Tenchi Muyo: Ryo-ohki OVA4
Episode 22: Baby Blues
By Galaxy1001D
Tenchi Muyo, Tenchi GXP, Tenchi Universe, Tenchi In Tokyo and all related characters and movies are © AIC/Pioneer/Funimation. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funimation, the author, or this website.
Chapter Two: Cyber Washu
When Tenchi and his grandfather got back home the girls set about trying to take care of Washu, the only infant who could claim to be the oldest being in the universe. "Look how cute she looks in her little jumper!" Ryoko smiled. She had been taking care of Ryo-ohki lately and was getting better at the whole 'motherhood' thing. Little Washu was in an orange and white jumper that had a red crab displayed prominently on the chest. Ryoko held up her infant mother proudly to the others who gave quiet little golf claps.
"She's just adorable," Mihoshi giggled.
"I can't wait to feed her!" Sasami grinned.
"She certainly is adorable… now," Ayeka smiled uncertainly. The last time this house took care of a baby the first princess of Jurai had washed a lot of diapers. "I'll go prepare the formula…"
"Here you go," Noike said as she breezed into the room. "Here's the baby formula," she added as she handed Ryoko a full baby bottle. "When you feed her, don't forget to support her head and make sure you give her a chance to breathe."
"Okay," Ryoko grumbled. "Did Washu leave a note? Sheesh."
Ayeka sighed. Once again Noike had demonstrated her ability and made the others look bad. Honestly it seemed that the life of a princess hadn't prepared Ayeka for anything but getting in the way.
"Here is the schedule. I've divided us into shifts," Noike said as she handed the girls slips of paper. "They list who will be the primary caregiver and who is 'on call' at any given time. They also split the chores up so everything gets done."
"I thought that I was going to make the schedule!" Ayeka protested.
"Do you really think that Ryoko would follow it?" the pointy-eared beauty asked.
"Hey! Are you saying that I don't follow directions?" Ryoko frowned.
"Your track record in that department hasn't been good," Noike retorted.
"True, but I still think that it's very rude of you to say it!" Ryoko insisted. She looked at the paper Noike had just given her. "Okay it looks like I'm the first primary caregiver. Ayeka is next, followed by Mihoshi. Sasami is on call for the first shift, followed by Noike and then Tenchi." Her voice rose in indignation. Hey… how come Tenchi is on call during Mihoshi's shift?"
"Tenchi works out in the fields in the morning and Sasami has to go to bed early," Noike explained. "Sasami is also our primary cook so I didn't think that we'd want her on call so close to dinner time."
Ryoko bristled under Noike's instructions. That green haired alley cat was always right and had taken over the house ever since she got here. Washu was bossy too but at least she would sequester herself with research once and a while. Noike kept everybody busy so she could be with Tenchi. Blushing, Ryoko knew what the problem was. Thanks to his idolization of his long lost mother, it was likely that Tenchi was attracted to girls who behaved in a mature, ladylike fashion. Ayeka, Ryoko, and Mihoshi were just big kids. Noike was an adult. In a battle of maturity they didn't stand a chance. Washu (before her accident) had acted immature on purpose but the rest of the girls couldn't turn it on and off like the redhead could. Noike was always an adult and by playing mother she was winning the race despite her late start. There was only one thing to do: Beat her at her own game and be the best darn mother she could be.
"Humph! Well I got her first…" Ryoko defiant boast was cut short when baby Washu started crying. "It's all right! It's all right…" she started sniffing. "Sasami! Get me some diapers!"
"Right away Ryoko," Sasami chirped as she ran off.
"It's all right. It's all right," Ryoko assured the others. "Sasami and I got it. Just make sure you're well rested Ayeka, 'cause then it's your turn."
Ayeka felt like a coward as she walked away from Ryoko and Washu. She wanted to run away. That's what she did her entire life wasn't it? She ran away. When Yosho left Jurai she had run away, taking her little sister with her. When she had been marooned on this planet she hid in the room Tenchi provided her like a craven milksop. She wanted to talk to Tenchi but she felt too worthless. Perhaps she could make herself useful somehow.
She found herself entering Washu's lab. Thankfully the door under the stairs that led to the subdimension where Washu stored her laboratory wasn't locked. She stared at the large chamber she found herself in. Strange how Washu's lab often looked different. Today it appeared to be a spacious chamber with wall sized flatscreens and various control consoles here and there. Washu had explained that the interior was a mathematical construct that could be changed to allow the interior to appear like anything the mad scientist wanted. Nobody really understood her explanation one hundred percent but everyone pretended to and that was good enough.
Ayeka sighed as she surveyed the spacious entry chamber. Should she even be in here? Without Washu around she felt like an intruder. Noike had helped herself to Washu's lab but that was because the green haired enchantress was trained by both the Galaxy Police and Lady Seto. Noike probably knew how to do everything from celestial navigation to open heart surgery, but Ayeka felt unskilled and uneducated. It was her own fault she supposed. She shouldn't have run away at such an early age.
A sound startled the princess and she turned to see Mihoshi furtively coming out of a doorway. The blonde squeaked and hid her hands behind her back. "I… I… Aykea! What are you doing here?" the girl asked guiltily.
"I came in here to see if there's any piece of technology that might be able to restore Washu," Ayeka replied as she eyed the blonde suspiciously. "Might I ask what you're doing in here?"
"I... I… I just came to get Washu's stapler," Mihoshi stammered as she revealed that the 'Mighty Mouse' stapler that she had hidden behind her back. "Out of all the staplers in the house it staples better than any of them! I thought I'd borrow it… I mean Washu isn't going to miss it…"
"And you call yourself a Galaxy Police officer!" Ayeka squawked. "Here the rest of us are trying to cope with taking care of a baby and you're going through Washu's desk! What are you going to do for an encore? Steal Washu's stationary?"
Sweat trickled down Mihoshi's forehead. "It's not like she's going to need it…"
"I don't believe this!" Ayeka spat. "As soon as Washu is gone you're in here laying claim to her things! I would have expected it from the space pirate but certainly not the Galaxy Police officer! Try to make yourself useful. Now that Washu can't help us we're going to have to fend for ourselves until we can find some way to restore her. Can't you get it through your empty head that…?"
She was interrupted when an image of a red haired green eyed twelve year old girl appeared on a large wall length screen. "Contingency Twenty-four acknowledged. Virtual Simulation Washu activated," the image said in Washu's voice.
"Aaah!" Mihoshi screamed. "I'm sorry, Washu! I'll return your stapler! Honest!"
But the Washu on the screen seemed to be ignoring her. "Hi there gang," she said in the original's nasal voice. "This simulation was created in the event that the original Washu was injured, captured, or otherwise unavailable. This interactive program was created to be your guide, a substitute Washu as it were. This virtual Washu can advise you on nearly any situation that you bring to it, starting with resolving the crisis that made the real Washu unavailable in the first place. The computer has been programmed to recognize your voices and respond to your questions, so ask away."
"Please forgive me for taking your stapler!" a teary eyed Mihoshi sniveled.
"Mihoshi! Don't you see what this means?" Ayeka gasped. "It means that we have access to Washu's scientific know-how! There's a good chance that we won't have to wait ten years to get her back!"
"What are you talking about?" Mihoshi pointed at the screen. "She's right there!"
"Please state the nature of the emergency," Cyber Washu said.
"Ayeka took your stapler!" Mihoshi pointed childishly at the princess. "Oh who am I kidding?" the blonde fell to her knees and pulled on her hair. "It was me! It was me! I'm sorry Washu! I'm so sorry!"
"Mihoshi identified," Cyber Washu said. "Updating interaction matrix." The background behind Washu's image turned pink was filled with images of flowers. "What seems to be the pwoblem widdle Mihoshi?" Cyber Washu said in a babyish voice. "Calm down and tell the nice computuh all about it!"
"I… I… took your stapler," gasped a teary eyed Mihoshi.
"That's okay…" cooed the image on the screen. "Just weturn it when yoah done, okay? There's a good girl."
"Oh thank you!" Mihoshi gushed. "Thank you! Thank you!"
"Will you be quiet?" Ayeka sneered. "Washu didn't make this to babysit you."
"Actually I did Ayeka," the image said as the pink background was replaced by a light purple color. "One of the functions of this program is to make sure you guys don't hurt yourself with my equipment. There are a lot of cutting edge inventions in here that you guys could blow yourselves up with."
Ayeka blushed at that remark when she realized that she was being lumped in with Mihoshi. After an indignant snort, she cleared her throat and addressed the computer. "Ahem. As it turns out we actually do have an emergency. It seems that Ryoko turned the tables on you during one of your experiments in the lab."
"Code Five!" Cyber Washu exclaimed as the background behind her changed into the 'Red Alert' signal from early Star Trek movies. Flashing red lights came out of the walls as a klaxon sounded. "Ryoko has committed matricide!" A pylon rose from the floor to reveal it was hollow. Inside the gap in the middle of the pylon were two syringes. "Here is a toxin that will neutralize her powers and paralyze her. After that you must take her to the reprogramming center and wipe her memory. She can start a whole new life and hopefully end up as a better person next time."
"No!" Ayeka stamped her foot. "She didn't kill you!"
"Oh," the image of Cyber Washu blushed as the pylon sank to become flush with the floor again. "Just forget what I said there," she added as the background became lavender again. "I'll teach you how to use my amnesia machine so you can erase what just happened…"
"No!" Ayeka snapped. "Don't be stupid!"
Cyber Washu cleared her throat as the background changed to a moving geometric image. It was as if she was in a rotating cube of glowing neon lines against a black background. "Oh. Sorry about that. So, what happened to the original Washu?"
"Let's see, what did Ryoko tell us Mihoshi?" Ayeka looked behind her. "Mihoshi?" Ayeka saw the door back to the house shut. Mihoshi had evidently escaped with her stapler. "Oh well if memory serves me, Washu was conducting an experiment to see if she could transform Ryoko into a child."
"Accessing recent experiments," Cyber Washu nodded. "Here it is. Project Second Childhood. A project designed to give Ryoko something she never had: a happy childhood. Washu built a machine that could affect the physical age of Ryoko's unique body. The only hitch was convincing Ryoko to go along with the idea voluntarily. So Washu decided to tease Ryoko about her appearance until Ryoko made the suggestion herself."
"Sounds cruel," Ayeka sniffed. "I'm a rival but you're her mother. It just doesn't seem right to me…"
"This program wasn't created to judge, just to tell you the facts," Virtual Washu shrugged. "So what happened?"
"It seems that the original Washu has been turned into a baby," Ayeka murmured.
"Was Mihoshi in the room?" Virtual Washu asked.
"No, just the original and Ryoko," Ayeka shrugged. "It seems that they turned Washu into a baby all by themselves."
"So how young we talkin'?" Cyber Washu asked. "A toddler?"
"No, less than a year old I think," Ayeka replied.
"Oh dear," Virtual Washu sighed. "Accessing Washu's medical file. Extrapolating Washu as a baby." On another screen the adult, full figured version of Washu appeared wearing her customary outfit that had yellow stockings. Before Ayeka's eyes the image shrunk becoming the childlike Washu the princess was familiar with. The image didn't stop there but continued to regress in age until it resembled the baby that Ryoko and Sasami were caring for in the Masaki house.
"Whoa!" Virtual Washu yelped. "We're in big trouble here! Baby Washu's little brain isn't developed enough to rearrange matter yet! Heck, she probably won't be able to talk for weeks and weeks!"
"Talk?" Ayeka lifted a skeptical eyebrow. "Just how is a baby that young supposed to talk?"
"Well she is the greatest genius in the universe," the computer simulation sounded exactly like Washu's braggy self. "Even when immature and underdeveloped, her little brain's going to be light years ahead of most people."
"So when is she going to be smart enough to change herself back then?" Ayeka crossed her arms and absently tapped her foot.
"I dunno, probably in four or five years," Cyber Washu guessed. "Everybody matures at their own rate. Washu's childhood isn't on file so I have to make estimates on how quickly she will mature."
"Washu… um… Virtual Washu, is her memory affected?" the princess asked.
"All the information should still be in there but her six-month-old mind won't be able to process it," Virtual Washu replied. "Unless she's somehow matured up in age it will be at least three years before you get your ingenious scientist back."
"Oh that's horrible!" Ayeka squeaked. "Without Washu, we'd have no more inventions! No more experiments! No one to explain how things work and no one who will tell us what to do!" She abruptly stopped her outbursts and thoughtfully put her hand to her chin. "And one less rival for Tenchi… um… why do we want her back again?"
"Because she's the most powerful one out of all of you and can protect you from your enemies?" the Washu simulation offered.
"She's the most powerful out of all of us?" Ayeka repeated in disbelief. "I don't believe it! Surely Tenchi is more powerful than Washu! What about Ryoko? Washu? The most powerful of all of us? I don't believe it!" Her protests were soon replaced with cynical acceptance. "Well… actually, I kind of suspected."
"By the most powerful I've included her ability to outthink an opponent, not just outblast," Virtual Washu clarified. "According to my records she spends a lot of time anticipating and preparing for any and all eventualities."
"And now her incredible brain can't even control her bowel movements," Ayeka shuddered. "All right, I understand. It's too dangerous. With Washu out of the way we've lost our safety net. But it's not like we need her constant protection because disaster is right around the corner."
"Did you notice how easy Mihoshi got in here?" the computer simulation asked her. "Like I said, there are a lot of dangerous inventions in here. And that's not taking into account what mischief you girls could into by yourselves."
Outside the fantastic laboratory the architect of the transdimensional space was sitting on Ryoko's lap as the former space pirate lounged on the 'L' shaped couch in Tenchi's living room. "This isn't fair," Ryoko sighed. "I shouldn't have to do this until after Tenchi and I have kids." The silver haired space pirate hugged her infant mother. "Although I have been taking good care of Ryo-ohki lately. I wouldn't be such a bad mom. Tenchi should marry me."
"Tenki chu melly me," the baby in her arms gurgled.
"Whad' you say?" Ryoko stared at the baby in her arms. "What did you say, Washu? Are you trying to talk?"
Baby Washu just made cooing noises. Ryoko sighed and hugged the baby again. "I wish I could marry Tenchi," she moaned.
"I wiff I kud mawy tenki," the baby burbled.
"What?" Ryoko blinked as she studied Washu's happy face. "Did you just repeat what I just said? Are you trying to teach yourself how to talk?"
The baby made happy cooing sounds.
"Wait a minute," Ryoko's golden eyes narrowed. "You can read my mind can't you? Does that mean I can teach you to talk? Will you respond to me even if I'm not in the room?"
The baby burbled nonsense in response.
"Can you say this?" Ryoko asked as she scrunched her face in concentration. "'Tenchi should marry Ryoko'? Can you say it?"
The baby gurgled and drooled.
"Tenchi should marry Ryoko," the pirate chanted.
"Tnki chd mebby weepo," the baby burbled.
"Tenchi should marry Ryoko." the woman repeated.
"Tenki chud mawwy weeko," the baby cooed.
"Tenchi should marry Ryoko!" Ryoko grit her teeth. "Come on, you can do it!"
Next: Don't be a Baby