In the Midst of it All
Chapter 2
Where Do We Go From Here?
She knew he'd be coming home tonight. She felt it, felt him. The way she can always feel him. Even that night with Ric she felt him without realizing he was actually there. She had closed her eyes, felt the touches and kisses and could swear it was Jason right there making love to her. She wanted so badly for it to be him. And she was so sickened the next morning to realize that it wasn't.
"Sam," he calls out to her.
She smiles at her reflection in the window, her shattered image distorted by the bullet hole he has yet to get fixed.
"You're home," she says, turning around and running into his arms. She holds onto him for dear life, trying not to imagine this being the last time she'll be able to do so. "I missed you so much."
"I missed you," he mumbles into her hair as his nose burrows through to her neck. "I missed holding you like this."
"It's been too long," she whispers, rubbing her lips gently against his.
He takes over the kiss and leaves her trembling in his arms.
"Way too long," he groans as she wraps her legs around his waist, partially from the sensual feel of her body rubbing against his, but mostly from the pain of his bullet wound. "Sam, baby. My leg."
"Sorry," she apologizes, jumping down, but not pulling away. "I was going to make you carry me upstairs, but I guess we'll have to stay right here, in front of the fire."
She plants a row of kisses down the column of his neck, feeling his pulse about to burst through his skin.
"Sam," he whimpers as her hands get restless on his body. "We need to talk. About the charges, the flash drive, the . . . "
He loses his train of thought when her small hands find a part of him that's straining and aching to reach her.
"Later," she purrs, giving him a good squeeze through his jeans. "We'll talk later. About everything."
She pushes away the feeling of dread at what she'll have to tell him and tries to revel in the feelings he's stirring in her.
'Please don't let it be the last time,' she prays silently. No matter what happens, she has to make sure they get through this together.
Hours later, she's back in the same spot she was before, standing in front of the window, staring out at the world beyond the penthouse. Some days, she wishes they could lock themselves away from it all and live in their own, private little world. But unfortunately for them, real life, real problems, always seem to surface. Problems that always manage to threaten to blow their world apart.
"What are you doing up?" he yawns, walking up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. He lays his head on top of hers and sighs as the warm scent of her hair fills his senses.
"Just thinking," she says, enjoying these last few moments of peace she's about to shatter. "Thinking about how much I love you. You'll remember that, won't you? I love you, Jason. More than anything in this world. And I won't give you up without a fight."
He senses the sadness in her, can hear the tears in her voice and turns her to face him, his concern etched on his face.
"What is it, Sam? You're scaring me? Are you worried about the charges against us? All but your murder charge have been dropped. And my lawyer is pretty sure that Alexis will be able to prove self defense on that. There's not much of a case against you there, either."
"So, you were able to find Spinelli?" she asks, pulling away from him and walking over to sit on the sofa.
"Yeah, and then we turned ourselves in. Once he showed them how he manufactured the flash drive, and once they discovered the original had been mysteriously misplaced, the case against us fell apart."
"That's good," she nods. "The last thing you need to be worried about right now is going to jail or being on the run. Especially now. And a few months from now."
"Sam, what . . ."
"Just let me take a moment, okay? This is going to be hard for me to say."
"Just say it." He takes her hands in his own and brings them up to his lips. "Whatever it is, I promise you we'll get through it together."
"Don't make promises, Jason. Not right now. Not when you don't know what I'm going to say."
"I love you, Sam. Of course I can promise you that . . . "
She puts her finger up to his lips to stop him.
"Don't," she whispers. "Just . . . just don't, okay?"
She goes back to the window, unable to look at him. She thought she could, but it'll be easier if she doesn't.
"Lucky came by here, about a week ago, I guess. He was looking for you. We ended up talking and stuff. I tried to convince him how bad Ric has gotten and he needed proof. So I told him about that night. About what I did and how you saw."
"What did he say?"
"He was shocked, of course. Mostly because you didn't kill Ric and because we were able to move past it and work things out. It gave him hope that the same could happen for him and Elizabeth."
"Did you tell him about what happened with Elizabeth and me?"
She tries to control the brief flash of anger, but realizes his question is understandable.
"No. I wanted to, but it wasn't my place to tell him that. But he found out anyway."
"What? Lucky knows?"
"And from there, he realized something that even I was trying to deny." She turns around, as hard as it will be, she has to face him for this. "Liz admitted to him that you, not Lucky, are the father of her baby."
The look on his face would be almost comical if this weren't so serious.
"She . . . said . . . what?"
Sam can't bring herself to say it again. She just looks at him, tears in her eyes, and watches as he slowly processes the news.
"I'm the father? She's having my baby? But she told me that Lucky . . . that I . . . are you sure? I mean, are you sure you didn't just misunderstand?"
"I'm sure," she nods, holding her head down. The tears drip down her cheeks and she just lets them. She pleads silently for Jason to come to her, but she knows he won't. She knows what he has to do.
He moves around the room in a daze, picking up the clothes that she tore off of him in a daze the night before and putting them all back on.
"I have to . . . I need to talk to her," he says apologetically when he sees the devastation on Sam's face.
"I know," she sighs, turning back to the window.
"I'll be back."
She hears the door close behind her and just shakes her head. Because a part of her doesn't believe that he will be.
- - -
The papers are in her hand, but she still can't quite believe it. She's not sure whether she's happy, relieved, sad, or what. Too many emotions are flying around her already emotional mind. The knock at the door, however, doesn't give her much chance to think about it.
"Jason," she says, tears springing to her eyes. "You're back."
She goes to hug him, but his cold stare stops her.
"What's wrong?"
"I need to come in, Elizabeth."
She steps out of the way and lets him inside, unsure of why he's there. But then she realizes he must have seen Sam. And she must have told him about Lucky finding out about their affair.
"Sam told you that Lucky knows? About us, I mean?" she asks hesitantly, remembering what happened the last time she gave away too much information.
"Yeah. I take it he didn't take the news too well." He nods to the papers in her hand, her divorce papers.
"Can you believe him? He's the one who cheats and has the nerve to divorce me when he finds out he drove me into another man's arms. He went to the Dominican Republic to make sure it was over quickly."
"Maybe he just got tired of the lies. Like I am," he says, his cold stare starting to scare her now.
"Lies? What are you . . ."
She gasps and covers her stomach with her hands with his gaze drops there.
"Lies about who's the father of that baby you're carrying. I want you to look me in the eyes, Elizabeth, and tell me now. Tell me the truth. Am I that baby's father?"
"Yes," she whispers, the nods to emphasize. "Yes, you are."
"And before when you told me that I wasn't?"
"I was going to tell you. I came to the penthouse that day, but by the time I got there, you had already heard what Carly had assumed to be the truth. And you sounded so relieved that you wouldn't have been saddled with a kid from a woman you didn't love. You were trying to put things back together with Sam by that point and Lucky . . . he was in rehab and turning his life around for this baby. I couldn't risk a relapse. Jason, you have to believe me," she cries, turning from him and dropping to the couch. "Please don't hate me. I wasn't trying not to hurt anyone and it turns out that I've hurt everyone."
Her tears come harder and when she goes to blow her nose, blood comes out, scaring Jason to death.
"Elizabeth, your nose!"
"What?" She looks down at the tissue and frowns. "Oh that. It's nothing. It's from that fight with Sam."
"What fight?"
"How do you think Lucky found out about us, Jason? Sam set it up. She told him just enough to get his mind working and then stood there while I blurted the whole thing out to him after she made me think she had already told him. I don't understand why she would do that, Jason. Why would she deliberately try to destroy my life like that?"
"Sam wouldn't do that," he insists. "You must have misunderstood the situation."
"Really? So this bloody nose was just a 'misunderstanding' as well? Granted, I hit her first. But I did it because she was just standing there with that cocky smirk on her face."
"Maybe the two of you should just stay away from each other for awhile," he suggests, rubbing the spot on his forehead that's starting to pound. "This tension can't be good for you or for . . . the baby."
He looks down again at the gentle swell of her stomach. His baby. He can't believe it. Though still angry, it doesn't stop the concern he feels for her or his unborn child.
"Other than what happened with Sam, are you . . . I mean, is everything with the baby . . . okay?"
"We're fine," she says with a smile, smoothing her top against her belly so he can see the bulge. "I have to admit, though, that it was stressful keeping this from you. I was just so afraid that you'd hate me. And I can already see how much Sam resents me. Jason, I don't want to put you in the middle."
"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. And I'll do right by this baby, Elizabeth," he swears. "I'll talk to Sam and get this whole mess straightened out."
"I don't know how," Elizabeth sniffs. "She hates me, Jason. And she's going to say or do anything to turn you against me. She acts like this is my fault when she was the one who betrayed you."
"That's Sam's and my business to work out. Just as this baby is your and my business," he assures her. "I'm not saying it won't be tough. But as the adults, we're the ones who are going to have to make the sacrifices because it's this baby that matters most."
"Thank you," she says, wiping one last tear from her cheek. "Thank you for not hating me for keeping this secret from you for so long."
"I'm angry, Elizabeth. Don't get me wrong. I hate what you did. But I can see you did what you did to try to make everyone else happy, and at a great expense to you."
"You're a great guy." She gives him a shy smile and then leans over to hug him.
"It's going to work out." He pats her on the back and stands up to leave. "I need to get home. Sam's going to be worried. Are you going to be okay? I mean, with money and stuff? I'm not sure what kind of arrangements you and Lucky made as far as support . . ."
"We'll be okay. Lucky agreed to move out of this apartment so that the kids and I can have a place to ourselves. We'll have to move soon for more space, but for right now, we're fine."
"Promise me you'll let me help," he begs her. "And promise me we'll work out something so that I can be a part of this baby's life."
"I won't keep you from your child, Jason. But you have to understand my reluctance about Sam. She's . . . unstable at best. Especially since she lost her own child and I'm having yours."
"I understand," he nods. "We'll talk."
He shuts the door behind him and lets out a sigh. He can't help feeling like he's being torn in half. As a man, he has the obligation to protect his child and the woman carrying it. But how does he reconcile that the threat is coming from the woman he loves more than anything in the world?
He leaves the building, deciding the take the long way home and walk. He'll send someone back for his car later. He needs some time to think. To sort.
He can understand the pain Sam's in. But does that give her the right to put Elizabeth through that kind of torment just because some faulty condoms left her with an unfortunate reminder of a night that should have never happened?
What about the next few months. As Elizabeth grows larger and larger with his child, and the child begins to kick and move and gets ready to be born. How will that affect Sam? How will he help her deal with her own grief while he prepares to welcome his child into the world? How is this going to ever work?
"You've been gone awhile."
The voice startles him. He looks around and sees Sam standing at the other end of the docks, apparently where his mindless wandering has led him.
"Are you okay?" she asks, true concern in her eyes. And also some fear. Some worry. But mostly doubt. It kills Jason to see it staring back at him. It kills him that he's the reason for it.
"I will be," he says, walking over to her and placing a warm, gentle kiss on her forehead. "We all will be."
He wraps his arms around her and they sway together for a few moments.
"Did you speak with Elizabeth?"
"Yeah. She admitted that the baby's mine. She explained why she kept it from me. She was only trying to do what she thought was best for me and Lucky. But that coward up and leaves her anyway. She's all alone now."
"Excuse me?" Sam asks, a look of disbelief on her face. She pushes away from Jason and stares up at him, just to be sure he's not joking.
"Yeah, he went to the Dominican Republic for a quickie divorce, not willing to work things out. It was fine when he was the one sleeping around, but let her make one mistake, a mistake caused by his continual infidelity, mind you, and it's all over."
"She told you that? That Lucky left her because she slept with you?"
"Well, no. Not exactly. But she was crying when I got there. She had just gotten the divorce papers. She told me that he got one as soon as he found out about what happened between us."
"Did she happen to mention how Lucky offered to work things out with her, but she wasn't interested because she's in love with you?"
"That's crazy," Jason laughs. "Where did you hear that?"
"From Lucky and Elizabeth. I heard everything they said. How do you think I know about the baby being yours? They stood right here on the docks and hashed it all out."
"And you listened?"
"Of course I listened. And it's a good thing because already she's starting up again on the half truths."
"Sam, she's just afraid. Mostly of you. She realizes you resent her, but you've got to believe me when I say that I love you. I don't love her. So going around picking fights with her isn't going help anyone."
"Wait a minute. She said I started that fight?" Sam screeches, her mouth wide open in shock.
"So you admit that there was a fight," he nods. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"Because it wasn't much of a fight, Jason. She started hitting me and I . . ."
"Punched her in the nose?"
"No, I didn't punch her. Not on purpose, anyway. I was trying to defend myself and may have inadvertently struck her. But I was trying to keep her from hurting herself more than anything. And why am I standing her explaining myself to you. It's obvious you believe every single word that comes out of her mouth."
She turns to walk away, but he grabs her arm to stop her.
"Sam, don't. Don't do this."
"Don't do what?"
"I don't want to fight with you. I don't want any of us to fight. But we're all going to have to come to terms with each other. Pretty soon, there's going to be a baby in this world that's going to need both a mother and a father. Just because Elizabeth and I aren't together, doesn't mean we can't provide those things for the baby. Will you be able to handle that?"
"I won't go up to her with the intention of fighting with her, if that's what you're asking."
"Or getting into her personal business with Lucky anymore," he adds. "I realize that it was only fair that the truth came out, but it wasn't your place to tell Lucky."
"I didn't tell Lucky," she reminds him.
"Maybe not, but setting it up so he finds out is the same . . ."
"A set up? Is that what she said, too? First that I punched her and then that I set her up? And you believed her?"
"I had no reason not to, Sam. Especially with that bloody nose you gave her."
He should have seen it coming. Especially with that particular shade of red he's never seen her face turn. Suddenly instead of talking about bloody noses, he was sporting one.
"Ow," he yells when her fist connects with his face. "Sam! What the . . . umph!"
This time she punches him in the stomach, leaving him bent over and gasping for air. He takes one painful breath and gets barely enough air in his lungs to call out to her. But it's too late. She's gone.
"Now what am I going to do?" he groans as the pain continues to throb. But he realizes it's not from his nose or his stomach where she hit him. But from his heart that she just ripped out and stomped on.
Or maybe it was the other way around. Maybe he's the one that just did the ripping and stomping.
Why is it that he suddenly feels like the lowest form of scum?
To be continued . . .