Chapter 2: The "Defenceless" Cleric
After leaving the forest, Erk and Serra are starting to have actual conversations that don't involve broken noses or excessive eye twitching.
Of course, until Erk says something that's apparently incorrect.
"You know", Erk says, snickering, "when I saw your notice saying that a young defenceless cleric needed escorting to Ostia, I thought you were serious, heh heh heh."
Before he can even see it coming, Erk is down for the count. After a swift kick to the, uh, sacred stones, Erk holds his crotch in pain.
"Ack! What was that for?"
She just stands there, cold-faced.
"I AM a young, defenceless cleric. Why would you think otherwise?"
Maybe because you just kicked me in a very sensitive area without warning?
"Well, it just seems like you can take care of yourself... speaking of clerics, can you please heal me? I'd like to have children in the future. But I think it may already be too late for them."
"No, I'm not touching you there." She scrunches her face in disgust. "I'm bound to my oaths of chasteness."
"But... you have a staff to do that for you!"
"You may be good looking, but I have to control myself."
Control yourself? It's hard enough not to stare at you with your natural beauty just taunting me!
"Well Erk, I guess you can just rest there for a bit. I'll just stand over here and see if I can find the next road."
She turns around and starts looking, but Erk notices that Serra is standing extremely close to his head.
He ponders over her for a while. She's so beautifully slim, and her dress seems to complement her features so well…
Why does the most beautiful woman in the world have to also be the worst human in existence?
Of course, he doesn't say this out loud either.
"Um, see anything, milady?"
Erk is careful to look at Serra's face before she leans down towards him.
"Yes, the road is not much farther. Feeling better?"
"Oh!" He gets up, his cheeks reddening. "I'm feeling much better, thank you."
She smiles approvingly. "Let's get going then! It's nice to see you're starting to use better manners around me."
"Well, uh..." He backs up a step. "Apparently my safety and my future children are in jeopardy when I make you angry, so I'm trying to avoid that in the future..."
At this point, Serra starts to get angry again.
"You are so rude! Just because I'm beautiful, charming, and everyone loves me, that gives you reason to make mean comments about me!"
"Well you enjoy watching others writhe in pain while you laugh about how great you are and whatever else you're saying about yourself!"
After a two minute staring contest, Erk sighs in defeat. "I'm sorry Serra. It's just that you..."
"What Erk? Do I IRK you too much? Tee hee!"
I'm getting sick of hearing that stupid joke.
"...That's not even remotely funny."
"Oh of course it is." She laughs to herself. "My humour is amazingly witty. Well, one day you'll appreciate me."
Appreciate you. The only job you're good at doing you won't do for me even though you have a STAFF to do it for you. You're conceited, and you can't even crack a good joke. I appreciate you about as much as I appreciate constipation.
"So... what do you say?" she flirts.
Don't tell me...
"Um, could you repeat that?"
"What do you say to me now?"
"Are you really asking me to apologize to you?"
"Yes! For not laughing at my jokes."
They stand in silence. Erk mumbles something under his breath.
"That doesn't sound like a 'sorry' to me."
"Well, shouldn't you apologize for kicking me?"
"You deserved it."
There's no way Erk can win this one. "Ugh, let's just go. Come on."
"Hmph. Well then! See if I care about your injury! You brought it upon yourself!" Her eyes start to widen. "...Uh, is that steam coming out of your ears?"
"N-no, it's nothing. It's starting to get dark, so we should get going before we can't see anything."
After a good night's sleep at the local inn, they set off again. Back in another forest, it seems that they are (once again) hopelessly lost.
And of course, Erk is starting to get ticked off.
"How do we keep ending up in forests? Serra, isn't there a ROAD to Ostia?
"Yes, but the local bandits like to hang out on those roads. A-and..."
You're a young defenceless cleric, yes, yes we know. Of course there's a road to Ostia. We just take the long way so you can annoy me more. Blah blah blah.
"...I'm afraid of those bandits." She starts trembling, and desperation starts to cross her face. "They have those giant axes and they do horrible things to women... and I don't want to end up like the ones who get caught. That's why I put up the notice. So please..."
Whoa! This wasn't what I was expecting!
"...Can I count on you to protect me?"
As she speaks these last few words, while her emotions are pleading and her face is sad, Erk thinks he sees a sparkle in her eyes.
How could I say no to that?
NO.
Hmm. That was easier than I thought.
"Ok Serra, I'll make you don't get caught by those bandits."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
She smiles again, her optimistic personality returning to her. "Good! Let's go!"
She walks ahead, humming quietly to herself. Erk follows her and contemplates the conversation they just had.
Hmm... that was weird. There might be more to her than meets the eye.
"Erk, I'm tired. Can you carry me?"
Nope, guess not.
He rolls his eyes. "Fine. But just for a short while."
She lets out a whoop as he picks her up.
Well, at least she's smiling now and not rampaging in rage...
Author's Notes
Just a quick one. Since I'm near done editing, I'll upload a new chapter every 2 days instead of 3.
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