Chapter 1

She didn't like psychologists very much, especially when they held the key to getting back to work. It wasn't that she was afraid of introspection, she just liked to do it her own way. Not to someone else's schedule. Not in someone else's castle. She had known plenty of colleagues who had found it very helpful. Her first partner in the academy had used the services of a psychologist when he was having marriage problems. He was a big stocky, tough guy on the job, but when you peeled back the armour he was actually quite vulnerable. He found a way to trust that safe space offered by the councillor and really get to the root of his problems. His marriage didn't survive, but he did.

She, on the other hand, didn't go in for all that 'getting in touch with your feelings' stuff. She dealt with her thoughts in her own way. Until now it had always worked for her. So it was through gritted teeth that she squared up in front of the door of one Dr. Emma Logan, PsyD, LMHC, CATC, CGC, CRC. The etched name on the frosted glass was squashed to accommodate all the extra letters.

Once inside she stared absently at all the certificates and qualifications that adorned the inner walls. She had certificates of her own, a degree in forensic science, a diploma in criminology, not to mention a certified first responder. They were all packed away somewhere in a cardboard box. Looking around the room she suddenly wondered where. Could they be in the basement of her mother's house? Not likely. Her mother had cleared everything out within a month of her moving out to Vegas. What she hadn't claimed was dumped. That meant the best bet was that lock-up on the edge of town. All her old stuff was stowed there. Maybe some day she'd get around to sorting through it all.

She was brought back to the present by the sound of someone clearing their throat.

Dr. Emma Logan glanced around the room, tracing the same path as Sofia's eyes.

"What do you see?" she asked.

"Lots of scrolls," replied Sofia. "You're highly educated."

"Thank you." Logan beamed. She was very proud of her accomplishments.

Another long silence.

"Look, I don't mean to be rude," Sofia finally spoke, "you seem like a really nice person. I just don't…"

Dr. Logan kept her face neutral, "Don't what?"

"I just don't think you can help me."

"Why do you think that?"

"Look, you've obviously worked really hard and you're very successful", Sofia said, waving a hand towards the wall. "It's just... how can I say this… you don't know anything about real life. I mean, you spend your days behind this door, researching, talking, listening. Not doing. You don't know what it's really like to feel what people on the job are going through. I mean, you've never been shot at, cornered in an alleyway by a gang, pinned down while your partner is beaten senseless. You're not qualified to help me."

"I have been shot at."

Sofia jerked her head upward, making eye contact with Dr. Logan for the first time. Her face was soft, the wrinkles at the corner of her eyes barely betraying her age.

"Tell me about that alleyway."

Sofia sighed. Inside she kicked herself for breaking her rule. She should've stayed quiet, just sat there silently until her hour was up and she could get back to her job. But she had blown it. She considered brushing the question aside, but maybe she was holding on too tight. Maybe talking through it wouldn't be so bad. After all, it was the reason she was here in the first place. Maybe if she just spoke about it this once she would be freed from this office and these sessions for good. So she settled back in her chair, took a deep breath, and began.

"It was a shift like any other. We'd just finished up a case. Double homicide. Big drug bust. We had finished our final briefing, filed away our notes, clapped ourselves on the back for a job well done. We picked up the next call. It sounded routine. A homicide off East Colton. But when we arrived on scene we knew straight away that something was seriously off." Sofia's palm glanced her abdomen absentmindedly.

"What happened next?"

Sofia swallowed. "Well, for a start, there was no-one else on scene."

"Is that unusual?" asked Logan.

"Not necessarily," answered Sofia. "The police generally arrive ahead of everyone else. Sometimes paramedics are on scene first. What was strange was there were no uniforms there. They're nearly always first on scene, as the closest responders. Their job is to call it in, seal off the area, and detain any suspects or witnesses. Only this time there was no-one else there."

Sofia stopped. She inhaled sharply.

"I switched the engine off. It was so quiet. We glanced at each other before we stepped out of the car. I guess in hindsight it was like an unspoken warning. We should've stayed in the car. I should've restarted the engine and backed right on out of there. That's what our shared glance suggested. I think about that moment often. It could all have turned out so differently."

Sofia was lost in the memory. Her breathing sharpened, her pulse quickened. It didn't go unnoticed by the good doctor.

"Tell me what happened next."

Sofia was thrown back to the present again. It was if she'd forgotten where she was for a moment. She looked quizzically at Logan, until recognition finally washed over her features. Her body tensed as she prepared to recount the next part.

"We walked up the alleyway slowly." Sofia's voice was suddenly thin. "Our hands were close to our weapons. Every few steps we paused and glanced at each other, we knew something wasn't right. Then up ahead we saw something. A shadow, slumped on the ground. It was the victim. We made our way towards the shape. I stooped down to check for vitals. Larry started calling it in."

Sofia stopped again, unwilling to relive the memory.

"And then what?" asked Logan.

Sofia glared at her.

"There was no-one there. There was no victim. It was just a pile of clothes. In that moment I knew it was a trap, I knew who was really there. It was Boland's crew.

"The double homicide bust," said Logan.

Sofia didn't respond. She sat there, consumed by the images playing behind here eyes.

"I started to call out a warning to Larry but it was too late. They came out of nowhere. Four guys. One of them grabbed me from behind."

Sofia was talking fast now, seemingly no longer aware of Logan's presence.

"Two of them grabbed Larry, the third guy started beating on him. I couldn't speak, I couldn't move, the fourth guy had his hand clamped tightly around my arms. I was helpless. It was exactly as Boland said it would be."

"What do you mean?" asked Logan.

But Sofia wasn't listening.

"He warned me. In the interview room. I was questioning him. He told me he'd come for me and my partner. He described what would happen. I'd be made to watch while they smashed in Larry's skull. Then they'd gut him like a fish. Slice him up from his navel to his sternum. Pull out his insides and lay them down right in front of me. And then they'd do the same to me."

"And then?" asked Logan, her neutral face faltering slightly.

"And then," said Sofia, "they set to work."