When he finally leaves his room Merlin goes straight to Arthur's. Arthur is there, sitting at his desk, sorting through some papers. He doesn't look up when Merlin enters, not right away, and for some strange reason Merlin isn't sure what to do. He closes the door softly, then leans back against it, one hand still on the doorknob, ready to make a break for it if he must. Maybe after hearing the stories that Merlin had told him last night Arthur will have changed his mind and decided that he doesn't trust Merlin and has decided to turn him into his father after all and…
"Merlin!" Arthur calls, loud and insistent.
Merlin looks up to see Arthur watching him expectantly, one eye brow raised, and Merlin wonders how many times Arthur has already said his name.
"Yes, m'lord?"
"Is there a reason you're still standing there? Does the door require your presence in order to stay closed?"
"Um, what? No, I just—I don't know," Merlin mutters, caught off guard by the question.
"Right," Arthur drawls out slowly, but then his expression turns soft. "I've told my father that I'm feeling ill and not quite up to leading the knights today. I have the whole day free, if you wish to continue our conversation from last night."
When he offers his voice is surprisingly soft, and Merlin knows he isn't demanding or pressuring him but presenting an option. Merlin is grateful for the choice but he doesn't want to prolong this process any longer than he already has.
"Yes, I'd like that, if you're sure."
"Good. Why don't you run down to the kitchens and get us an early lunch. By the time you return I'll have finished these and we can continue without interruption," the prince says, turning back to the pages on his desk.
Merlin leaves to do as Arthur has said, practically running through the corridors to the kitchens. The head cook gives him a dubious look as he comes through the door, panting.
"Running a bit late today, Merlin?"
"What? Oh, uh, not quite. Actually, the prince isn't feeling well today and didn't want to be disturbed this morning. But now he's hungry."
"And I suppose you are, too?"
"Well. Yes actually. Now that you mention it," Merlin replies, giving her a cheeky smile.
One of the kitchen maids chuckles nearby and Merlin is again reminded that as far as everyone else in the castle is concerned everything is the same as it has always been. He tries to act normal as he waits, but he can't seem to stand still. There is a nervous energy running through him which makes standing still and quiet seem almost impossible. He receives several sideways glances from those in the kitchen before he's finally handed a platter with two plates and cups. He smiles and nods and barely has the platter in both hands before he's off, walking as fast as he can without spilling or dropping anything.
Merlin stops in front of Arthur's door before going in, taking a moment to collect himself and calm his breathing as well as his heart, which is beating so loudly he thinks Arthur can probably hear it from inside his chambers; a combination of nerves and his fast pace as he returned from the kitchens contributing to his racing heart and the blood pounding in his ears. Finally he feels calm enough to go in, so he steels himself for the morning to come and enters Arthur's chambers.
The prince is still at his desk but he no longer has a pile of papers in front of him. Instead he is twirling a quill in his fingers, gazing absently towards an empty corner of the room, and Merlin wonders for a moment if Arthur is nervous as well. He goes to the table and sets down the platter, than stands awkwardly, unsure once more as he had been earlier that morning, waiting for Arthur to make the next move. The sound of the platter being set down seems to draw Arthur from his thoughts, and he glances over, seemingly surprised as if he hadn't noticed that Merlin had returned.
"Sit, Merlin. We can talk as we eat," he orders, standing and making his way towards the table to join Merlin.
Merlin obeys, sitting in the chair closest to Arthur's usual spot. He places a plate in front of Arthur as the prince sits before taking his own. He takes a cup as well and briefly wishes that the wine served by the kitchen was just a little stronger.
They eat in silence for several minutes. Arthur glances up at him every so often but never pushes, and again Merlin is surprised at Arthur's patience and consideration towards him in this matter. He had expected an intense interrogation, possibly while sitting in a cell in the dungeons. He isn't stalling necessarily, but he is having a hard time finding the words to start the next bit of his story. Finally he gives up on tact and begins to talk.
"Do you remember the Dragonlord, Balinor?"
Arthur has just taken a bite, of course, because Merlin's timing has always been impeccable. The prince nods and chews faster, gesturing in a way that Merlin takes as a sign to continue.
"Before we left to find him Gaius told me some of the man's history. He told me that he helped Balinor escape Camelot and your father and sent him to a place just over the border where Gauis thought he'd be safe. A village called Ealdor," Merlin began, looking up to watch Arthur's reaction when he mentioned the name of the village.
Arthur stilled, swallowing and almost choking, but remained silent despite the questions that Merlin could see forming in his mind.
"While Balinor was there he met a woman. She knew the risk—that he was a wanted man—but she sheltered him anyways. They fell in love, but Balinor couldn't stay. Uther learned of his whereabouts and Balinor was forced to leave after barely two months of being with the woman he loved."
Merlin paused again, fighting past the lump in his throat.
Before he could continue Arthur spoke, "He didn't leave her alone, did he?" he asked quietly.
Merlin's head snapped up in surprise at the conclusion Arthur had drawn, mouth opening and closing silently as he searched for a resonse.
"I'm a Dragonlord," he managed finally, maintaining eye contact with Arthur as he confessed.
Arthur sat back in his chair and let out a heavy breath. "This is… a lot to take in. I thought I'd come to terms with this new version of you, but… I guess there's more," Arthur mused.
"This is all, I swear. The rest is just… things I've done. Oh well, no I guess that's not true either," Merlin faltered as he remembered the way Mordred had called him Emrys and the various prophesies he'd heard that surrounded himself and Arthur.
Arthur raised an eyebrow at him expectantly, but then frowned suddenly, looking away with narrowed eyes for a moment before turning back to Merlin.
"You cried when he died. I remember how affected you were by his death, but I thought that it was only because he'd died protecting you. If I'd known he was your father… oh God, Merlin. He died in your arms and you didn't say a thing."
Merlin nodded mutely, suddenly overcome with emotions as he remembered that day. He could feel the tears forming in his eyes and looked away, wiping the back of his sleeve across his eyes.
"I'm sorry you had to go through that alone," Arthur said quietly, gently covering Merlin's clenched hand with one of his own.
"I wish I could have known him longer," Merlin whispered.
Arthur gave his hand a gentle squeeze before pulling away and Merlin straightened once more, knowing that Arthur was less likely to be as understanding about his next confession.
"Arthur, when you fought the dragon he didn't flee because you'd injured him. I sent him away," he explained.
Arthur's brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean, sent him away? Are you saying he isn't dead?"
"No, he's very much alive. My father told me how to kill him before he died, and I thought I could do it, but when the time came, I couldn't. We're the last of our kind, kin, and I couldn't kill the dragon after watching my father die the same day. I ordered him never to attack Camelot or its people again and sent him away."
Merlin found that he couldn't bring himself to meet Arthur's eyes. The dragon had done so much damage, killed so many, and Merlin had let him fly away from it all unscathed.
"Merlin, he attacked the city, he killed people!" Arthur exclaimed, clearly thinking about the same things as Merlin, "and you're saying he's still out there? That he could return at any moment and we'd be at his mercy once more?"
Merlin shook his head emphatically, cowed under the anger and disbelief in Arthur's voice. This was the first time the prince had reacted to Merlin's confessions with anything other than patient understanding, and it was the reaction that Merlin had been expecting since the day Arthur had found out about his magic, but that didn't make it any easier to face.
"No, no he won't attack again, he can't. He can't refuse or disobey the order I gave him," Merlin explained, voice sincere and gaze earnest as he sought to disperse Arthur's fears. "I couldn't do anything before we left, but when my father died I inherited his powers. When I speak the dragon must obey," he insisted.
"Everyone thinks I killed the dragon, all this time I've been praised for something I never did. What if he comes back and everyone finds out that he isn't dead? What do you think my father will do?"
"I'm sorry, Arthur. I'm sorry for putting you into this position and for lying to you about the true events of that night. But I'm not sorry for sparing Kilgarrah," Merlin confessed.
Kilgarrah had only been acting in retribution towards Uther's slaughter of the other dragons, and Merlin could not fault him for that, though he did not agree with the killing of innocents. Merlin kept these thoughts to himself though. He did not want to speak out against Uther to Arthur. He knew that Arthur didn't always agree with his father, and recent events had shown them both just how far the apple had fallen from the tree. But that didn't mean that Arthur didn't love Uther, or that he was no longer loyal to his father and king.
"It has a name?" Arthur asked wearily.
"Yes?" Merlin replied hesitantly. "And he can speak. He's very wise, although not always the most helpful. I used to visit him in the caves below the dungeons but I usually left more confused than I'd been before. I'm not sure it was even worth it most the time because it took a bit of doing to make it past the guards but I got pretty good at it," Merlin explained, rambling on to cover his uncertainty in the face of Arthur's anger.
"Gods, Merlin, sometimes I wonder how you're still alive!" Arthur exclaimed suddenly, standing abruptly and walking away from the table while running a hand through his hair.
Merlin winced slightly at the outburst. Perhaps he shouldn't have mentioned that bit about the guards.
Arthur paced back a forth for several moments before returning to the table and walking straight to where Merlin was sitting uncertainly in his chair. Arthur leaned in, placing a hand on either of the armrests and boxing Merlin in. Merlin leaned as far back as he could in face of Arthur's anger, but did not look away.
"I need to know where your loyalty lies, Merlin," Arthur said, voice low and solemn. "You said the dragon was your kin, that you could not kill him. I must know, if the time came and Camelot faced a magical threat, would you stand with me or with those who oppose me?"
Merlin found that he couldn't look away even if he wanted to. Arthur was holding him captive with the intensity of his gaze, the importance of this question conveyed through his eyes and the tone of his voice. Merlin shook his head once.
"I will never betray you, Arthur. If I thought that Kilgarrah would harm even a hair of your head or destroy one more piece of grass in Camelot I would never have let him live. If ever someone with magic is truly a threat to you or to Camelot I will not let them stand. Nimueh offered an alliance but I refused and now she is dead and you are still alive, and so shall it be with any who seek to do as she did," Merlin swore, hoping that the expression of sincerity in his own eyes and the bit of binding magic he let slip into his words would be enough to assure Arthur of his loyalty and disperse his doubt.
Merlin sat straighter, no longer cowering against the back of the chair while Arthur remained where he was, eyes scanning Merlin's face. Merlin leaned forward until all he could see were Arthur's eyes and he could feel Arthur's breath on his face. He placed his own hands over Arthur's and grasped them tightly.
"I know I've lied and that I've made it hard for you to trust me. But I swear on my life and on my magic that I have never acted against you and I never will. It is my destiny to protect you and to help you to become the great king I know you can be."
Arthur narrowed his eyes just slightly and in that Merlin felt as if the prince was looking into his very soul. He'd never been so laid bare before in his life, with no more secrets left to tell, able only to wait for either acceptance or rejection.
Finally Arthur dropped his eyes away from Merlin's and his gaze fell to linger on Merlin's lips. He shifted his stance and for a moment it seemed as if he was moving in closer, but then he pulled away, hands sliding out from under Merlin's as he straightened and stepped back.
"I believe you, Merlin."