Gaius paused, gripping the tray tighter for a few seconds. He was too old for this – too old for a lot of things – but he was really too old for this.

He took a breath.

Pushing open the door, he made his way unannounced into the dingy room, navigating his way around the bed with ease. He placed the tray as silently as he could on the little table to the left of the sleeper, who hadn't stirred at the interruption. Hadn't stirred, because he wasn't sleeping. He wasn't moving either, and his eyes were shut, his body curled. Only the tense movement of his fingers, lying visible above the homespun cover, gave him away.

Gaius regarded him for a moment. He knew he wasn't asleep. They'd played this game every morning for the last five days. But this was his chance to steal a closer look at his ward, even though the permanent semi-darkness of the room prevented a proper examination.

"Merlin," he called softly. "Time to wake up."

The figure in the bed opened his eyes immediately.

Gaius smiled down at him, wishing he could persuade him to shave off the beard. It made him look so much older. "How did you sleep?"

The smile he received back was like an echo. "Fine, thank you."

"That's good. There's breakfast there for you." Merlin wandered his gaze over to the tray to see what delights had appeared that morning. The quality of the food they'd both been eating had improved dramatically since he'd been released from the oubliette.

"Now how about the window this morning?" Gaius wondered, trying to keep his tone breezy. He looked away. "Shall we let a little more light in?"

"I'd rather not," Merlin said quickly, then when Gaius turned back towards him, followed it up with: "It still gives me a headache, I'm afraid."

"Well, we can leave it a little longer then."

"Thank you."

Gaius made his way back to the bed, and took a seat. Merlin scooted over slightly to give him space. He was avoiding his eyes as his uncle scrutinized him.

"Do you think you'll want to come out maybe a little later on today?"

Merlin shook his head, reaching out for something on the tray.

"Gwen was asking about you again. She'd like to see you. She's worried about you."

"Please Gaius…" he was still looking at the tray.

Gaius waited for an end to the sentence, but nothing came. He sighed softly, pushing himself back to his feet.

"Alright. Eat as much as you want. I'll come back for the dishes in a little while."

Merlin nodded, studying the bread he'd picked up with great interest, and not once raising his eyes as the old man left.

"You would have thought, after all that time alone that he'd fancy a bit of company," Gwaine commented. It was a week later, and he was perched on the edge of Gaius' table, arms folded as he watched the physician write something in his journal.

"Yes, well, I'm afraid it's not as simple as that," he sighed.

"And he definitely doesn't want to see me? He's not just being funny in that funny Merlin way of his?"

Gauis looked at him over the top of his glasses. "Yes Gwaine. I'm quite sure." At the knight's despondent sigh, he added. "If it's any consolation, I seem to be the only person he will allow into the room." When that still didn't seem to appease him, the physician finally put his pen down. "He's not himself," he offered.

"But physically he's okay? I mean you told Arthur he was well."

"I said he was as well as could be expected."

"That doesn't mean well?"

Gaius just looked at him.

"So how is he then?"

He shrugged. "Not sleeping," he said. "And he has developed what I can only describe as a nervous disposition."

Gwaine's mouth twisted sideways as he tried to make the best of that information. "Well, it wasn't like he was the kingdom's most relaxed individual to start with."

"I think he hears things that aren't there," Gaius went on almost absently. "I'll find him muttering to himself, rubbish, nothing that makes sense. But he won't talk about it. He won't talk about anything. And he's developed quite the temper. I can't persuade him to come out of his room. I can't even persuade him to have his hair cut or get dressed. He's starting to look like a hermit."

"Why won't he let us help him?" the knight looked genuinely confused. "It's not like he's in danger any more. Arthur won't hurt him again. I'd kick him all the way to the border of Camelot if he tried. Should have done that before of course…"

Gaius folded his arms. "Merlin was alone for weeks, Gwaine. Imagine sitting there day after day wondering if this was the day you were going to be let out, and being disappointed. Imagine waiting to see if today was the day they were going to come and execute you. He must have felt like the world had abandoned him, like he was going to be alone for the rest of his life. Nobody would deal well with that situation. And sitting there with nothing to do and no one to talk to, Merlin would have had plenty of demons heaving themselves out of the darkness to torment him."

Gwaine glanced at Merlin's room. "He must hate us," he said quietly.

Gaius shook his head. "He just needs time," he said, coming forward to pat Gwaine's arm. "Let's just give him more time."

As the physician wondered off to look for something amongst the clusters of bottles sitting on his worktable, Gwaine puffed out his cheeks. He had training to get to, and he'd been late every day that week, not that Arthur commented on it. All the King ever did was look up at him slightly crossly from under hooded eyes as Gwaine sneaked in at the back.

He almost wished Arthur would make something out of it. Then he'd have an excuse.

But before he went, he wanted to ask something, something that had been bothering him for days now. Elyan had asked him about it too, and between them, they couldn't come up with an answer. But then, they had no experience in this area, and they felt awkward even talking about it.

"Can you tell me something Gaius?"

"What's that?"

"Why didn't he… Merlin I mean, why didn't he just…" the knight paused, unsure of how to phrase his question.

Fortunately for him, Gaius could fill in the missing words. He turned back, raising his eyebrow. "Why didn't Merlin just use magic to escape the oubliette?" he finished. Gwaine nodded, relieved.

Gaius sighed and wandered back to his desk. "I've asked him the same thing. He could have blown that place apart and left, run far away where Arthur could never find him."

"Well why didn't he?"

Gaius' face took on a sombre expression. "He told me he was waiting. He was waiting for Arthur to forgive him. He said he thought that if he just waited, the King would come and let him out. He didn't want to jeopardise their destiny and their… friendship. And so he sat, and he waited, and waited, and he lost track of days, and no one came. And the weeks passed. I think it stopped mattering. I think he stopped caring. I think he lost himself in the darkness, and he lost his magic, and forgot that it could have been his salvation."

"He trusted Arthur?" Gwaine asked incredulously. "He trusted him after what he'd done?"

"Merlin's always had faith in Arthur," Gaius tried to explain. "He's put up with a lot from him over the years, and it's always turned out for the best. This time his faith could not have been more misplaced."

Gwaine nodded tersely. "Thank you," he said, getting to his feet.

"Gwaine," Gaius said sharply, as the knight turned to leave. He met his eyes. "Before you do anything rash at the training session you're rushing off to, remember that Arthur is still your King."

Gwaine's face hardened, and the door slammed behind him with a bang that shook dust from the rafters high up above their heads.

"I don't want to see him."

"And what exactly do you expect me to tell him this time?"

"I expect you to tell him that I don't want to see him," Merlin said softly, and rolled onto his side.

Gauis sighed, his frustration rising. Three weeks now, three weeks Merlin hadn't left his room, had refused to see anyone else except one brief and extremely uncomfortable visit from Gwen. He'd barely left his bed, despite Gaius' persistent badgering.

"I don't feel up to it today," he'd say. "Please leave me be."

"Merlin…"

"I said no Gaius!" his rage appeared from nowhere, and he turned aggressively and sat up to fix the old man with a glare. "I'm not seeing him, not today, not ever. Arthur doesn't get me any more. Now leave me be!"

Gaius straightened up at the assault. "You're not staying in this room forever," he cautioned firmly.

"I don't intend to," Merlin shot back. "As soon as I get my strength back, I'll be gone. You'll never need to worry about me again."

"What do you mean by that?"

Merlin just gave him a sour look and rolled over again.

"Please go away," he clipped out.

Gaius stood looking down at him, his mouth a firm line. But there was no talking to him when he was like this. And every time they had one of these confrontations, it broke his heart just a little bit more. Of all the cruelties that Arthur could have perpetrated, this was surely the worst.

He turned and left the room quickly, closing the door behind him and turning to face his King who was pacing expectantly in the other room.

"I'm sorry, Arthur," he said.

Arthur unfolded his crossed arms. "Gaius that's the third time this week he's refused to see me. How am I supposed to make things right between the two of us if I can't even get access to his room?"

"You'll just have to think of something else," he said. "Merlin's angry today, and even if I let you in there, I don't think he'd be prepared to listen to you."

"Gaius, I can't let this continue."

"I'm not sure what choice you have sire. And please remember that it is a situation you created."

"How could I forget that," Arthur sighed, rubbing his face. He looked Gaius in the eye. "I need to fix this," he insisted.

Gaius wasn't disagreeing with him. "Yes. But not today."

TBC