A Christmassy Carol
By Tallest Yellow
Stave one: The Ghost of Keef
"That makes… Um… Twelve?" Skooge's face twisted slightly as he tried to make sense of the math forced upon his STUPID brain.
"No, no, no! It's thirteen, you idiot!" I shouted, snatching the green pieces of paper from him. "If I ever want to get something right, I have to do it myself!"
Clutching the monies in my hand, I flipped through them. "Yes, thirteen, you dimwit." I said sourly to him. Skooge winced at the tone my voice was taking on.
At that instant, GIR walked in. "OKIEDOKIES!!!" GIR screamed at the top of his lungs. I winced. "CHRISTMASSY DINNER'S READDDDDDYYYYY!"
Skooge jumped up, but I remained stationary. "It's a puny, EARTH holiday! Why should I come?" I hissed angrily under my breath, keeping the monies clutched tightly in my clawed hand.
GIR's eyes suddenly filled with huge tears. "Ma-master…"
I leaned back into the couch and gave the android a death glare. "Fine, Skooge, you go, but I'm staying here."
A growl rumbled slightly in my throat. Skooge and GIR both knew I wasn't kidding when that happened. It was a stinky HYOOMAN earth holiday. I wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. I scoffed at the idea. Perhaps I had lived on this planet for a while, but I would never, in all of eternity, ever celebrate what these PITIFUL HYOOMANS called Christmas.
"But… Masta… We was havin' da casserole."
I scoffed. "Both of you! Leave me alone! Shoo!"
As Skooge and GIR left, there was a knock on the front door.
I scowled as I stood up, mumbling insults to myself.
"Hello, Sir or Madam," The Dib-stink began, clearly reading from a script held in one gloved hand. "My sister, Gaz and I-" He stumbled over another one of the words. "We are collecting money for the Salvation Army, and we-"
"Go away," I said, narrowing my eyes irritably. "I will NEVER, EVER, EVER, fall in love with you, Dib." With those parting words, I slammed the door in the faces of both the Membrane children.
There was a louder pounding on the door. I opened it once again.
"LISTEN, ZIM DOES NOT WANT TO HEAR FROM YOUR JINGLY MALVATION'S TARMY!"
A firm fist grabbed the front of my Invader Uniform and dragged me close. I found myself face-to-face with Gaz Membrane.
"HEY, YOU! You're GOING to donate money, or I'm going to blast you back to that FREAKY FOREIGN PLANET OF YOURS in one punch!"
I knew without thought that she was not kidding. Still, I shoved her back, saying nonchalantly. "This planet is overcrowded anyway." Then I slammed it in the younger Membrane child's face, as I had done with the other. I set the padlock, just to be safe, however.
It appeared that Skooge and GIR were done.
"Masta?" GIR looked up at me, then. I glanced down. "Can we have tomorrow off? Puh-leeze?" Small… Whatever they were- appeared in his eyes.
"Ugh, fine." I mumbled. "Skooge, you might as well go home too. Head back to Irk, do whatever."
Skooge seemed happy at that news. "Oh, thank you!" He dashed out of the room without hesitation just as there was excessive pounding on the door, no doubt from the strange, violent, little Membrane girl.
GIR seemed happy enough, for he shouted, "YAY!!! I'MA GO TELL THE TACOS!!"
I rolled my eyes and began to head down to the base. No matter what they said, I definitely was not going to disappoint my Tallest!
Sitting down in my chair and beginning to turn around, I smiled and began to work on my next evil plan.
I was pretty much half asleep now. My supply of Poop soda was running rather low.
"HIYA, BUDDY!" I jumped, shaky from the intake of caffeine. Keef was standing behind me.
"Um... Keef? Aren't you, like..."
"Dead? Yeah."
My eyes shifted from him to the ground, unsure how to react.
"Anyway, my bosses told me you had to get some sort of Christmas Spirit, 'cause you were on Earth or something, buddy!"
One of my eyes twitched.
"What's the matter, buddy?" Keef asked. "Aren't you happy to see me?"
"No. Not really." I answered, my face rather dull. "Leave me alone."
"Okie dokie, buddy... But, um... Yeah, there are gonna be three ghosts, m'kay? Bye!"
With that, the hyperactive kid left.
I sat back down, pondering what had just happened.