Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. All rights and reserves belong to Tite Kubo.
Warnings: Drug Use, Slight Paranoia, Immesurably Sad Scenes, and Blood.
Okay, here it is. I find myself oddly addicted to this story, in all the right ways. It's easy as hell to write, and hopefully to read ^~^ unfortunatly, i'm...well a glutton for punishment when it comes to all this misery. Ichi is such a tortured soul, and if he wasn't eighteen, definatly jail bait XD
Thanks for the reviews guys ^_^ i didn't think this story would be very well recieved, what with the hell i'm gonna put Ichigo and Grimmjow through. But maybe you like Hurt/Comfort/Angst stories like this?
Anywho, you know me, i tend to ramble in the Authors Note, so, without further adou (if that is indeed how you spell it), here is the second chapter, hopefully of many of He Will Be Loved.
Harribel had arrived to the house a few hours later, trying to prolong going to Starrks house, which she knew was going to wreak havoc on her already fried nerves. It didn't help that the rain was sloshing over the cab's windshield like someone was pouring bucket after bucket over the car. The cab driver was an elderly Japanese man, who made very tight turns, tight enough for her to go sliding to the other side of the seat. And she didn't like to slide, it was probably the most undignified thing to be doing. They stopped in the middle of the street, thankfully, no one wanted to be out in the rain, so the street was fairly deserted. She opened the car door, and a blast of wind and rain water hit her before she could so much as open her umbrella. But when she did, he handed the man twenty dollars and stepped out, her six inch stilettos making a very comforting click on the pavement as she made her way to Starrks house, briefcase under her arm.
She gingerly stepped over the enormous puddle in the driveway. It looked deep enough to swallow up her heel and get her feet soaking wet, something that she wasn't very eager for. After having defeated that obstacle, she was faced with what looked like a deserted house. There were no lights on, no windows open, no shouts and yelling from its occupants. Grimmjow wasn't yelling at them to quiet down, and little Lilynette wasn't guiding Ichigo around the room, trying to get 'his land legs back' as she put it. But that really meant, trying to see if he could walk a straight line, and if he was drugged up. They could no longer tell the difference, his body was so used to it; it was almost like he didn't get the high anymore, which made her wonder why he still took it. But she shook that thought out of her mind.
Once a crack head, always a crack head. There was no changing who Ichigo was, and she'd figured that out a long time ago, when Grimmjow had come back with a big bruise on his gorgeous face, trying to get the boy back from some abusive man who was trying to get him to 'work full time' if you know what she meant. That boy had cost him and his friends more trouble and heartbreak than should be allowed. She cared about them, she'd grown up with most of them, and she was very much in love with her husband. So why couldn't they see she had their best interests in mind? All she was trying to do was protect them, was all, they were very precious people to her and it made her heart break every time they felt pain, or hurt. And they felt that every time Ichigo ran away.
And now the boy was back again, and they should've been partying, like they wouldn't have done for her, had she reappeared after two full months. But they weren't, she didn't even know if they were there or not. Maybe they'd seen her coming and snuck out the back way or something, she wouldn't put it past them. They hated her for the things she'd said, and done to protect them. They never even thanked her for when she saved their precious little boy from going to jail, where he'd surely be raped or killed. She'd saved his life, and how did he repay her? By throwing it away the next time he picked up a syringe. And she'd had it. She'd come over here with an argument in mind, and she knew how it would go exactly, but now she wasn't so sure of herself, a position she wasn't in very often.
She walked up the short flight of stone steps, instead of the water logged stepping stones up the lawn, and she knocked on the door, very softly and tentatively. Something about that house seemed daunting, it reeked of death and indifference, and it didn't seem to want to yield to her. Harribel knocked once more, waiting with bated breath, until it swung open, revealing her longtime friend Szayel. The man's normally vibrant amber eyes stared down at her tiredly, she frowned, she'd seem him yesterday and he looked fine but now after only twenty four hours, he seemed to have aged a good five years.
"Harribel…" He said, his voice sounded raspy, like he'd been crying or shouting. Normally his voice was beautiful, like the tinkling of bells. "I don't think anyone is in the mood to get yelled at." He said, nodding once before starting to slide the door shut, right in her face. She stuck her foot in the doorway, trying to fight down her anger. No one felt like seeing her? Had that druggie already taken her place in everyone's hearts? That was why she couldn't stand him, every time she saw him she got immeasurably angry, and she'd ended up saying some very hurtful things, not helping herself along much. He sighed harshly, and flung open the door like he'd given up, turning on his heel and walking back inside.
She scowled, that was a very unexpected reaction. Still, she slipped off her shoes in the genkan and hung up her trench coat, and closed her umbrella, setting it by the doorway. It was cold in here, like the heat wasn't working. Her breath ghosted out in front of her like she was smoking. When they were younger they'd done that all morning, pretending they were grownups, smoking cigarettes. How naïve they had been. When she walked into the living room, she was immediately choked up by the sight before her.
Neliel was crying, her whole body shaking with each heart wrenching sob. Nnoitora was talking to her in a very quiet, soothing voice, but he didn't look any more hopeful than she did. Szayel was sitting on the very edge of the long couch, looking down on the figure almost swallowed up by blankets. She couldn't see his face because her husband, Grimmjow, was kneeling in front of him, his head bowed, holding his hand in his own, murmuring something over and over. She couldn't hear what he was saying until she got closer.
"Please don't leave me, please don't leave me all alone, Ichi." He said, his voice cracking at the end. She frowned, he should know he would never be alone. He had so many other friends he could count on, and a wife, who was devoted solely to him, why then…did he seem so broken? He repeated it again, pressed his lips to Ichigo's hand. And in the midst of all her wondering, all her hard denial, something finally clicked into place. But she had a hard time swallowing that down.
Lilynette waved her over, she was sitting on Starrks lap, cradled in his arms like she was still a toddler. Starrk for once was awake, though he did seem tired beyond measure. Harribel couldn't even feel angry anymore. Ichigo was gone…wasn't he? Why else would everyone be in such low spirits? They'd grieve, they'd move on, and love her again…wouldn't they? The small green haired girl looked at her with tear filled pink eyes.
"Harribel, I was wondering if you could do me a favor." The girl said, getting out of her father's lap and beckoning to her to follow after, into another room of the house. They stood in the kitchen, that smelled of pancakes, though the smell wasn't fresh anymore, and the pancakes on the counter were only half eaten, like they'd stopped in the middle of devouring them. That was almost beyond belief, she knew how much they loved them, and to abandon them, mid bite it looked like, seemed impossible. Lilynette turned to face her, her tears finally spilling down her peach colored cheeks.
While crying, the girl's voice remained even, like she was denying the tears that now coursed down her face. She outlined what she had in mind, the plan itself seemed underhanded, though it was rightfully placed. But when the girl finished with, "I'm sure he'd want to see them." Harribel felt something like anger stirring in the pit of her stomach.
"He's still alive?" She ground out, glaring at the girl, with thoughts of Ichigo in mind. He was sick, any fool could see that, he was on the brink of death, and causing them so much pain, but he still clung on. Why? So he could prolong their suffering? She simply nodded and turned on her heel, walking out of the house to make a few phone calls.
It was going to be a very long day.
Ichigo was sitting with Shirosaki and Zangetsu, after they'd moved their tea table up a bit more, out of the way of the slowly rising water. They were smiling at him, and talking, and he found them to be very interesting people. He'd had them pegged wrong, all this time. Zangetsu was quiet, and reserved, but he liked Ichigo, told him he was going to get better. Shirosaki was a little bit off, but he was nice enough, in fact he seemed to be devoted to Ichigo, something he didn't mind so much. Eventually though, Ichigo felt something, go over him like a wisp of smoke. It was so sudden and so quick that he almost thought he imagined it. However, his current companions did notice it, and they looked at each other in unison.
Zangetsu poured Ichigo another hot cup of White Island Peach Tea, which just so happened to be one of his favorites. "Ichigo, you'll be leaving us pretty soon. There's someone out there that really cares about you. He wants you to return to him now." Ichigo shook his head, feeling a bit of panic settle in his stomach. He didn't want to go back. Not yet. He felt normal, safe and warm in here. Out there, there were scary things, things that would hurt him, people that would hurt him.
"I'm not going back." He claimed, watching the two of them. His light brown eyes shifted between them, hoping to find some sort of ascent. He saw it first on Shirosaki's face. A slight glimmer of pity and then a yearning look. He pressed on, "Please let me stay here a bit longer, I promise, I will go back but I want to stay with you longer." He bit his lip, waiting for them to give him their verdict. He liked this world; it seemed alright to him, despite the rising water and evaporating buildings. In fact, the one they sat on now was one of maybe a dozen or so. He wondered why that was, and what came after all the buildings were gone. Maybe it'd rebuild itself from the ground up, only better this time.
Shirosaki turned to him, a very small, very sad smile on his face. "You can stay longer Ichi. It won't do you any harm." The albino took his hands in his own, the chill biting through his perception of reality. He felt the edges of his peripherals come into clearer focus. Ichigo nodded, and took one hand out of his grasp to take a sip of his tea. Its floral scent alone could soothe him, but the taste was better than he thought taste could be.
"I have a question." Ichigo said, after setting his cup down and sliding his hand over to Zangetsu, who took it after a moment's hesitation. "I want to know why the city is being destroyed, and what happens when it's gone." At that, Shirosaki's calm broke and he let out a loud sob, snatching his hand back and turning his head away from Ichigo. Zangetsu simply stared at him, for a long while. So long, he didn't know if he would answer.
But when he did, it went something like this, "Ichigo, this world is your consciousness, you created it for us to live in, and for you to go when you're weak. When you need help." After that, Ichigo stopped listening, he was too busy looking at the clear water that was slowly gaining. When he was younger, he had hated the rain, but he'd always, always loved water. Water so deep and clear and blue, he loved it, he always wanted to just go swim in it, or stand in it. And eventually that turned to love for the rain. "Ichigo, if you trust in me, I will never let rain fall in this world. You're not going through this alone, so stop using drug to keep us away Ichigo, let us help you." He turned and looked into Zangetsu's dark eyes. He found a spark of hope in those eyes, that seemed to be stamped out when Ichigo stood.
"I want the rain. And I do trust you Zangetsu, but I don't trust your judgment." He said, and he heard a boom of thunder off to the left, where the sky was in this twisted world. And then…it began to rain again, the icy droplets hitting the side of his face and running across horizontally. He stood for a moment and smiled, liking the strange feeling. And then he took off his shirt, and pants, and dived into the water.
It didn't feel like water, it felt like…blankets incasing him and holding him in, trying to suffocate him. He felt hands on his nose and mouth, shutting off his air supply.
And then very suddenly, it was all real. Hands were enclosed over his nose and mouth, though over hands were trying to pull them away. He looked around wildly, trying to find something, someone to latch onto, to make some sense of this vision. Finally he found a shock of blue, and he felt anger. Grimmjow was trying to kill him. Trying to suffocate him. Why? What had e ever done to him? He was just like the rest of them. Just like
And suddenly, those hands were off of him, and he gulped in breaths of air, glaring angrily at Grimmjow, who seemed scared beyond belief. He reached out, feeling a twinge of pain in his arm, but ignoring it. Ichigo grabbed a handful of that wild blue hair and pulled with all of his strength, which apparently wasn't very much anymore. The man didn't even wince, he just stared at him, a confused and scared look in those eyes.
"You tried to kill me." Ichigo growled, wincing at the sudden sharp pain in this throat. Grimmjow shook his head fiercely, grabbing his hands in his own. They were warm and calloused, just like he remembered. "No…you tried to kill me." He croaked, pulling his hands out of Grimmjow's.
Other details swam into focus too suddenly, and he found himself slamming onto his back, like he'd been dropped into bed. The bluenette beckoned someone over…pink assaulted his vision and he felt something press against the crook of his elbow.
"Ichigo…you were suffocating yourself," Grimmjow said, his clear blue eyes trying to convince him of something strange and impossible. A bright light flashed in his eyes, and he looked towards the flash of pink, and met warm amber eyes. They flickered to Grimmjow, and a look was passed between the two, like a silent conversation.
Szayel looked back down at him, kneeling onto eye level. He then realized he was back on the couch, under a mountain of covers. "Ichigo, it's true you did try to suffocate yourself. You still have something running through your veins right now, your high, Ichigo." He shook his head, he didn't feel high, he felt betrayed, and angry. "Yes, you are. Look, you're hurting yourself right now."
Ichigo looked down at himself, and found his hands balled into fists so tight the knuckles were white, and his fingers nails dug into the skin, drawing a line of deep red blood around the tips. When he unclenched his hands, he felt the pain he should've felt when he'd first punctured the skin. He looked at his hands, the blood stayed just on the surface, refusing to actually leave the sight. And like a child he felt the urge to squeeze it until the blood came dripping out. Instead, he examined his nails.
They were long and ragged, having not been cared for in a very long time. He shook his head, trying to get a hold on himself. The drugs weren't supposed to hurt him, they were supposed to help him. He latched onto the idea that Zangetsu and Shirosaki were taking over his body, and purposely hurting him so that he'd stop the drugs and they could take over his mind again. It made perfect sense, and the more the thought about it, the more solid it became. His only option was to get out of here, and find something stronger to take, something that would shut them out completely.
He looked immediately at Grimmjow, and searched his friends eyes. He didn't seem to be getting much sleep, there were deep bags under his gorgeous clear blue eyes that seemed to pierce through him and wedge itself deep into his heart. Like a poisonous nettle. And as much as he wanted to look away, and avoid that barb, he couldn't. He forced himself to keep looking, he knew that Grimmjow was his only way out of here. He often left Ichigo unguarded, unlike Szayel, who didn't seem to trust him at all. The pink haired man would often set up watch shifts, to make sure he didn't escape, and the only way he did those times, was to win Grimmjow over. The man would let him go as soon as he asked, thankfully. And he would always be his very best friend, the only one who he might tell about Zangetsu and Shirosaki. Maybe he would understand then, why he needed the drugs and let him have them, and let him have Grimmjow as well.
He reached out, with his still bloody hand and touched the older man's cheek gently, watching his eyelids flutter shut at the simple touch. Truthfully, Ichigo had missed him just as much as the bluenette seemed to have missed him, and he wanted to reveal in their reunion, but he found his time there already taxing on his mind. He could feel himself slipping, and he needed out…now. The blankets on him were suddenly twisting him, coiling around him like snakes, leaving him gasping.
But that was all in his mind, he told himself, sitting up straighter. "Grimmjow," Ichigo murmured, bringing his face close to his friends. He knew he wasn't playing fair, but what choice did he have? "I want to go." He said softly, and flinched away when those cerulean eyes opened, showing very raw, and very harsh emotions. The orange haired teen, raised a hand to his throat, he hadn't ever seen so many emotions in one person. Surely something like that would tear one apart?
"You can't go this time Ichigo." He said, his voice uneven, and croaking on his name. "I'm sorry, we can't let you go this time." Grimmjow said again, until the words sank in. He couldn't go? They were keeping him here hostage? Panic edged into him and he felt a scream rising to his throat. But before it could escape, someone knocked softly on the door. He looked up, and around, finally noticing all of the other faces assembled around him. Nnoitora, Neliel, Lilynette, Starrk, and even Harribel were all seated around in the living room. Some giving him warm smiles, others were on the verge of sleep, their eyes only half open. Harribel got up and went to go answer the door, all the while; her eyes were on Ichigo, spitting venom.
Ichigo swallowed thickly, trying to figure out what he could do. Obviously he couldn't get past all of these people, not unless Grimmjow was going to help him, and it didn't seem like he was. He felt his breathing become shallower; his eyes followed Harribel back to her spot on the loveseat by Nnoitora and Neliel. Another figure walked in after her, standing stiffly, his suit well tapered to his body, his hands were thrust deeply into his pockets. He looked at Ichigo with a very unfriendly appraising emerald gaze.
"Oh, you are alive, fantastic." The man said, getting as close to sarcasm as he got. He flicked his short black hair back over his shoulder and went to stand against the wall by the hallway leading to the kitchen. Ichigo rolled his eyes, earning a snicker from Grimmjow and a full on laugh from Nnoitora, who was one of the ones smiling at him. Though the tall stick like mans smile wasn't exactly welcomed.
Then came in someone Ichigo thought he would never see again, Orihime Inoue, his best friend in high school, at least, until he'd run away. He'd vowed to never let her see him like this. Sometime in the far away past, he thought she'd be disgusted. Now he didn't see a reason for her to be, and the warm look and tears in her eyes told him he had been right. She ran to him, and hugged his head close to her bosom; she blushed and then pulled away, asking if he was alright.
"Course I am, Inoue, you know me." He said, jokingly. The tears in her eyes spilled over and she kissed his forehead sweetly, before getting pulled away by a short angry black haired woman. "Rukia…" He said suddenly very tired, this woman had a way with ruining his good mood. She always had, and she probably always would.
Rukia punched him on the arm that wasn't hurt, her eyes lingering on the new chain tattoo he had gotten. He rubbed the newly sore spot, glaring at her. "What the hell? How could you just drop off the face of the earth for three years? Why didn't you tell anyone anything?" She dropped to her knees in front of him, and he saw her eyes swimming with unshed tears as well. Her eyes made a connection with his, and memories of her came flooding into his mind. "I would've come with you…" She said, choking on a sob. "I would've gone anywhere, done anything for you, don't you know that?" He felt a lump form in his throat. He hadn't known the gnome like girl had cared for him that much, if he had, he might've told her everything. He might've told her about his uncle Aizen, about the appearance of Zangetsu and Shirosaki, about his plans to run away, under their guidance. He might've stayed, or he might've actually gone to the police about 'the incident' like she would've told him to. She would've helped him find a way, her and Orihime; they had been the most important people in his life, besides his family.
He heard someone clear their throat and he looked up and saw Uryu and Chad standing in the living room, and suddenly the space really seemed too small. The raven haired teen stared at the ground with a slight pout to his lips, and Chad, well…Chad may have been looking directly at him, but he couldn't see his eyes at all. His hair had grown a lot, and he hadn't bothered to cut it, much like Ichigo. The coin that had brought the two together, all those years ago, hung on his neck, now the coin was pierced through with a small hole. Behind that was a carved four pronged symbol, something that Ichigo had doodled on his notebooks and binders a lot back then. He almost felt himself choke up at this but now that they were here, he had a plan forming, and he wouldn't let it go.
"Rukia." He said, looking at the raven haired girl. She looked at him, her tears wiped away and never to be mentioned again. When he opened his mouth to ask for the favor, Grimmjow shook his head, thus cutting off his plea.
"Not gonna happen Ichigo. You can't go back to that, I'm sorry." Ichigo scowled, he couldn't do anything could he? The thought of being trapped like a rat, in this house made him cower in pure unadulterated fear. It wasn't just Zangetsu and Shirosaki, he thought in a moment of sobriety, it was those memories, of 'the incident' that had happened…or begun so very long ago.
The rain pouring outside of the house made him remember with a cold certainty, the events of that day. The day, that he had first met his uncle Sosuke Aizen.
A few things i need to address right here right now, no spoilers, i promise. Zangetsu and Shirosaki began as a coping mechanism for him, and they sort of grew from there. As you know from Inception (if you've seen it, if not i'll explain), your mind tends to create and build even when your not awake of it yourself, they became like seperate entities in his mindscape, or inner world. Ah, and while i'm on Zan and Shiro, i would like to say, that while they haven't given up on Ichigo, they have begun to lose hope.
Another thing, Ichigo doesn't like the rain period. The only reason he thinks that while in his mindscape is because he's well...high off his ass. He does like water though, which we will get to see in the next chapter, after a short flashback of course. It'll be coming soon, since i can't seem to get any other work done but this story. Anyways! Arigato my lovely readers, and see you next time.