Hello everyone, so I am finally updating my second fan-fiction. YAY! Sorry for the delay, but what with a holiday for a week (with no wifi!), updating my other story and procrastination, procrastination, procrastination, I haven't had time. Anyway enjoy!

Warning - Lots and lotsa sadness/ attempted suicide (cheerful I know :P)

I hear the rain chant against the dilapidated roof of the bus shelter; the tiny droplets of water piercing the fractured glass. The wind whistles at the growling sky as the flashes grow brighter. Skin soaked; mood dampened, I carelessly stare onto the grey, swirling street. Temperature dropping, fingers numb, I drum a careless rhythm against my side, annoyance at my delayed mode of transport growing as loud as the storm itself. That's when I see you. Your deep blue eyes drowned by raindrops; your jet black hair sagging under the weight of the wind. You look up only briefly and I feel the skies clear; I feel the wind lift me as its howl is dulled to a tuneful whistle. The light of the storm illuminating your features like an angel. I feel like Icarus as he approached the sun, your brightness so luminous; so beautiful, the warmth a world away from the cold I feel within. You smile that childlike grin of yours and my heart flips; my wings spread wide as I approach you. The heat is so intense; I do not care that it burns. I do not care that you are breaking me down; tugging at my useless wax wings so that I will fall. That does not matter now, for I am still grinning wildly as I embrace the plummeting weightlessness. For I know that when I hit the ground, I will be at peace with you…..

My eyes fly open and my breath catches in my throat as I am engulfed by darkness. The silence is deafening as I rub my clammy hand over my temples, signalling the futility of my dream. I glance fleetingly at my alarm clock; it's neon glare indicating the early hours of the morning. A groan escapes my quivering lips as I turn to face the space that once held you; emptiness filling the air that you once breathed; dust clouding my view of your once vibrant blue eyes. A stream of tears escape my tired eyes as I sit up slowly, resting my head on my headrest; the cold soothing me.

I stare blindly into the darkness, the ethereal quietness screaming at me as my mind twists and turns to the ear-splitting harmonies of the last few months. Funeral bells and final farewells attempt to swallow me. Sometimes I wish it would just take me; release me from this hell on earth. There is nothing left for me anymore; I have lost the one thing that matters to me and now I have no purpose. Why can no-one understand me? It is like I am screaming out a language that no-one understands.

I can't live a lifetime of broken cliches. "It gets better with time" is the pretentious drivel they spout these days. Bullshit! Allowing more time only allows the hurt to break you down further. Why can no-one understand? I don't want it to get better. I don't want to move on. I shouldn't have to. All I want is you and no number of empty promises can ever change that.

I haul myself up from my bed, a useless attempt to get my broken body to work. Like removing the engine from the car, the flame from the fire, my purpose can no longer be complete. Dragging my shaking legs underneath me, the friction from the floor beneath me pulling me down, I make it to apartment living room. The emptiness still astounds me.

I stare out onto the bleak streets of London; the streetlamps like constellations glinting in the distance. Pressing my forehead against the icy window I attempt to gather my thoughts into some form of sanity; but you took that with you when you left – when you tore out my heart and reduced your entire life to a short, pixelated straight line. I want to scream at you; punch your stupid face, curse you for deserting me and taking my happiness with you.

When you left you took our flame with you and now you have left me cold; with nothing but the ashes to cling to – but these ashes catch in my throat; choke me; make every breath I take a relentless struggle. I pound my shaking fist against the glass as more tears escape and disappear. If only it was that simple for me…

Dragging my dead weight throughout the apartment for what seems like an eternity, my mind cannot comprehend life anymore. The unfamiliarity, the loneliness, I didn't want any of it any more. I am tired of struggling. I want to be at peace just like you. I want to drown in the deep blue of your eyes again and feel my heart race with passionate affection once more. An eternity of darkness with you is better than a lifetime in the lonely light that burns. I finally make it to the kitchen; it's clinical cleanliness a striking resemblance to the bland hospital walls, causing me to shudder violently. My eyes dart around the room; I needed to find something to stop the hurt. Anything.

My eyes rest on a small white bottle on the pristine worktop, nestled behind a photograph of you and me. We looked so happy there; on our wedding day; soon my love, soon. I grab the bottle with a vigour that I have not experienced since you left. The label read sleeping pills and my lips immediately curved into a small, sad smile. My eyes darted over the small print. Take one per night to assist in sleeping. Maybe if I took the lot, my sleep would be permanent.

I tear open the lid; my fingers suddenly shaking with urgency as I tip several of the small, white pills onto my palm. Closing my eyes to take in the blissful silence, a tiny teardrop rolls down my cheek as I remember the day you left me. You took my soul from me that day Phil Lester and now I am coming to take it back. I gulp down the pills and immediately the dizziness starts. I sway slightly, like a dead horse on its feet as I feel the so familiar warmth of the sun return to my heart as I crumble into darkness.

I'm coming for you darling, I think as I spread my wings and take flight into our eternal horizon…

...*sniffs*

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