I am Katniss Everdeen. I am seventeen years old. I am the girl on fire. I am the mockingjay.
"I slept with Gale." I think I might actually be going crazy at this point. I twirled the medical bracelet on my wrist. Even though it would go to prove that I am in fact going crazy it somehow comforts me.
Haymitch walked in to my room and I jumped. He is talking to me but it is like I don't hear anything he is saying. He is looking at me like I am the way I feel, crazy. Then I realize what he was telling me. That they left to go rescue the remaining victors from the capitol. "Katniss, pull it together. I though Gale was going to tell you. I told him you would take it better from him." He says almost lost as to why I didn't already know.
"They went to get Peeta?" That was the reason Gale came to see me and I didn't let him get more than one word out to me. I sit there looking lost.
"Oh, for the love of…. Yes, they went to save Peeta and the other victors." He mumbles grumpily under his breathe something about needing a bottle as he left out.
"Peeta." I let this out like a one word prayer to anyone who could possibly be listening.
I have been wondering around 13 feeling very claustrophobic. Suddenly I hear my name from behind me. Gale wraps me in his arms and turns me to face him. He is smiling but his smile fades when he sees my face. He can see I am damaged. I know he went on the rescue mission and that means they are back. He starts to lean in to kiss me. But my words stop him.
"Peeta?"
He backs away like I burned him. "The mission was a success, Soldier Everdeen." Then he turned on his heel and left.
I cannot bring myself to call after him. My mind is reeling. I hurt because I just hurt Gale but I am overjoyed that Peeta is close. My heart is at war with itself. Why do I continue to hurt those I love?
I turn, determined to find Haymitch, but he ends up finding me. "Come on," He says. And I follow without question. I know he is leading me to Peeta.
In the hospital ward I am directed to a room with a large window that is looking in on Peeta. He is sedated. My eyes are sweeping over him over and over until I can rest assured he is still in one piece. He begins to stir but the stop me from running in to him. I want to be the first person he sees when he wakes up. Instead this big burly male nurse from 13 comes strolling in. He takes vitals and it feels like he is taking forever and they let me in as soon as he is done. He barley gets out my way as I rush to Peeta with my arms spread to hug him.
His arms are spread as if to hug me. Then I feel his hands on my throat, choking me. I deserve this. For hurting him, for sleeping with Gale. But I cannot help from thinking about how mad I am at Gale for running his mouth about it. Then the world goes black.
I wake up in the hospital again. I seem to be here more than in my living quarters with my mother and Prim. I feel the drugs being injected and I am out again. When I wake up again, Gale is there. He is holding my hand and there is a tear rolling down his cheek. I want to feel anything but anger, but I don't.
"You..." my voice is a croaking wisp of air.
Gale rushes to me. "No, the doctors said not to talk. And not to move your neck. " There was a brace on my neck anyway. I motion to him to get me a pen and paper.
I scrawl in very quick angry letters, "You didn't need to tell him. What were you doing? Bragging?"
"Katniss, I didn't tell him anything. What happened between us. It was private. And obviously it was a mistake." He turned on his heel and left.
Haymitch came in later. I had been dozing so I was not sure what time it was. He told me all about how the Capitol uses what that call hijacking as a form of torture. "They took all of his memories of you. They stung him with the tracker jacker venom so the good memories became bad ones. Now he thinks you are some sort of mutt made by the capitol to kill him and destroy his families and friends."
I just couldn't understand. I am in the middle of a war AGAINST the capitol. I am not on their side. But the tears burn hot in my eyes and the tightness in my throat is like I am swallowing glass. My Peeta hates me.