Taylor looked through her wallet, checking her finances. According to what she'd learned in her home economics class, there was only one way to describe her current financial situation. Totally, completely, fucked. Gacha was just too expensive!
In summoning Acidbath yesterday, she had spend 220 dollars. By robbing Lung's thugs, she had only made back 170 of those dollars, and if the money wasn't back in Danny's booze fund by this time next week, then she was fucked.
"Damnit! This fucking sucks!" she yelled out. "You're too expensive!"
"Really?" Acidbath replied, looking at her with that roguish face of his. He was actually rather attractive, if murderous mutilating psychopaths were your type. Still, he was a birdcage block leader, there weren't all that many of those. She wondered, would she get something special if she collected all of them?
"So, how's this thing work?" Acidbath asked. "Ain't the birdcage supposed to be inescapable?"
"You're not really here," Taylor replied. "You're just a summon, a permanent minion here to obey my commands."
"Well, that explains why I can't call you a -," he replied.
"What did you say?" Taylor asked, frowning in anger.
"Nothing," Acidbath replied. "Like, literally nothing."
"Good to know," Taylor said. "You cost me more than 200 bucks, can't have you disrespecting me."
"Seriously? Two hundred bucks?" he replied, vaguely insulted. "How's that work anyway?"
"It's simple," Taylor said. "I burn twenty bucks and that spins the gacha. Every spin, a random cape comes out. Ten spins at once, and I'm guaranteed a four-star cape."
"Two hundred bucks and you summon someone like me?" he asked. "Sounds like a fucking steal!"
"Problem is, I don't have two hundred bucks!" Taylor replied. "And if I only spin once, I'll just get a fucking Chubster again!"
"Chubster, that's the fat guy right?" Acidbath asked. "I don't reckon you could sell him for meat?"
"Eww, no!" Taylor replied. "That's disgusting."
"Well, if you're summoning anyway, think you can make me some hot chicks?"
"What, you want a fucking waifu to main?" Taylor asked her only remaining summon.
"I mean, only if they're eighteen or older," Acidbath replied. "I'm a degenerate, not a pedophile."
"So what, you're into like, Sara Pelham?"
"You mean Photon Milf?" Acidbath asked. "Hell yeah!"
"Fine, I summon Lady Photon, you can try to main her, whatever the fuck that means," she replied. "Need to get some fucking money first though. I'm burning through my cash reserves, literally!"
"Why not rob a bank?" Acidbath asked.
"I'm a hero!" Taylor replied. "That's why I had you keep Lung alive, hell, that's why I was fighting him in the first place!"
"Well, yeah, but think about it!" Acidbath said, swinging his green hair around in a gesture he probably thought was sexy. "Sure, it'll be a crime, but it'll get you money! And with your power, more money means more power. So, in the end, you'll be a better hero, and if you add everything up, you'll ultimately have done more good!"
"Sounds legit," Taylor said. "But everyone will think I'm a villain if they see me rob a bank. They're not just going to accept heroism from someone they have on tape taking hostages and breaking open vault doors!"
"I disagree, on two counts," the cell-block leader said. "First of all, people love a good heist movie, and after pirates, bankrobbers are everyone's favorite type of criminal. Second, you still have like a hundred fiddy, right? That's like seven or eight capes. Get a few villains, command them from a distance, and no-one will know it was you!" he suggested.
"You know… That doesn't actually sound half bad!" Taylor replied. "Let's spin the gacha!"
She took her money, twenty bucks at a time because spinning one at a time was the best way to do it, and burned it. The circle of light appeared, spun up, exploded, and her first result was more horrible than anything she'd ever imagined to be able to summon.
The result was something she was, by now, intimately familiar with, but somehow even worse.
Still fat, still ugly, still useless, but this time covered in clown makeup.
"Hiya, I'm Jolly Chubster, Honk Honk!" he said, squeezing his giant fake red nose in tune with his honks.
"The fuck…" she said.
"Whoa, awesome!" Acidbath said. "You can do event skins! Check to see if he's stronger!"
"He's… two stars?" Taylor said, still not going over the fact that he was mostly naked, badly smeared with white makeup that made him look like a shitty circus-act.
Which was fitting, because he was a shitty circus-act.
"That's better than before, right?" Acidbath asked.
"Sure, but not by much."
"Well, it's great either way! You can have him pretend to be a hero fighting your other summons!"
"Sounds like it'll be fun, Honk Honk!"
"Shut up Chubster!" Taylor yelled, grabbing another twenty to set on fire. If this went on, the abandoned factory she was using as a base would probably run out of space quite quickly.
This time, when the blue light disappeared, it was a Biter, normal costume, normal two stars.
Heh, given the average rates of heroes and villains, Acidbath's plan could actually work.
"So, I've been thinking," Acidbath said. "If Chubster with a silly costume is actually stronger than Chubster without…"
"Yeah?" Taylor asked.
"Think you could buy me a swimsuit? I think I can make it to five stars!"