A/N: Okay chapter Two. Richard the Third was in many ways one of Shakespeares greatest villains. Go see Ian Mckellen play him if you haven't seen it. The thing is that in regards to the whole Lady Anne seduction you get the idea that Anne goes from wanting to mame Richard with a drill, some hedge clippers, and some ordinary household blech to being all swoon-y over him. And lets think about it. Richard was (in the play) as ugly as a monkey's butt AND the man who murdered her Dad and Husband. We can't blame Shakespeare entirely for this because historically this did happened. Here is my explanation. Hope you enjoy.

Richard III: Nothing emboldens sin so much as mercy

Offstage

Lady Anne: 'Tis more than you deserve;

But since you teach me how to flatter you,

Imagine I have said farewell already.

Lady Anne enters with her to attendance Tressel and Berkeley

Berkeley: Um… I don't want to pry into your personal business, you Ladyship…

Anne: And yet I have a feeling that you are about to Berkeley…

Berkeley: But did you just agree to go out with the Duke of Gloucester?

Anne: Yes.

Berkeley: Let me rephrase that. Did you just agree to go out with the evil, hideous, foul smelling, deformed, manipulative, greedy, power hungry, rumoured-baby-devouring Duke of Gloucester, who killed your father and husband?

Anne: Don't be ridiculous. He doesn't smell all that bad.

Tressel: You only think that because you were so close to your former husband's body. He smelled plenty enough. And was it me or did he look like he was trying out for the Hunchback of Notre Dam?

Anne: If you ask me he looks a lot like Ian Mckellen…

Tressel: Really? I can't see that…

Berkeley: Ladyship! What's going on! Back there you were ready to tear his face off…

Tressel interrupts

Tressel:Would have been an improvement...

Berkeley: And by the end you agreed to meet him for lunch sometime! I mean if you want to forgive and forget I understand but that doesn't mean you have to date your old man's killer.

Anne: I don't think it's any of your business.

Tressel: No, and it's no one else's either. And yet I have a feeling that a certain tabloid newspaper will be having an article on your little courtship tomorrow.

Anne: What on earth are you talking about?

Tressel: I saw a reporter from The Bard at the funeral.

Anne: You didn't!

Tressel: Yep! Doing a piece on Lifestyles of the Rich and Maim-less.

Berkeley: Really? If it's "Maim-less" why are they writing about Richard?

Anne's furious

Anne: Oh! I'm gonna… I'm gonna…

Berkeley: What?

Anne: Write...I really…anger letter to the editor, that's what I'll do!

Tressel: And they said she wasn't a fiery one.

Berkeley: You didn't believe all that nonsense he was saying about killing them because he was so jealous of you and your beauty. That's bul…

Tressel interrupts

Tressel:I think he means to say a steaming pile of bovine manure.

Anne: Give me some credit! I knew that he was leading me on.

Both Berkeley and Tressel stop and turn to their Lady

Berkeley and Tressel: You do?

Anne: Of course! I mean he was good! I almost fell for it, but honestly did he think that I would fall for him with curses in my mouth and tears in my eyes! I mean was ever woman in this humour woo'd? Was ever woman in this humour won? I don't think so!

Berkeley and Tressel: Really?

Anne: Yes…wait. Did you think I would go all adolescent and go out with the next guy who says he likes my face? That is the most unlikely thing to ever happen on this planet.

Tressel: Okay… But there is the slight question about if you, you know, agreeing to GO OUT WITH THE MURDERER OF YOUR FATHER AND HUSBAND!

Anne: Don't raise your voice to me!

Tressel: Sorry your Ladyship.

Anne: So you should be! I knew very well what he's trying to do. I'm just playing along.

Berkeley: Why?

Anne: I don't have much of a choice.

Berkeley: What do you mean? Just tell him to push off!

Anne: Berkeley, think about it! The house of York has won! I am parentless, husbandless and more than likely to banished or killed by someone. I am from the deafeated house of Lancaster I have absolutely no one to protect me.

Tressel: Okay… I see no connection between this and what we were originally talking about.

Anne: Richard is the only shelter I have from this vulnerable position.

Berkeley: Gloucester is not going to protect you. It's like seeking shelter from a thunder storm in a nuclear missile silo! I mean the guy's crazy; he'll probably end up killing you!

Anne: I have to consider what decision has better odds of my survival! I may die if I marry Richard, but I surely will if I don't. Let's face it I'm not going to find many friends in court. All those who were friendly with the house of Lancaster will avoid me like the plague…

Tressel: Actually I think that most of those people actually have the plague…

Anne: And the others either don't care or are itching to see another Lancaster go down.

Berkeley: But Gloucester the son of the devil! Or at least close enough to invite him around to dinner once in a while. Can't you find some other York to attach yourself to?

Anne: No… I want to marry Richard.

stunned silence. Tressel makes some gagging noises in disgust.

Berkeley: Maybe you should marry him. You're both totally insane!

Anne: Let me put it this way. Do you know that famous quote about enemies?

Tressel: Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate?

Anne: No.

Tressel: Money can't buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy?

Anne: No!

Tressel: Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much?

Anne: NO!

Tressel grumpily mumbles under his breath

Tressel: Now whose raising their voice?

Anne rolls her eyes

Anne: The one I was thinking about was "keep your friends close and your enemies closer", and how closer can you be to your enemy than marrying him?

stunned silence again. Tressel makes some more gagging noises in disgust.

Berkeley: Please stop talking about that! I've just eaten!

Anne: How do you think I feel! I'm the one who is going to have to actually marry him.

stunned silence again. Tressel has turned green by this point.

Anne: Look. I think that Gloucester is going for the throne.

Berkeley: What are you kidding! There are like… four… people ahead of him in line. What he going to do wait for them all to get struck by lighting?

Anne: I don't know. But If I agree to mar…

Tressel: NO!

Berkeley: DON'T say the "m" word!

Anne: Okay, okay. But if I do and he becomes king, I'll be able to have some sway on what happens to the rest of my house. Maybe I'll be able to re-establish Lancaster to its former glory.

Tressel: Not to mention that you would get to be queen.

Anne: Well, yes I suppose Her Majesty; Queen Anne has a nice ring to it.

Berkeley: You had better be careful. This could easily come back to bite you on the behind.

Anne: Come on Berkeley, It's not as though I am going to end up saying;

I would to God that the inclusive verge

Of golden metal that must round my brow

Were red-hot steel, to sear me to the brain!

Anointed let me be with deadly venom,

And die, ere men can say, God save the queen!

End of scene