This is Forever

Chapter 2

A/N: Here's the second chapter. I hope you like it. This is break week for me so hopefully I will be able to update twice this week. I have decided to do this as a full story! Happy Easter everyone! Review :). I DO NOT OWN TSLOTAT OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS; THEY BELONG TO BRENDA HAMPTON AND ABC FAMILY.

Ricky's POV

"What?" I choked out after hearing the word that came out of Amy's mouth. I stared at her and I got no response, she only put her head down to avoid looking at me. Everything seemed to stop, to go in slow motion. The only thing going through my head was the sound of Amy's voice whispering "I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant," over and over again. I could barely wrap my head around those two words. Two words that would prove to change my life forever.

The real impact of these two words hits me like a train. Amy Juergens is, once again, pregnant with my baby. How did this happen again? How did I manage to knock-up this girl twice in the course of her high school career? I love her more than I have ever loved any other girl, but another baby, now? How did she even get pregnant again? She is on the pill and we use condoms. I make sure she takes her pill everyday so we don't have to worry if we don't use a condom. I know there is still a slight change of pregnancy with the pill, but honest how did I manage to get her pregnant again. How were we going to raise another baby? Amy is a month into her senior year, and I just started with my freshman year of college. We are only eighteen and nineteen years old, and we already have one child. We are barely scraping by and are on a limited budget. We are living in a slightly cramped one bedroom apartment with we barely pay for, aside from utilities. We are living of the money from my part time job at the butcher shop, and the small amount that Amy gets from the nursery. I don't know how were are going to get by, but I will make sure we do. I don't know what to do. I simply don't know how things are going to work out, but I know that I will do everything in my power to make sure they do.

I look over to see Amy with her head resting on her knees and her arms wrapped around her legs. She was curled into a perfect ball and I could tell that she was hurting. I could see it in her eyes. I could see the angst in her eyes as she gathered all of her strength to tell me her secret which she had held in for who knows how long. I couldn't help but feel guilty. She was sitting here in pain because of me. She was in for another unplanned, teenage pregnancy, because of me. Instead of the senior year that she had imagined, she would have a remake of her freshman year, a year she would not choose to relive. Of course both of us love John and would never want a life without him, but I know that being pregnant at fifteen was not the best experience for Amy. She would have to go through another year of judgmental stares from bystanders as she walked through the hallways and lived her life. Only this time the stares would be different. People would not just be judging her because of the fact that she is pregnant, and only eighteen, but because she is pregnant with her second child, and is only eighteen. I know this isn't entirely my fault, and Amy is just as responsible as I am, but I can't help but feel guilty.

I finally regain the ability to speak, "Amy, how did this happen? I mean another baby? Now?" I say with an unintentional tone of annoyance, "We are careful, how did we get ourselves in this situation... again."

"I'm sorry Ricky, I'm really sorry," Amy cried out as she began sobbing. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry this happened again. I'm such an idiot. What is wrong with me?" It hurt me to see her beating herself up. This was not entirely her fault. It hurt me to see her crying and blaming herself for what happened.

"Amy, don't-" I try to interject, but she continues on apologizing continuously. I wrap my arms around her and pull her tight to my chest. She stops talking, but buries her face into my chest and continues to cry. "Shhh," I whisper as I hold her tight, trying to calm her down. "Stop apologizing Amy. You can't blame yourself for this. It takes two people to make a baby; I am just as much at fault here." My attempts at calming her down have not worked entirely as she continues to cry. "Amy, babe, please try to calm down. Everything will be alright, I promise."

As soon as I say that I begin to wonder. Will everything be ok? I know it will in the end, but I can hold no guarantee about the immediate future. I will do everything I can to keep that promise to Amy. I will make everything work out; at least I hope I can.

Amy's sobs slowly come to a stop. Once she calmed down, I begin asking her more questions, trying to avoid interrogation. I roll the questions off my tongue as they come into my mind. "How long have you known?" I whisper not to startle Amy who appears to be lost in a world of confusion and destructive thoughts.

"I took the test while you were out with John," she answers as she lifts her head to look at me, "but I have had my suspicions for about two weeks." I wish Amy had come to me before she took the test so that I could have been there with her, I can just picture her scared out of her mind, sitting alone in the bathroom, holding a positive pregnancy test. She should not have had to go through that anxiousness and fear alone, for the second time.

"How far along do you think you are?" I ask, continuing on with my survey.

"Maybe four or five weeks, but I don't really know because I haven't gone to the doctors yet, I just took the test an hour ago," Amy returns. As she says this another thing hits me. The doctor. I didn't attend any doctor visits while Amy was pregnant with John, and I had basically no involvement during her pregnancy. This time around I will be there every step of the way. I will make sure that I am at every doctor visit, and I will share everything about this pregnancy with her. I already feel badly for missing out on these experiences with John, and I am not going to do it again. I am going to be with Amy and this baby every step of the way, even if I wasn't with John.

I hold Amy close to me. For a few moments we just sit there. Silently embracing each other. I gently played with her sleek, long, brown hair as I have done many times. Neither of us said anything, we just enjoyed the feeling of being close to each other. We sat in the moment, both still in a state of shock. We sat listening to the silence. I sound that we barely ever heard in our apartment. There was always some kind of noise, whether it was John or the two of us. Right now, there was silence.

"Well," I ask, breaking the silence, "what are we going to do about this?" Amy's head snaps up to look at me. I can see a tone of hurt and anger in her eyes. I can tell already that I have said the wrong thing. Shit, I'm in for an earful now.

"What do you mean 'what are we going to do about this,'" she snaps, "if you are implying that I do anything but keep this baby, I'm sorry but no. I am not giving up this baby. I didn't give up John and I have done perfectly fine raising him, and I will do the same with this baby. I love this baby, Ricky."

"Amy, that's not what I meant," I respond, trying to explain myself. I made a mistake of saying that, and I honestly didn't mean it. I wouldn't want Amy to do anything but keep the baby. Honestly, I would be heartbroken.

"Ricky, just save it. I think that we both need some time to think about this. This is a lot of news, and we just need to let it sink in," Amy says with a stern tone to her voice as she stands up. She flings her purse over her shoulder and grabs her jacket off one of the chairs. "I'll be back," is all she says before walking out the door, slamming it closed behind her.

'Shit, what have I done?' I say to myself. My fists ball up and I punch the couch. I run my fingers through my hair and I rest my head in my hands. What have I done? I didn't even mean what I said. I said that out of fear. Fear. I'm scared. Really scared. Being a teen parent is one of the best and worst things that have ever happened to me. It is the best thing because I got John. John is the most important thing to me. I would do anything for my son to make sure he was safe and happy. His needs go before anyone's, including and especially mine. I love him more that I have ever loved anyone, and I couldn't imagine life without him. On the other hand, being a teen parent stinks. Just that, it stinks. No matter how much I love John, it stinks. Having all of the parental responsibilities that no teenager should have. Having to work in order to support a family. Having to go to school in addition to work and taking care of your child. Having to go through all of the looks and judgmental stares from people who know nothing about your situation. Being a parent is scary. Scary? What am I kidding, it's terrifying. Being in charge of another life, being responsible for what happens to another life. Creating another life. It's terrifying.

I pick up my phone and type out a text message to Amy. I don't bother calling, because I know she isn't going to pick up right now. 'I love you Amy, and I love this baby,' it read, and I press send. A moment later I hear Amy's ringtone as I look over to see her phone sitting on the kitchen table.

I run my hands through my hair and hold my head in my hands. Then I do something I haven't done in a while, I start crying.

I cry for Amy. Amy who has to go through another unplanned pregnancy while she is still in high school. Amy who never wanted this for herself, no one dreams of being a teen mother. Amy whose dreams of going to college next year have probably been crushed by a small plus sign on a pregnancy test. Amy who will hold the physical evidence of a pregnancy, while I walk around without any. Amy who is just as terrified as I am, probably more so.

I cry for our family. Everything finally seemed to be going right for us. We are happy. We are living together. Amy and I are planning to get married. Everything was going the way we wanted it to. Now we have another bump in the road. No not a bump, a boulder. We have to find a way to get past it, but we will.

I cry for everyone who is going to be affected by this. A teen pregnancy does not just affect the mother, the father, and the baby, but everyone around them.

I cry because of the pain. The pain that I'm feeling. The pain that will not go away easily. The pain that will stay with me for a long time. The pain that my family will carry. The pain that Amy will have physically as well as emotionally.

I cry because I can.

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