chocolates you got while you were in the hospital.

1583. I'm sorry for replacing your pain medicine with hallucinogens. Hey you had fun, why don't you give me a pass on this one?

o.o.o.o.o

4261. I'm sorry for all the 'passing wind' jokes while you practiced with your fan. Okay, not really. And compared to the other stuff on this list, this is really mild.

4262. I'm sorry that I have so much to apologize for. I'm stopping here. I'd like to get these letters finished by the end of this year. But you get the picture. Besides, I''m getting writer's cramp. If I did it, then I'm sorry.

Sincerely, Gaara

P.S. Oh, and I'm sorry for saying 'screw you' at the top of this letter!

Double P.S. Oh, and I promise not to try to kill Nara Shikamaru. Probably.

o.o.o.o.o

Who's up next? LOL