Stan woke up in his bedroom. He didn't even remember falling asleep. He sat up in his bed and almost hurled. His stomach was still hung-over from last night's party and his head felt like someone had thrown a brick at him. He pressed his palms against his ears as the sound of voices drifted through his room's walls.

"And then I was like, NO WAY!" Stan's sister.

"Oh my God! And then I bet he was like, YES WAY!" Kenny.

Kenny? Why was Kenny at his house? And why was he talking to his sister like they were bff's?

Stan groaned and pushed himself off of his bed. He descended the stairs clumsily, instead of sounding like one person was coming down the steps it sounded more like a whole marching band.

When Stan got to his kitchen, Shelley and Kenny's conversation suddenly paused.

Shelley was wearing her work clothes, a dark brown cotton jacket with a white blouse underneath. Her skirt was knee length and colored black. The mauve high heels she was sporting made her look important on the business social ladder, and her hair was combed back simply with an egg white headband on top.

Kenny was wearing his signature orange parka and camo inspired pants.

"Good morning." Stan smirked and waved to his sister and best friend.

Shelley smiled back. "You look like shit."

Kenny laughed.

"I love you too, Shelley." Stan said sarcastically.

Shelley rolled her eyes. "Stan, put on some clothes. Your body is disgusting."

Stan inspected his current outfit, and even though he disagreed with Shelley about his body being disgusting he did need to put some clothes on. He was only wearing light blue boxers.

"Pretty sure I had clothes on last night." Stan contemplated. "Where are they?"

"You puked all over them, pig. Your boyfriend put them in the washer before he left." Shelley went to the laundry room to retrieve them for Stan, and returned with the balled up outfit in her hands. She pushed the clothes into Stan's chest….hard.

"Ow." Stan commented as he felt the warmth from the clothes. Shelley must have put them in the dryer after Kyle put them in the washer. Unfortunately, that was probably the nicest thing she'd done for him in years.

"Sorry. I thought football players couldn't feel." Shelley brushed her shoulder length brunette hair back from her face sharply and turned towards Kenny again.

"Thanks for the morning talk, Kenny. I have to get to work." Shelley grinned. "Oh and shithead? Don't forget to thank your boyfriend for bringing your sorry ass home last night. If it was up to me I would've left you out on the sidewalk covered in your own puke." Shelley said cheerfully as she picked her purse up off of the kitchen counter and left the room.

Stan unraveled the clothes and put them on. Last night he was wearing a red shirt that said in bold, bluish letters "This is how you win, boys" on the front. On the back the shirt read "South Park High Football".

The pants he had chosen were dark black if that was even possible.

"Dude, why weren't you at the party last night?" Stan asked Kenny as he pulled up his pants.

"I was at the party last night for about 20 minutes. Before I met Stacy." Kenny pronounced the girl's name like it was a new flavor of soda a company was trying to advertise sexily.

"Stacy, Stacy, Stacy. I don't think I know a Stacy." Stan turned his head to the side as he thought about it.

"Come on! Stacy? The new girl who hangs out with Wendy's group? Fake blonde? Shortish? Super high pitched voice? Nice bod? I totally scored with Stacy." Kenny said her name again the same way.

"Sorry Kenny. I have no idea who you're talking about." Stan laughed. "And by the way, why were you in my kitchen?"

"You have the tendency to get wasted beyond belief." Kenny shrugged. "Just making sure you weren't in the hospital…or jail."

"Thanks." Stan punched Kenny in the arm playfully. "Hey, let's head over to Kyle's place."

"Cool. Maybe he'll know who Stacy is." Kenny clasped his hands together. "Please God; let him know who Stacy is."

Stan punched Kenny in the arm again and then started to leave the house.

"Dude!" Kenny called out from behind Stan.

"Yeah?" Stan replied, almost to the door.

"You forgot your shoes."

Stan and Kenny drove to Kyle's place. Stan had found the keys to his car left on his dashboard from that morning. When they arrived, Stan hopped up the steps to Kyle's door and rang his doorbell swiftly.

Kyle came to the door and sluggishly cracked it. His eyes were half open and his hair was disarrayed.

Kyle spoke laboriously. "Whatever you're selling, we're not interested. We apologize and we wish you luck in your future business endeavors." Kyle was going to shut the door when Stan pushed back.

"Dude it's us." Stan held the door open and motioned for Kenny to get out of the car.

"Us?" Kyle attempted to open his eyes a bit wider. "Oh, hey guys. Sup?" Kyle completely opened the door and let Stan and Kenny in.

"Why do you look so tired?" Kenny asked Kyle as he entered the house. "Wild night?"

"Close. I had to pick up Stan at 6 AM from Wendy's. Then I won world's best liar when I explained to his parents how Stan was helping me study the morning habits of a tree frog. At least his parents left it at that. My parents wanted all the details of the tree frog's habitat and if at all possible early sketches of the tree frog's offspring. I think I've earned the right to sleep 'till noon." Kyle sighed and then looked at the clock hanging behind Stan and Kenny in the living room. It read 11:45 AM.

"But apparently not." Kyle said with a dejected tone to his voice.

"Cool, cool." Kenny appeared to have not heard anything Kyle had just said. Kenny wandered off towards Kyle's kitchen. Kyle's mom often left food out especially for Kenny since he came over so often.

"Thanks, by the way." Stan said to Kyle. "For you know, taking me home."

"No problem." Kyle waved his hand.

"And for putting my clothes in the washer."

Kyle waved his hand again. "Not a big deal."

"I actually owe you big time." Stan said it and Kyle already knew it. Stan had been owing Kyle big ever since he started his partying career.

"Nah, it's-"Kyle stopped mid-sentence. All of a sudden his groggy just woke up mind churned out an idea so brilliant it stung the back of his throat.

"Actually, there is something you could do for me." Kyle felt his pulse quicken as he said it.

"Really? What?" Stan asked.

"You could teach me how to play football." The burning in the back of Kyle's throat intensified. If he didn't get the answer he wanted his body might explode into flames, or at least his neck.

Stan chuckled. "Yeah, of course." He clapped Kyle on the back. "For a second, I thought you wanted me to do something hard."

Kyle laughed too. "Nah, just wondering how it works." Kyle was surprised that Stan didn't realize what was going on. Football tryouts were coming up at school and out of nowhere he wanted to learn football? Maybe Stan just didn't think about things too hard.

Or worse.

Maybe Stan just thought Kyle didn't stand a chance at tryouts.

"Could we start tomorrow?" Kyle asked innocently.

"Well someone's eager to get himself killed." Stan smirked.

"Just excited to learn something new." Kyle chortled. "Like every other nerd."

"You're not a nerd, Kyle." Stan said earnestly. "And meet me at 9AM out by the park."

"Thanks, Stan." The burning in Kyle's throat subsided and his pulse rate went back to normal. Mission accomplished…for now.

Kenny came back from the kitchen with a plate full of mini sandwiches. "Kyle, did I ever tell you how much I love your mother? I love your mother, Kyle."

Stan took a sandwich off of the plate and popped it in his mouth. "Oh." Stan moaned sensually. "I love your mother too."

"Sometimes you two make me sick." Kyle took one of the sandwiches off of the plate himself. It was pretty delicious. But Kyle really couldn't tell if it was the taste of the sandwich or the taste of possibilities.

From this day forward, Kyle could possibly no longer be the responsible one in the group. He wouldn't have to be. He'd have a new posse; there'd be a new Kyle for him to depend on.

Someone to take him home when he was piss drunk.

Kyle could possibly hook up with strange girls at parties like the one Kenny was chattering away about now.

Kyle could have his own Stacy, or Stacys.

Kyle could possibly become the next hickey mark on Wendy's thigh.

The next guy wearing that South Park High Football shirt that seemed to give those guys absolutely everything they wanted.

Kyle could possibly become….major cool.