ADVENTURES IN AVERNUM

Chapter 1: Welcome to Avernum

Wow. If you have found this manuscript and are actually reading it, then you are in for a whole boatload of crazy stories. What you have before you is a complete set of misadventures that I, Joseph Robert Smith, had not all that long ago in a time…well…er…place that felt like it was from a time long, long ago. You, my dear reader or readers (whatever the case may be), are in for a set of tall tales that'll make you laugh, make you cry, and may make you want to curl up into a ball and suck your thumb and call your mother. As a suggestion, I'd grab a favorite blanket, sit in a nice comfy chair, have a drink of choice in hand, and buckle your safety belt. Without much more introduction, let's dive in shall we?

Before my entire life was completely flipped on its head, I used to live a pretty boring life. Well, I guess it could be more boring. I could be flipping burgers or pumping gas for as a career and living with my mother until I was 40, but I digress. I was actually considered a gifted individual by many. Grew up with an IQ of 155 and eventually graduated from Harvard University with Honors at the top of my class. Yes, usually Harvard graduates usually escape the prison of the education system to become lawyers or professors, but I had a different vision. I wanted to go out into the world and unlock secrets that have not yet been solved in modern civilization. Seven world wonders? I wanted to find an eleventh. The government must have seen my vision as they recruited me to become an agent for the Federal Bureau of Research and Development, or FBRaD as we have been known to call it.

Don't get too dragged into the fanciness of that title. Most of the time I'm sitting behind a desk and looking through new designs to old secrets that conspiracy theorists already knew this country had in some old silo in Kentucky. My job is to file the records in usual way, alphabetical order and from dangerous to apocalyptic. It is truly boring. Always felt like my talents could be used in a more constructive manner.

Now, if I had Jennie McLugger's job, I wouldn't complain so much. She's the building's mail clerk. I envied her so much. I'd love to have a job pushing around a cart and throwing mail at other employees. I would have been tossing envelopes Japanese shuriken style. Jennie also graduated from my class at Harvard. Didn't know her well back then, but over the last few years, we seemed to have a mutual understanding of one another. I could tell she could probably get a higher position within the bureau, but she seems to enjoy her job. Normally, one would say that she was my best friend at work, but she was the only person I'd truly call a friend.

Have I mentioned that I have hyperactivity yet? In case I haven't yet spoken of it, I was diagnosed with ADHD at a very young age. Not many can truly understand the pain and hardship that is taking a pill to prevent me from getting up and running around the classroom. I've definitely seen my share of principals' offices and detentions as a child growing up. Though it's truly not a feat to be proud of, I do admit I wear those experiences as a badge of honor. But I digress and back to the story.

It was another day of spinning around in my office chair and wishing I was somewhere else. The usual shit was going on. A pile of folders was placed on my desk for me to sort through. I already completed about half the workload in the first hour, before I began playing pencil darts at the office wall for the next two. "This is so boring." I was thinking aloud to myself, "Why don't they give me something worth my while yet." I stared out the window a bit. It was a beautiful day. The sun shined nicely through the window with an occasional fluffy cloud flowing past it causing a shadow here and there. I began to spin in my chair once again and picked up a folder from the pile and opened it up. Big surprise! Another design for a rail gun! This time it was smaller and more deadly than its predecessors. "What kinds of mad scientists do we have working in our government facilities? I'm just glad they're on our side." I sighed and pushed off the desk to roll myself towards the file cabinet while my fanny was still planted in the office chair. I've done this lazy maneuver several times in my past with the bureau. Perhaps, this time I should've paid more attention to what I was doing. A wheel got caught on a stubborn part of the carpet which toppled my seat backwards. This in turn catapulted me heels over head into the wall behind me. Ouch! About that time, Jennie burst into the room. She apparently heard the commotion while on route for a few desk deliveries.

"Joe!" She says rather loudly, "Are you okay? I heard a loud bang."

"Yeah, I'll be fine." I rubbed the back of my head amongst the flurry of confidential paperwork gently floating their way to the ground around me. "Damn chair." Still on the ground, I start to pick up the documents around me.

"Good thing you have such a hard head, Joe." Jennie gave herself a quick chuckle. The chuckle quickly changed to a gasp. "Or…not such a good thing you have such a hard head. Joe, look behind you!" I stopped picking up paperwork for a few moments to look towards where Jennie had pointed a finger. The contact point where my cranium collided against the wall had left a nasty dent in it. (My head was fine, thanks for asking.) Jennie commented again. "Better hope the boss doesn't see that. Or say goodbye to half of your paycheck, Einstein." This was a silly nickname she called me since I was merely a few points shy of his IQ. I looked around the room and quickly formulated a plan.

"Jennie." I said as I picked up a few more pieces of paper from the floor from just in front of the file cabinet. "Stand guard and tell me if someone important is coming." She nodded and peeked her head out the door. "See anyone?"

"No one…just the boss" She chuckled. About this time my eyes had to have been as big as tea saucers.

"I think he qualifies as important. Shit!" I say as I huffed and puffed and began to push the file cabinet over a few inches. "Stall him for me." Before I could finish the last words of this sentence, she was already out the door. I couldn't hear the exact conversation that was taking place but I could tell she was asking if there was anything she could do for him. Perhaps offering coffee or maybe even offering to iron his shirt. The only thing I knew for sure was that her stalling wasn't buying me much time as their voices were still approaching my direction. I had just blocked the hole from view with the file cabinet, but he'd still know something was up. As I grabbed the framed copy of my diploma to move it over a few inches, so that the cabinet didn't stick out like a sore thumb, I overheard more of the stall tactics.

"Are you sure you don't want some coffee, sir?" Jennie asked the boss as her back was now visible through the threshold of my door.

"For the third time, Ms. McLugger, I don't want any coffee." I could tell my boss's voice was already agitated. His voice always had a growly holier-than-thou tone quality to it, but if he sees my hole in the wall, it was going to be worse…much worse. He tried to step around her to enter the room. I quickly looked around the room to make sure it looked perfect. Oh no! There were still confidential papers on the floor! Jennie quickly threw her arm across the door.

"Where did you get that tie, sir? It looks…hmmmm…what's the word?" She smiled as she continued to attempt to distract our boss. The boss's voice continued to grow more gruff.

"It was a gift from my wife and I absolutely hate it. Now step aside, McLugger." He gave her an intimidating glance. She released her arm just in time for me to pick up the files. "Mr. Smith! What are you and Ms. McLugger doing?"

"I don't know about Jennie, Mr. Tipton." I smirked as I was leaned against the file cabinet as if I was there reading the files the whole time. "I do know that I am reading through the files you gave me, sir." Mr. Tipton growled. Gregory Andrew Tipton was his full name. He used to be part of the FBI for a decade and a half before making a transition to leading desk jockeys like me at the FBRAD. He wasn't overly tall. I'm thinking he was about 5 foot 5 at most. He was quite a bit out of shape too. Since his time away from being in the field as a top agent with the FBI, he gained at least 100 pounds and lost most of his hair. He waddled into the room in the usual business attire consisting of a grey suit jacket, matching pants, and American Flag printed tie. He cold brown eyes stared into my own as if he was trying to be a human lie detector.

"The paper you're reading is upside down, Smith." He growled lowly.

"I meant to do that, sir." I chuckled and smiled and sat down at my chair. "I wanted to see it from a different angle. You'll be surprised what you see. You should try it, sir."

"Save it." He wasn't buying the story I was trying to sell him. "Something is going on. You two are always into something." I shot a glance at Jennie who shot the same expression of innocence back at me. "Now tell me what you two are up to?" Mr. Tipton demanded as he shot us both a glance.

"Up to?" I smiled as I put the folder on my desk. "I think Jennie is up to 5 foot 6 now while I'm nearly up to 6 feet. I don't know I'm still a growing boy."

"That's enough, Smith." He shook his head and sighed, then removed his glasses to wipe them. "I'm not here for your dribble." At this time I noticed another file under his arm. I stood up from my desk like a lion that just spotted prey. If Mr. Tipton is hand delivering me a file it must be of high importance. I held out my hand as he placed the folder within its grasp. I quickly opened it and began sifting through the pages of handwritten notes. "We have a situation in the lab, Smith. We reviewed your skill set and interests. We at the Bureau believe that it's a mystery that you are fully capable of solving. Mr. Smith…" He said in a dramatic pause as my eyes looked up to lock with his, before he continued his statement, "…it's your first live case. It's your moment to do what you've always wanted to do in life."

"Yes sir!" I saluted as he nodded. If I didn't know any better, I could have sworn I saw Mr. Tipton actually smile at me. What a day this was going to turn out to be. "Mr. Tipton?"

"Yes, Mr. Smith?" He responded as I came around the desk to stand near him.

"Does this mean I can pick a partner to work with?" I asked angelically, though the boss new better.

"Yes, Smith. You and McLugger can work together." He sighed. "You two just get the lab within the hour." I couldn't help myself. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him and rested my head on his shoulder, like a child who just got a prized toy on Christmas morning.

"You're the greatest." I laughed out loud. "I didn't even have to ask. You know me so well. I'm never letting go!" The boss cleared his throat and scowled at me. "Aaaaaand…I'm letting go." I released my hug and continued to smile innocently at him. He walked out of the office and as he was leaving the office he left one last request.

"And for God's sake, Smith, please stop putting holes in my walls." With that he disappeared down the hall.

Jennie and I looked at each other and gave each other a high five. Our first live case was here and we couldn't be happier.

An hour later, we traded our suit jackets for lab coats and joined other full-time lab technicians where our project laid before us on a table. It was an impressive looking stone structure that looked like an ancient doorframe and threshold. Of course, it was missing a door portion of it. But etched around the stone face of the structure were several eerie markings that were anything but English. I was a bit confused though. The real question is why a simple, yet large, artifact would be brought here instead of a museum. Luckily, Mr. Tipton was there to fill us in on a few details he was given.

"I'm sure you are wondering why this ancient artifact is here." The big boss spoke up as he adjusted his glasses. In his hand was a hard copy of the known data on the subject. "It was found in a recent dig site in Peru. Apparently it was buried by multiple landslides over the last century or two. It is strange that the artifact appears to be 100% intact, but stranger still is that this structure appears to generate a magnetic field on its own. Radio frequencies and electronic displays temporarily become disabled for a few minutes at a time when placed within a radius of a few feet of the artifact."

"Does this artifact contain any metal or anything that can be naturally magnetic like hematite?" Jennie asked out of curiosity. The boss simply shook his head and read a few more lines from his manuscripts.

"Some samples were taken from the surface of the structure. All tests came back negative for any naturally magnetic substances and it appears to be made mostly from common granite. It is highly inconclusive as to what is generating the field and for what purpose. It was brought here out of fear that it could be an ancient prototype for a weapon or a technology that could be used as a weapon."

"What about these?" I stood in front of the magnificent artifact and pointed as some etchings I noticed a few minutes earlier. I could tell I had a special twinkle in my eye and a smile on my face. These kinds of mysteries are what I've always dreamed about solving. Languages and codes, above all, are my favorite types of mysteries. "Has anyone figured out what these are for yet?" I was secretly hoping Mr. Tipton would say no. I gave the big stone…um…thing a few pats, similar to how one pets a dog. My hand had a strange tingling, but I brushed it off.

"No." The boss said while shaking his head. "Our top researchers have taken a few swings to try to decode the glyphs, but sadly no one has ever seen this language before. This is why we gave this case to you. You study languages in your free time and might be able to give some insight as to what is inscribed and what it means in regards to the artifact." About this time I didn't hesitate. I had a fever for knowledge that I wanted to cure by getting to the bottom of this mystery as soon as possible. Getting a fistful of wires and electrodes, I preceded to place them into a few nearby computers and readers. Grabbing a nearby roll of electrical tape, I ripped off a few strips and placed the ends of the electrodes against the middle of them. I strutted my way to the structure and shot a wink to Jennie. She shook her head and laughed. Mr. Tipton shot a glance at me and then to Jennie. "Should I be worried, McLugger?"

"I would be." She said forwardly. "Joe seems eager to do something. I'd keep an extinguisher handy if I were you."

"Mr. Smith…" The boss interjected in concern. It was too late.

"I have a good idea, Jennie." I smiled menacingly. "I've got a good feeling about this." About that time, I stuck an active electrode onto the artifact. Upon contact, the lab was greeted with a few sparks and an instant brown out of power. Screams of a few of the lab workers echoed the room as the lights and power went out. "Ooopsie!" I chuckled in the darkness.

"Joe! What have you done!?" Jennie yelled out.

"Give it a second. I'm sure everything will return in a few moments." A few moments later and the screens and lights turned back on. During the moment of power outage I had already placed the remainder of the electrodes on the artifact in several different places.

"Mr. Smith. How did you know the backup power would not be affected and would come on in that exact moment?" My boss looked at me with intent curiosity.

"That's not the backup generators, sir." I corrected. "It is the main power that is still on. Besides, you told us that this would happen."

"I did what?" I could see he missed the clue that he dropped for me about the hazards of the device.

"You sure did." I smiled. "You said that the artifact generated a magnetic field and would disrupt any radio or electronic frequencies for a few minutes at times. And the fact that the device got here and that the lights were on in the room when we arrived meant that it only disrupts frequencies for a few moments before things return back to normal. I then took the moment of the brown out to attach the other electrodes as to not have another brown out. If my theory is correct, the device seems to disrupt any electrical or magnetic device that it hasn't adapted to."

"How did you come up with that theory, Mr. Smith?" Mr. Tipton removed his glasses and gave them a quick wipe. I simply shrugged and smiled. I only got a scowl in return…how ungrateful.

"It was a gut feeling." I turned to a nearby worker seated behind a monitor. From her facial expression I could see that she was diving deep into new data she received on her screen. "Are the electrodes reading anything yet?"

"We are getting quite a bit of data, Agent Smith." The fellow worker said while adjusting her glasses. "I can confirm that this structure is somehow generating its own electrical current to produce a minor magnetic field."

"Excellent!" I said placing a hand on her shoulder and gave a wink. "And please call me, Joe." I could see Jennie roll her eyes in the corner of my peripheral vision. "What?" I chuckled and shrugged and approached my friend.

"Oh…nothing…" Jennie said while she put a hand on my shoulder and winked just as I did a moment before.

"Smith, McLugger, if you two are done being children, I'll be off to do some paperwork." The boss said shaking his head while exiting the lab. He turned around for a quick moment to deliver a quick warning. "And before I forget, don't blow up my lab."

"Awwww…not even a teensy weensy tiny little boom?" I whined jokingly, but it fell on deaf ears as he was well out of view. I sighed and smiled and turned back to face my project. Jennie smiled and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"So, Agent Joseph Robert Smith, are you ready to continue to wreak havoc upon this lab?" She smiled.

"As if you would even have to ask, Agent Jennie McLugger." I winked and shot her a smile before continuing my work. Little did we know that this would be the most excitement we would get for the next few hours. We were successful in discovering the magnitude of the magnetic field generated by the object as well as its surface temperature and other boring statistics. Sadly, our progress quickly came to a standstill.

A few hours later, I was spinning in my chair again, as I always do when bored, and let's face it, this first case was really boring at this point. I dove a bit into a daydream to ease my mind a bit. I saw myself in a lush green field under a light blue sky. Clouds flowed by slowly in front of the sun, littering the ground with shadows here and there. The stone relic from the lab stood in front of me. I began to walk around the structure to inspect it. My hands examined and felt every bump and cranny of its rocky form. I paid extra attention to the etchings within it. The various symbols etched into the stone continued to vex me. It was almost like they were taunting me. I know I've seen each of the characters somewhere in my independent studies of various cultures. It is true that I've seen a few as astrological symbols, but in the scheme of things, it didn't seem to make sense here. During my dream I heard someone in the lab humming a song. Couldn't think of the name of the song or the lyrics, but while still in my dream, I saw the artifact react a bit. The glyphs began to glow one by one. I wasn't sure but I thought I heard a hushed voice whispering what sounded like ancient names of metals and minerals. Was I making a connection? What was the name of that song and why does it feel like it holds relevance? I stared at the mysterious antique as it continued to generate a glow as the song continued. I snapped out of my dream thinking I had figured something out. I looked around the room and saw Jennie flipping through Google on her computer and humming the song.

"Jennie!" I yelled out as I stood up from my station. She almost fell out of the chair.

"Joe! Was that necessary!?" She screamed as she picked herself up.

"Hum that song again!" I demanded as I stood next to her.

"What song?" She looked confused. I shot her a hard glance. That seemed to do the trick as her memory seemed to recover. "Oh, you mean this?" She began to hum the song again. In my excitement I slapped the table. Jennie again jumped out of her seat. "Joe! Stop that!"

"Jennie, I need to know the name to that song."

"It's the Element Song by Tom Lehrer." Jennie said with a cocked eyebrow. She began to type on her computer as the full song began to play through her computer's speakers.

The song echoed in my ears as I made my way back to the curious architecture and began studying the etchings again. With each element on the periodic table was sung out, it struck a chord on this mystery. I think I now knew what these markings were!

"Jennie! This is a recipe for alchemy!" I was elated as I leapt over tables to get back to my computer. I began to furiously pound my fingers into the keyboard to make notes of all the elements I heard listed from my dream. I then shot up from the table and got the attention of the full team of workers. "Attention! I need everyone's attention! We need to get our hands on a few raw elements and scales and other chemistry equipment! Everyone go!" With that we all scattered like rats building a nest.

"Joe! How can you be so sure about this? Not even the top researchers could decipher this." Jennie asked in a mix of shock and confusion as to my sudden epiphany.

"It's an educated guess." I said as I began clearing tables for unheard of science experiments. "I just had a real vivid dream about it."

"You had WHAT!? You are having us do ALCHEMY, an ancient form of chemistry in which mankind hasn't truly touched in centuries with good reason, all because you had a dream!?" A flabbergasted Jennie exclaimed.

"Since you put it that way…YES!" I responded. I'm sure the looks in my eyes and the twisted smile I must have been wearing only made me look more crazed than normal. But, this was everything I have ever wanted in life and it's starting to blossom in front of my eyes.

"You're insane, Joe. You know that right?" Normally people don't sound so serious when they ask this all too popular question, but I could tell Jennie was dead serious.

I placed a hand on her shoulder and shot her a confident smirk. "Trust me I know. But the question is…do you trust me?" Jennie looked away and gave out a sigh before looking me in my eyes once more and nodding.

"I guess I'll get the fire extinguisher." She laughed and walked away.

"That's my girl." I said as I continued the preparations.

An hour or so afterwards, the lab was bustling with movement. Chemicals consisting of elements in various beakers and flasks were being boiled, mixed, distilled, and congealed. At this point, I've never done anything with alchemy. In fact, I've never seen it done, nor expected to ever see it done. I'm pretty sure that it is probably dangerous and should only be attempted by true professionals. The same thing was said about running with scissors, but I did that too.

"Is everyone ready?" I asked grabbing a few of the corked flasks of various elements and looked around the room as many of the team were either by the artifact with more elements in hand or standing reading by the computer monitors. They all nodded and prepared for craziness that could erupt once the ingredients are put together. "And Jennie is the class D fire extinguisher at the ready?" I turned to my comrade who was holding the large red extinguisher. This could cause an inferno of epic proportions, so it is best to be prepared.

"Yessir, Joe." She placed a hand on the pin just in case a quick response is required. Though her hand was trembling, I saw a smile on her face. I could tell she was enjoying herself on this case. I smiled back at her and nodded and stepped up to the strange relic and prepared to mix the elements together.

"Okay…everyone…on your mark…get set...STOP!" At this moment, I noticed more etchings on the structure. These were different and definitely not relating to alchemy.

"What's wrong, Joe?" Jennie questioned in curiosity. I shook my head as I studied the lines and intersecting dashes. I looked like a tally system, but a large number wouldn't make sense at the point in time. The etching had to be a word.

"One second, Jennie. I have a hunch there is a bit more to this structure." I took a few deep breaths and went back into my daydream for a few moments. I couldn't explain it, but this method seemed to be working for me. As I fell into my own dreams again, I was again standing in the field with the relic in front of me. The alchemic runes were glowing shades of yellow and red while the etchings at the base remain static. I placed my hand upon it again, letting my fingers feel the impressions left within the stone. I began to hear the hushed disembodied voice again saying some gibberish. As the voice was whispering the same word again and again and again, the dashes and lines began to float and glow. Soon, they swapped around a bit and I saw a word in front of me. Then, BAM, I was snapped back out of the dream by reality…and Jennie's palm to my forehead. I gave a quick smile to my counterpart and spoke. "What if I told you that I think this relic might actually have a password?"

"I'd say you were beyond insane." She shrugged and sighed.

"Good, 'cause I might be beyond insane with a beyond insane idea." I chuckled and made my way back over to the other team members. I saw Jennie sigh once again and mutter to herself.

"You seriously don't think this thing will respond to your voice do you?" Jennie looked a little more concerned now.

"It may. It may not. There is only one way to find out and that is to try." I began to uncork my flasks and saw everyone else follow suit. Jennie once again had her hand on the pin of the fire extinguisher. "Okay everyone…POUR!" On that command we all poured all our ingredients together. Thank goodness there wasn't an explosion, just some minor crackling and fizzing and smoking. I wiped some sweat from my brow and struck a match and tossed the flame into the mixture. There was big burst of light as a decent sized flame erupted. The fire danced a little before subsiding a little. I licked my lips a bit and cleared my throat to get ready to say what I saw transcribed on the stone. "Deoraíocht!" I spoke out loudly. The air in the room stood still as everyone was waiting to see if the improbable was about to happen in front of their eyes. A pin drop could have been heard miles away in all of this silence. The lull was then broken by laughter and ridicule. I must have been stupid to think that that would have worked. I turned around and sulked back to my seat to rethink about my approach to this case. "Well, that su…" I began to say with a shrug.

KABOOM! There was a sudden wave of sound and energy that surged the room. Everyone ducked and fell over from the sudden shock. The lights flickered and flashed and eventually blacked out. Even with the sudden chaos and darkness, there was a red glow within the room as the ancient stone relic had some sort of fiery substance floating within its confines. It truly looked like something out of a Syfy Channel movie. The mysterious substance crackled like a campfire, yet it had a soft rippling and waving motion similar to a calm river in a summer rain. It appeared to actually be rather stable and self-contained. The monitors and lights flickered once again before turning on completely. It was very fortunate that nothing appeared to be broken. I truly would hate to have had to look for another job from this fiasco. There was a big murmur of groans and moans from lab workers pushing themselves off the ground or from under the desk. Many were gasping and questioning their vision at the results of our attempt at alchemy.

"Is everyone alright?" I asked and looked around the room. I walked toward the artifact once more and studied it again. It crackled softly and continued to appear benign. I then noticed something about the substance floating in the middle. For a substance that almost appeared to be made out of fire, it wasn't giving off much heat. "Does anybody have a reading on the temperature?"

A lab worker adjusted her glasses and tapped the keyboard a bit. "It appears to be stabilized at 76 degrees Fahrenheit."

"That isn't hot at all. In fact that is colder than the human body." I puzzled to myself to figure out the need for such lengths such as alchemy and passwords.

"What do you think it is?" Jennie stood next to me with the same inquisitive look in her eyes.

"I wish I knew." I simply shrugged in response. "But, I do have a few experiments I want to try."

"Smith…McLugger…what is going on in here and what is that?" Mr. Tipton barged into the room with a few other curious bystanders. He pointed in the direction of the red glow. It let out a slight crackle almost as if it was letting out an awkward 'hello' to my boss.

"What you are seeing is our current case after a tad experiment with alchemy." I gave him the same mischievous smile as always. I heard him nearly choke on his spit when I responded.

"A-a-alchemy?" He stuttered.

"Why y-y-yes." I responded in the same stutter.

"Don't forget about the magic word, Joe." Jennie jumped into the conversation with the same mischievous look. Love it when the two of us get this way to torture Mr. Tipton. At this point he looked like he was going to mentally implode from confusion. I guess I can see things from his position. I mean alchemy and magic words aren't necessarily common place nowadays and technically shouldn't exist.

"Mr. Tipton, I'm sure this is a lot to take in right now. But I think we have something life changing here." I tapped his shoulder with a smile to comfort his mind a bit. "Though we aren't sure to what magnitude as we still don't know exactly what it is." I turned to the lab once more. "Anybody have anything I can throw. Preferably something that can be replaced and will not be missed to awfully bad?"

At this point a lab worker handed me a ceramic coffee mug. A sly smirk shown on her face as she mentioned that it was from an ex-fiancée of hers. I smiled and gripped it tight. "Everybody brace yourselves and stand back. Fire in the hole in 3…2…1!" I threw the mug into the center of the fiery fluid. There was a sudden flash of light and a little dimming of the lights and monitors around us, but normalcy within seconds. I walked to the back of the relic and saw something strange. There were no signs of the mug being intact, nor signs of the mug being burnt or destroyed. It was now time for a second experiment.

Jennie walked over a few minutes later after borrowing a broom from the janitor's closet. We both held on to the stick tightly.

"Ready, partner?" I smiled. Jennie nodded and soon we both plunged the stick deep into the center of the glowing texture. Again, the artifact reacted with light and magnetic pulses that disturbed electronics surrounding us. Something began to happen that wasn't in my calculations. We were beginning to be pulled in like fish on a line by the substance. Our feet began to slide and drag on the floor as we struggled against its sheer force. Luckily, others jumped in to help us remove the broomstick from being completely sucked in.

"What was the point of that, Agent Smith!?" Mr. Tipton looked down upon me. His glasses reflected the light, but I'm sure those eyes were cold and angry. "You could have hurt yourself!"

I simply smiled. "Look at the tip of the broomstick." Even with the stick being fully purged into the mysterious texture, it was left perfectly intact. Not even a scratch could be seen on it.

At this point, I'm pretty sure you all are starting to wonder…what does all of this mean? What does any of this have to do any kind of adventure story? Keep patient and by all means keep reading. It'll all make sense soon enough.

Mr. Tipton wiped his glasses and shook his head in confusion. "I'm not sure what that has to do with anything, Mr. Smith."

"I wouldn't expect a brain like yours to." I said as I rustled through a few wires to look for a long fiber optic camera.

"WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?" He barked in anger.

"I meant that in the upmost respect. Your brain is hardwired for facts, figures, and stats." I began to explain as to ease his rage. "You see things as they are. I see things as to what they can become or be created to do or what secrets they can hold. I believe we are dealing with something that mankind has been seeking to accomplish for centuries."

"I think I have what you are looking for, Joe." Jennie held the long serpentine camera in hand.

"You are so perfect, my dear partner." I walked over and took the camera from her and kissed her cheek with an overly phonetic 'MWAH!'. Over the time that we worked together, Jennie and I developed a near psychic bond. Without saying words, we seem to almost know what each other are thinking and can even complete each other's sentences. She gave me a slap on the rear as I connected the camera to a monitor.

"Do I need to remind you two about our code of conduct?" Our boss said under his breath.

"Don't worry we broke that long ago." I blurted out as I tossed the camera through the center of the mysterious liquid like mass of the relic. After the expected loss and surge of power as the camera made contact, the cable portion of the camera pulled taught as the alchemic substance pulled it within itself.

"Sir!" A lab worker called out in excitement. "We have a visual!" We made a mass exodus around the monitor as a picture changed from static to near darkness.

"Or maybe not." Jennie said under her breath. I could tell she was very disappointed by the lack of image on the screen. I on the other hand wasn't convinced that it was a camera error.

"Is there a way to change the image into infrared?" I asked. The worker nodded and tapped a few keys and soon the image was changed to where it could see in the dark. This time, the screen showed more than just darkness. But sadly what could be seen wasn't all that worthwhile. Stalactites, Stalagmites, and what looked like floating particles of dust were all that could be seen. This artifact was an ancient portal to a cave.

"A cave?" Mr. Tipton asked in a loud sigh. He seemed to be a bit disappointed that it wasn't a portable nuclear meltdown or a weapon of war.

"Well this is a bit disappointing." I said with a sigh. Noticing the drop in morale within the room, I put on a smile and stood up on a table in the middle of the room directly in front of the portal. "But fear not fellow agents of the Federal Bureau of Research and Development. For we have just made history. We have discovered an ancient technology that proves that teleportation is possible and within our grasps." Smiles soon began to appear on their faces as my speech continued. "Sure, it's a lame ass idea to make a portal to some dark cave somewhere. But, the fact is that if they can portal to a cave, then the possibilities are endless." At this point I got a bit into the speech and stood in a triumphant pose atop a rolling chair. I was like a crazed politician at a rally. "Just think. Imagine using this technology to transport yourself from one side of world to the other. Or we can advance ourselves and teleport to other planets or even galaxies." The dramatics continued as the room began to cheer and clap to my words. With a shove off the table, I rolled my way across the room to place a hand on the portal. "Nobody knows who built this baby or for what purpose, but thank you for bringing us wonderful technology." I don't know why, but I just had to kiss it. My lips pressed up against the cold stone exterior in appreciation. Sadly, I should have seen where I put my left hand. I felt it touch something thick and liquid like…the center of the portal. Before I could stop myself, the room filled with a sudden buzz of screaming and calling of my name and my feet were lifted off the chair. My vision was suddenly blurred by a sea of red and all my senses felt like they were electrified and on fire. Suddenly a sharp pain in the back of the head and everything turned cold and black.

Ever have those moments when you do something stupid and then you wake up and have no idea where you are or how you got there? This was one of those times for me. The last thing I remembered was being in the lab and getting sucked into the portal. But, when I opened my eyes I was in a cold dark stone room. My head was throbbing with pain as if someone was using it for batting practice. As I raised my hands to ease some of the headache, I discovered a nice surprise around my wrists. Someone shackled my wrists to the wall with very heavy and very rusty iron chains. Who still uses iron chains these days? Within my state of shock and delirium, I pushed myself off the floor and stretched out the chain as far as they could go and began to scan my surroundings. Very faintly I could see that three of the walls within my square room were made from stone and mortar of some nature. The remaining wall was a collection of iron bars. It was clear that I've been taken prisoner and I was in a very old style cell. Outside the bars there was a faint orange glow and a gentle crackling sound. I was able to peak through and see that the walls were lined with a few crude torches. Only the gentle sound of crackling of the small flames and an occasional water drip could be heard. There was also a faint stench of mildew in the air.

"Hello? Can anybody hear me?" I called out to the emptiness as I struggled with my crude bindings. "I believe there must be some mistake. My name is Agent Joseph Robert Smith with the United States Federal Bureau of Research and Development. I believe I'm being falsely imprisoned here. Hello?"

Just then the sound of heavy footsteps on gravel could be faintly heard in the distance. The steps were paired with the sound of metal clanking together lightly, much like keys dangling off of someone's side. I clung to the cell's bars anxiously to see who was coming. I couldn't believe my eyes to see someone dressed in full medieval garb. Chainmail appeared to cover his body from his head to his waist. His head also donned a crude open faced helmet and a cloth tunic with some fashion of coat of arms embroidered across his chest. It consisted of a shield with a downward pointed sword with two keys beneath it all on top of a field of red. Worn leather pants and dirty black boots covered his legs. Attached to one side of his belt were a sheathed sword and a makeshift leather pouch on his other. The man made his way to my cell, turned, and faced me.

"Hi. How are you?" I said with a big innocent smile. "What a nice costume you have. Is it a rental?" The man just stared at me with a rather stern expression on his face, much like that of Mr. Tipton when I'm late for work. "Did I somehow land in a middle of a Renaissance fair? Let me tell ya, this is impressive. Even the smell is authentic. How did you do that?"

"Silence." The man said with his nostrils flared. "Who be ye?" His voice sounded like that of a college student quoting Shakespeare. However his voice seemed to have a unique legitimacy to it. It was almost as if royal old English and Irish and Scottish all rolled itself into one dialect.

"Didn't you hear me earlier? I really hate repeating…" I couldn't finish the statement before he started to unsheathe his sword. "…and I'm shutting up."

"I will ask once more, surface dweller. One chance is all thou will receive from me." The armored man barked lowly as he continued to draw his sword. "Who be ye?"

"My name is Agent Joseph Robert Smith." I said with my voice shaking a bit. Being chained in a dark cell and being threatened at sword point is a bit new for me. "I'm with the United States Federal Bureau of Research and Development. Why am I being held as a prisoner?"

"Thou art strange." The man returned his sword to its holding place.

"That's beside the point." I responded with a bit of a huff in my voice.

"And thou shall remain our captive until the inquisitor hast completed interrogation and deemed ye safe for release." He began to walk away. I quickly began calling out for him to stop and not leave.

"Please! Stop!" I cried out. "Answer one question for me at least. Where am I?"

The man stopped in his tracks. I saw his reddish brown eyes look over his shoulder and stare at me coldly. But there was a bit of a smirk on his face and a low dark chuckle in his voice. He raised a hand and began to walk off again out of view. "Welcome to Avernum."

TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 2

Avernum game series created by Jeff Vogel and Spiderweb Software

Avernum portal created by Jeff Vogel and Spiderweb Software

Joe, Jennie, Mr. Tipton created by Bravo Brokehoof