A/N: I don't own Supernatural. I wish I did, but I don't. Also, if you likey check out my account in AO3 as well. I post stuff there first. I'm cakesandpuppies on AO3.
It is AU. Please comment and tell me what you think. I have some ideas BUT nothing is set in stone. Thanks :)
-rujferugr-fwergwrg-grrgrthyjry-
Dean Winchester, newly appointed Death, stands in front of what was left of his fellow horsemen. As he watches the drool dribble down their chins and slide into their shirts, the pale horseman has but one thought.
"God, this is sooooo gross."
He'd usually have Sam with him. His brother, Dean figures, was always better at this sort of thing. Dean knows he's handsome and he know he's fit, so he typically sticks to scaring and charming as his methods of negotiation. Wrinkled old men, he always left to his brother and the critically acclaimed puppy-dog eyes, that somehow, despite their fucked-up lives and the whole king of Hell fiasco, Sam has not lost.
Just the other week, he managed to Dean's permission to prolong the life of Don. Y'know, Amelia's husband? Damn that kid and his soft heart and soulful, teary eyes.
Dean held back at first, he'd learned firsthand what messing with life spans could do when Death first gave him the ring. Back when Sam had no soul and Dean was still human. Those were good times. But when Sam promised to use his newfound power to do it, therefore making it a (sort of) demon deal and nullifying most of the more dire consequences (neither of them know why that is, and with their lives, they just don't question it), Dean felt his resolve shake. And when Sam pulled the eyes, Dean had known that it was all over.
Dean smiles at the memory. It's comforting to know that some things never change.
Dean's still a big brother and Sam's still a pain in the freaking ass.
But that pain in the ass can't be here to help Dean. Not today at least.
"Figures, out of all the days for Sammy to be off destroying a demon rebellion, it had to be today. Guess our luck's one of those things that never changes either."
Dean had slid into the role of Death with no opposition. What, with the rest of the horsemen playing vegetable, the (had been) kind of Hell a blubbering mess, and God gone-fishing, no one was left that could oppose Death's choice in heirs.
Sammy's claim to the throne was met with a little less enthusiasm. During the first week, most of the demons were compliant and scared out of their wits, but slowly but surely they grew restless and pissy, thinking they could take Sammy down.
Sam made pretty quick work of those sons of bitches (after negotiations failed of course. Damn that kid). But nothing is ever that easy when it comes to their family. A few other demons had followed the example of the rebels and broke off on their own.
Sam's been systematically stomping those bitches out, but it's taking time. More time than either brother had originally thought it would.
You'd think that after what Sam did to the first batch (no one ever say that Sam Winchester didn't know how to carve), those morons would learn. Oh well, no one ever accused demons of being bright. Now Dean knows why.
So Dean's here, all alone, with three drooling, shaking old men.
"Perfect."
"So," Dean mutters, hoping that they can still hear, "What- uh- what's the word, guys?"
Silence fills the…erm…actually, Dean's not too sure where they are.
He just went with Tessa when she appeared this morning, saying it was 'of dire importance' and that Dean had to go with her at once.
"God, I hate being new to this gig. No one freaking tells me anything."
"Ok," Dean says, feeling the odd need to fill the silence, "Awkward…"
Still silence.
"So, do you want anything? I- uh- I know you're hungry, Famine. You know 'cause you're- uh- Famine…."
Nope. Still nothing.
"Pie! Anyone want some…pie? I love me some pie."
Dean can almost hear the crickets chirp.
"You guys hear about the one where the lawyer, the doctor, and the businessman all walk into a bar? They- OH COME ON! Gimme something here! You can't just drag my ass to-to here and not talk to me!"
Nope.
"I got better things to do."
Uh-uh.
"Rebellions to stop."
Nada
"Looooots of chicks to bang."
Still the silence continues. Dean stares at them and they…drool.
And Dean's had enough. It's been a long week. So he resorts to screaming.
"I am Death. I am your leader and the strongest out of all of you. I shall not stand to be ignored. Speak when you are spoken to or I shall render you unable to speak ever again. I demand an answer! What is the meaning of these summons?!"
Woah.
Dean reels back in shock. That wasn't what he had wanted to say. He's not really sure what exactly he actually had wanted to say, but it sure as hell wasn't that.
"What the hell?" Dean thinks, "Was that even English? I'm pretty sure I never learned that."
Dean is twice as shocked when Famine actually responds. It's feeble and shaky, so shaky that Dean can barely make out the words, but he does get the basic gist. It's in the same language that Dean just spoke. Some ancient language of the horsemen. It's odd though, because Dean understands perfectly. He hears the separate language and has no freaking clue what the hell the words mean, but he just knows what they're saying. When the hell did his life get so weird? Dean remembers when all he had to worry about was evil spirits and vampires; none of this weird stuff.
However, despite understanding what Famine's said, he doesn't understand what Famine's said at all. None of it makes any sense. Something about duties and responsibilities and…
"What?! You're dying? Can you lot die? I thought you just…I don't know! But you can't DIE!"
Dean swore afterward that he saw Pestilence roll his eyes and snort. Damn old thing. Practically in a coma and still somehow finds the energy to be a lil'shit. Dean never liked that one.
And suddenly, War is up and touching Dean's face. A quick flash is all the warning Dean's mind gets before he's filled with more information and visions than he knows what to do with.
Oh. OH. Oh. Oh...
Well, shit.
While that's all happening, the other half of the Winchester dream team finds himself somewhere in Nevada, a couple of miles outside of Las Vegas. Which is to say that he's in the middle of freaking nowhere. A desert. He's standing in a desert and feeling very, extremely stupid. And pissed.
Someone was going to die.
Great. Just perfect. Out of all the times for his brother to disappear…
But Dean had some top secret meeting to go to. Exclusive council. Riders of the Apocalypse only.
Sam was doing well (at first at least) in locating and destroying the rebellion. He'd narrowed down the leader to Abbadon. Not too hard seeing as Sam had put her into a prison when he took the throne, and now the cell is freaking empty. Not rocket surgery.
But she had shielded herself to Sam's magic and Dean's reapers and somehow escaped Hell; so Sam had called Cas, and the angel hadn't disappointed. He'd managed to pinpoint her location in Nevada, and had promised to meet Sam there.
That was four hours ago. Sam's been standing here for four freaking hours. Sam considers himself to be a patient man, but four hours is pushing it. Four hours in the middle of a freaking desert with nothing to show for it is hanging it, pushing it down a cliff, and hanging it again.
Because that's what Sam has right now. Nothing. No Cas, no demons, and no Abbadon.
"Sir," one of his demons pipes up, "I –uh- I don't think he's coming. Or Abbadon…"
"Yeah? You think so?"
"Um…so what should we do?"
God, he wishes he could just blow this idiot up. But that would be mean. And uncalled for. Still, he's starting to understand why Crowley killed so many of his followers…
"What do you think we should do now?"
"Um…..find them? Sir?"
Sam pinches the bridge of his nose and breaths in deeply. He almost regrets killing Ruby and Azazel. At least they had some brains on them. Then again, seeing as Abbadon has some too and she's- well- rebelling, maybe it's a good thing all the smart ones are dead.
"Deeeeeeep breaths, Sam. Deep breaths. You can do this."
"Yeah. Yes. Finding them would BE VERY NICE! SO WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!"
And the demon jumps about a mile into the air. Sam hears frantic apologies and a lot of 'sirs' being thrown around before they all disappear. Off to do his bidding. Leaving him all alone.
God, Sam is never going to get used to that. That bossing people around thing. It's…weird. He's spent his whole life being bossed around and overshadowed. First by his father, then by his larger than life older brother, although Dean probably never realized it.
Dean.
God, Sam wishes Dean could've come. He'd know what to do.
"That's right, Dean would know what to do. I mean, Cas' disappeared on him before. So what would Dean do?"
Sam figures he should do what Dean would do. After all, Dean must be an expert at dealing with people disappearing on him by this point. Sam winces at the thought. One of these Days he's going to apologize to his brother about that. Right now though? He's got other problems and Dean's god knows where.
Sam thinks for a bit then reaches his answer. Dean would look for the stupid angel himself. No need for dumbass demons. And that's exactly what Sam is going to do. So Heaven it is.
Now, normally, an embassy of hell would have a hell of a time entering Heaven, but seeing as Sam's-
Already been to Heaven.
Originally a human.
Absorbed all of Hell and it's powers, including the two archangels in the Cage (it's complicated, don't ask).
Entering a Heaven that's a little preoccupied these days with establishing an order, finding God, and –hey- civil wars and all that.
A Winchester, so, by definition, not normal.
Sam finds himself able to pass through the Gates of Heaven pretty easily. He'll have to warn Cas about that.
Once there, Sam makes his way to Cas' office. No angels get in his way, none are dumb enough. Everyone knows of what's happened following the events of Metatron's evil plot of doom and everyone knows of the company Cas keeps. Sa Sam is allowed safe passage.
Well, allowed is a misnomer. Most angels recognize him, and the ones who don't aren't stupid enough to stand in his way.
Sam marches on. Never breaking his stride.
Until he gets to Cas' office. Then, he freezes completely.
Crap. CRAP. Crap. Crap.
Well, shit.
"Dude, I got to talk to you."
Says both brothers at the same time.
"I gotta find three new horsemen before the old ones kick the bucket or else the world's gonna fall into chaos."
"Abbadon's taken Cas. She trashed up his office and I can't find him anywhere. Bobby's not in his little corner either."
Both finish at the same time, equally as breathless. Then, the words start to register.
Oh.
Crap.
Well, shit.