Here we go again! I hope you like it!
Thank you to all who read the first bit, and special thanks to the following for encouraging me to continue: finn23, AngelBlade56, jcool789, unicorn682006, Lawandordersvu1, michelleUK, Lexa-Gibbs, daisymh, aunttuda, joanoa, JsAcGm, and moonstone2148. You guys rock :o) – I hope you enjoy the next lil bit….
Harm ran up the steps to his apartment and found his former CO knocking on the door.
"Harm? Are you there?" he was calling.
"Sir?" Harm said unsurely, making AJ jump out of his skin and turn round in surprise.
"Harm," AJ said, "Its good to see you." He held out his hand. Harm shook it, but looked warily at his former CO; the last time they had met hadn't been under the best of circumstances after all. He walked passed him quickly and opened the door to his apartment,
"Come in sir." He said over his shoulder as he walked in. "Sorry about the mess," he added, "I was going to clean up after I got back from my run. Would you like a drink?"
"Sure. A glass of water would be fine thanks." AJ replied, relieved that Harm had actually let him in the apartment. Harm quickly poured two glasses of water, and motioned over to the sofa.
"Make yourself comfortable sir, I'll just go and change out of my running gear and I'll be right with you." AJ nodded, and sat down on the sofa, looking around him as he did so, his eye landing on a group of photo frames sitting on the mantelpiece. Getting to his feet, he moved over to study them. Each frame contained a photo of someone from JAG: Bud, Harriet, little AJ and Harm, a similar photo, with the addition of Mac, who was holding a much younger AJ in her arms and had Harm's arm looped casually around her shoulder, the whole JAG family, which AJ recognised as being taken the Christmas before last, Harm and Sturgis at the JAG-athon, and finally two photos of Harm and Mac, squeezed together in the same frame. AJ picked up that frame and studied the pictures sadly. The one on the right had evidently been taken in Afghanistan; the desert combat gear giving that one away. The second was of the pair dancing in McMurphy's. They seemed completely unaware that they were having their picture taken. AJ sighed softly. That photo said it all. They were two people completely in tune with one another. Harm had one arm wrapped securely around Mac's waist, holding her close, and was looking down at her a look of unmistakeable amusement mingled with adoration. Mac, for her part, was looking back at him laughing happily, her eyes sparkling brightly, even in the picture. It really was a nice picture, and AJ wondered briefly where Harm had got it from.
"Harriet gave it to me." Harm's voice came from behind him, completely devoid of emotion, "She took it a few months ago, after Bud returned to active duty." AJ turned to look at him,
"It's a good picture." He said, putting the frame back on the mantelpiece and sitting back down on the sofa. Harm copied him, taking a seat in the armchair. They studied each other for a few seconds.
"So what can I do for you sir?" Harm asked, suddenly curious as to the Admiral's sudden appearance in his apartment. A thought occurred to him and he looked up quickly, "Is everyone ok? Did something happen to Mac or Bud or little AJ?" he asked, worry lines appearing on his face. AJ held up a hand to stop him,
"Everyone's fine Harm." He replied, pretending not to notice just how worried Harm had looked as he mentioned Mac's name. Obviously there was more hope for them than Mac believed. He paused, not sure how to broach the subject. "How are you doing? Are you enjoying life with the agency?" He noted a flicker of anger flash in Harm's eyes at the mention of his new job.
"I'm just fine sir, thanks for asking." Harm replied shortly, getting up and going and standing by the fireplace, staring at the photos. "It's not JAG, but it's nice to be able to fly a lot." He added, his tone guarded, and slightly rude. AJ sighed for what felt like the millionth time that day. These two really were going to be the death of him. Harm was obviously still angry with him. This was not going to be an easy conversation, but he hoped that by the end of it Harm would at least understand his reasons, if not be ready to act on them.
"That's good." He replied, "Are you going to the Roberts' for Thanksgiving?"
"I might be." Harm replied looking a little lost. AJ opened his mouth to continue when Harm cut him off, "Excuse me sir," he said quickly, "but why ARE you here?"
"I wanted to talk to you." AJ replied simply, "We've all been worried about you..yes ALL" he said noting Harm's expression. "Mac most of all I believe. But really, I wanted to apologise to you, and to explain my decision." Harm blinked at him in surprise. As much as he resented his former CO at that moment, he had never expected him to apologise to him.
"Sir?" he asked, wondering if he had misheard him. AJ looked away for a second, then looked back at Harm, suddenly looking older.
"I've been spending the last couple of weeks wondering if I did the right thing in processing your resignation." He admitted quietly. "You're one hell of a lawyer Harm, and we really do miss you at JAG. I knew we would, but I did it anyway." Harm looked at him, completely shocked.
"Then.." he started, before being cut off by AJ continuing.
"I came here to explain to you why I did what I did." He said nervously, "will you listen?"
"Yes sir" Harm replied, all emotion once again disappearing from his face. AJ took a deep breath, and carried on talking.
"First I want to apologise for the way things deteriorated between us while Mac was in Paraguay. Believe it or not, I did understand why you had to go down there. But I was still your Commanding Officer, and your actions were practically equal to insubordination." Harm looked like he wanted to respond, but AJ cut him off before he could speak. "Please let me finish Harm. To put it simply, one of my reasons for doing this was Mac herself." Harm's jaw dropped slightly, and AJ noted a glimmer of hurt ripple across Harm's face at Mac's name. "Do you remember the day the two of you met?" AJ asked softly, watching him closely. Harm nodded, a small smile appearing at the memory. "And do you remember what I told the pair of you then?"
"Not to get too friendly because we would be working together." Harm replied quietly. AJ nodded.
"I'm hoping that is one of the few orders of mine that you have disobeyed." He said with a slight smirk.
"Sir, there is nothing between Colonel Mackenzie and myself." Harm replied automatically, "and there never will be" he added under his breath, hoping the Admiral wouldn't hear him. Unfortunately for Harm, AJ did hear him, and looked at him sadly.
"You and I both know that's not true Harm." He said, "There is something between you. Something that terrifies the life out of both of you. We all see it." Harm looked away, alarmed to feel tears pricking in his eyes.
"That's not an issue anymore sir." He said softly, "The Colonel made that quite clear." He looked back at his former CO, "You still haven't explained your reasons sir." He added, trying to change the subject from his and Mac's tattered relationship. AJ decided to try a slightly different tack.
"You love her don't you?" Harm's eyes snapped up to meet his.
"Yes sir." He replied, without hesitating, tired of skirting around the issue.
"Well did you ever stop to think what would happen between you if there was no chain-of-command issue?" AJ said calmly, showing no reaction to Harm's admission. Harm looked at him in shock. The truth was that had never occurred to him. Of course at the moment that is kind of a moot point, he mused, Mac saw to that quite successfully.
"And that's why you processed my resignation sir?" he managed to say, his eyes softening slightly.
"That's part of it." AJ admitted, "The two of you deserve your chance to make it work. You belong together, anyone can see that. I thought I was doing you both a favour. I clearly couldn't have been more wrong." Harm stood suddenly,
"Can I get you another drink sir?" he asked, picking up his glass.
"I'm fine thanks."
"I'll be back in a minute sir. I just need a second." He moved towards the kitchen, alarmed to feel his hands shaking slightly.
Harm lent on the counter, trying to get his head around what the Admiral had told him. He could barely believe it. It was if the fates were conspiring against them; they had their chance, the blessing and support of one of the more important people in both of their lives, and she had destroyed that before they had a chance to get off the ground with a single word: never. He felt a sudden rush of anger, and slammed his hand down, catching the side of a plate that was sitting on the counter.
"Damn you Mac." He swore softly, as the sound of a smashing plate reached his ears. He looked down at the plate, lying in pieces at his feet, staring at it for a few seconds wondering how they had got to this point. The anger he had felt dissipated quickly, only to be replaced by the hurt that had previously existed since Paraguay.
"Harm are you ok?" He looked up at the sound of the Admiral's voice to find him standing about a foot away, concern etched onto his features.
"I'm fine sir. Just knocked the plate off by mistake." Harm replied quickly, leaning down to pick up the smashed pieces. AJ bent down to help him. While they were clearing up the mess, Harm turned to the Admiral hesitantly,
"Sir? You said you had a couple of reasons why you processed my resignation. Mac was one. What was the other?"
"Honestly?" AJ replied, knowing Harm was going to hate this answer even more than the first, "I think I was trying to teach you a lesson. Your actions have ramifications Harm, especially your heroic ones." He glanced at his companion, not overly surprised to see anger and resentment bubbling to the surface, "Don't misunderstand me here Harm. I understand why you had to go down there. You're an honourable man, and I truly wouldn't expect anything less from one of my Officers. And you did a great job from what little I've been told. But sometimes you need to learn that it is not always necessary to play the hero."
Harm felt his anger subside again, the fight leaking out of him. His Grandmother had pointed out a similar thing to him on more than one occasion, and she was someone that he had always relied on to help guide his moral compass. With her help, he had come to understand the hell he had put his mother through as a child; both through his resistance to Frank, and his dogged insistence on finding his father. He looked his former CO in the eye,
"Thank you for coming and telling me this sir." He said calmly, feeling suddenly drained. "It has helped me understand a few things, about myself and the people in it."
"I'm sorry son." AJ said quietly, "If I could turn back time, I might have done differently." There was a long pause as they both tried to take in the enormity of the conversation that they had just shared
"Sir?" Harm said suddenly as a thought struck him, "Have you, um, have you told Mac any of this?"
AJ hesitated, unsure whether to let slip just how much he knew of what had occurred.
"Yes I did. I felt I owed her an explanation as much as I owed you. She, uh, she" now he looked and felt uncomfortable, and wished he had Meredith with him; she was much better at this than he was, "she told me a bit of what happened between you in Paraguay." His eyes met Harm's and was shocked at the depth and strength of the hurt he saw reflected in his eyes; he looked like he was reliving a visit to hell. Which, AJ supposed, It must have been like for him. "You need to talk to her Harm. Things don't feel right when the two of you aren't talking. It's affecting her work as well."
"She made it perfectly clear that she wanted nothing to so with me sir." Harm replied bitterly, "I'm just respecting her wishes."
"Do you really believe that?" AJ asked, "You have had your issues before, but you've always got through it. Why is this time different?"
"I did what I could to show her I was ready to let go, and she slammed that door in my face. I don't see what else I can do." Harm replied stubbornly. AJ looked at him sadly; wishing once again that he could just bang their heads together; they were both so stubborn. He glanced at his watch, realising he was running late to meet the SecNav.
"I'm afraid I have to go. I have a meeting with the SecNav in twenty minutes. Thank you for letting me explain myself." He stood up and offered Harm his hand. "Take care of yourself Harm. I'll see you at Thanksgiving if not before. Don't be a stranger." Harm shook his hand,
"Thank you for coming round sir. I really appreciate it." He said as he followed the Admiral to the front door. In the open doorway, AJ paused and turned to face him again.
"Don't give up on her Harm. She loves you and you love her. You have your chance, don't mess this up." He hesitated again, "And don't get to attached to agency life, I have every confidence that you'll be back in JAG sometime in the future." He held up his hand to stop Harm from speaking, "Just think about what I've said Harm. Promise me you'll think about it."
"I promise." Harm replied softly as AJ nodded once more, and left, rushing to get to his meeting.
Well that's it for another chappie. The next one will be a bit more cheerful I promise! Don't worry, there will be fluff galore soon enough!!!!!
All reviews are greatly appreciated, so if you have a moment, let me know what you think!!!
Thanks again for reading!!
xxxx