This life, for me, is over. I cannot stay here, within the peace of Lorien,
for the time grows ever nearer when my people must go to Valinor… and I am
not ready. My heart lies cold within me, and I must journey until I can
find a spark to rekindle it… my life seems a meaningless eternity. This
place where I was born- Middle-Earth- is so strange to me. I have never
gone beyond the borders of Lorien. Perhaps leaving this forest will help me
find my heart.
Galadriel, my cousin, gave me counsel as I left this place.
"Calenredwen," she told me, "The hope of your heart lies out of our borders. But do not be so quick to abandon the Elven race… perhaps the spark you seek lies closer than you think."
She is wise, my cousin, and yet I fear that in this matter she knows not. My wounds are deep indeed, and this vacuum, this absence of all feeling, is almost a comfort compared to the knife-pain of sorrow and anger. I suppose my heart shut down after so much pain…
I go to seek healing, and hope, and perhaps… something to make my heart close to what it once was before he came.
He… Brilearwenion, the one whom I gave my heart to. And then he died. The battle of the Five Armies claimed him, and I watched as he fell off the horse, stabbed by the spear of an orc. I was told later that I killed more orcs than most of my clan combined, shouting all the time, but I have no recollection… at all… of those years, four years when I was lost to the world, lost to anything but pain.
And now the time has come to seek something new, something more than pain… I go to seek my future.
Galadriel, my cousin, gave me counsel as I left this place.
"Calenredwen," she told me, "The hope of your heart lies out of our borders. But do not be so quick to abandon the Elven race… perhaps the spark you seek lies closer than you think."
She is wise, my cousin, and yet I fear that in this matter she knows not. My wounds are deep indeed, and this vacuum, this absence of all feeling, is almost a comfort compared to the knife-pain of sorrow and anger. I suppose my heart shut down after so much pain…
I go to seek healing, and hope, and perhaps… something to make my heart close to what it once was before he came.
He… Brilearwenion, the one whom I gave my heart to. And then he died. The battle of the Five Armies claimed him, and I watched as he fell off the horse, stabbed by the spear of an orc. I was told later that I killed more orcs than most of my clan combined, shouting all the time, but I have no recollection… at all… of those years, four years when I was lost to the world, lost to anything but pain.
And now the time has come to seek something new, something more than pain… I go to seek my future.