Title: "A Moment Of Terror"
Author: Shaitanah
Rating: uhm… PG
Summary: No matter what, L can't leave his suspicions behind. [some L/Light tension Please R&R!
Disclaimer: Death Note belongs to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.
A/N: Takes place post-Page 35.
A MOMENT OF TERROR
Your eyes are an undiscovered ocean far away,
Any minute now keeping
Both poets and priests at bay.
Don't get ahead of me.
Could we just this once see eye to eye?
Could you want perhaps me?
Ask me how it feels to vie…
Incubus. 'Admiration'
He learnt to like him that way: wide-eyed, long-haired, wrapped up in that ridiculous aura of innocence. Ever since Light-kun 'discarded his foolish pride' (i.e. shifted to this strange, completely illogical behaviour mode) L was looking at him at a different angle. This was a stranger, not entirely unfamiliar, yet not quite the same man Ryuuzaki had known before his imprisonment. This one was painstakingly sincere, almost naïve in his constant attempts to persuade the investigators the Kira case was a set-up. The other one was confident, secretive and extremely strong-willed. L didn't know which one he liked better.
Yagami Light was Kira, no matter what identity he assumed. Just like Ryuuzaki, Ryuuga, Coil, Denueve and many others merged and blended into L in the end. Nothing could change that. And seeing Kira give him that wonderfully innocent, desperate look made L's heart ache with unfamiliar feelings.
He wanted… wished… desired to end this as quickly as possible. And for that, Kira simply had to confess.
L would switch the mic on every day and ask: "Are you okay, Light-kun?"
The youth usually mumbled, "Yes," and would either go back to his grim, self-contained silence, or try to prove his point all over again. And these were the times when L wanted to shoot him: Kira could sink no lower to beg for his freedom like that.
"Your problem," Light said once, "is that you see what you will and refuse to accept any challenges."
"Challenges?" L arched his eyebrows quizzically and took another generous bite of a chocolate pastry. "I love challenges."
Light raised his head and cast another hard, blazing look at the camera. Ryuuzaki zoomed in, and the face of his opponent took up all of the screen. He could see the sweet honey-brown eyes, incapable of deceit, burning with desire to justify the silent struggle the suspect and the accuser had been going through for the past weeks.
"Do you really? You love winning, Ryuuzaki! But here's some game you can't win! Because I am not Kira. You can process me and keep me in prison, you can even have me executed, but you'll still be making a serious mistake. The person you're looking for is not me!"
'He is sincere,' L thought. 'But what is sincerity if not what we ourselves believe in? He thinks he's not lying. But it doesn't mean he speaks the truth.'
And he kept watching.
Pale light was falling over Yagami's body sprawled on the prison bunk. Everything about him was perfect even now: his messy hair falling over those large beautiful eyes, plain black clothes, hands bound behind his back and his pose screaming for liberty. Anyone that innocent-looking could not really be innocent.
"Yagami-kun," L called softly. "What are you thinking about?"
"A tennis rematch," there came a hushed response a few minutes later.
"I don't like doing this to you."
Light shot the camera a glare and then smiled weakly. "I know that, Ryuuzaki. It's just what you have to do."
What L did later he did primarily out of pity for Yagami-san. He was a formidable man and a rather trustworthy colleague (if L had ever been in any position to trust anyone). Seeing him break over the prospect that his son might be Kira displeased L. The test was cruel, but so was L's job and he couldn't allow himself to be soft now.
He looked at the foggy image on the screen and saw nothing but fear. Common human fear, something he would have felt in Light-kun's position. Fear built up so heavily around him that it was almost visible. L leaned in to take a closer look.
"You're afraid to die."
It never occurred to him whether Kira was capable of something so simple and human as to feel scared. He could not completely exclude it, of course, but it seemed somehow improbable. It wasn't right.
"Fear doesn't justify you," L murmured when everything was over.
Light was smiling at the camera. Teasing him. No, he was just… smiling. He said they'd catch Kira together, and for a moment L almost believed him.
He locked the handcuff around Light's wrist resolutely. Some thought it was just a precaution. L said he didn't like it any more than Light-kun did.
In fact, it was a tool of control.
Light touched his shoulder lightly before walking out of the room to start the work. If it wasn't for the chain, the touch would have been gone by now. But it was still there, leaking through L's clothes down to his skin, filling him with the strangest feelings.
The chain let him keep his friend close – and his enemy closer. No matter what, he could not leave his suspicions behind.