I looked out the window of the bus, watching as houses past by. Tina, Lucy, Sam and Mandy came to the station to say goodbye. Sam was a baby and started crying saying it wasn't going to be the same and he will miss me. Blah, blah, blah. I'm not being mean, he cries all the time and get teased for it a lot. Picture a 6 foot, very built man who is very…what's the word? Sensitive...that's it. Lucy was trying to calm him down, Mandy and Tina wished me good luck, have fun and send me a post card.

I rolled my eyes. "Guys it's only a couple hours away."

"Yeah like 5 and ½ hours Hamilton. We will miss you. And remember…" Tina said and leaned in close. "Don't do anything stupid."

Mandy added. "Yeah we know you too well. Promise you'll call us every day about everything."

I hugged them both. "I'll try." I said as I boarded the bus.

My friends, my aunt and my cousin Veronica were all there. The only one that wasn't was Mike.

Saying good bye to Mike was the hardest. He didn't like the fact I was leaving. In fact he was pissed off about it. He blamed Phoebe and what he said totally crossed the line. He knew about my past (including Arnold) and didn't like the fact that I might see him…that I might start having feelings for him, and do something stupid. We got in a huge fight and we broke up.

He threw away a two year relationship because of trust. Well fuck him. I realized that it was unhealthy and Phoebe was worth more than he'd ever be. Mike blamed all of them...my family, my friends but most of all Phoebe. I told him that he was fucked up and to never talk to me again. He said things…and I said things by the end of the conversation I flipped him off and I don't regret any of it.

So, after about an hour, I was looking out the window reflecting on my life away from Hillwood. I had changed a lot. Many have said that I grew softer, definitely a lot less hostile. Now I mostly wear my hair down, two nicely shaped eyebrows and an hour glass figure. I guess I'm pretty. I don't like to think of myself like that but Veronica says 'I got to beat the guys off with sticks'. I don't know if it was because I was dating the quarterback on our football team or my curves but guys tried to get with me all the time. I was popular, mostly because I wasn't a bitch like the rest.

I'm soo not a cheerleader and always refused to be a prissy bitch. I still consider myself a bad ass, but am also in honors classes, the drama club, newspaper (highly know for my poetry and strong opinions, which is a no brainier.)

One I first moved from Hillwood. I tried to make a fresh start. Not having any boundaries or shields to hid the real me. I was Helga G. Pataki as I always wanted to be, and I loved every minute of it. When I first moved and had a makeover (Both on the outside and the inside). I didn't try to be popular. I was just me. My name is still Helga, but everyone I know calls me Gertie.

I knew I was going back but it really didn't hit me till I was already half way there. Seeing some familiar buildings brought back memories. The thought of Big Bob, Miriam and Olga sent a chill down my spine. Then I thought of all of the kids I went to elementary school with. All of the 'special projects, assignments etc' suddenly made me feel sick. 'I want to get off this bus now'. Phoebe was the only one that I kept in contact with. I let her know before I left that I didn't want anyone else to know anything about me. I started hyperventilating.

I need to listen to music and I'll be fine. I will be fine. I just got to relax. I got to relax. Oh my god I'm going back. I'm doing this for Phoebe. It's too late to turn back now. I'm doing this for Phoebe. I'm doing this for Phoebe. I'm doing this for Phoebe. Oh my god we are almost there.

I close my eyes and listen to my I-pod. I love all kinds of music. Mostly hip hop, jazz, alternative and some death metal, it depends on the song.

Relax. I am freaking out way to much over nothing.

Just then the bus pulled up and stopped moving.

Shit.

I saw an Asian girl looking around like crazy as the passengers got off the bus, standing next to a tall African American boy. Gerald. She brought Gerald. I leaned back hard on the chair.

Wonderful.

Almost everyone was off the bus and realized I couldn't stall any longer. I have to face them.

As I was stepping off the bus I heard a high pitched voice "There she is!" When I looked up and smiled I saw Gerald's mouth drop and he looked in shock. She ran up and gave me a hug. Then I got the 20 questions as we walked to get my bag.

"How is everyone? Did you tell them I say hi? How was the bus ride? Are you hungry? How are yo-"

"Phoebe!" I yelled then took a big sigh. "Phoebe…hun calm down, I'm good, everyone's good. Calm down." I said even calmer and gave her another hug. We walked over to a still shocked Gerald and gave him a big hug. As I let him go he had the same look.

"How are you? How have you been?" I asked him.

As if he was coming out of a trance. "I'm…I'm good. Things are good...Helga...is that really you?" He said as he looked me up and down, and then smirked.

"You guys are kidding me right?" Then he looked to Phoebe. "Seriously honey, where's Helga?"

I saw her roll her eyes. "Come on, time to go." She said and dragged me through the bus station to her car.

Gerald followed. He sat in the back seat as we talked about everything. I filled her in on the conversation I had with Mike.

"And he was worried that I might go out for ice cream here and not want to go out for it there."

"What are you talking about?" When she looked over, I gave her a look that made her understand.

"Are you fucking kidding me? He really thought that you might…and he said that? He's stupid. I told you not to date that guy. Didn't I tell you?" She said then looked out the window, crossing her arms in disgust.

I sigh and looked out the rear view mirror. "Yeah…yeah." I said, looking at a very lost Gerald.

"Damn right." I heard her say.

I turned quickly, panicking as I asked my best friend's boyfriend. "Gerald…please tell me that you didn't mention to anyone I am here…did you?"

He looked at me confused. "No, I just found out an hour ago when Phoebe dragged me in the car. Why?"

I smirked. "I don't want you to tell anyone. I want them to figure it out for themselves. It will be a lot more fun."

He agreed and when I turned around I saw Phoebe smiling, and then continued to look out the window. As we past the boarding house, I felt a small wave of hurt emotions that I tried to push away and sighing I said.

"It will be a lot of fun. It's not like I have any strings attached back home anymore. So fuck it."

Then we passed the house I grew up in. Bob and Miriam moved out a long time ago. There was nothing holding them back so it didn't matter. Whatever… they aren't worth thinking about. Too many hurt feeling swirled around in my head. I turned around again to look at Gerald.

"Ok, I know I used to be a huge bitch towards you, and for what it's worth. I'm very sorry and I'm so happy that you are dating Phoebe. But I swear to God if you hurt her in any way. I will hurt you." I said raising my fists, smiling.

"But Pheebs says you're a good guy and you always seemed like one so I'm sorry for always acting like a bitch."

He smiled back. "It's cool. It was a long time ago, friends?" He said as he put his hand out. Smiling back I said "Friends." We shook hands. Then I felt the car stop.