A/N: They both have their demons and Michonne needs Rick too, so this is a flashback because I feel the need to explain how they got to where they are now; to explain how she came to be his rock and what other factors have impacted his mental state. My babies are so damaged *sighs*
How I imagined a certain scene could have went down. Leave me stuff and things in the review section please and thank you!
Michonne felt her heart in her throat as she realized the implications of her katana being the weapon that caused the death of Reg Monroe. It was mounted in their home; the home that she shared with Rick and his children.
The children, she recalled.
Rick stood staring at his old friend as Michonne pushed past him; her shoulder clashing into his as she passed, knocking Rick from his stupor and causing him to stumble as the person she recognized as Morgan repeated his name. Rick turned in Michonne's direction as she started to run.
"Michonne!" He called after her; confusion at the entire situation still evident in his bearing.
She slowed, turned and walked backwards before explaining her actions.
"My sword; he got my sword from our place! The kids are there, Rick. The kids!"
She turned and continued her sprint, not waiting for Rick to respond. He finally understood the gravity and urgency of her words. He broke into a dash behind her, but she reached their house first.
Michonne's heart sank as she noticed that the front door had been forced in; still despite her fear at what she might find, she entered and glanced around. Moments later Rick followed behind her and shadowed her hurriedly up the stairs. Darting down the corridor, Rick checked his bedroom where he found Judith's empty crib; Michonne checked Carl's room which was also unoccupied. Michonne became short of breath as her chest tightened and panic set in; the same panic that was washing over Rick as well.
Michonne, not stopping though she could scarcely move her heavy feet, tried her bedroom door; it was locked.
"Carl?" She called out weakly; her voice strained and faltering.
"Michonne!" Came his muffled reply.
Rick rushed towards the door.
"Carl!" He said with relief.
"Dad!"
The door unlocked and opened fully. Rick and Michonne rushed through, both grabbing Carl and Judith and drawing them into an embrace. Michonne felt the tears fall from her eyes as she closed them tightly and caressed the children.
"Guys, it's okay. We're okay. You can let go now," said the teenager with a relieved smile.
He handed Judith to Michonne who planted kisses to her chubby face before passing her on to Rick to do much the same.
"What happened?" Michonne questioned as Carl ran his fingers through his hair.
"Ron's dad came over here. He broke in. He was pretty pissed and lookin' for you, Dad. He was yelling out for you. He seemed so angry, like he was gonna do somethin' bad. I don't know, I freaked 'cause you were both gone."
Michonne shot Rick a disapproving look as Carl continued.
"I heard him, and I remembered what you said about us not being safe at all, so I grabbed Judy and hid in your closet, Michonne. He came upstairs but didn't find us. I locked the door when I thought he left. I was waiting for you two to come home."
Carl seemed a little shaken by the ordeal; he could handle walkers and maniacs, but the illusion of safety in their newfound community had lulled him into a false sense of normalcy.
"You did the right thing," said Rick. "And don't worry, he won't be comin' around here botherin' us anymore…"
"Dad, whose blood is that," The teen asked as he took in Rick's appearance.
Michonne stepped back and pressed her hands to her temples in an attempt to quell the impending headache.
"It's nothin'. It's fine. I'm fine." He offered and Michonne threw him a condemning look.
She could feel the anger for Rick bubbling away inside of her presently; she could barely believe that his erratic behaviour had subsequently put his children in danger. Yes, she had told him that she was still with him regardless of what their future held; but his actions had put the children in harm's way. That did not sit right with her and she was becoming so furious that she could not speak.
Images of André's small, torn body flashed in her mind's eye and she was immediately drawn into a fluctuating existence between the present and her agonizing past. She recalled the utter despair and torment and profound sense of loss she had experienced when she found her beloved baby that day. Michonne felt as if she was going to vomit. Once she fought to focus on the present and supressed the torturous images, she looked at Rick with such disdain that her lip began to quiver as she thought of his foolhardiness. Though she felt like lashing out at him, Michonne had the presence of mind not to do it in front of the children.
Rick could feel her burning gaze as he turned to take in her expression; he knew that she was upset and that there was something she needed to say. What struck him as surprizing was that he was almost certain she was upset with him and, it seemed, only holding back because they were in the company of his children.
"Son, take your sister into your room. Me and Michonne are gonna have a word before I fix the door situation; I'll stay in there with you two tonight, okay?" said Rick.
Carl looked between the two of them as they held each other's gaze; Michonne appeared to be on the brink of tears.
"Is everything alright with the two of you?" The boy asked out of concern.
"Yeah, everything's fine. We just gotta have a talk." Rick said as Michonne tore her eyes away from him a moment to offer Carl a small smile and to nod her head.
"Alright then. Goodnight," he said to Michonne as he drew her into a hug; she squeezed him lovingly after initially feeling tense.
Carl reluctantly pulled away and then took Judith from Rick thus leaving the adults in the room.
Rick walked over and closed the door, then turned his intense stare back to Michonne. He sighed loudly; he had had enough of people doubting him and looking at him as if he were wrong all the time. People were constantly looking at him as if they were judging him and right now he did not need that from Michonne of all people.
"You wanna tell me what's wrong?" He asked as he tilted his head to the side.
"Fuck you, Rick." She whispered as she fought back the tears.
"Come again?" He said surprized that she would speak to him in that manner.
"I said fuck you!" Michonne offered more loudly this time as she stepped closer to Rick; her voice shaky and her eyes watery.
His eyes grew wide before he frowned and clenched his jaw.
"Michonne? What the fuck?" Rick asked with a narrow gaze.
"Shut up and listen!" She said stepping closer still.
"This bullshit ends now! You waving guns and threatening people in this community, it fucking ends now!"
"Hey, hold up one fuckin' minute…"
"No, Rick! He came into our fucking home where our kids were! He could've hurt them to get back at you. Don't you get it? He could've hurt them! While you're out there runnin' around trying to prove to these assholes that this place isn't safe, you forgot how unsafe things can really be!"
Rick's face dropped as the realization set in; Michonne was right.
"I'm so fuckin' stupid too. I was there waiting for you, waving your banner so that they'd let you stay so that we wouldn't have to go back out into that shit storm…"
"Michonne, I…I don't know what to say…I wasn't thinkin'…"
"No, Rick you were thinking, just not about us…"
"That's not fair…"
"Fair is for fools. This whole world isn't fair. So whatever the fuck it is that you got goin' with Carol and Daryl and god knows who else, it ends now because your kids still need you to get through this fucked up unfair world!"
Rick fell silent as Michonne wiped a tear from her cheek; he had been so preoccupied with their little plans and with that man and his wife that he was missing the point of why they had ventured to Alexandria in the first instance.
He could see how much his irrational behaviour was now weighing on Michonne. He reached his hand for her upper arm.
"Don't touch me! Don't you fucking dare!" She yelled as the tears finally spilled from her eyes.
Rick was jarred at her insistence and overwhelming emotion; he let his arm fall to the side, stunned.
"Oh god! He could've hurt them. He could've hurt them…"
She said while placing her hand over her heart and trying to breathe. Images of André flashed in her mind; his beautiful little face twisted in agony. What remained of his tiny, lifeless body left behind cruelly in the dirt and the blood and the filth like he was not the most precious thing in her life; as if he was nothing.
Rick stood shocked; he had never seen Michonne like this and was taken aback by her sudden outburst. He knew she was upset with his antics and what had transpired just before, but there seemed to be something else behind her reaction; something more painful, something deeper.
She covered her mouth with her hand and started pacing; she seemed to be lost inside her own internal nightmare.
"What if he hurt them? God! He could've hurt them…"
"Michonne. Hey, it's okay…"
"No, no, no, no. I can't do this. I can't put my trust in another man…"
"Michonne…"
"I can't trust another man. I can't do this. No. I can't rely on another man who can't focus." She repeated as she began to sob.
He noticed the melancholy and pain in her; the creeping madness that he was all too familiar with. Rick then stepped forward and grabbed Michonne's shaky body; he held her and tried to get her to calm down. He gripped her tightly as she struggled to get away from him.
"No, Mike! Let me go!" She screamed as she balled her fists and hit Rick's chest.
Rick was steadfast and did not release her.
"Shhh, it's okay. Michonne…"
She stopped struggling as the weight of sadness and worry caused her to weaken; she felt deflated and drained as her fragile consciousness allowed her to grasp onto reality once again. She was not standing over the remains of her sweet son, but in the arms of the one her indignation was now aimed at. She remembered that Carl and Judith were in the room next door safe and sound; she remembered that Rick did not know of her past. Her anger for Rick slowly ebbed as it was overtaken by a deep and unrelenting sorrow. His embrace offered her a slight comfort as she resigned herself to being truly open with the man that she did in fact trust more than any other, despite his many flaws.
"I can't lose another child." She sobbed as she began to slump to the floor, pulling Rick down with her.
"Shhh, they're still here; they're still with you…" he offered quietly and soothingly.
"I can't lose them like I lost him, Rick…I can't. I couldn't save him from this world, my own son; I couldn't…I miss him so much. It hurts so badly. It hurts...We can't lose them. We have to protect them…"
Rick held her still as they both sat with their bodies pressed together; she cried into his chest as he gently rocked her and brushed his hand over her hair. His own eyes welled with stinging tears as he finally came to understand just how much she had lost having her own child taken from her and just how deeply she loved Carl and Judith.
A/N: Crap. I cried while I wrote this :'(
More to come!