Title: Die, fools!
Authors: YamiHaruka & LeiserTod
Pairing: Albel/Fayt, Cliff/Crubb
Disclaimer: No use in going to court. We're broke. Nothing belongs to us (except wind, someone and the priest ;D). It's all the fault of triAce. Oh, and Crubb belongs to...err...what was is called? Ah! Valkyrie Studios! Yay, memory! ;D
Warnings: implied Shonen-Ai, humour (yeah, danger's not over yet...)
A/N: The second chapter that you didn't wait for! Yeeha. Oh, well. The language might have worsened (if that's even possible...).
Okay, those who were brave enough to read the first part – enjoy.
How to get rid of the Peppita-Ending?
Characters: Albel, Fayt, Peppita
#BANG#
Fayt:
"It wasn't me."
Albel: "What's going on? I
thought I've blown up the outer space." #takes a look
around#
Pepitta: "Huuui -" #flies past the two of
them#
Albel: "That maggot is still alive???? What the hell is
going on?"
Fayt: "Well, the outer space has been
destroyed, but the universe still exists." #watches Albel
sympathetically#
Albel: "Where is the difference,
worm?"
Fayt: #shrugs# "Why? Never miss an opportunity to
prove your linguistic abilities."
Albel: #sarcastic# "Oh,
really ..."
Fayt: "Sorry, have to go. Ending with
Peppita awaits me."
Albel:
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo - ..." #bursts into tears#
By: YamiHaruka
Marriages and other problems
Characters: Albel, Fayt, Sophia, Priester
Priester
(clothed in blue, looks at Albel and Fayt): "...therefore if any
man can shew any just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined
together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his
peace..."
Sophia (bursts into the chapel):
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I! I am the legitimate
bride! Faaaayyyt! I love you!! And you love
me! NOW!"
Fayt (blinks): "Err, Sophia. You're
attending a wedding ceremony. There one is usually silent."
Albel
(sighs): "Darling, may I FINALLY kill her?"
Fayt
(indignant): „Honey! Not now! As far as I'm concerned you can
poison her at the banquet..."
Sophia (is not willing to
accept her fayt-less destiny, tugs at Fayts sleeve): "Fayt! WE
are together! Without this...(dangerous glare on the part of
Albel)...this person (subdued)...you love ME!"
Fayt
(confused): "But Sophia...I've already told you...you and me –
we're just friends. Friends do not love each other. They like each
other at most..."
Sophia (happy): "DARLING! YOU REALLY made a
PROPOSAL to ME!! YAYERS!"
Albel (draws sighing his katana,
presses it to the throat of the priest): "Good. I demand a
change concerning the wording of the objection at once."
Priester
(sweating): "Okay. Therefore if any man can shew any just
cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now
speak and let him hereafter die at peace..."
Albel (triumphal glare): "Sophia-Darling, do you have anything against mine marrying Fayt?" (plays innocently with this sword)
Von: LeiserTod
...sorry for violating the wedding vows...
Peter I – a better ruler for Airyglyph?
Characters: Albel, Peter I
Albel
(dutifully does his work as a secretary, minister, torturer and cook
at the same time): "...that fucking tyrant...that old coot is so
full of shit, hopefully he'll die soon..." (grrrr.)
Peter
(towering above Albel since 2 metres tall): "Do you have
something to say to me, min cherz?"
Albel (scared to death,
drops his utensils): "Yo...Your Majesty...what – what a nice
surprise to see you here..." (shakes)
Peter (takes a closer
look at the results of Albels work): "Hm...that is really a job
formidable done, my dear..." (suddenly pulling out a club,
beating the living lights out of Albel, laughs)
Albel (confused
beyond belief): "But...I don't unterstand...why..." (the
remains of the sentence being turned into a painful moan)
Peter
(looks down to him, smiles while patting Albels head): "I love
you, my heart...take this hiding as proof of my affection for
you..."
Albel (nearly dead): „..."
By: LeiserTod
How to seduce freaks mad about technology
Characters: Cliff, Grubb
Cliff
(lies down next to Grubb in a bed): "Oooh, darling...you're
looking so gorgeous...shall we..."
Grubb (watches him
strangely): "What in hell am I doing here – all nacked and
chained to your bed?"
Cliff (feigns surprise): "Don't
you remember anymore, my heart? You were really drunk, then you took
Ecstasy and afterwards you asked me to...entertain you..."
Grubb
(seems to be a bit irritated): "OF COURSE I can't remember a
thing! Let me go, will you?!"
Cliff (doesn't give up):
"Don't you like me?" (has tears in his eyes)
Grubb
(bored, takes a look at the room. Suddenly he jumps forvard as if
being stung in the rear by a wesp): "NO!!"
Cliff (a bit
annoyed since not paid much attention to, but still wants to be
nice): "Eh? What's wrong?"
Grubb (excited beyond
belief): "WOW! You have a Summerra SD23 FLot USP!!! And even
broken at that!!!" (turns to Cliff with puppy-dog eyes) "May
I repair it? PLEASE! I'd do ANYTHING!!!"
Cliff (now really
annoyed that a broken lamp gets more attention than he himself, still
can't go without some fun): "Okay...but only on one
condition..." (giggles in a dirty way)
By: LeiserTod
The best method to get rid of unwanted husbands...
Characters: Albel, Fayt, Cliff, Klaus
Albel
(presents proudly his Klaus): "KNEEL DOWN! I have a Klaus!"
(shakes the Klaus to emphasize his point) "I am the future ruler
of Nanduland!!"
Fayt (shakes his head): "But there is no
Nanduland..."
Albel (a bit irritated): "SHUT UP! From
now on there is one! I have a Klaus!!!" (more shaking)
Cliff
(very excited): "JAAAHHH! Santa!! Santa has graced us with his
presence! Now he surely wants to give me all the Christmas presents
for the past 2354 years – in which this asshole has ignored me!!"
(stares at the trembling Klaus)
Klaus (shaking – nothing new):
"...mommy..."
Albel (annoyed): "You are to kneel
down! And there is no Santa-Kaus!"
Cliff (with a broken
heart, cannot believe it): "...There is no Santa? But then,
what's that?" (points to the howling Klaus)
Albel (distant)
"...my husband."
Fayt (awake at once – he has been
taking a little nap during the conversation): "WHAT?! HUSBAND? I
CAN'T BELIEVE IT!" (draws his sword) "Okay. That
Soup-Klaus there WAS your husband! We all have to die sooner or
later, anyway..."
Klaus (doesn't take this little speech of
truth as a real threat): "The name's SANTAKlaus, you fool! I'm
stronger than you anyways."
Fayt (takes it personally): "Oh,
REALLY! WE WILL SEE! YOU WORM!"
Albel (takes it also
personally): "HEY! That one is MY swearword, got it?!"
Klaus
(a bit alarmed, to Albel): "Honey. That bloke there (points to
Fayt) has offended me. My little sunshine, please, be so kind and
bite his nose off."
Albel (stares dumbly at Klaus):
"..."
Fayt (takes his chance): "What do they say in
those wedding movies? Until death separates you!!!" (runs up,
swings his sword)
Klaus (a bit upset): "NO! PLEASE! I AM
UNARMED! HERE! I'LL GIVE ALBEL TO YOU!!! BUT PLEASE DON'T DO
ANYTHING TO ME!! I BEG YOU!!!"
Albel (looks as if being hurt,
but doesn't feel this way): "What? You traitor! Only to save
your own pimply skin you're willing to sell me?! From now on our
ways definitely part."
Klaus (hopping happily): "Ciao,
amore!" (flies away)
Fayt (sheathing his sword): "And?
How was I? Good or excellent?"
Albel (quite satisfied):
"Yeeeah, finally we've got rid of that maggot...I think that
even you has potential when it comes to acting...do you want to join
my famous troop of actors?"
Fayt (a bit confused): "Which
troop?"
Albel (draws his katana): "THAT was the WRONG
answer!!!" (Fayt takes flight ("Iiiek!"), closely
followed by Albel ("DIE!") – courses are accompanying the
lovely pair)
Cliff (mourning): "...no Santa-Klaus?"
#cries#
By: LeiserTod
What nonsense...
Characters: Albel, Cliff, Mirage, Klaus
„Still, to name an organisation "Quark" ... Was that guy on drugs?XD"
NOTE: In German "Quark" means "curd cheese"...it's a pun here...(so, if you should stumbling upon a German laughing his guts off while playing Star Ocean III...you now know, why...)
Mirage:
"I wanna a pudding ..."
Cliff: "That's out of the
question. We're Quark, so there'll only be curd cheese."
Mirage:
"Why didn't you name us McDonalds or something like
that?"
Cliff: "Was already taken. And to risk that Fayt
will launch his
"I-am-a-sweet-and-well-behaved-citizen-and-I-respect-the-law-and-the-UP3-(even-if-I-killed-thousands-of-creatures)"-
speech? Nah, Quark is just fine."
Mirage: "Still, I'd
really liked to have a pudding..."
#Albel barges in#
Albel:
"I'll make smashing pudding out of you, Klausians!!"
Mirage:
"That's out, only Quark."
Albel: "!?"
Cliff: "You and your fucking pudding ..."
Albel:
"Hey? Are you listening to me?"
Mirage (to Albel): "What
did you say?"
Cliff: "Guaranteed something with pudding
again ..."
#Klaus had finally cought up with Albel#
Klaus:
"Cliff, that bloke there first accepts my marriage proposal and
afterwards he just runs away!" #points to Albel# #has tears in his
eyes#
Mirage: "Not nice."
Cliff (to Albel): "And
you have the guts to ask for a pudding? I'll give you a beating
that even your mother won't recognize you afterwards!"
#Albel
now totally helpless#
Albel: "Fayyyyyyyyyyt - ..."
By: YamiHaruka
More nonsense or: the perfect revenge
Characters: Everyone … except wind, someone, Peter I und priest
At
Quark:
#everyone (really everyone) is sitting at the table#
Cliff:
"Okay, folks, food's ready." #puts a huge bowl on the
table#
Nel: "What's that, Cliff?"
Cliff: "That's
–"
Fayt: "Looks like a pudding."
#an a little
bit miffed Cliff#
Cliff: "THIS IS NO FUCKING PUDDING! THIS IS
CURD CHEESE!!!!"
Mirage: "Still, it looks like a
pudding..."
Cliff: #a really deathly glare towards Mirage#:
"This is my SSHD-special-curd cheese."
Nel: "You've
cooked...this?"
#scepticism#
Cliff: "Yeah, why?"
#a bit dumb for a change#
Fayt: "You know that curd cheese is
normally white?"
Cliff: "Yeeeees, this is a normal, home
made curd cheese. But is a special one. A secret recipe of mine. And
believe it or not, only by eating my SSHD-curd cheese, I did become
what I am now."
#more scepticism#
Fayt: "Sorry,
Cliff, I'm currently on a diet." #looks at Albel#
Albel:
"Don't miss that chance – maybe you'll finally grow a few
inches afterwards, worm." #sports an evil grin#
Fayt: "I...
err...- "
Albel: "Shut up, worm." #calls# „Klausi,
darling, you wanna a pudding?"
Cliff: "Curd
cheese..."
Albel: "However."
#Klaus sneaks away
as fast as possible#
Alle: "Coward!"
Nel: #wants to
distract# "By the way, where's Grubb?"
Cliff: "Ah,
said that he didn't feel all too well."
Fayt: "But
then he NEEDS his pudding!"
Cliff: "Curd
cheese..."
Fayt: "However..."
Nel: "Oh, an
excellent idea and in the meantime we can eat and you can spend some
time alone with Crubb. "
#Cliff hears only the word
"alone"#
Cliff: "Okay folks, I'm off."
#takes a bit of the curd cheese and scams#
Albel: "Errr,
Klausi, darling, he's gone now."
#Klaus reluctantly
approaches the group#
Klaus: "Phew, I already thought... Why
are you looking at me?"
Alle: "Hohoho." #takes the
offending bowl#
Klaus: "Oh-oh..."
#everyone grabs
Klaus... and yes, the outcome is quite obvious X3#
By: YamiHaruka
Tbc?
A/N: Uhm...okay. Forget about "better". And we still have some more...#watch sympathetically the readers cringing#
Well...if you ever have the wish to curse the whole thing, go ahead. We'll be happy to receive any critics. ;D