Author: Jade Unicorn

Email: The Rated Unexplained a Lizzie McGuire fic part of the "Photograph" series

Rating: PG13

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, Disney does. Only the story is mine.

Note: This series is a continuance of my "Thunder Rolls" series. That explains why Lizzie and Miranda had a past relationship.

It wouldn't matter how many times a year that David called me to give me updates or how many bottles of strong liquor I could withstand in one sitting, or even how many times I had drug that knife across my skin, I'd never forget the pain of losing Lizzie or let go of the memories of our relationship together. So in order to overlook that part of me just to survive I made sure that there was never a moment of total silence in my life. I would have gone completely insane if there had been. Keeping my life in constant chaos is what, remarkably enough, held it together. That kept me from having more than a passing thought of Lizzie and how she was lying beside David at night and not me.

It took me a long time to make myself get out of bed this morning. Hours of debating on whether or not my being there would be a comforting thing or just worsen the situation. Looking over to the nightstand I could see the picture that David had sent me from last summer. Liz, as he now called her, had Sandi in her hands helping her stand. Collin was balancing a soccer ball on his knee in the background. Her bright, warm smile was shining from beneath the frame. Sometimes I couldn't help but wish that it was my family. That Liz and I had never parted. Or more precisely that I had never cheated on her with that dumb ditz ex-cheerleader. No, I wasn't bitter about it.

The initial welcoming into the McGuire home was better than I expected. After all these years I guess the McGuire's had forgiven me for what I had done to their daughter. Which surprised me since Liz never spoke to me again after that day.

I can still remember standing on her doorstep in the cool breeze trying to explain to her that I went to one stupid party and had too much to drink and didn't think enough when Kate made her move on me. Jim Beam hung heavily on my breath and Liz would wince every time she could smell it. Tears were suspended in beautiful eyes. If I close my eyes I can still feel the wind from when she slammed the door in my face and the sound rung loudly in my head.

"Miranda." His voice was stern and showed little emotion.

"Hi Matthew."

He nodded his head half-heartedly and handed me a drink. My head hung down staring into the liquid hoping that there wouldn't be any bitterness towards me today. Today was Liz and the kids' day. "I just got it." He stated.

"Huh?" My eyebrows wrinkled in confusion as I looked up at him.

Matt pointed to the drink, "I just now got it from the fridge. I haven't drunk out of it. But if you don't believe me I'll go get you another one."

My face softened as a small smile managed to escape me. "Oh, I wasn't even thinking about the drink really. I was kind of lost in thought."

"If you're planning on leaving before she gets here you better go ahead and get going. She's almost here." He crossed his arms on his and stared at me, trying to study my reaction to that statement. "Between you and I…" Matt took a step closer and lowered his voice. "She still loves you."

'She still loves you.' Bounced around in my head. The more I tried to get a grasped on what he said the more lost it and myself became. Shaking my head I took a step backwards feeling as though my knees would give out on me during any second as I said, "No she doesn't. She hasn't loved me since the Kate thing freshman year. Liz has moved on."

"Liz was David's wife. Liz was only a mere shadow of Lizzie. And Lizzie is still inside of her. She's just gone a little astray. But Lizzie still loves you."

"Why do you care?"

"Because I love my sister." He turned and walked away to where his own girlfriend was. Watching I saw him turn his head sideways to look at me from the corner of his eye.

My head was swimming and things were moving so fast. For a moment I was sure I was going to pass out. Making my movements quick I got to the stairs and began my climb to the top. Once there I hid myself inside the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

Inside my purse was the secret to calm me down. The one thing that no one knew about my life was right inside. Cold steel pressed firmly in the palm of my right hand I raised my dress to my hip exposing my left thigh. Slowly moving the blade across my thigh only having to apply slight pressure, I made the cuts. The reaction was a few seconds behind but when it started it came heavily. Blood started to trickle down the side of my thigh as a small tear escaped my eyes. Why was I like this? As I looked down I could see the final result.

But the dizziness faded away as my courage also began to build up again. I needed to stay for Liz…Lizzie. For someone damn it. No more running away, time to be an adult and try to salvage my friendship with her again.

Who was I kidding? Definitely not myself. The memories started to attempt to flood back within me of standing there in this familiar spot, doing now what I done then. All those times that Lizzie thought I was taking a shower when I was just letting the hot water run out. But if I went to that point then I would never emerge from this place. So I cleaned myself up, stopping the bleeding, and headed back down stairs.

I could see her standing beside her mother. Every inch of me wanted to move forward but I couldn't seem to make myself. Even though David had sent those pictures, it couldn't prepare me for this moment. Lizzie was so much more beautiful in person. For a moment it took my breath away. Contemplating on whether or not I was going to actually talk to her, I found myself moving forwards anyways.

"Collin has gotten so big since last Christmas." Jo said, with a comforting hand placed on her daughter's shoulder.

I could hear her continue on. My hand slid up her shoulder. Beneath my palm I could feel her muscles tense up. Maybe it was an unwelcome gesture, or maybe I just surprised her. The familiar ache of needing her touch suddenly came back to me. Her skin, even through her black, long sleeve top, was still soft as it was then.

When Lizzie came face to face with me, I slightly pressed my hand deeper into her shoulder in a half attempt to hold myself up. My knees felt weak. My stomach was quaking. But I had to let her know that I was still here. Somewhere hidden inside this scarred flesh was the same Miranda that she once loved.

"Miranda." Lizzie's voice betrayed a slight fear mixed with surprise.

"Liz." Our words were broken sentences lost within our own minds. Try as we might, nothing concrete could escape our lips.

"Miranda, how have you been?" Jo tried to fake a slight concern. In her voice I could hear the past pain pushing through. Hatred still flowed through her veins over my stupidity resulting in Lizzie's heartbreak then.

"Pretty good." I lied through misty eyes.

"Excuse me." Liz tossed her hand up towards me as she walked away towards her kids.

"Why are you here?" Jo's words were tense and low.

"Beats me." I placed one hand on the doorknob while staring at her. She hadn't aged very well since my high school years. Managing a household while keeping a cheating husband in line and putting two children through college had taken its toll on her. The once young vibrate face now was much worn and held a look of discontent with her life. "I came to honor Gordo's memory."

"Now that you have you can leave. We will be leaving the cemetery around 4. You should make the wise decision of waiting until after that to come to his grave."

Anyone could have heard the warning in her voice. So as to not cause any more trouble, I nodded in agreement and gave a last disheartening look towards Liz before opening the door.

The slow torturous walk to my car seemed to take days. All the emotion was welling up inside me but I refused to let a tear fall from my eyes. I wouldn't dare let them know that this was tearing my soul apart. Sliding into the seat I tilted my head back to rest on the seat. Sighing heavily, I blindly stick the key in the ignition.

"Miranda wait!"

-To Be Continued - Jade Unicorn