Ok I warn you this story is very very OOC. It's random and stuff and it's not supposed to make any sense at all so don't expect it to. I might write a serious story one day but for now it is OOC. So ba-bam.

I don't own Bleach because if I did Hinamori woulda died and so would Rukia. And less Arrancar woulda died.

Ulquiorra's eyes widened as he looked out the window. Strange white flakes were falling and covering the ground. Ulquiorra stood up and ran to Aizen's room.

"Aizen-sama! Aizen-sama!"

"What is it, Ulquiorra? You see I'm about to get in the hot tub and take my daily soak!" Aizen yelled angrily. Ulquiorra's cheeks turned bright red at the sight of Aizen in a leopard print Speedo.

"U-um I believe the sky is falling."

"What!?! The sky is falling?" Aizen squealed.

"Yes look outside." Aizen ran to the window and bent over to look out. Ulquiorra could see his butt cheeks. "Omigod! Tousen! Gin! Come quick! Call on an emergency evacuation! The sky is falling!"

"Attention all Espada," Tousen's voice was heard over the intercom. "Please do not panic but…THE SKY IS FALLING!!! CODE RED! CODE RED!"

Everyone in the large mansion started screaming and running like crazy. Yami's fat ass hit a table knocking over a lit candle. The candle fell on Aizen's pet tree, Billy. Billy burst into flames.

"Omigod! Billy!!" Aizen shrieked.

"Aizen calm down! It's just a tree!" Gin yelled.

"It's not just a tree it's Billy! I've had him for 15 years! I can't just let him burn!"

"Aizen-sama you're on fire," Ulquiorra stated calmly.

"Why thank you Ulquiorra but this is no time for sexy compliments."

"NO!" Gin yelled. "YER REALLY ON FIRE!"

"Ahhhh! What do I do, what do I do, what I dooooooooooooooooooo?" Aizen started to sob.

"I believe you run giving the fire oxygen, which will make it die down."

"Are ya sure bout that Ulquiorra?" Gin asked.

"Positive."

Aizen ran and ran but the fire only got bigger.

"No you fuckin idiot!" Grimmjow shouted. "You stop, drop, and roll!"

"How do I do that?" Aizen sobbed. "Like this?" He started to drop it like it's hot.

"No idiot! Stop fuckin running, drop to the ground, and roll around!"

Aizen did so and Szayel grabbed a fire extinguisher and put out the flames. Aizen laid there, the flames finally out, and cried. He looked like a hotdog that was left on the grill way too long cuz your uncle wanted to see the last quarter of the football game. Yep the burns were that bad.

"Aizen ya look nasty," Gin wrinkled his nose.

"He stinks too," Yami added. Everyone stared at him. "What? What'd I say dawg?"

"It's your fault Aizen's like that! You're lucky he can't move or else you'd be dead right now!" Szayel whispered to Yami.

"Awwww. My bad I'm is so sorry Aizen-sama."

"Don't. Talk. To. Me."

"But I was just sayin sorry."

"I SAID DON'T TALK TO ME!!!" Aizen roared and more tears flowed out his eyes. "YOU DUMB BITCHES! DON'T JUST STAND THERE AND GAWK! HELP ME I'M BURNT TO THE CARPET!"

"HELP HIM!" Gin shouted at Yami.

"Y-yes suh!" Yami knelt down beside Aizen and started to peel him off the carpet.

"OMIGOD STOP IT! STOP THAT HURTS!!!"

"Sorry homesz!"

"What do we do?" Grimmjow asked.

"Maybe we should call an ambulance," Ulquiorra suggested.

"No! I am not going to the hospital! No, no, no! Not again!"

"But Aizen there ain't nothing else we can do. Please don't start dis again. Just go to the dang hospital," Gin pleaded.

"Fine. But if they try to do any surgery on me, I'm suing."

"That don't make a licka sense," Gin said.

"You don't make a lick of sense! Always talkin with your improper grammar and slang! Just shut up Gin for once! Gah!"

"Aizen you is mean!" Gin shouted but Aizen could care less.

"He does have a point."

"Shut up Tousen! And call the damn ambulance already Ulquiorra!"

"Yes sir." Ulquiorra picked up the phone and dialed 911. "Yes hello? Yes there is a…32 year old male who got burned in a fire. Yes. Yes. I don't actually know that. Yes. Alright thank you bye," Ulquiorra hung up the phone. It got quiet and everyone stared at him.

"Well?!" Gin shrieked.

"She said the ambulance is on the way."

"Who is 'she'?" Szayel asked.

"I don't know. It was the woman who picked up the phone."

"Then how do ya know she was tellin tha truth if ya don't know who she was?" Gin asked angrily.

"I don't know. I am sorry for my ignorance. I should've asked her who she was."

"You idiots she was the 911 operator. They're the people who get the police and stuff to your house," Grimmjow said matter-of-factly.

"How do you know so much about the human world, Grimmjow?"

"I read books, Ulquiorra."

"You know how to read?" Ulquiorra asked surprised. He was truly surprised. He didn't know someone with such a low IQ could learn how to read.

"Fuck off Ulquiorra. Quit tryna make me sound stupid!" Grimmjow growled.

"Omigod shutup everybody! I'm laying here in pain and- what's that noise?" Aizen tried to sit up but just ended up ripping some of his hair off. "OMIGOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Shhh!" Gin scolded. He listened closer and could hear a stange screaming sound. There was a loud banging on the door. Tousen cautiously walked to the door and slowly opened it.

"Hello?" Three men ran in with a stretcher and trampled Tousen.

"Where's the victim?" The largest man asked. He had dark skin and really long dreadlocks that were way neater and nicer then Tousen's.

"I'm right here dipshit!" Aizen yelled from the floor.

The dreadlock man made a face. "This is gonna be a toughy. Jonny go get the spatuler."

"Sir, yes, sir!" The thinnest man ran out to the ambulance and came back with a giant spatula. On the handle it had 'Property of Krusty Krab' carved on the side.

"Alright now you and Tommy scoop him up and I'll put him on the stretcher."

"Wait a second this is gonna hurt! I'm not a hamburger! You can't use a spatula to scrape me off!" Aizen yelled.

"We're gonna have to sir. This is procedure. It's all about saving your life here."

Aizen screwed his eyes shut and braced himself. "Alright go!"

The three men scraped Aizen off the floor and tossed him onto the stretcher. When he landed he screamed out in agony. They pushed him out and threw him as hard as they could into the back of the ambulance. Poor Aizen.

Yea so it's not really a good story… Any ideas for what could happen next? I was thinking of making Orihime be like the intern nurse or something stupid like that.