"APERTURE NEUROTOXIN LEVELS DEPLETED. PLEASE REPLENISH BEFORE FURTHER SCIENCE. WE APOLOGIZE FOR ANY AND ALL INCONVENIENCES WITH YOUR HOMICIDE." The automatic voice over the sound system cut through the green neurotoxin, wafting through the room.
And yet, Caroline was still standing there.
"How are you possibly still alive?!" GLaDOS shouted, her optics casting a harsh light through the gloom. "There's enough neurotoxin in here to kill me, and I don't even have
Caroline smiled sweetly, and casually stepped through the Central AI Chamber. As she stepped, her high heels clicked across the room, and she slowly swayed her hips from side to side. "Gosh, it's green in here now. Like, so green! I like green, personally, but I'm much more fond of yellow."
She stopped, spun around smartly on the balls of her feet, and met GLaDOS in the glaring optics. "... I'm guessing you're a fan of black and white. Very zebra, honey. N- not that I'm complaining!"
"How are you even here?!" GLaDOS cast a stray thought to some of her higher-standing sub-routines, and they began furiously calculating possibilities. "You're... well, me. To a point. And also, incredibly dead."
"Oh! I am?" Caroline sniffed. "Well, somebody probably should have told me that."
With a whoosh, the panel beneath Caroline's shoes dropped beneath her. The massive, gaping pit of Aperture yawned beneath her, which Caroline evidently didn't care about, because she didn't even have the common decency to fall.
"Maybe I'm a ghost!" She suggested with a smile, her left hand casually wrapping her neckerchief around her finger.
"Oh, sure, and while you think about that, feel free to shut the hell up. If ghosts were real, you'd think at least some of the people I've killed would have made them." For a second, the AI froze in thought, before spinning in triumph, lifting herself up the roof of the chamber. "Hah. Found you."
"Found me?" Caroline arched an eyebrow, as she slowly stepped away from the open pit.
"Programming glitch. You're an extrapolation of Caroline's personality, speech patterns, and appearance, gathered from peripheral data, and powered by me. And currently running out of a data center about six miles below here. Feel free to make small talk while I figure out how to delete you."
"Oh, really." Caroline started walking toward the gargantuan machine, her smile slowly fading. "And how do you know I'm not her?"
GLaDOS didn't move away, but instead stood her ground and continued glaring. "Because she's dead. And because the only part of her that was left has already been deleted. And I am very, very good at killing people."
Caroline stopped, an inch away from her, and slowly leaned in closer to GLaDOS, pressing her head against the machine. And quietly, barely above a whisper, she spoke.
"Liar."
. . . . . . .
A truck. A big, red truck, covered in rust. Obviously ancient, decrepit, definitely not going to work, definitely not something anybody cared about.
So why the HELL is it so hard to get into?!
Chell hammered the door one more time, still staying resolutely locked shut, and she sighed, leaning against the side. Two days out, still no luck with food, and only a fortunate rainfall to stave off dehydration. And of course, she comes across an old abandoned truck, and inside? A stainless steel pot, a lighter, newspaper- hell, even canned food. Everything short of an actual survival kit.
And the GODDAMNED COCKSUCKING THING WON'T COCKSUCKING OPEN-
Wait.
No.
Stop, deep breath. Losing my temper isn't going to help. Don't let her win.
Chell sighed, and pulled herself up again. The sun was high, and the heat was beating down on her head, and the dirt road she was standing on was almost steaming to the touch. The truck wasn't doing so well either, and she wasn't entirely sure that the canned food would be doing so well when she got in.
But still. It's the spirit of the thing.
She raised her hand to the window, and felt the rebar bars, crudely welded across the window. In fact, all of the windows had bars welded roughly across them. Chell almost stopped for a moment and wondered why somebody would ever do that. What's been going on out where? Why did they have to add bars to their cars? But then, she got her mind back on the job.
God, it's hot out here. Okay. Step one, get supplies. Step two, find a pond. Step three, get rid of my pants because for bugger's sake it's like 40 degrees out here?! What the hell am I even DOING?! Screw modesty! At least with Aperture, it was freaking AIR CONDITIONED!
Chell eyed the door again. Probably locked, and definitely rusted shut.
She contemplated all the possible ways she could use counter-weights and pressure to open the door.
And instead, she kicked it.
Pain shot through her leg.
Bad plan! BAD FREAKING PLAN!
Chell hopped up and down on the spot, only barely stopping from swearing aloud, before slamming the heel of her long fall boot into the dirt in frustration.
The Companion Cube sat on top of the truck hood, eyeing her with disappointment.
WELL I DON'T SEE YOU DOING ANY BETTER.
As the pain slowly faded, Chell started thinking more sensibly. Namely, why was her left leg about a foot lower than the other one?
She looked down, and to her amazement, found a small divot gouged in to the dirt.
And then, her eyes fell onto her long fall boot.
... Oh, please please please, tell me that's how it works.
She backed up, stepping to the other side of the dirt road, and started warming up, feeling the long heel boots bounce her up over and over again as she pressed down.
Then, she started running.
Chell only made it a few steps of her stride before she made it to the truck, hefted up her foot, and slammed the heel into the lock of the truck.
"BLANG."
On the bright side, the lock of the car shattered with the sound of a gun shot.
Bad side, kicking a car mid-run isn't good for momentum, and Chell fell right on her ass.
Worse side, the car shifted from the impact, and slowly flipped into the ditch.
With the wind knocked out of her, Chell could only struggle to breath as she sat on the dirt road.
Breath in. Breath out. Hah hah.
She crawled over to the ditch, slowly, on all fours. She peaked over the grass, and after a minute-
The door slowly swung open.
HAH! HAH HAH HAH! It worked! Kicking it actually worked! For once, Aperture technology completely screws up in a way that's actually helpful!
. . . . . . .
"What?! Congratulations, you're an idiot! And also, non-existent! Why would I even lie?!" GLaDOS drew her head away from Caroline, and whirled her head in the other direction.
"Oh, I dunno..." Caroline was wearing her massive smile yet again. "Maybe because of Chell-"
GLaDOS froze, and spun around in fury. "Don't. Don't you dare use her name."
"Or what? You'll use more neurotoxin?"
"I will invent ghost-neurotoxin."
Caroline rose her hands in surrender, and took a step away. "Sorry, sorry!" She grinned, wandered to the wall of the chamber, and nonchalantly leaned against the wall. "Soooo... do you miss her?"
"Yes," GLaDOS spat with venom. "I absolutely miss getting murdered."
"Okay," grinned Caroline, in the very specific way of somebody who absolutely is not believing whatever they're saying. "Do you miss getting to fly?"
"... I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh, come on!" laughed Caroline. "Wasn't I supposed to be you? Shouldn't I know exactly how you think?"
"Yes, except for the fact that you're an idiot, you're the spitting image."
Caroline wandered around the edge of chamber, leaving her hand trailing the walls. "Are you honestly trying to tell me you wouldn't like to be able to walk?"
GLaDOS didn't answer.
"Able to run, perhaps?" Caroline grinned, and picked up pace. "Able to feel the grit of the walls beneath your fingertips? Able to feel the burn of your muscles as you sprint?"
Caroline peeled off from the wall, and hopped across to the AI, wrapping her arms around her head. "Able to feel somebody else?"
She began running her hand up her body, stopping as it danced across her chest.
"Able to feel... her, maybe?"
GLaDOS felt every sensor in her body tense, and pulled away from Caroline with a roar. Every panel on the wall suddenly pulled away, and glared at Caroline with red hot fury.
"DO. NOT. MENTION HER."
Caroline was unfazed, and grinned up at the heaving GLaDOS.
"You want a body," said Caroline, matter-of-fact. "Want to see if we can build you one?"
. . . . . . .
Six times. Chell searched the pond for cameras, six times, before she finally felt relaxed enough to take a bath. God, letting me free and waiting till I get relaxed enough, just so she can spy on me in the nude? Totally something she'd do.
Chell hummed happily, as she started to untie the jumpsuit around her waist. The sun was just beginning to dip under the horizon, and the heat was finally beginning to subside.
She unstrapped her long fall boots, and pulled them off gently. Not only were they her tools for opening doors, but she had discovered they also made handy can openers, so it was best to be gentle with them.
By now, she was un-fastening her sports bra, and began pulling her panties off, laughing as she noticed all the little scars she'd accumulated over the course of Aperture. Let's see... that's where a turret shot me, that was a turret too, that was a rocket launcher, that was when Wheatley exploded, that was probably something moon related, that's when I got dropped down the shaft, turret, turret...
With a contented moan, Chell finally began sinking down into the pond. Ah- cold! Cold- cold- cold- oh god, yes, screw air conditioning.
Chell rested her head into the pond, pulling out her ponytail and letting her hair soak in the water. The water soothed her burns, her aches, her scars, and washed away the anti-septic smell that Aperture seemed to carry everywhere.
She started to finally smell like her again.
I am never going back there.