Christmas 2003
This has to be the best Christmas I have ever spent with you Spaceboy!
Molly is in her crib asleep and Kyle has gone out on a date with a medical student can you believe?! I always thought that Kyle would go for someone much more trashy, after all, all he's after so he tells me is a bit of a fling.
The tree is up in preparation for tomorrow's activities, its so nice to have a tree. Something you take for granted back home but when you're on the run it's the most special tree in the world. We decorated it together, a tradition I'm hoping will stick with us for the rest of our lives. Another part of the tradition your begging to withhold is the mini blow up alien I now have on my tree in place of an angel. That's so not gonna happen spaceboy! One of these days that little alien is going to get into an accident with a drawing pin I can tell ya!
We haven't got that much money so everything we could afford has gone on Molly. She's our present this year.
You are such a great Dad my entire being beams at the sight of the two of you together. You two share a secret, a history and I'm only watching on the sidelines. True I've developed alien powers, mainly those that can be used to protect Molly, Max would laugh if he knew, my powers are even better than yours, but I'll never have that legacy running through my veins.
At this moment in time I am just learning how to mind warp the way Tess used to, yesterday I made you think Max had come back to kick your ass but just as he was about to punch you he disappeared! One of these days I'll be able to hold out the hallucinations for much longer and hopefully use them against nasty FBI agents should they ever find us.
We seem to have blended in well with the local community. Everyone is so lovely here but we're having to keep our guards about us all the time which could come across a little rude. Your hair is shorter, the way it was when we found out about Laurie. Mine is longer and I've opted to be a brunette for a little while. I'm not so sure you like it though whenever we're alone it takes you two seconds to change it back to blonde again!
Kyle told us yesterday that Isabel tried to dreamwalk him, I think he lied to her, told her he was in Las Cruces so not to give away our location.
Oops, Molly has woken up. You're looking at me with that look that suggests its my turn. I'm sure I'm getting the raw deal here!
January 2004
I'm getting the January blues. Christmas is always a time of happiness and joy yet its all over in an instant. You're at work, Kyle's at work and I'm stuck inside with a screaming baby. Will she ever shut up?
March 2004
I love waking up in the mornings with you just before Molly wakes up, its at these times when we get the best out of our situation. We haven't really slept with each other as much as we used to and I think a lot of that has to do with how tired we are looking after Molly every day. She takes so much out of us but I wouldn't swap her.
There are times when I think that life would be much more easier and safer had we not had Molly. I often wonder where we'd be if she wasn't here; maybe with the others. I always wonder where they are.
You're getting ready for work, flashing that smile that tells me you're not done with me yet; I'll be waiting when you get home like I always am spaceboy. Maybe tonight Kyle will take Molly to see his new girlfriend so we can have a couple of hours to ourselves. We should be so lucky!
She's growing so fast, I almost feel like I blink and I miss something. She isn't talking yet but I'm trying my hardest to persuade her to say Mommy first!
You kiss my forehead as I try to hide this journal from your sight. I'm not ready to show you this yet, and I think you respect that. One day when we're old and grey I'll show it to you. It'll be full of stories of our life, a life we'll share together.
April 2004
I really want to go to work. I'm so bored sat here in this small apartment all day with nothing to do. I think I've taken Molly to the park more times that the park ranger patrols it!
You brought home the most beautiful painting from work yesterday, something you said you'd been working on for a while. It was of a beautiful woman, with long golden curls and startling green eyes dressed in a white dress. Cradling in her arms was a beautiful little girl. Behind the figures were rays of bright light. You said you'd painted it for us, for me and Molly because we were the light in your life. I'm sure it was just a tactic to get me into bed…but it worked!
July 2004
We have just returned from our first proper vacation. We went to Florida for two weeks and it was pure bliss. We even managed to steal some time away for ourselves whilst Kyle and Penny took Molly to Disney World.
I think Penny is the one for Kyle – he hasn't admitted it yet but I know she is. He hasn't told her about our little secret and I don't think he ever will. He has powers but not enough to really class himself as a member of the alien group, besides the only reason he's anything resembling alien is down to Max, I don't really think he needs to tell her.
Molly is really growing, she's making the most peculiar noises and your sure she's saying Daddy – I'd beg to differ.
It was so lovely having you around for those two weeks. You've been working so hard and I feel so awful that I'm not contributing financially. You tell me not to be so ridiculous, that of course I'm contributing – you even complimented me on the most fantastic job I have been doing raising Molly, which in itself was harder than he could ever imagine. What are you after spaceboy?!
August 2004
Its Molly's first birthday, you brought home a cake yesterday with a lonely candle in it. Her face lit up so brightly when she saw that today, a soft giggle escaped her lips.
Kyle took a picture of this scene playing out in front of his eyes. He wants to send it back to Roswell but you refused. We cant even tell our family about our little family, and that's what hurts the most. No one knows about Molly except us. She is missing out on having so much and they're missing out on having her in their lives.
Its been over a year since we last saw Max, Liz and Isabel. We have no idea where they are and we have no way of contacting them. Luckily we've been ok here in Kansas. We've made a home, a happy home here.
I love that I'm here with you and Kyle and Molly, but I miss them Michael. I miss having my best friend.
Your shrieks of laughter lift me out of my darkened mood. You're swinging Molly round the living room, so much so I know she's gonna be sick the minute you put her down. Why do I feel the need to revert back to the past? To thinking about everything we've lost when we have so much in our future?
October 2004
We're on the move again today. I have no idea where we're heading. Kyle thought he saw Max the other day, he didn't go up to him or anything just stared after him but that was enough for you to make the decision that we had to leave.
Molly's asleep in the car seat in the back of Kyle's SUV. I'm sitting next to her, staring out at the black night sky wondering again what's in store for us?
You're driving, Kyle has the map. You know exactly where we're going but never give me the decency to let me in on that. I don't hate you for making us do this, I hate you for keeping our destination a secret. We shouldn't have secrets Michael. They cause more damage than good.