Thank you all so much for reviews! Much appreciated. I will try to update as soon as possible.
Again, hang in there because I haven't gotten to the phase of the story described in my description but with time comes good things! ;-) Anyway, enjoy!
Ruth is the Kommandant's proper mistress, from the book and movie.
It was night out and I waited until the Kommandant was settled into his armchair in his study reading a book. Now was better than ever so I walked in and addressed him.
"Herr Kommandant, I must speak to you."
"Speaking before being spoken to, Helen?"
I shifted my eyes from his gaze as he stared at me, distracted from his reading. I'll admit that I was surprised to see him reading as learning doesn't strike me as his forte.
"Well, by all means, speak to me then Helen," he said, rather apathetically. He caught me off guard with his eyes and stared at me directly into mine. The look sent shivers down my spine and suddenly I felt very anxious. Anxious to get out of the room even though I'd been the one who started it.
"C'mon, we haven't got all night," the Kommandant huffed.
I felt like a coward. The will to live kicked in strong at that moment and I just couldn't muster the courage to say what I came to say. It came out slurred instead of strong.
"Come again. I didn't understand you…" His agreeableness was really worrying me. Who knew what he was thinking but at that moment I could read him as well as I could read a book written in Portuguese!
I said it slower, this time more ready. "Herr Kommandant, I am… I'm… p-pregnant."
The book, which before he still had in his hands, bookmarked with his index finger now fell onto the desk. Then silence and a cold stare.
Was he going to shoot me right there? Was he going to beat me first? Would he throw me off of the balcony to a horrible, long fall?
All of the horrible thoughts of how'd he kill me going through my head prevented me from noticing the Kommandant's actions. It wasn't until I felt his cold hand grabbing my arm that I even noticed he'd gotten up. There were no words. Just force, and him pulling me up the stairs to his room (much to my dismay).
Once inside his room, he shoved me onto his bed and locked the door. Oh no! No, no, no, no, no! Not again! I was wrong though luckily. The look he shot me when he saw me panicking confirmed for me that he wasn't going to hurt me again. In fact, when I thought of it, he probably didn't even realize yet that I was pregnant with his child, he'd been so drunk when it happened.
He pulled over a chair in his room and sat down in it 2 feet across from me. I was still shaking and nervous. What did he want from me if it wasn't death or sex? Nothing could've prepared me for what happened over the next few minutes.
"Helen, whose is it," he commanded more than asked. I think he suspected but didn't want to admit it. Probably he was hoping I'd say Lisiek. Instead I didn't answer him at all.
"Answer me!"
"I don't know, Herr Kommandant," I whimpered. A weak try…
"Yeah, and I don't know who the Fuhrer is! Tell me, Helen," he whispered. It was scary how something so quiet held so much more ferocity than a shout.
"I don't see how it matters who the father is if you're just going to kill me anyway. I know what you do with the pregnant women. I've seen it." I expected him to beat me for such sudden insolence but things proved to be going contrary to normality that night as he just ignored my statement all together.
Finally his silence broke me. "You are the father, Herr Kommandant."
"Was that so hard Helen? The truth is always the right answer. I'm not going to kill you Helen since it's mine, and I don't want to know how it, this happened, but you're going to have to stay inside from now on. When the baby is born, I'll take care of it."
He must have detected the protective look in my eye when he said he'd "take care of it".
"No, Helen. I mean when it's born I'll have it smuggled to some Poles… You can't talk to anyone or be seen by anyone, you understand? All the constant visitors here know you're…Hebrew…so I'll get a new maid to serve the parties but you'll still need to clean and tidy the villa. Once Ruth figures out you're with child I'll tell her it is Lisiek's. She's different. She won't tell."
I was overwhelmed with what he'd just decided. All so quickly and instinctually. I couldn't believe he was going to let me live, and have the child no less. Was this the same man who kills random prisoners with a sniper rifle from his balcony? I sat there with my eyes wide open and my brain in full throttle. What should I say?
"Thank you, Herr Kommandant," I said, playing at sounding grateful. It felt strange to thank the Kommandant. He didn't deserve my thanks. He didn't deserve anything good or kind. He didn't deserve the child in my womb. I hated him, but strangely I felt that I didn't at the same moment. It was making me upset to think about it.
It was like he read my thoughts.
"Helen, you don't need to thank me. I have done enough wrong to you," he deliberately motioned to my stomach with his eyes, "and this is the least I can do in return but you do need to remember what I have told to you. If you ever forget and disobey, it could be fatal for you or me or both of us.
"I expect a glass of cognac when I return to my study and you are dismissed for the night after that."
With that, the Kommandant got up and left the room. I fled as well as soon as his boot steps were out of ear shot. I rushed him his glass of cognac and ended up in my cellar bed/bathroom moments later.
As I lay down onto my cot and awaited slumber, it did not come. Instead though, tears rushed from my eyes and soaked my pillow. I cried because I was happy I was still alive, because this child in me would live, because I was going to make it. I cried for my sisters and brothers who weren't making it, for the women whose children were killed, for the depravity of my situation.
Finally, sleep did come and wiped away all of the problems.