AN: Thanks so much for the reviews, favourites and follows for Chapter One. Each and every one of them make my day, you are all awesome!
So here is Chapter Two and once again thanks to my wonderful beta Gracie21, who fixes my boo boo's and give me smiley faces and feedback.
Again just want to say sorry for the long delays in this fic, real life drama gets in the way of shenko drama and wipe me out but I'm still going, just not as quick as normal
Hope you all enjoy! (well as much as you can enjoy angst)
Chapter Two
"And all my days are trances,
And all my nightly dreams
Are where thy grey eye glances,
And where thy footstep gleams"
To One in Paradise ~ Edgar Allan Poe
08-25-2194 - Earth - Vancouver
Shepard frowned as she checked Kaila's little blue suitcase for the fifth time.
"Woman, step away from that damn suitcase before I kill you!" Reese grabbed her by the shoulders, moving her to the side, and zipped the case that was emblazoned with a cartoon character from Kaila's favourite TV show.
"I just need to check..."
"You've checked it a hundred times already." He turned to cradle her concerned face. "We haven't forgotten anything. I know you're going to miss her, but so am I. It's our anniversary and I want you all to myself, Sparky." He kissed her gently, feeling her frown against his lips.
She hated it when he called her that, which of course was why he always did. He'd given her the name when she had momentarily flared during a heated argument two months into training their first batch of N7 recruits. She'd wanted to slam his smug, handsome face into the ground. The only thing stopping her was the crowd of onlooking N7 recruits. They were gathered around, trying to pretend they weren't watching them have their heated discussion, behind the sound proof glass of the firing range.
"This will be the longest she's even gone without either of us there. What if she gets upset or scared?"
Kaila wondered into there bedroom in her onesie, dragging her plush Hanar toy by one pink tentacle, rubbing her tired eyes. It was still dark outside, but they had to catch an early transport.
Reese bounced around Shepard and scooped Kaila up. He tossed her into the air and caught her deftly, eliciting a squeal of delight. Once he had her back in his arms he peppered her face with loud dramatic kisses. Shepard smiled and shook her head. Immature pain in the ass that he was, he'd turned out to be a natural father.
"How you feeling about spending a week at Nanna's, kiddo?"
Kaila smiled broadly "Nanna is gonna take me to the ak...akqui... ak-qui-lairium." she stumbled over the large word, "and I'm gonna feed the fishies!"
"Its Aquarium, kiddo and that sounds pretty awesome." She nodded enthusiastically at him.
"We're gonna ride horses too and watch cartoons!" She lent forward and whispered loudly into Reese's ear "Grampy says he's going to buy lots of treats but not to tell Mumma... It's a secret." She pressed one pudgy finger against Reese's lips and he winked at her conspiratorially.
"Wow, you are going to have an amazing time! You wanna stay for two weeks?"
"REESE!" Shepard barked disapprovingly.
He flinched and grimaced at Kaila who laughed. "One week only, no wild parties, brush your teeth every night and no boys after 7pm!"
Shepard groaned and rolled her eyes.
"Ok Daddy. Can I have Cheerio's for breakfast?"
"Sure, go sit at the table and I'll be right there." He set her gently down and she skipped out of the room, Hanar in tow.
"See, she's fine. She's gonna have a great time, she won't even notice we're gone." He drew her into an embrace and she buried her face into his broad chest, letting out a weary sigh. He was right, she knew he was. She was still going to worry though, that's what Mother's do.
He tilted her face to meet his with a gentle nudge under her chin and kissed her. He was so much taller than she was that he had to stoop. It was meant to be a chaste kiss, but when his lips met hers they were slightly parted and he couldn't help but deepen the kiss. His hand slid down to rest on her backside and pulled her body flush with his. Her fingers brushed through his unkempt, way to long, dark blond hair as the near constant stubble on his face, scratched her chin.
"DADDY!"
Reese sighed against Shepard's mouth, his shoulders slumping. When he pulled back his pale blue eyes were stormy and dark, filled with longing.
"To be continued." His tone was determined. As he walked out of the room he pulled up his hoodie just enough to expose his backside as he swaggered. When he reached the door he shot her a blue steel pout over his shoulder and slapped his own backside. She couldn't help but laugh at him, her hand covering her mouth.
Shepard turned back to the bed and surveyed the luggage laid out. Reese's bag had been hastily packed. The clothes had been rammed in with no care or attention. Her bag was the complete opposite. Each item had been fastidiously folded, and neatly packed into place. She smiled at her bag, it wasn't always like this. She used to be a messy packer like Reese.
The sun was hanging low in the sky casting long dramatic shadows across the rented suite. Shepard sat cross legged on the end of the bed watching Kaidan's back as he packed his bag, dutifully folding his clothes. She glanced at her own bag on the floor before her, scrunched up clothes prevented it from closing properly. It had taken her around 30 seconds to pack her belongings into the Alliance issue duffel bag.
"You know we do have a few hours untilwe have to leave for the transport station. We could be squeezing the last little bit of fun out of our shore leave." She cocked her head to the side, mesmerised by the curve of his backside.
"Just let me finish packing first."
She watched him with exasperation as he preciselyfolded his boxer briefs. Unhappy with the end result he unfolded them and started again.
"Urrrrrgh, at this rate, you won't even be finished in time to make it to the shuttle!" she huffed crossing her arms.
"Patience."
Shepard rolls her eyes; one thing she was not known for was patience. She wanted Kaidan now, and she would have him, come hell or high water.
"Lieutenant Alenko, I ORDER you to put those briefs down, get your sexy ass over here, take off all your clothes and do VERY un-chivalrous things to me."
Kaidan chuckled to himself. "Need I remind you that when we got here, we made a deal to leave our ranks outside the door? With that in mind…. You're just gonna have to wait, baby."
With a frustrated growl Shepard got up and strode across the room, practically stomping her feet and yanked open the door. Kaidan turned startled, thinking she was storming out on him in a rage. When both feet were across the fresh hold she spun on her heels and repeated the order from outside the door.
Kaidan rolled his eyes. "Very funny." And with that he turned back to his packing, feeling, frankly, quite flattered that she obviously wanted him so badly. He quite liked standing up to her, it made him feel empowered.
Shepard stepped back into the room, closed the door, and dropped dramatically back onto the bed. Ok, it was time to raise the stakes a bit. She was 'Commander Fucking Shepard' after all, 'Saviour of the Citadel' (according to the current news vids), there was nothing she couldn't accomplish. With a sly smile she stood quietly and quickly undressed, letting her clothes fall in a silent cascade to the floor. Once completely naked, she climbed on the bed as Kaidan picked up a stack of clothes, jabbering about it 'being ingrained in boot camp to take good care of your gear'.
Shepard stretched out on her stomach, her legs bent up playfully swaying back and forth. When Kaidan didn't turn around, she picked up her bra from the pile on the floor and tossed it so it flew over his shoulder and landed on the bag he was about to stow his folded clothes in. He turned sharply, his arms still cradling the pile of clothes and stared at her aghast.
Shepard stretched her arms out before her and deftly rolled onto her back.
"Take all the time you need, Kaidan. I'll just be waiting over here."
Her chocolate brown hair tumbled in a cascade over the edge of the bed as she leant her head back to get a look at his reaction. His half lidded eyes blinked rapidly and his chest rose and fell dramatically as his breathing increased, blown away by the vision before him.
A slow, sexy smile crept across Shepard's face as she studied him. 'Checkmate Alenko!' she thought with a sense of smugness.
Kaidan's arms fell to his sides, the folded clothes dropping to the floor in a heap, forgotten, as he stalked across the room towards her with a predatory grin.
"Hey daydreamer. The shuttles all fired up and ready to go." Reese strode over to her, planting a loud kiss on her cheek as he leaned forward to grab their bags.
"COME ON MUMMA!" Kaila yelled from the doorway, bouncing with excitement. Her jacket buttoned up all wrong in her rush to get ready.
Reese turned to face her as he reached the door, stood next to Kaila and began jumping in imitation.
"YEAH MUMMA, COME ON! ADVENTURE IS CALLING!"
Shepard laughed, holding her hands up in defeat.
"Ok, ok. I'm coming already!"
"NANNA!" Kaila shouted as they pulled up outside the rather impressive house to see Mariana and Lucas standing on the porch waving excitedly.
Shepard was always amazed at the level of energy the couple had considering both were in their mid to late 60's.
As soon as Reese pulled the transport shuttle to a stop, Kaila was out of the door, and sprinting to greet her grandparents. Shepard watched as she was scooped in to a hug and peppered with kisses. A sad wistful smile crept across her face. She couldn't help but wonder what her parents would have been like now, if they had survived Mindoir. No doubt they would have been grandparents several times over, her brother Bradley had always wanted a big family. It was times like this she missed them most, and it pained her that they would never get to meet their granddaughter or their son-in-law.
Shepard waved as they stepped out of the shuttle onto the driveway. Leaving Reese to retrieve the bag, she strolled up the steps to join her daughter.
Mariana pulled her into an enthusiastic hug, kissing her cheek. "Hello Mandy, dear."
"It's good to see you, Mariana." She replied fondly. "You look well."
"Can't complain my dear, can't complain."
"Thanks for offering to look after Kaila."
Lucas stepped forward still holding Kaila, and gave Shepard a kiss on the cheek as well. "Anytime. It's always a highlight having our beautiful little granddaughter to visit. We missed you." He proclaimed, kissing Kaila on the nose.
"She looks more like her father every time I see her." Marianna mused as she reached forward to tuck a strand behind Kaila's ear.
Reese strolled up the steps and deposited the case on the stoop. "Son." Lucas nodded in greeting.
"Sir." He placed his hand gently on the old mans shoulder briefly before turning towards Mariana, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.
"Nanna." He cooed, but it sounded more like a playful threat.
She giggled in response. "Hello, trouble."
He stepped forward and gave her a big bear hug, spinning her around once and depositing her back onto her feet.
She swatted his arm. "Oh, you silly fool."
"Reese?" Lucas stepped forward letting Kaila slide to her feet at his side. "Can you spare a few minutes before you leave? I want to pick your brains."
"Good luck finding them." Mariana snorted.
Reese narrowed his eyes at her before turning back to Lucas. "Of course, what did you need?"
They walked across the yard to the outbuilding where their maintenance equipment was housed. Kaila skipping along in tow, holding on tightly to her grandfather's hand.
"Here come inside and have a quick drink while the boys tinker."
Shepard followed Mariana into the house and down the photo lined hall to the kitchen, her eyes flicking across the familiar smiling faces that hung there, herself and Kaila included.
They sat down at the kitchen counter, nursing their cups of coffee looking out of the picture window. The early morning light danced across the surface of the water as it lapped the shore. It really was beautiful here.
Mariana reached out and placed her hand across Shepard's gently. "You've always been like a family to me, Mandy. You know that, don't you?"
"I do, and the feeling is mutual."
"Well then speaking as family, will you promise me something?" she asked earnestly.
"Of course." Shepard nodded.
"Have fun this week. Let your hair down, enjoy it. You always seem to stop just shy of being truly happy. It's almost like you think you don't deserve it or you feel guilty for feeling it." Mariana looked down at their hands and tightened her grip slightly. "It's been 7 years, dear." She whispered. I'm sure he'd want you to be happy and he wouldn't want you to blame yourself for what happened to the Normandy... to him. He wouldn't want you to feel guilty; you're the last person on Earth who should. If it wasn't for you, none of us would be here."
Shepard squeezed her hand in return and nodded. She was right, she knew she was right. She had to let go of Kaidan, of the intense love they shared or she'd never be truly happy. She felt the threatening prickle of tears and squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't feel ready to let the memory of him go. Even after 7 years it still didn't feel like he was dead, it still didn't feel real. She was starting to think that it never would, that she would never be ready to close that chapter of her life, but she knew she had to. Not just for her sake, for Kaila and Reese's too.
Mariana hugged her as they stood on the porch saying goodbye. "Relax, be silly, have fun and let Pyjack brains over there look after you."
Reese stood at the bottom of the steps holding Kaila on his hip. He turned to her with mock surprise on his face.
"Did you hear what Nanna called me?" He asked as Kaila giggled.
"Thank you." Shepard whispered as she hugged Mariana again.
"You're welcome, Mandy dear."
Shepard walked over to Reese and kissed Kaila, pulling her into a fierce hug.
"I love you, titch. Have fun with Nanna and Grampy."
"Love you too, Mumma."
Shepard lowered Kaila to the ground and shooed her to her grandparents. She held her grandmothers hand and waved energetically as the shuttle door closed. Shepard waved back until they disappeared behind the line of trees. She leaned back against the headrest and rolled her head to one side to study Reese's features. The corner of his mouth twitched as he felt her eyes burning into him.
"I love you." She proclaimed, resting her hand on his thigh.
The smile on his face grew to a large goofy grin as he picked up her hand and pressed her knuckles to his lips.
"I love you, too."
08-25-2194 - Approaching Arcturus System - Normandy
The beam loomed before them as they stood on the pile of rubble, surrounded by devastation. The horizon glowed an ominous red as London slowly burned, the sky alive with the scars of a fierce battle raging above. The air, thick and dark with the smell of death.
The unnatural light of the beam transformed everything it touched in its intense wake. He glanced at Shepard, who was looking at the expanse before her that would be the final push. The light seemed to bleach out all the warmth from her face, leaving her ghostly and pale, but even in this unforgiving light she was still beautiful. He wished he knew what she was thinking. Her expression was unreadable beneath the mask of command.
Anderson spoke at her side and she turned to him, their conversion lost to his ears beneath the deafening sounds of war and suffering all around them. While she spoke, her hand brushed against his casually. As it swept across his gloved hand he hooked a finger around hers, stopping it in its path. After a moments pause she twisted her hand slightly and interlocked her fingers with his, squeezing firmly. It was the closest they had ever come to a public display of affection in front of the crew; they had always tried hard to keep their love private. But here, at the end of all things, the need for comfort and the fear of losing one another outweighed the need for privacy.
Garrus appeared from nowhere at Kaidan's side and he instinctively tried to disentangle his hand from Shepard's. She held fast, still engaged in discussion with Anderson. Garrus' eyes flicked down to their interlocked hands. His mandibles twitching as he glanced between the two of them. Kaidan straightened his shoulder and met his gaze, standing tall and proud by the woman he loved. This felt like getting approval from an over protective sibling, it almost made him laugh.
Garrus' eyes softened slightly and he nodded his head, placing his hand on Kaidan's shoulder.
Shepard turned to face them with a sigh. "Ready?" she asked, her eyes flicking between her love and her best friend.
"Bring it on!" he said, with more bravado than he felt.
Garrus clapped her on the back. "Just like old times."
And with that, they took off sprinting towards the beam.
Shepard was impossibly fast. She quickly pulled ahead of them, but regularly glanced over her shoulder to make sure they were still there. Harbinger's beam erupted left and right sending armoured trucks and dismembered bodies flying across their path to the beam.
Kaidan focused on Shepard running ahead, ignoring the horrific scenes around him. She was unyielding, powering through the flames and rubble as the ground was ripped up before her, charging with hardly a misplaced step. When eventually she did stumble and fall, her eyes met his and his heart froze in his chest. His mouth open in a silent scream of warning as Harbinger's beam sliced a trail heading right for her. Her eyes widened at the look on his face. She turned and gasped as the blinding red beam hit her full on.
He watched helplessly as her limp body flew through the air and smashed in to a mound of rubble. All he could do was run... run to her. A thousand prayers on his lips as the cold hand of dread reached into his chest and clenched his heart.
Kaidan scrabbled up the pile of rubble to find her lying in an unnatural position. Her face, hardly recognisable under the black charred remains of her skin. What little was left of her armour had fused to her flesh. Her eyes, once brilliant azure blue, were now milky white, stared blindly at the sky. He fell to his knees before her lifeless body and threw his head back in a guttural cry of anguish, clutching at her lifeless body.
Kaidan sat bolt upright in bed. The scream that woke him, his own scream, still echoed around the cabin. His sweat drenched body glistened in the blue light cast by the fish tank as he ran a trembling hand down his face, trying to calm his frantic breathing.
The nightmares had started to return as they approached the Arcturus system. Now, as they drew closer to the first primary relay, every night they plagued his sleep. Each night they were the same, he dreamt about their last moment together. Sometimes they ended with her telling him she loved him and running back into the fray. Other times - like tonight - they threw up scenarios of what might have happened to her. He had watched her die in some horrific ways as he slept in what was once their bed.
He disentangled his legs from the sheets and sat on the edge of the bed, his head down as he rubbed his neck and shoulders. He glanced at the clock by the side of the bed, 0300. He was due to be back on duty at 0700. Rising to his feet with a sigh, he shuffled groggily to the bathroom.
He didn't need Chakwas to tell him that the dreams were caused by stress, he was well aware that his subconscious was preparing him for the worst. Preparing him for the news of her death.
Kaidan splashed cold water on his face and the back of his neck, trying to wash the disturbing image away, but knowing that it would be with him all day. With hands planted on either side of the sink, he glanced up into the mirror. The lack of sleep over the past two weeks was taking its toll. His eyes were dull and underscored by purple half-moons. His face looked pale and gaunt and his brow was perpetually furrowed.
With a heart weary sigh, he stripped off his briefs and stepped under the shower head letting the hot water wash away the sweat from his nightmare and some of the tension in his shoulder. He stood there under the cascading water longer than he would normally have, his mind wandering back to the bath they had taken together right here, in an old disused container tub so many years ago. The night she'd first told him she loved him.
He closed his eyes and remembered the smile on her face, cheeks flushed from the hot water. The way her hands caressed his thighs as they spoke, eyes locked on each other. The way the water lapped at the swell of her breasts, just visible beneath the bubbles.
He let his hand run slowly down his stomach to his growing arousal and gripped it firmly, remembering the noise she made as he pushed into her when she whispered those three, magical little words.
He began working his hand back and forth as he thought of her clamping down around him, mewing unabashedly as she neared her release. His free hand darted out and braced against the wall clawing at the smooth panel as he pumped himself faster and harder. The muscles in his stomach began to tense and he felt the heat and pressure begin to build. He lent his head against the wall and groaned her name. He thought about the way her breasts moved as he thrust into her and felt his already impressive manhood swell even further, tight and throbbing, screaming for release. He was close, so very close. He though about straddling her hips as she lay on her stomach and sang. The unbelievable urge to kiss her, to claim her. In his mind he rolled her over and froze. Her eyes that milky white, staring unseeing past him. Her skin cracked and burned from the intense heat of the beam.
Kaidan shook his head and tried to conjure up a different image, but the vision of her burnt, broken body from his nightmare just wouldn't go away.
He shut off the water and slammed his fist into the wall with a frustrated growl, denting the flat metal panel.
"Have you seen Kaidan?" Liara asked, leaning on the console beside Traynor.
"I believe he's still in the cockpit with Joker."
"He should just be coming on duty now. How long has he been up there?"
"He was already down with Joker when I came on duty at 0400."
Liara frowned as she gazed in the direction of the cockpit, lost in thought. Traynor reached over and grasped her hand gently running her thumb across the soft blue skin of Liara's knuckles. Liara looked down to their linked fingers and smiled back at her shyly through long eyelashes.
"You're concerned about him aren't you?"
"Yes. Kaidan's spirit is so entwined with Shepard's, the hope of a reunion with her is all that is keeping him going. I worry how he will react when the news is not ...favourable." Liara looked once more towards the cockpit.
"You said 'when', not 'if'. You don't think she made it, do you?" Traynor's shoulders slumped at the realisation that Liara seemed to have given up on Shepard completely.
"I think if anyone could survive, it's her, and by the Goddess I hope she did, but no, I do not think it's likely. She was at ground zero. The magnitude of that energy wave was enough to almost rip us apart and we were light years away from its origin by that point. I doubt the Citadel made it through intact, and anyone onboard was likely killed as it fired. At least it would have been quick. She wouldn't have suffered long."
A single tear snaked its way down Traynor's cheek. Liara reached out and wiped it away with her thumb, leaving her hand on her lover's cheek.
"I am sorry Samantha, I know it is not what you wanted to hear."
Traynor closed her eyes, trying to force back the tears that were beginning to flow. "I believe in her. She made it, I know she did."
Liara nodded, understanding Traynor's need to believe in Shepard. Traylor had grown so much under Shepard's command, they had become friends. She had respected Shepard.
Liara briefly squeezed Traynor's hand before releasing it and headed towards the bridge.
Kaidan sat in the co-pilots chair nursing his coffee mug, staring blankly out as the rolling blackness of space. He sighed and slowly sipped the now tepid contents.
"No offense Major, but could you maybe hang out somewhere else for a change? I mean, don't get me wrong, I like the company but all the yawning and sighing is kinda putting me off here. The Normandy is pretty big, there are lots of places where you could check out the view."
Kaidan took another long sip from his mug. "I want to be here when we find something."
"Maybe you didn't hear, but this beautiful ship of mine has this nifty little feature call an internal COM system, where I can call you no matter where you are, and tell you things like 'Hey Kaidan, I spy a working relay. Wanna come up at take a look?' Pretty cool, no?"
"You know one thing I'll never understand? How the hell you managed to survive Shepard's temper being such a smart arse all the time."
"Shepard appreciates my sparking personality." Joker turned in his chair to face Kaidan. "I mean it though buddy, you look like crap. Have you even slept?"
Kaidan rubbed his eyes. "Some."
"Go take a break man. Like half an hour of shut eye. I'll call you if we find anything."
He knew it made sense. He wasn't at his best right now. Even the industrial strength coffee wasn't making a dent in his exhaustion. Reluctantly he stood and nodded to Joker, placing a hand on his shoulder as he went.
"Thanks, Joker."
When the cockpit door opened he came face to face with Liara. The Asari gave him a concerned look as she took in his appearance and demeanor.
"Major, could I have a word?"
"Sure Liara, what's up?" He crossed his toned arms across his chest and lent his shoulder against the doorway.
"Glyph has been conducting some scans and has found something interesting. There seems to be a sporadic energy signature a few days flight ahead of us."
Kaidan furrowed his brow, his head to one side as he mulled over the information trying not to let himself get carried away in speculation.
"Could it be what I think it is?" He straightened raking his hands down his face. It looked like sleep was out of the question today.
"According to his records, there is only one thing it could be. I think it's..."
A harsh persistent bleeping from Joker's console interrupted their conversation.
"Uhh, Kaidan?"
"What is it Joker?"
"I spy a working relay."