J.M.J.

Chapter Two: Watch Your Elvish

"Ohhh my back! Where am I? Oh. Right." Pippin groaned as he awoke to a sore back and an aching head.

"Oh my goodness, I've got a lot of explaining to do when I get back!"

He painfully crawled out of the log, saying with strain, "Boy am I out of shape, haven't slept on the ground since . . . well that doesn't matter. Hey! Where's Di'?" Looking back inside the log, Pippin noticed that Diamond wasn't there. "Now where in the Bullroarer's name is is that girl?" He wondered, squinting an eye. "I'M UP HERE!" came a shout from above. Pippin's eyes widened with astonishment as the topmost bough of a pine tree came swooping down to his level. "Hello." Diamond said, clinging onto the branch and smiling as far as the corners of her mouth would stretch. "What are you doing?!" Pippin tried to yell, but the words only came out in a whisper.

"Don't do that! Just stay right there, and I'll try and find a way to get you off of there."

Diamond shook her head and swung her body to the underside of the branch, then dropped off. The limb sprang back up towards the sky. Pippin gave a nervous laugh and wagged a finger at her.

"Ohhhh no, you can't just get away with that, little miss!"

"Ohhhh yes. I most certainly can!" She saucily answered back with a cock of an eyebrow, "I thought I might be able to get a better view of the surrounding woods from up there. Ya' know how it is." Pippin sighed. "Please use proper speech, Diamond, "ya" is not proper, therefore do not say it." "Súrë túla cendeletyallo!" Diamond exclaimed, turning around and skipping away. "Diamond! How do know what that means? You've been studying, haven't you? Why I've fallen into one of your façades again! Oh my goodness, how could I have been so stupid?!" "Faica umbar!" Diamond laughed, doubling over. "Eca, a mitta lambetya cendelessë orcova!" Pippin yelled at the top of his lungs. Diamond's mouth hung open. "That as one the worst insults anybody has ever dared utter to me!" She gasped. "Why I have a mind to go and tell that vagabond cousin of yours what you just said!"

"How do you know he doesn't say the same thing. . ." Pippin mumbled under his breath, earning a resounding slap.

"Owwww. . . Diiiiii'! Come on, I didn't mean it!"

"Yaivë!" Diamond shouted. "But I wasn't mocking you!" Pippin protested.

"I want to go home."

"Fine Diamond Took. We'll leave this accursed place once and for all." Diamond laughed with wide eyes, running a hand through her hair. "Would you stop being so poetical?" she asked. "You're the one who started speaking High Elvish!" Pippin said, annoyed.

"Well, I must show the world how brilliant I am and how ignorant you are. And don't try and contradict me, I remember you before you were a norsa! Really, not the sharpest tool in the shed. That idiot Merry used to drag you from place to place, and you never had a thought in your head. My yesta was that you would brighten up someday. . ."

"QUIT USING QUENYA!" Pippin fiercely said through gritted teeth, "And I am NOT a giant! And I did have a thought running through my brain, I WAS JUST A QUIET CHILD!"

"Well I bet you still can't speak High Elvish fluently. . ." Diamond said with a sarcastic tone. "YOU BET I CAN!" Pippin yelled and then went in to a long rambling of Quenya and Sindarin combined, plus a little Roheric now and then. Finishing with a loud last, "Nátyë necindo!" "Oh. My. Word." Diamond gulped by the end of his little outburst. "Now have you learned your lesson? If you didn't believe anything I've told you about, then you are one of the worst cases of ignorance in hobbits that I have ever seen." Pippin sourly said, "And my yesta is that I'll never see you again after this!" He concluded.

While all this was going on, Merry had been worried sick, and was blaming it all on himself for sending Pippin out there. Diamond's brother was also in a terrible state, saying that that little cock-a-whoop probably abducted his sister Diamond who was out there as well. Well, he wasn't far from the truth. Merry had tried to calm him down, of course not succeeding. "Mr. Took," He had said, "Diamond, if anything, is in good hands if she is with Peregrin. Please, I'll go out and look for them ma' self."

"What! My own sister with that ridiculous boy?! Mr. Brandybuck, I trust you, but not that young fellow. He's trouble, mark my words!" Ferbenas Took had exclaimed.

"Here now, I won't have you talking about my cousin like that anymore. Please be assured that I will find them."

Then Merry had uttered quietly under his breath, "And I don't think Diamond is exactly a damsel in distress either!" As Merry always kept his word, he begrudgingly set out to find the two. If Pippin went down his stupid shortcut again, then no wonder they are lost. And he probably did. If that crazy Diamond isn't with that fool of a Took then I'm going to get it from Ferbenas! And if I'm not back by supper, Estella's going to kill me, because Fatty is coming over tonight. These thoughts drifted through Merry's head as he walked through Throughbrier wood; the one about being late was the most bothersome.

"HEY PIPPIN! ARE YOU HERE? IF YOU JUMP OUT AND SCARE ME, I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU ORC FASHION, AND YOU KNOW HOW THAT FEELS!"

A not so distant sound was heard ringing across the forest, "Yah! I'm here. You'd better come and find me, because I'm lost! OW! I mean, I lost Diamond, OW! I mean, Diamond is beating me up, OW! I mean Diamond and I are lost, TOGETHER!"

"Hey Pippin you can stop shouting now, I'm right here you nut head."

Merry smirked. Pippin coughed and rubbed his head. "Right. Okay, let's get on it young lad! Estella's going to give it to you for being late for supper, especially since ol' Fatty fat fatty is coming over for some of his sister's cooking."

"Pippin, do you not think I have thought of that yet?!" Merry cried, putting his hands to the sides of his head and shaking it back and forth. "Alright, alright! Gosh, don't get so sore." Pippin said, kicking Diamond for no good reason. "Pippin! Maybe that's why she doesn't like you! You just kicked her! Chivalry, Peregrin, chivalry! I really have a mind to tell your father about this. . ." Merry sighed. "Oh don't, Merry. That's just the way some people are. Like you and him. Complete fools." Diamond chuckled. Merry bit his lip and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Come on you two. I'm leaving now." And the three headed out.