[I PROMISE I will explain everything that happens in this Chapter in time. I only beg that you give me that.]
[Please.]
Chapter One
"Damien!" The word rings in his mind. She'd been so happy to see him. Happier than anyone had ever been in his life; And at fifty-two, that was an accomplishment. Why did he have to ruin it? He closes his dark eyes, and the tears start to fall.
She'd come to his office earlier that day. Appearing out of nowhere, as usual. When he'd startled, she'd grinned at him, and told him she loved that she could still do that. Then, she'd asked him over. "It's my unofficial birthday," she explained. "They think they are surprising me, but they're not." He had, as planned, said he was busy, but would come over if he had the chance. They had, of course, planned for this eventuality. They knew how smart she was. She'd been disappointed, which was to be expected, but had understood. It was too bad, though. He hated to see her disappointed. But her delight later, had made up for that.
When the time came, at 7:00 sharp, he showed up at their door. He knocked, and Jane answered, then let him in. The instant she saw him, she shouted his name, and ran towards him. Without even thinking about it, he was down on one knee with his arms out, to take the blow. She hit him, and he laughed. He'd been surprised, to say the least. But also pleased; And he hugged her back for all he was worth. He was not the first to let go. He was surprised she was. But she pulled back, then kissed his nose, and told him she was glad he came. As though that wasn't obvious.
She sang, and they all danced together. Everyone but him. He just stood back, watched, and listened. She sang strange songs. She had a lovely voice, though. She danced with them, too. First with Jane, then with Thomas, Katherine, and finally Luke. But not him. When she asked, he told her he didn't want to dance, and when she asked why, that he didn't feel well. Which was the truth, he didn't. But she looked like she didn't quite believe him, almost as though she could sense that he was exaggerating. That it was just an uneasy twinge in his stomach. For now. But he didn't trust himself if he were to start dancing. He didn't belong here, and he was starting to feel just how much. But she wasn't to know that. Still. He probably could have danced, if he'd wanted to.
Later, when they were just about to start in on the cake they'd managed to prepare, she again, asked him to join. He said no; Politely, of course. He felt worse, now. But she wasn't to know that. And that was his mistake. She thought he just didn't want to be there. She must have. She didn't know that while he was standing there, all he could think about was what he was planning, and how he was standing here, helping celebrate this girl's birthday; A girl who had no idea what he was capable of.
But all she did was nod gently, and turn back. They started cutting slices out, talking, smiling, laughing. But seeing this, he just couldn't take it anymore, and slipped outside. He needed to breathe, needed to get away. But as he leaned against the side of the house, she was all he could think about. Her smile, her laugh, the way she smiled, and only this way at him. No-one had ever done that, before.
Her arms around him... He shuddered.
'You're so thin...What happened to you?...' The voice, Her voice, echoed in his head.
He covered his face, running his shaking hands through his long, dark hair, forcing himself not to remember. Shaking. A universal sign of weakness. He clenched his hands into fists, trying to make it stop. He couldn't make it stop. And they couldn't see him like this. They couldn't, especially not Gideon. He turned away.
She followed him, of course she did, but she only came outside just in time to see him with his back to the door. He hadn't even moved yet, but that's what she saw, and that's what she took it for. That he was running away.
"Damien?" She said, and he turned around, shock on his face. Seeing this, comprehension dawned on her. He could see it in her eyes, and it hurt more than he did. "Where are you going?" She asked, and he could tell by her tone that she thought she already knew. "You are not..." She paused, as though not wanting to confirm her thoughts. "You're not leaving, are you?" She sounded so hurt, the words like knives on his ears. Penetrating so much deeper than that..
He started backing away. "I told you, I feel unwell." He said the words almost guardedly. "You didn't even come to say good-bye!" She sounded as though she were on the verge of tears. He couldn't even tell her that he didn't think he could have, why that was. "If you didn't want to be here that much, why did you even come?" She sounded confused, uncomprehending. He tried to think, but found it nearly impossible to think, and not completely break down in one way or another. "No," he managed. "No, it's not-" he started, but then he had to stop. He clenched his jaw, but it barely helped. "Then why didn't you say good-bye?" She asked, and he'd had to admit to himself, that even though it might have gone terribly wrong, he could have; That she deserved that. He had chosen not to.
"Ever since you got here, you have taken part in nothing. I thought you wanted to be here, but if I was wrong, then you should just go." She paused then, taking a shaky breath. But when she spoke, her voice was steady. "You know what, I'm not even here. Just walk away." She paused, and in those three seconds, he could hear in the way she breathed just how much it hurt her to say it. "Like you were going to." The words stung, bringing tears to his own eyes, nearly making them fall. But he had to get away. He had to. "Allie, I-" he'd started, but never finished; For what could there possibly have been to say?
"GO!" She'd shouted, and his mind had obeyed, though his heart didn't want to. It had seemed, though he couldn't see, that she watched him for a moment; Maybe in disbelief, maybe in disgust. But he hadn't been far enough away that he couldn't hear her slam the door.
It happens before he can stop himself. Undignified though it is, he gasps, and starts to sob.