Kaneki awoke with a gasp, letting out a weak, strangled cry when he realized that something was covering his eyes. His throat was dry and sore, and he quickly discovered that he could barely speak. He tried to cry out again, louder this time, but all he heard was something resembling a quiet sob. Was he crying? He couldn't tell, his eyes felt tender, like he hadn't seen anything but pitch black darkness in years. He also felt like he hadn't moved in a long time, as his body was heavy and stiff. His fingers twitched and his torso jerked a bit, but his body couldn't do much more than that, much less sit up or even roll over. At least he could feel that his body was in tact, so that was a positive, but terror was still very much at the front of his mind. He let out another cry, this one slightly louder with some of his real voice.
I have to go. I have to get to the manager. I have to go. I have to save everyone. I have to go. I have to go. I have to GO AND—!
"KANEKI!"
The familiar voice made him stop, frozen in fear.
Tsukiyama. Tsukiyama Shuu. The Gourmet. He was here.
Kaneki let out another cry, begging any and every muscle in his body to move. He managed to pick up his arms, but they merely flailed around aimlessly, like they had forgotten how to work. His legs remained sunken in what felt like a mattress beneath him, refusing to let him leave. He started to pant, and panic set in.
I have to get away. I have to go. I can't stay here. I can't defend myself! If Tsukiyama is here and I can't defend myself, then—!
He suddenly felt a hand on his face and something cold and solid against his temple. He wanted to cry, to scream. This was it. This was the end. Tsukiyama had won. He finally had his greatest and most desired meal in front of him, weak and unable to fight back. After so long, he had finally won, was finally able to sit down and savor every single bite of the greatest delicacy known to the ghoul world. Now Kaneki really did feel tears prick at the corners of his eyes.
I don't want to die. I don't want to die! There's still so much I have to do. I have to—
Whatever was covering his eyes fell away, and he shut his burning eyes quickly, cringing at the dim light in the room. It was too much too soon, like he was staring directly into the sun.
But…the pain wasn't from Tsukiyama's fork and knife or even just from his teeth, so…?
Kaneki could hear Tsukiyama breathe heavily as the cold solid disappeared. The hand didn't move though, and he could faintly feel the other's moist breath on his cheek. Another hand gently covered his squeezed shut eyes, effectively blocking out the light. A fragile sense of calm began to replace Kaneki's intense panic, and his arms eased back onto the mattress.
"It's okay, Kaneki," he heard Tsukiyama say, "take as long as you need to get used to the light."
…What do I do? What is he waiting for? Am I not at the peak of flavor right now or something? Why doesn't he just dig in? He wants to eat me…right?
None of those questions really mattered at that moment though, because Tsukiyama made no move to attack, bite, or even remotely sniff Kaneki. He stayed completely still, one hand on the younger's face and the other over his eyes. Kaneki soon realized that his hands were warm and actually quite comforting, gently cradling him and shielding him at the same time. He had never known Tsukiyama to be like that, and, while having the other as an ally was certainly more assuring than having him as an enemy, "comforting" and "gentle" were never words that Kaneki thought he'd ever associate the Gourmet.
But he decided not to fight those hands or those words. This was actually the least threatened he had felt in a long time.
…Thank you.
Eventually, Kaneki made a soft noise and slightly shook his head, indicating that it was okay for Tsukiyama to pull his hand away. The older slowly did just that, allowing light to hit Kaneki's still closed eyes a little bit at a time. Truthfully, the room was quite dark with only the light from the outside peeking through the curtains of a covered window, but it was still so much for Kaneki.
Just how long have I been in darkness?
After another few minutes, Kaneki's eyes cracked open. Even his eyelids felt stiff, and glue seemed to be sealing them shut, but the world slowly came into focus. There wasn't much there, just a dark ceiling, but it was something other than the abyss Kaneki had been seeing, so he welcomed it. He felt Tsukiyama's hand leave his face, and his eyes shifted to the other man kneeling at his bedside. His expression was unreadable.
Tsukiyama suddenly perked up like he had just remembered something and rushed into another room. Kaneki heard the sound of water rushing, and, a moment later, Tsukiyama returned with a full glass. "Here," he said, reaching for a button, "I'm gonna sit you up so you can drink this, okay?" He waited for the slight nod from Kaneki and then pushed the button. Slowly, half of the bed began to rise. Kaneki cringed at the bend in his lower abdomen but didn't voice his complaint. It actually felt good to be upright. Once the movement stopped, he opened his mouth, and Tsukiyama slowly poured a little bit of the water in. Kaneki struggled at first, but his throat quickly remembered how to swallow, and he gulped down the drink like he hadn't seen water in years.
Once Kaneki was done, Tsukiyama knelt back down next to his bedside and said, "Can I get you anything else?"
Kaneki's eyes widened slightly, and a little bit of color returned to his pale cheeks. "…hee…" he gasped out, "ah…fee…"
Tsukiyama blinked and then jumped in realization. "Coffee!" he exclaimed. "Yes, yes, of course!" He rushed out of the room, and Kaneki heard something fall. Tsukiyama swore loudly, like he was accusing whatever the thing was of personally offending him, and Kaneki couldn't help the breathy pant of a laugh that escaped his lips. It seemed that his voice was beginning to return. The water definitely helped.
Within minutes, the delicious smell of coffee filled the room, and Tsukiyama returned with a steaming cup of the beverage. "I hope you like french roast," he said as he sat it on a nearby nightstand. "Careful, it's hot. You should let it rest for a few minutes." He then knelt back at Kaneki's bedside with a stupidly pleased expression on his face, almost like he was a puppy who had obeyed his master and was looking for a treat. When he received no response, he said, "Um, the, uh, one of the pans got in the way. Sorry." That made the corner of Kaneki's mouth tweak upwards into a smile, and it was all the reward Tsukiyama needed.
Eventually, the coffee had cooled enough that Kaneki could sip at it. Tsukiyama seemed all too willing to help him do so, steadily holding the cup to his lips and waiting patiently as the younger drank the beverage down. When it was about half gone, Kaneki pulled away slightly, and Tsukiyama set the cup back down. Kaneki looked right into the other's eyes, his expression becoming more and more pitiful with each passing moment.
He just wants to eat me.
"Su…hee…yah…mah…"
Right?
"Wh…ere…?"
Tsukiyama's face dropped as if this was a topic of conversation he had desperately wanted to avoid, but he looked at Kaneki with honest eyes and said, "I had to get you away from there, Kaneki. You couldn't be there anymore."
Kaneki's eyes widened as panic started to set back in. "Wh…ere?" he asked again, this time a little louder.
Tsukiyama looked down, unable to look into the younger's desperate, terrified eyes.
"Paris. For nearly a month."
The shock of the answer went straight to Kaneki's brain, and he made a strangled, angry noise as his arms began to flail again. This time, his torso moved as well, jerking slightly as he tried to will his legs to move so he could stand. Tsukiyama grabbed his shoulders and tried to steady him, the younger staring into his eyes, believing he was about to be devoured. That fear only added to Kaneki's panic, and the incoherent noises coming from his mouth began to sound more like real screams.
"I HAF TAH GOOOOO!" he cried out, fruitlessly attempting to push Tsukiyama away. "GO, GO, SAFE TAH MANAGAAAAH. CAN'T BE IN PARIIIIIIIS, GOT TAH GO TO TOKI YO—!"
At that, Tsukiyama slammed Kaneki back down into the mattress, holding him firmly and stopping all movement. He stared at the white-haired boy, his eyes deathly serious to the point that Kaneki wasn't even sure if this was the real Tsukiyama anymore. The Tsukiyama he knew was flamboyant and over-the-top and couldn't act like a normal person to save himself. Who was this man?
"No," Tsukiyama said, voice low and threatening. It sent a chill down Kaneki's spine. "No, I won't let you go. I couldn't stop you from going once, but I won't let that happen again. I will not let you go." He paused and, after a short silence, his entire being softened. His grip on Kaneki's shoulders loosened, and he looked like he could start crying at any moment. "Kaneki," he murmured, voice now full of pity, "there is no point in you being in Tokyo right now. The battle is over. It's been over for weeks. There is nothing you or anyone else can do."
Kaneki stared at Tsukiyama with wide eyes, and the older feared another bout of panic, but Kaneki's eyes eventually softened as little tears started to form at their corners.
Tsukiyama gently shook his head. "I don't…really know what happened. I assume that everyone else left or went into hiding. I don't know what happened to Anteiku, but Yoshimura…" He trailed off when he saw the tears started to spill down Kaneki's cheeks.
"Couln't safe him…"
"Kaneki…"
"Arima…knows…mah face…"
After a brief pause, Tsukiyama nodded. "But he doesn't know you're here."
"…How?"
Nishiki turned and went to leave the rooftop, sighing as he shook his head. "He's ridiculous. C'mon, stupid Gourmet, let's get out of here."
No response.
Nishiki looked back at the lying figure and let out another sigh. "Oi, Tsukiyama, if you don't get up, I'm leaving without you. Not my problem if the Doves find you up here." He started walking again, feeling senses of relief and annoyance when he heard the other get up. He sighed once again, this time making his exasperation especially obvious. "I am such a nice person."
But he didn't hear any footsteps follow him. Grinding his teeth, Nishiki turned with every intention to chew the Gourmet out, but all words left him when he saw Tsukiyama standing on the edge of the building. He watched as the other reached into his inside shirt pocket and pulled out his mask. Nishiki's eyes widened as he watched Tsukiyama put it over his face. "Oh my god, you stupid Gourmet, you cannot be serious," he said, voice shaking slightly with disbelief. "No, no, no, you've done some really stupid, really horrible things, but this is just pure insanity. Get down, come here, and let's go."
Tsukiyama jumped off the building.
"GODDAMN GOURMET!" Nishiki shouted, rushing towards the building's edge and preparing his kagune to jump down. He briefly scolded himself for attempting to save the man who had once tried to kill him and his lover, but he skidded to a stop when he saw Tsukiyama jump down the buildings and run into the street. "What the hell are you…?"
Down in the streets, Tsukiyama rushed past the Doves waiting on standby as quietly as he could. He sniffed at the air and then suddenly turned. He soon saw a manhole next to an open sewer entrance, and, sure enough, he could detect a slight whiff of Kaneki's scent there. He nearly descended down the ladder leading underground when a much stronger scent hit his nose. He could never forget this scent, and, even through the rain, it was strong.
Kaneki's blood.
Tsukiyama quickly and quietly followed the scent, eventually coming upon a large group of Doves. Hiding behind a building, he peered down the street and watched as someone joined them. The breath caught in Tsukiyama's throat when he saw the someone's face: Kishou Arima. And worse, the smell of Kaneki's blood was coming from the briefcase he was carrying.
Despite the cold rain, Tsukiyama began to sweat, his breathing heavy (once he finally remembered to breathe) as he watched Arima pass the briefcase to another investigator. Arima then sped up a building, and Tsukiyama looked up, feeling the strength fade from his legs upon seeing the One-Eyed Owl. He didn't need to question it, that was the mythical One-Eyed Owl, the real one. He looked back at the group of Doves waiting in the streets, all of their attention focused on the imminent battle. Taking an especially deep breath, Tsukiyama waited.
He watched carefully as the Doves watched the scene above in awe. It took every shred of restraint Tsukiyama had not to follow their gazes, knowing that any moment of distraction could be the right moment lost. He kept his eyes on the briefcase, staying perfectly still while readying his legs to move at a moment's notice.
The investigator holding the briefcase flinched, and his grip slightly loosened.
Tsukiyama sped into the crowd, snatched the briefcase before the investigators could think, and ran off, clutching it against his chest.
A mere second later, the investigators ran after him. "Another ghoul spotted! Male, tall, mask shaped like a moon. No doubt about it, it's the S-Rank Gourmet!"
"He took Arima's briefcase!"
"Damn, he's fast! I thought Koukaku types were supposed to be slow!"
Tsukiyama turned a corner. The investigators followed after him, only to meet with a dead end and no Gourmet in sight.
A shrill cry rang out, followed by diabolical laughter, and the investigators' attention focused back on the Owl.
"…The Gourmet is hardly a problem right now. Besides, he can't hide forever."
"Mmm, I don't know what Arima had in there, but the creep sure did want it."
At the top of the building, Arima's eyes momentarily shifted in the direction in which Tsukiyama had run, but they quickly shifted back to the Owl. "So you're going home with the Gourmet tonight, Kaneki Ken?" he murmured, aiming at the Owl. "Interesting."
Back down at street level, Tsukiyama pushed a garbage bag off himself and shakily stood, still clutching the briefcase against his chest. He briefly marveled at how easy it was to fool the Doves before he peeked around the corner. Nothing. A slight bit of relief came over him, and he started running again.
It took a good, long while and some stealthy maneuvering around Doves, police, and civilians, but Tsukiyama eventually came upon his mansion. It was smaller than the main Tsukiyama Family Estate, but it was still rather large, especially by Tokyo standards. He shoved his way inside, not even bothering to call out for help. Kanae, Matsumae, and the rest of the servants had all fled. Some of them were probably at the main estate, but the rest had most likely left Tokyo for the time being. The city just wasn't safe anymore.
Panting heavily, Tsukiyama trudged up the stairs to his bedroom, slammed the door open, and fell to his knees next to his bed. Shaking from both the cold rain and the adrenaline rushing through his veins, he clicked the briefcase open, and a battered, bloody Kaneki with gouged out eyes spilled out.
Tsukiyama stared as he took his mask off. He gently pulled the briefcase away and set it on the floor so he could get a better look at its contents. Kaneki didn't move, he barely allowed for any indication that he was even alive. He just lay there, still as a corpse and bleeding all over the bed's expensive blankets.
Suddenly, Tsukiyama couldn't hear anything except his own blood coursing through his body, echoing in his ears. "I have you at last," he quietly breathed out, his big, terrified eyes unchanging as his mouth stretched into a wide, toothy smile. "I have you, sweet Kaneki, I have you now. You're all mine! All…MINE!" He started laughing, eyes still wide as he reached out and grabbed Kaneki by the shoulder. The latter didn't respond, and Tsukiyama laughed louder, opening his mouth as wide as it could go before throwing himself down onto the bed. Tsukiyama's mouth met with the blankets, and he realized that his laughter was actually sobbing as he clutched the lifeless Kaneki in his arms.
Eventually, Tsukiyama lifted his head and set his gaze on Kaneki, red, puffy eyes meeting black, endless sockets. With another sob, Tsukiyama stood and set Kaneki on the bed so his head was resting on the pillow. Tsukiyama hesitated to let go of the other's hand, letting his touch linger as long as he could until he couldn't bear to look any longer. He ran out of his room, rushed down the stairs, and ran out of his mansion.
Running, running, running, Tsukiyama felt like he had been running for days with no end in sight. Tokyo's skyscrapers all looked the same in the dark rain, and Tsukiyama wasn't even sure if he was running in the right direction. Hadn't he seen that ad just a moment ago? And that convenience store?
The convenience store made him come to a screeching halt. He stared at it and its bright lights and its multiple shelves of food and drink. Next to the windows was the manga display case. Next to that case was the ATM. Tsukiyama reached into his pocket and found that he had no cash on him, just credit cards. Biting his lip, he crossed the street without bothering to wait for the signal and walked into the store.
"Welcome," the cashier said as the door's bell chimed. Tsukiyama momentarily glanced at the employee as he made a beeline for the sweets shelf. Cookies, brownies, sweetened breads, cinnamon rolls, candy bars…there, that was it. He picked the chocolate bar, brought it to the counter, and offered the cashier his credit card. The cashier eyed him—who paid for a chocolate bar with a platinum credit card?—but rang up the order anyway. Tsukiyama refused a bag, grabbed the candy, thanked the cashier, and walked out of the store.
In the cold rain, hidden under a veil of darkness, Tsukiyama unwrapped the candy bar and bit into it.
Disgusting. He gagged and spit it out, his entire body convulsing as it rejected the treat. The rest of the candy bar fell out of his hands as he fell to his knees and coughed, the mixture of rain, saliva, and the pavement making what remained of the chocolate look just as gross as it tasted. Tsukiyama tried to run his fingers along his tongue to get the taste out of his mouth, but a little bit of it seemed to stay behind no matter what he did. With a sob, he stood back up on wobbly legs and started running again.
Paris's chocolate macarons would taste better, right?
Eventually, Tsukiyama's tears of frustration turned to tears of relief. He was on the right path, that was the Tsukiyama Family Estate up ahead. He rushed inside, ignoring the calls of "Master Shuu!," and went straight for the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and stared at the many wrapped meat packages. He went to grab at one when he stopped and slapped himself. "What the hell am I doing…?" he gasped out. "It'll all go bad…"
"Shuu?"
Tsukiyama turned to find none other than his parents staring at him with disbelieving eyes.
"Shuu, what the hell…?"
"You're a mess," his mother interrupted his father as the estate's many servants gathered nearby. Tsukiyama glanced at the group, spotting Matsumae and Kanae before turning his attention back to his parents. His mother's words took a moment to register in his mind, and he looked down at himself. True, he was a mess. He was soaked to the bone and covered in mud and city trash. His hair was a knotted mess, and he didn't need to look at his reflection to know that his face was flushed cold and his eyes were glassy and puffy. He slowly looked back up at his parents, and his lip trembled.
"Shuu?"
"Please," Tsukiyama gasped out. "Please…"
"Please what?"
"Please let me take the family jet."
His parents were taken aback. "Shuu," his father said, "stay here if you're worried about the raid. You'll be safe here."
"No, no," Tsukiyama said as he let out a shuddering breath. "I need to leave."
"Shuu."
"Please!" Tsukiyama suddenly fell to his knees and slapped his palms against the floor. He bowed his head, leaving everyone speechless. "Please, please! I need the family jet! I need to leave! I can't tell you why or where I'm going, but I need to go! Please, please, please, just trust me and let me go!"
The entire estate was silent for a good minute. Tsukiyama didn't look up, keeping his forehead pressed against the kitchen floor. The servants glanced at one another, wordlessly sharing their confusion and concern, while the master and mistress looked at each other. They turned back to their son, who let out another sob.
"…Please."
"Japanese-style bowing doesn't suit you, Shuu. Raise your head."
Tsukiyama jerked his head up. "Mama…?"
She turned to the servants. "Prepare the jet. Call the pilot. Tell him to go wherever Shuu wants to go. Swear him to secrecy."
The servants bowed to their mistress and dispersed.
Tsukiyama was so stunned that he couldn't even cry. "Mama…?"
"Stand up, Shuu, you have a plane to catch. Just promise me one thing."
Tsukiyama stood and his mother wiped his tears away with her thumbs.
"Make sure you hold hands with that special person the whole time."
"…That's not important right now," Tsukiyama said. "What's important is that you rest and recover."
Kaneki's recovery after opening his eyes was nothing short of remarkable. Finally able to swallow properly, he drank plenty of coffee and ate little bits of meat in between. The first time Tsukiyama ripped off a piece for him, he eyed it guiltily before taking a small bite. He felt better once it touched the back of his throat and significantly better once it hit his stomach. Tsukiyama offered the rest of the piece, and Kaneki looked away.
"You need to eat," the former said quietly.
Kaneki shook his head.
"It's okay if you survive. It's not a crime to live."
Kaneki wanted to ask where this version of Tsukiyama had come from, but he had a sinking feeling that he already knew the answer.
But the reassurance was welcome, and Kaneki slowly came to eat his fill. His strength returned and his legs were soon stable enough to let him stand. Getting out of bed was enough to ease his guilt a bit. At least he wasn't relying exclusively on Tsukiyama to take total care of him. At least he could brew his own coffee. He pretended not to notice, but he could swear that fact made a sad frown spread across Tsukiyama's face.
Finally, Kaneki couldn't take it anymore.
"Tsukiyama."
The other turned.
"Why?"
Tsukiyama's eyes widened. "Why what, Kaneki?"
Kaneki sat on his bed. "Why did you save me?"
Tsukiyama furrowed his brow, eyes still wide.
"Your goal this whole time was to get close to me and gain my trust so that you could eat me, right? So…why didn't you?"
"…I—"
"I'm not an idiot, Tsukiyama, so don't lie to me."
"I wasn't planning on lying to you."
"Okay, then explain."
Tsukiyama swallowed hard. "I…told you that I wasn't going to let you go, but you did, so…"
Kaneki narrowed his eyes. "But that doesn't explain why you didn't eat me. What, is someone else here? Has someone been keeping tabs on you?"
"No, it's just been us."
"No one else has been here?"
Tsukiyama shook his head. "Just you and me. The only other person who knows we're in Paris is the pilot who took us here, but he doesn't know where we are specifically."
Kaneki briefly thought about the word "pilot" and then mentally smacked himself. Of course a pilot would have flown the plane that had brought them to Paris. It wasn't like Tsukiyama could fly a plane, at least as far as Kaneki knew, and there was really no other form of transportation that could quickly bring them to a city on the other side of the world.
That made Kaneki realize something else. "I haven't left this building this whole time."
Tsukiyama nodded.
"Then…I'm confused," Kaneki said, dropping his head and staring at his hands in his lap. "We're the only ones here, we've BEEN the only ones here this whole time. I haven't left this building, I've barely left this ROOM. You've been watching over me. You've been taking care of me. I don't get it."
"Kaneki…"
"You want to eat me, right? Why haven't you? Why didn't you?"
"I…"
"Don't give me any crap excuses. Tell me the truth."
"I don't…"
"DON'T LIE TO ME, TSUKIYAMA, I WANT THE TRUTH!"
"I DON'T WANT TO EAT YOU! THAT'S THE TRUTH!"
"BULLSHIT!"
"IT'S THE TRUTH, KANEKI, I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO TELL YOU!"
Kaneki buried his face in his hands and let out a sob. Tears started dripping between his fingers.
"Don't lie, don't lie…"
"It's not a lie, Kaneki."
Kaneki tore his hands away from his face and tugged at his shirt collar, bringing the loose fabric down his shoulder. "Stop lying to yourself, Tsukiyama. Just take a bite already."
"Kaneki—"
"TAKE A BITE, DAMMIT! You want to earn my trust, right? Earn it right now by taking a bite!"
"I don't want to."
"TAKE A BITE, GODDAMMIT, OR I'LL EXPOSE YOU TO FRANCE'S CCG!"
Tsukiyama took a step back, hesitating. He looked at Kaneki's cringing face; he was bracing himself for the bite. Tsukiyama then looked at the exposed shoulder and took a step forward, then another, then another. Before he knew it, he was standing in front of Kaneki, the latter's face still twisted as he mentally prepared himself to be devoured. Tsukiyama caught a glimpse of the tears forming in the corners of his eyes, and he quickly looked away, unable to handle them. He didn't fare much better looking at the smooth, pale skin of Kaneki's shoulder, but he swallowed hard and opened his mouth anyway.
"…I can't do it."
Kaneki opened his eyes and turned, finding that Tsukiyama's mouth was a mere inch away from his shoulder.
"I can't do it, Kaneki, I'm sorry."
The tears that had been forming in Kaneki's eyes freely fell down his cheeks. "You're useless, you know that? Useless."
"Kaneki—"
"I told you to do one thing, this one thing, and you can't even do that."
"Kaneki—!"
"YOU HAVE ONE JOB, AND THAT'S TO EAT ME, SO GET TO IT!"
"I told you that I don't want to eat you!"
"STOP WITH THE LI—"
"THEY'RE NOT LIES!"
Tsukiyama jumped up and wrapped his arms around Kaneki.
"They're not lies, Kaneki. I mean it, I'm not lying to you. I don't want to eat you."
Kaneki let out a choked sob.
"Your flesh…no longer arouses my appetite. I'm not repelled by you, but…"
Kaneki shook his head as he allowed himself to fall into Tsukiyama's embrace. "Stop talking," he mumbled. "Just stop talking. I can't take it."
It would have been so much easier if you had just taken a bite.
The next day, Tsukiyama realized that he was out of meat.
"Kaneki."
Kaneki didn't look up from the bed. He was curled up on his side, his back facing Tsukiyama. He had been like that since he had forced himself out of Tsukiyama's embrace the day before.
"I'm all out of meat. Do you want to come with me and get some more?"
That made Kaneki look up. "…Where?"
A small, somewhat playful smile appeared on Tsukiyama's lips. "I told you that Café de Flore was Paris's version of Anteiku, didn't I?"
Café de Flore was alive with activity. It almost always was anyway, but summertime, the height of tourist season, was an especially busy time. The line to be seated was out the door and around the corner.
A waitress set two cups of espresso down in front of two guests and then turned to place a basket of bread on another table, where a little boy excitedly told his parents that he couldn't wait to meet his grandfather. She rushed back to the kitchen to pick up a tray full of omelettes, sandwiches, and salads and passed another waitress with a tray full of coffee and espresso. She ignored a tourist's rude comment on how the people only drinking coffee should find another cafe when the place was so busy. The two guests at the first table sipped at their espresso and eyed one another, nodding in agreement. Their dinner for the evening had been decided.
Once the omelettes, sandwiches, and salads had all been delivered, the waitress rushed back to the kitchen for another tray when she heard a knocking sound. One of the cooks called out that there were two "guests" outside, so the waitress rushed towards the back of the kitchen and unlocked the hidden door there. She wore a smile as the door opened, but her expression dropped when she saw the "guests" outside.
"Mon dieu."
Kaneki held onto Tsukiyama's shirt as the two were led inside and up the nearby stairs. He didn't need the other to support him despite the fact that he hadn't walked in a month, but he felt out of place in the busy kitchen. Tsukiyama was a familiar comfort in this strange place. It was strange even beyond being a different kind of city in a foreign country on another continent. Kaneki hadn't relied on someone else for food since first coming to work at Anteiku.
Manager, he thought as the waitress opened the door to another room.
Kaneki looked up when Tsukiyama started moving again. It was a room similar to the upper level meeting room at Anteiku, just bigger. There was a large table and enough seats for maybe fifteen people, but Kaneki figured that at least thirty people could fit in the room. He still gripped Tsukiyama's shirt as they sat down, and the waitress ran back into the hallway. Kaneki still didn't let go of the soft fabric clutched in his hands, but Tsukiyama didn't seem to mind. In fact, the latter wrapped an arm around the former. Kaneki didn't push the arm away.
"It's the same."
Tsukiyama looked at the other. "Hmm?"
"The city looks the same as it did the last time we were here."
Tsukiyama couldn't help the amused smile on his lips. "Cities don't change just because you leave them."
"I know. There's just something surreal about it."
"About realizing that other people actually live in other parts of the world that we merely visit?"
"Uh-huh."
Tsukiyama's smile widened. "Travel is amazing, non?"
Kaneki nodded.
That was when the waitress returned with four wrapped packages in her arms. She set them down on the table before unfolding the paper bag in her arms. Once the packages were settled in the bag, she passed the bag to Tsukiyama, who thanked her. The waitress then smiled, looked at Kaneki, and said something.
Kaneki, eyes slightly wide with surprise (he hadn't been expecting her to speak to him), turned to Tsukiyama, who translated.
"She said that you look well and that she's happy you're out and about."
"Oh," Kaneki replied. He then looked back at the waitress and said, "Merci."
The waitress's smile widened, and she said something else before excusing herself.
"She thanked you for speaking French," Tsukiyama explained. "Then she apologized because she couldn't stay since the cafe is so busy today. She also told us to take our time if we'd like to stay."
Kaneki's did a double take. "We're not staying?"
"We don't have to. Are you hungry now?"
"…So we're just going to walk out of Café de Flore with a bag full of human meat in broad daylight?"
"Kaneki, this is Paris. Humans walk around with strange foods every day."
Kaneki didn't want to know what these "strange foods" were, and he wasn't in the mood to protest, so he just sighed and shook his head. "No, I'm not hungry. We can leave." He waited for Tsukiyama to stand before following suit, and the two headed down the stairs, out of the kitchen (Tsukiyama threw a quick "Merci!" over his shoulder before leaving), and through the hidden back door. Kaneki suddenly thought about asking for a cup of espresso, too, but he abandoned the thought once Tsukiyama closed the door. Once they were back out on the street, Tsukiyama turned and led Kaneki back "home."
It wasn't until they were back in the small apartment that Kaneki spoke again.
"I want to go back to Tokyo."
Tsukiyama jerked his head towards his housemate just as he opened the kitchen's fridge to put the meat away. "…Now?"
Kaneki shrugged. "I don't know. I just want to go back to Tokyo."
Tsukiyama stared at the other for a few seconds before putting the meat away and closing the fridge. "Do you not like Paris?"
"This has nothing to do with that."
"Then what does it have to do with?"
Kaneki looked away, still standing in the hallway, his arms now wrapped around his torso.
Tsukiyama's eyes widened. "You want to save Yoshimura."
Kaneki flinched.
"Kaneki, we've been over this," Tsukiyama said urgently, trying to be firm while fear crept its way into his voice. "The battle is over. It's been over for over a month now. There is nothing you or anyone else can do—"
"You're wrong."
Pause.
"There is something I can do. I can go back, and I can fight."
Tsukiyama took a short breath. "You don't even know where he is."
"The manager isn't the only one," Kaneki continued, finally looking up and facing Tsukiyama. "What about everyone else? What about Touka and Nishio and Yomo? Yomo also has Rize, so what about her? What about Uta and Itori? What about Hinami and Banjou and everyone else? What about…" He trailed off, unable to say the name. "What about all of them? What happened to all of them? Are they all okay? Are they even all alive? I need to know. I can't just sit here while they're all there! I can't stroll around Paris enjoying the sights, okay? I need to be back in Tokyo with all of them!"
Kaneki could swear he saw the other's eyes water and jaw slightly tremble. Tsukiyama stood frozen but still looked like he could lunge for Kaneki at any moment. The memory of seeing the Gourmet stand across from him on that rooftop and beg him not to go flashed through Kaneki's mind, but he wasn't sure if he'd be able to overpower the other this time. He wasn't sure if he could leave him behind again, and he hated it.
"Alright."
Kaneki blinked, not realizing he had gotten lost in his thoughts. Tsukiyama was looking down at the floor, bangs falling in front of his face and body slack. When he looked up again, he smiled sadly, as if Kaneki's words were a bullet that had pierced and shattered him.
"If that's what you want, Kaneki, then that's what we'll do. We'll go back to Tokyo."
The breath caught in Kaneki's throat.
"Under two conditions!" Tsukiyama quickly added, holding up two fingers and attempting to stand up straight. He looked like he was trying to imitate an authority figure. "First, we don't leave until tomorrow."
Kaneki reluctantly nodded.
"And second," Tsukiyama continued, "you eat before we go."
Kaneki's eyes widened momentarily, but they soon relaxed, and he nodded.
Tsukiyama let out a breath and lowered his hand, his eyes lowering as well. "Merci."
Kaneki hadn't expected Tsukiyama to watch him so intently as he ate, but he couldn't really complain, not after the other had agreed to return to Tokyo with him. And, truthfully, it wasn't so bad, seeing someone care for him so much. Tsukiyama smiled once Kaneki started eating, making the latter feel a bit at ease. Even if Tsukiyama was watching him, he wasn't doing so in a predatory way, more like he was relieved, so Kaneki didn't feel uncomfortable or trapped.
"It's okay if you survive. It's not a crime to live."
For the first time in a long while, Kaneki was starting to feel like that was true.
Once the meat was finished and the dishes were cleaned, Kaneki headed towards his bed, only pausing when Tsukiyama chuckled lightly.
Kaneki turned. "What?"
"Shall I read you a French bedtime story?"
Kaneki rolled his eyes. "Very funny. I just want to clean up and go to bed. Besides, I've never been told a bedtime story."
Tsukiyama's face dropped. "What?"
"What?"
"You've never been told a bedtime story? No one has ever read one to you?"
Kaneki shuffled towards the bed, a bit embarrassed but more annoyed. "If someone did, I don't remember it. My mom was always working, and I could already read by the time my dad died, so I always read to myself before bed."
"Non!" Tsukiyama shouted. "That is unacceptable!"
"Tsukiyama, why do you ca—"
"Because there is nothing like being read a wonderful, happy story before bed! You're missing out on something incredible!"
"I don't see how someone else reading a story to me could be so incr—"
"Non, non! We are fixing this tonight!"
Tsukiyama suddenly rushed into the bathroom and quickly reappeared with a large, fluffy bathrobe. "Please put this on," he said.
Kaneki just stared.
"…If we are doing this, we're going to do it right!"
Kaneki had no idea what the hell the Gourmet was even talking about anymore, but he really didn't feel like putting up a fight. With a sigh, he took the bathrobe, and Tsukiyama immediately grinned before disappearing back into the bathroom. Kaneki heard water running as he stripped out of his clothes and put the robe on. Even though it was two sizes too large on him, it was still comfortable, and he sat on the bed once he was dressed.
Tsukiyama reemerged from the bathroom a few minutes later. "All set," he said, sounding quite satisfied as he turned to Kaneki. "The bath is ready. Please don't get out until I come back."
Kaneki raised a brow. "Where are you going?"
"To purchase a storybook, of course! I'll be right back."
Kaneki shrugged and shook his head as Tsukiyama grinned and held the bathroom door open for him. The urge to fight the other on all of this was rising up within Kaneki, but he still held his tongue and went along with the other's actions. Tsukiyama probably thought it was fun to play servant for a change.
Once the bathroom door closed, Kaneki let the robe fall from his body, and he stepped into the bathtub. The first thing he noticed was that the water was a faint pink color and smelled faintly of roses. The water was slightly murky, and Kaneki's body disappeared beneath it as he settled himself. He wondered why Tsukiyama had such a luxurious thing as bath salts in such a sparsely furnished apartment of sorts, but he didn't have too much time to ponder the thought. The scent of the water was relaxing both his body and his mind. He barely registered the sound of rustling coming from outside.
Kaneki wasn't sure of how much time had passed, but there was suddenly a knock on the bathroom door. "Kaneki?" came Tsukiyama's voice. "May I come in?"
Kaneki shook his head and blinked a few times to bring himself back to reality. "Yes," he said, immediately wondering why he had done so. Tsukiyama wanted to come into the bathroom while he was bathing? That was weird.
But Tsukiyama looked completely innocent as he walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He wore a sweet, somewhat silly smile as he knelt down next to Kaneki in the tub. "I went to the nearest bookstore looking for a story where everyone lives happily ever after, and the sales clerk gave me a picture book version of Beauty and the Beast. The Disney version." Tsukiyama gave Kaneki a look that begged for sympathy, though he still smiled. "Oh well. C'est la vie. Better than nothing."
Kaneki smiled back. "True. Um, could you hand me a towel?"
Tsukiyama's smile dropped and he looked away, unsure. "Pardon me, Kaneki," he said quietly, "but I'm…would you let me wash your back?"
Kaneki flinched. "What?"
"You should be squeaky clean," Tsukiyama explained, still looking away. "I changed the bedsheets and got you a new pair of pajamas, so you should be all clean as well."
Kaneki was hesitant in his reply, so Tsukiyama continued.
"Even if you don't care, I do. Please."
Tsukiyama turned back towards Kaneki when he heard water gently splash. Kaneki had lifted his arm out of the water and was offering it to the other. Tsukiyama's face brightened. He took a washcloth out of a drawer, lathered it with soap, and began to wash Kaneki.
The voice in Kaneki's head telling him that all of this was way too weird gradually disappeared the more Tsukiyama massaged him. The soapy washcloth was soft and gentle against his skin, and Tsukiyama's hands were skillful in hitting all his pressure points. Kaneki began to feel even more relaxed than he had with just the bath salt-infused water.
The feeling only increased the more Tsukiyama washed. His hands moved the washcloth up and down both of Kaneki's arms, and he stopped to massage his hands and fingers as well. Kaneki then turned around so Tsukiyama could get his back, which felt even more incredible. Really, Tsukiyama's massaging skills were quite impressive, and Kaneki figured that that was probably due to his skill as a pianist. He could play the piano so beautifully, his hands and fingers stroking and moving over the keys so gracefully. Kaneki realized he probably shouldn't be surprised that Tsukiyama was skilled with his hands in other ways, too. A faint blush bloomed over Kaneki's cheeks at the thought. He blamed being in the warm bath water for too long.
Kaneki turned again and went to thank Tsukiyama once he was done with his back, but the latter shook his head. "Your feet please."
Kaneki only paused momentarily before he leaned up against the tub and offered one of his feet. Tsukiyama gingerly took it and massaged it, carefully going over and between each toe. He moved the washcloth up and down Kaneki's lower leg as well, not even bothering to try to ask for the rest of it. That would definitely be going too far. He was honestly surprised that Kaneki had gone along with all of this as long as he had.
Tsukiyama had just started cleaning Kaneki's other foot when he suddenly stopped. Kaneki looked up to see that Tsukiyama was staring down at the bathroom floor, his bangs falling into his eyes again.
"Tsukiya—"
"I told you not to get burned."
Tsukiyama looked up into Kaneki's scared eyes, his own glossy with tears.
"I told you not to get burned at the stake like Joan of Arc was," he elaborated. "I merely said that she reminded me of you. I didn't tell you to share her fate. And yet you…" He let out a small sob.
Kaneki looked away guiltily.
"Don't you understand, Kaneki?" Tsukiyama suddenly asked, prompting the other to look back at him. "You're not alone. You don't have to be some solitary soldier. You don't have the weight of the world on your shoulders, and, even if you did, it would be okay for you to ask someone to help you carry it. If you need help, there's no shame in asking. You don't have to do everything by yourself. I understand if you don't want other people to get hurt, but that doesn't mean you have to face everything alone."
"Tsukiyama—!"
"You didn't even go into battle with a weapon! You didn't even bring your dagger!"
Kaneki looked at the murky water surrounding him. "My dagger didn't want to go into battle."
"Because your dagger knows a losing fight when he sees one!"
Tears slipped from Tsukiyama's eyes.
"Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is retreat. Sometimes that is literally the best thing you can do. It's not cowardly if you do it when it's necessary. It's really okay for you to survive, Kaneki, because it really isn't a crime to live!"
Tsukiyama hadn't realized that the volume of his voice had been increasing the whole time, and the sound echoed off the walls. Both men looked down, and both of them had tears running down their cheeks.
Tsukiyama was the first to look up. "When we get back to Tokyo, I am going to fight with you. We are going to bring everybody together, and we will all fight together. That is the only way I will let you fight."
"Arima knows my face," Kaneki sobbed. "I can't fight. I can't even go out. He knows who I am."
"We won't let him have you," Tsukiyama said back, which prompted Kaneki to look up again. "We are all going to fight alongside you and protect you. …Even if no one else agrees to, I will. I swear I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe and alive. Don't you see, Kaneki? I am telling you that I will stay by your side, that I WANT to stay by your side no matter what happens to you and that I want you to be by my side. I…I…"
Tsukiyama couldn't say it. It didn't matter though, because he didn't have to.
Kaneki was quiet as the other finished washing his foot and leg. Against the tub's cool porcelain, Kaneki felt goosebumps start to rise on his skin. He tried to convince himself that that was because of the porcelain anyway, mostly because he didn't want to admit that the little voice in his mind telling him not to trust the Gourmet had completely disappeared. He hadn't heard it in a great, long while, not since that one night months ago in his Paris hotel room.
Eventually, Tsukiyama excused himself and returned to the bathroom a moment later with a pile of white clothing. "I bought you new pajamas," he said. "Much better than sleeping in those old clothes. Take your time." He then left again and closed the door behind him.
And take his time, Kaneki did. He slowly stood up in the tub, pulled the plug up, and stepped onto the tile floor. He picked up the nearby towel and gently ran it over his skin, the soft fibers feeling something like massage in themselves. Did Tsukiyama own anything that wasn't ridiculously luxurious? Even when hiding out in a tiny apartment on the other side of the world, he just had to have the finest things. It was humorous and Kaneki would have laughed had not for the heart pounding in his chest.
Kaneki emerged from the bathroom dressed in the pajamas a few minutes later. Unsurprisingly, they were stupidly comfortable, and Kaneki felt like he could fall asleep in them without a bed beneath him. He saw Tsukiyama wearing black silk pajamas and standing next to a perfectly made bed. When the latter turned, he smiled.
"Come along now, time for bed."
After a moment's hesitation, Kaneki stepped forward and climbed into the bed. Tsukiyama got in on the other side, and he pulled the soft, warm blankets up to their chests, the storybook in hand. He sat against the bed frame and opened to the first page, only to pause when Kaneki leaned up against his side. His smile widening, Tsukiyama began to read, translating the French text into Japanese. Kaneki knew the story of Beauty and the Beast. He knew the original fairytale, and he knew the Disney adaptation, but something about the way Tsukiyama read the story made it brand new again. Kaneki's eyes traveled over the foreign text and then over the pictures, his smile brightening at all the cute characters and the romantic plot. His eyes widened excitedly at the final battle and transformation scene, and he'd never admit that his eyes dampened slightly at the happily ever after ending. He found himself wanting more as Tsukiyama closed the book.
Kaneki was still smiling when he spoke. "Thank you."
Tsukiyama looked back at him, also smiling. "De rien. You enjoyed it?"
"Yes."
"Good. But now it's time for bed."
Tsukiyama made the move to get out of the bed, but Kaneki stopped him. "Where are you going?"
"To the couch, where I've been sleeping."
"Stay here."
Tsukiyama opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He looked down at the bed and then back at Kaneki. "One moment please." He then got out of the bed, walked into another room, and returned a few seconds later with Kaneki's scarf in his hands. "Here."
Kaneki looked up at him, surprised. "You brought it with?"
Tuskiyama nodded and then gently wrapped the accessory around Kaneki's neck so that the black and white houndstooth pattern and the solid red color were side by side. Once he was satisfied, Tsukiyama climbed back into the bed on his side and turned out the light.
"Bonne nuit, Kaneki."
"Good night, Tsukiyama."
Kaneki was more tired than he had realized, because he fell asleep right away. Between the sweet smell of roses on his skin and the feel of warm, clean sheets cocooning him, he fell into the most peaceful sleep he could ever remember.
Tsukiyama stayed up for a little while, watching the steady rise and fall of Kaneki's chest, the young man the picture of tranquility. In that moment, Kaneki was so beautiful, the most beautiful Tsukiyama had ever seen him. His white hair spread out on the pillow and around his face like a halo, and the thick, white blankets appeared to be covering wings. Only the scarf wrapped around his neck brought him back down to earth, the bold color and pattern standing out against a background of white.
"Maybe you really are an angel," Tsukiyama murmured.
No response except Kaneki's light breathing.
"I should read you Le Petit Prince next," Tsukiyama continued, feeling his eyes start to close. "That's 'The Little Prince.' He lives on his own little planet and falls in love with the rose that grows there. When he and the rose are separated, he discovers a garden full of roses, but they mean nothing to him. The rose on his planet is special, because he has formed a bond with it. It is his rose, and he gives up his life to return to it."
Pause.
"…I'm glad I didn't have to give up my life to find you again."
Tsukiyama finally allowed his eyes to close, and he soon fell asleep. He and Kaneki would return to Tokyo the next day. Their vacation would come to an end. Their lives would become dangerous again. The CCG was out looking for them, it was looking for all of their friends. They would have to fight again. They would have to face reality again, but neither one was particularly scared anymore.
What was more pressing was when they would be able to visit Paris again, when they'd be able to create more memories in the gorgeous city.
Until then, it was a good thing that french roast coffee was available in Japan.
THE END