The wind running through my midnight black fur is one of my favorite feelings in the world. Being up in the Washington mountains makes running all the better. The peace and quiet is a nice change from the rowdiness of the pack. As much as I love all of them, sometimes I just need a break. A break from the noise, a break from the bickering, a break from my brother.
A break from...myself.
As I run I let the wolf take control and I slowly lose myself. I become the wild animal that is churning inside me.
The wolf catches the scent of some animal nearby. I'm helpless to stopping the wolf from getting what it wants and the wolf wants the hunt. The wolf slowly stalks forward its fur blending in with the pitch black night. It doesn't make a single sound as its paws touch the ground. About twenty feet in front of the wolf there is a herd of deer. The wolf bristles in preparation for the hunt. As it gets closer to the deer it sinks down into a crouch. The wolf slinks forward, moving silently along the ground towards its intended prey, the large buck. The wind blows and it freezes and makes sure its still downwind. After it waits and watches the herd to see if any of them bolt, the wolf begins slinking forward again. When it get to the edge of the trees and brush the wolf darts forward in blinding speed and takes down its target in one swift move. The wolf howls in the victory of its hunt and then tears into the animal. The wolf savors the meat that its tearing off the buck, chunk by chunk.
Once I've finished the deer I bury the carcass in the ground a few feet from the river bank. When I finish with that chore I walk over to the river and look down at my reflection. My fur is smooth and silky, but my eyes are wild and restless, the blue irises swirling with emotions.
Ferocity.
Fear.
Longing.
Longing to be free. Free from the hardships of every day life on the reservation. Longing to be able to have a better life. Longing to have a mother there to spoil me. Longing to have a father who actually cares. Longer to no longer be the way I am.
Longing to be normal.
The wolf bristles at my thoughts and retakes control from me. My mind blanks and any human likeness in my eyes disappears. My pupils expand taking over the blue I've come to know so well. I sit back on my haunches, throw my head back, and howl into the night sky. In the distance I can hear other wolves join in the howl. None of them realize what my howling is about though. None of them realize it is the wolf taking me over.