"Gamer4 in!" Gamer4 called out as he jumped into the gym of the Super Smash Bros. He had yet to stop referring to himself in third person or past tense as the narrator, but was getting psychiatric help in that area. "I wasn't originally planning on updating for a while, but after the dares you guys sent in, I just had to get started right away. So, I shall be going through each of your dares one by one, using my amazing REALITY BENDING POWERS!" At this point, he waved his hand, and suddenly, all the smashers involved with that day's truth-and-dare episode appeared beside him, which, due to a dare by SuckOutYourSoul, was literally everyone. All the smashers, as well as the Master and Crazy Hands, and Tabuu the evil butterfly-winged final boss.
"Whatgoingon!" Crazy shouted on landing on top of half a dozen smashers.
"You all have been chosen to be vic- er, guests on today's episode of SUPER SMASH BROS. TRUTH OR DARE!" Gamer4 announced happily.
"How-a did we all get here, though?" Luigi asked.
"I was here during the first chapter! He somehow got the power to control the whole world!" Ganondorf shouted.
"Well, not the whole world," Gamer4 confessed. "Just the world of the smashers. Otherwise I would cause more money to appear out of nowhere in my hand so I could buy the 3DS. I could do that here, but I wouldn't be able to take it back." Clearing his throat, Gamer4 spoke up again. "Anyways, let's have a run-through of the truths first!" Here, he took out a list of truths and dares and held them up so he could look at them. "Let's see what we've got here," he said, putting away his trademark Harry Potter glasses and putting on random rectangular ones. "The first truths here come from Foxpilot! Let's see what he's got." He cleared his throat again for dramatic effect, and spoke. "And the first truth on this story ever is for... Ike!" Looking around, he added, "Where is he, by the way?"
"Right here!" Ike said, plowing forward. "There's nothing that could ruin me! As long as they didn't ask-"
"What's with your headband?" Gamer4 asked.
"$#!" Ike said.
"Well, go on," Tabuu said, speaking for the first time. At first, he had been sulking at discovering his life being controlled by an author, but now he was genuinely interested.
"Are you sure you read it right?" Ike asked, gulping as he looked around.
"If you won't answer, I'll just ask Marth," Gamer4 said.
"I can't answer, he never told me," Marth said regretfully, though he was paying attention.
"Is there any way for me to get out of this?" Ike asked, looking around.
"No," Gamer4 said. "Just take it off."
Ike slowly, with trembling hands, reached up and lifted the headband from his head. For a second, everyone was silent. Then the chatter started.
"Holy #$%#," Marth muttered. "I'll never look at you the same way again."
"Cool!" Crazy said, jumping up and down with excitement, despite his lack of legs.
"Does that hurt?" Link asked, inching away.
Gamer4 was, for once, dumbstruck. Finally, he shakily said, "P-p-put it back on, okay?"
"I warned you," Ike said, returning the headband to his head.
Gamer4 wiped some sweat from his brow. "Okay," he said. "Well, I guess we found out the answer to that one. But believe me, Foxpilot, you do not want to know. Ike, you shouldn't have shown me, but you did, and now I'm telling all you readers, you don't want to know."
"Who's got the next truth?" Fox asked optimistically.
"Funny you should ask," Gamer4 said, looking at him.
"Oh, boy," Fox said, inching away.
"Why, do you have a dirty secret too?" Ike asked.
"Oh, don't worry," Gamer4 said. "It's not too bad. He just wants to know: do you know the muffin man?"
"The muffin man?" Fox asked.
"The muffin man."
"Do I know the muffin man? Who lives on Drury lane?"
"Well, she's married to the muffin man.
"The muffin man?"
"THE MUFFIN MAN!"
"She's married to the muffin man, huh?" Fox said.
"Oh, enough of this!" Tabuu shouted. Here, he grew his trademark butterfly wings and butterfly bashed Fox into oblivion.
"Hey, we need him for a later dare!" Gamer4 shouted. He reached out and pulled Fox back. "You alright, buddy?"
"Stop the room, please, I'd like to get off," Fox mumbled, and walked off towards Falco.
"Okay, last truth from Foxpilot," said Gamer4. "And this one is for you, Ganondorf."
"Well, it can't be anything too bad," Ganondorf growled.
"Oh, nothing too bad at all," Gamer4 said, starting to laugh like Jack Nicholson as the Joker. "He just wants you to reveal you deepest, darkest secret for all of fanfiction to hear!"
"No!" said Ganondorf. "Isn't gonna happen."
"Well, I guess this is a good time to point out that this story is going to eventually need a system of punishing reluctant smashers," Gamer4 said. "I'll ask you readers to send in ideas, but for now, if you don't do a truth or dare, I will let Tabuu do whatever he wants with you. Whatever he wants!"
"No!" Ganondorf cried. "Okay, I'll tell you. The truth is... *gulp* I am not the gerudo king."
"Then what are you?" Gamer4 said, stunned slightly by this piece of information.
"I'm the gerudo... queen!" he called out, removing his armor to prove it.
"Woah," Gamer4 said. "I didn't think any of us were suspecting that. But then, why do you always get called the king?"
"I pretended to be male so I could take over the tribe!" Ganondorf said. "Why do you think I wore armor so heavy that I was always the slowest person in the Smash Brothers games?"
"That does make a little Nintendo logic-ified sense," Gamer4 admitted. "But seriously, I doubt anyone saw that coming! Anyways, on to the next truth! And this one comes from Shadus Tricefok of the Fifteen. Luigi, my man, my second favorite Mario character aside from Yoshi, this one's for you."
"For-a me?" Luigi said. "I-a never get anything my brother doesn't-a get."
"Well, he has a dare later on, but he doesn't have a truth, this is the last truth."
"Okay, a-what is it?"
"Well, this is actually one of the deeper truths here. What do you think your life would be like without Mario? How would you feel?"
"If Mario-a never existed, I wouldn't-a know any better," Luigi said. "But if I-a knew I was supposed to-a have a bro, I'd be-a sad. He's my bro, and even though he's-a more popular than me, he's still my bro, you know?"
"I do indeed," Gamer4 in. "Inspiring speech, my main plumber." Luigi went back to sit next to Mario.
"Thanks, a-Luigi," Mario said.
"Well, don't-a get too used to it, this story is-a humor, not-a romance."
"Passing over that," Gamer4 said. "It's finally time for this show's first dares!" (Random almost painfully fake applause.) The first ones come to us from Foxpilot, the one who revealed Ganondorf's- well, true nature, I guess. Anyways, the first dare reads as follows, and I quote: 'Yoshi- you have been randomly selected for my tradition. Fly through Area 6 from Star Fox 64 or die trying. Enjoy the lasers.'"
"What? No! I can't do that! I don't even know how to fly a ship! I don't even have opposable thumbs!" Yoshi cried.
"As much as I would like to see you get off this one, it's the dare. If you don't do it, you must go to silent hill. Your choice."
"Silent Hill!"
"Too bad. Magical REALITY-BENDING POWERS, activate!"
A random trap door opened and Yoshi fell through. Suddenly, he found himself in an Arwing at the beginning of Area 6. A random voice came out of nowhere. "It's almost over! We're in your debt. Come back in one piece, Yoshi!"
"What?" Yoshi called out. Suddenly, the Arwing lurched forward. "What do you mean in one piece?" he shouted as the Arwing temporarily steered itself. Suddenly, Gamer4's voice came in over the radio.
"Space mines ahead!" he said, watching it on a plasma t.v. screen.
Yoshi snapped and started shouting. "You're mother was a ******************* aim****************************** Lip's Stick and ******************************* cracker launcher******************************** wood heart******************** republican ***************************** Shigeru Myamoto **************************** with a bucket of ********************* and a boo's house far away, where no one can hear you ************************************** tea *********************** with a bucket of ********************* Solid Snake ****************** a screw attack *********************************** unnatural ***************************** alakazam!"
"I sense some hostility," Gamer4 said. "Okay, I'll just call in when something dangerous is coming-"
The radio was cut off at that moment, due to the fact that, while Yoshi was cursing at Gamer4, he had run into one of the aforementioned space mines. Gamer4, as well as everyone else in the room, turned to look at the screen. Ganondorf and Bowser were sharing a bucket of popcorn, which wouldn't normally disturb me, but since we recently discovered Ganondorf's secret... Anyways, there were mutters of "Ouch," from the general population as they watched Yoshi somehow crash into each and every one of the mines. At that moment, a random guy wearing sunglasses came out of nowhere, shouted, "Dr. Octogonapus!" and fired a laser bigger than Venom at Yoshi from his mouth.
"Ohh," Gamer4 said. "Maybe I should pull him out." He reached into thin air and made Yoshi appear out of nowhere. Sure enough, he was limp. Well, bits of him were, anyways. "You might want to take care of him, we need him for a dare later," Gamer4 said, handing him over to Mario and Luigi. "Anyways, I guess it's time for the next dare! And this one is for: Snake! Come on over here, buddy!"
Snake stepped forward. "What do you want me to do?" he said defiantly.
"Oh, you just need to bite Olimar's leg," Gamer4 said. After a brief pause, he added, "as a cottonmouth."
"What?" Snake said, then suddenly grabbed at his throat, which had gone completely dry. Throwing a look of pure hatred at Gamer4, he turned to Olimar.
"Hey, it's just my job," Gamer4 said. "It's not my fault if I love every minute of it." He turned to watch. Snake approached Olimar and knelt down to bite his leg. As soon as he did, he jumped back, gagging. Olimar didn't look so happy either. Olimar let out a shout and ran down the hall screaming. Snake gagged a couple more times and flopped on the ground. "Snake!" Gamer4 said. "Can you hear me? Snake? SNAAAAKE!"
"What are you spazzing about?" Wolf asked, moving forward. "Just throw a one-up down his throat." he shoved him over to the two plumbers, who had finally managed to revive Yoshi. They started to work on him.
"Okay," Gamer4 said. "Though you could show a little more respect for the dead. Anyways, that was the last dare from Foxpilot. The only one left was one for me to not give any of you guys immunities. And since I wasn't going to anyways..."
"Who's the next dare for?" Tabuu asked, almost nervously. He somehow knew that Gamer4 had only called them all there because they were all to be involved in one dare or another. He had his pride to think about, though.
"Oh, don't worry, it's for Mario," Gamer4 said. "Come over here."
Mario stood, nervously, and walked over to Gamer4. As soon as he did, said gamer made a gigantic mountain of poison mushrooms appear. "You must eat as many as you can," he said. "Go crazy."
Mario walked up to them nervously and began devouring all of them. By the time he was finished, even the smallest cell would need a tiny microscope to see him. "Who does this one come from again?" Link asked, realizing Gamer4 had forgotten.
"Oh, it's from Shadus Trifok of the Fifteen. Sorry to said author, by the way. Everyone be careful not to step on Mario! That means you, Bowser!"
Bowser let out a grumble and moved over to put his feet up. "Oh, no," Gamer4 said. "You've got a dare too. You have to go in this refrigerator-"
"What refrigerator?" Bowser asked.
"This one," Gamer4 said, causing one to appear directly over Pikachu. Said Pokemon looked up for a second, and had time to say, "Pika-" before it collapsed on him. "It's nothing too bad, actually. You just have to go in the refrigerator and stay there until I tell you to come out!"
"That's it?" Bowser said. "What a wimpy dare. Who came up with that one?"
"Shadus Trifok," Gamer4 said. "Just go in, okay."
"I've done worse things over the years," Bowser said, stepping in.
Gamer4 closed the door. To everyone else, he said, "What Bowser doesn't know is that that seemingly ordinary refrigerator is lined with three kinds of ammunition, as per a combination of Shadus's other two dares: Lock Bowser in a refrigerator with tons of grenades and Find out whether an A-bomb or a Wario fart is more powerful. So, let's test the grenades first." Gamer4 pushed a button, and the refrigerator exploded with enough force to put a dent in the floor of the gym, and to make Crazy, who was nearby, jump back and start rushing around screaming like a little girl, despite being invulnerable to such mundane things as high explosives.
Bowser flopped out, charred from the explosion. "Is that all you got?" he challenged, probably unwisely.
"No," Gamer4 said, pushing the A-bomb button. A mushroom cloud arose, and Gamer4 calmly made a shield around himself and some of the other smashers, including the recently-revived Yoshi and Snake. When the smoke cleared, Bowser was just a puddle on the ground. His voice still rang out from it.
"This is just a flesh wound!"
"Oh, you think?" Gamer4 said. And he pressed the button to release Wario's gas. Another mushroom cloud arose from the remains of the refrigerator, and all the smashers jumped backward in sheer horror. Bowser let out a strangled cry, being at the epicenter of the eruption, and feeling the worst of it. As it all cleared, Bowser was sobbing.
"Have mercy!" he shouted.
"And, hey, what do you know, that was the last dare!" Gamer4 said. "Now, I just need to bring Bowser back..." He waved his hands around a bit, and Bowser emerged from the ash the puddle had turned into with Wario's "ammunition." "To celebrate our first real chapter," Gamer4 said, "free beer for all!"
Everyone cheered. Suddenly, Peach spoke up. "Hey, where's Mario?"
"Oh, almost forgot," Gamer4 said, making several super mushrooms appear. "Mario, if you can hear me, eat those super mushrooms so you can turn normal again!"
Mario ate them, and, on resizing, joined in the cheering. They all headed downstairs. Gamer4 followed, laughing, being the only one who knew that there were two more dares at work here...
XXXX
Everyone was getting drunk in the dining room, apparently having forgotten that only those involved with dares were summoned, meaning that this must be part of the dare. Within seconds, Toon Link was daring Tabuu and Zelda, who were embracing each other as they sang a random song about Odo the hero, that he could climb up to the ceiling of the room with just his teeth. R.O.B, of all people, tried to hit on Samus, who, under the influence of alcohol, was surprisingly accepting. Within moments, the robot and the woman were heading upstairs to an empty bedroom.
Lucas and Ness, meanwhile, were the drunkest. Finally, they both crawled into the bathroom. They were both laughing like psychos, and, being dehydrated from all the alcohol they'd somehow managed to consume and feel the effects of within 5 minutes, were putting their faces into a sink full of water and lapping it up like dogs. Finally, Lucas spoke. "Ness," he said. "Hey, Ness, Ness, Ness."
"Yeah?"
"You know what I suddenly have the urge to do?"
"What?"
"I suddenly feel like I want to go and start taking the smashers out."
"Eh, why not." Ness said, picking up an axe that came out of nowhere. "I've got this axe I've been sharpening all day." For a second, they were both silent, then Ness spoke again. "Funny, I don't remember doing that. But I must have."
"Oh, no," Lucas said, looking at him. "We've gone crazy, haven't we?"
"Well, we wouldn't be doing this if we weren't," Ness said, starting to write on the wall.
XXXX
A few moments after they'd left the room to go off and start chopping down doors, Pit and Mewtwo stumbled into the bathroom. Suddenly, Mewtwo let out a yelp. Look at that! he called out, pointing at a note taped to the mirror.
"Oh, no!" Pit said. "A pimple! I hate you!" he shouted, throwing himself at the mirror. Looking at where his hands had made contact, he added, "And now the glass is dirty!"
Not that, that! Mewtwo said, indicating the note. He picked it up and read it. All work and no play makes children with only pupils dull boys, he read. Oh, and if you can read this, you're too close, suckers!
"And look at this!" Pit cried, pointing to a word written in some red substance on the wall. "It's cherry soda! It spells REDRUM!"
But, wait! Mewtwo said. REDRUM? That means- Oh, no! We have to warn the others!
XXXX
The two children, meanwhile, were going around the mansion, breaking down random doors. Ness went first. "Here's Ness!" he shouted into the first room. The inhabitant looked up and shouted, "A murderer, huh? Well, I'll take you out! LEROY-"
He was cut off when the boys sprinted off down the hall. Lucas went next. "Here's Lucas!" he called out. The inhabitant looked over and shouted, "IMMA FIRIN' MAH LAZ-" giving them just enough time to run off.
XXXX
Gamer4 was in the dining room, the only one who wasn't drinking. Suddenly, Pit and Mewtwo burst in, shouting, "Everybody run!" Everybody being drunk, they didn't show the slightest signs of moving.
"What is it?" Gamer4 asked, though he, of course, already knew.
"Lucas and Ness have gone crazy!" Pit said. "Mewtwo explained it all to me! They wrote REDRUM on the bathroom wall! It has 6 letters! Six is the devil's number!" Ignoring Ganondorf, Wario, Bowser, Wolf, and King Dedede, who started singing Highway to Hell at these words, he continued. "We think they're going to-"
Suddenly, Lucas broke down the dining room door. "Here's Lucas!" he shouted, also muttering to Ness, "I told you this was the right room."
Oh, no! Gamer4 thought. I didn't think they'd actually find us!
As the two burst in, he went to make his final notes to the readers. "Okay, well, it looks like I have to take these two out real quick. Until I do, I'd recommend locking your doors whenever possible! Remember, I can't write these chapters without truths and/or dares, so send those in! Some suggestions for punishments for reluctant smashers wouldn't be amiss either! Okay, Please R&R, constructive criticism is fine, flames are bad. Gamer4 o- Crazy! NOOO!" he cried as he lunged forward into the fray.
TO BE CONTINUED...