I'm on vacation and I got bored, so here this is. It's the longest chapter I've ever wrote I'm pretty sure. It's basically their audition video. It shows a typical day in the Anderson household and everyone hates Shane. Haha.
Disclaimer: I do not, nor have I/ will I ever own Glee.
Just as Blaine was wrapping up his homework, he heard the sound of the living room door open and a mixture of "GINNY!"s, "MOMMY!"s and "AUNTIE GIN GIN!"s. That meant one thing, Mom was home.
Blaine slammed his AP US book shut and hopped down the stairs. Laine was still covered in flour and wearing her fairy wings along with Millie. Lee was covered in flour as well, but not wearing fairy wings, for she thought she was way to mature for that. Also, as sad as it was, Reed was covered in sugar, flour, and had an egg cracked on his curly, strawberry blonde head. All four of them were clinging to Ginny along with Jane and Quinn, who was holding the baby, and Shane. Blaine of course had to join them. Dane and Ellie who were sitting on the couch looked at them with a small smile and roll of the eyes.
"Okay guys, I got a letter today…" Ginny trailed off.
"WHAT GINNY?" Reed shrieked. Ginny chuckled and patted Reed's perfectly styled curly head.
"Okay… we…"
"GET ON WITH IT!" Jane demanded excitedly.
"We are gonna be on wife-swap!"
Everyone cheered like mad. Jane and Quinn, with Parker between them, started dancing and kissing like mad. Reed was tangoing with Millie whilst Shane picked up Blaine and spun him around. Ellie picked up a giggling Laine and jumped up and down, throwing the overexcited two year old with each leap. Dane ripped Quinn away from Jane and the baby and started throwing her in the air. Ginny took in this exchange with a smile. Once the excited calmed down a though hit Reed.
"When exactly did we make an audition video?" Ginny smiled.
"Shane made it without you noticing, so it could be realistic. Wanna watch?" The agreement was unanimous. So Ginny slipped the DVD into the player as everyone got settled.
Quinn sat beside Jane with her head on the other girl's shoulder, Millie in Q's lap, Laine in J's. Reed sat in between Shane's legs and his cheeks tinted red as he felt the other boy's head on his shoulder. Lee snuggled up to Ellie who was snuggled up to Dane, and of course Blaine was holding the baby. When Ginny pressed play, she hoped in between Reed and Shane and Quinn.
The video started in the kitchen as Ginny and Peter gave permission for this video as well as their application. Shane began talking.
"I'm going to show our family in their natural habitat. Our family is large, crazy, and annoying more times than not. I'm going to start with my parents. Dad just left for work, he's a doctor and he's usually not home, but he comes home as often as possible. So, I'm going to move on to Mom," Shane started. A shot of their mom doing laundry showed, she was talking on the phone.
"No Burt, I do not know if they are having sex… Burt, I-… Okay, so I do know… No, I won't tell you!... my son will kill me… BURT!... Burt… OKAY! FINE THEY ARE HAVING SEX!"
"MOM!" Blaine screeched.
"What?" Ginny asked innocently. Her son glared.
"YOU TOLD MY BOYFRIEND'S DAD, MY BOYFRIEND'S EXTREMELY OVERPORTECTIVE DAD THAT WE ARE HAVING SEX! I TOLD THAT TO YOU OUT OD CONFIDENCE!"
Jane rolled her eyes, "Oh please Blaine. When we all came home thar mourning you were telling everyone that you just had sex. Then you stole our condoms."
Blaine gave her a look, "What do you even need condoms for?"
"SHHHH!"
"Happy?... yes, they are… NO I DON'T KNOW WHO TOPS!"
"Oh Burt… What's wrong with you?" Quinn asked. Everyone looks at her, "What? Who asks that?"
"...Okay Burt… Yeah, we're doing well. You and Carole?... I'm glad to hear it," a voice cut off the back ground.
"MOM! JANE AND QUINN WERE MAKING OUT IN MY BED!"
Both girls blushed slightly and Reed made a whooping sound.
"Shut up," J hissed.
"At least we're getting some."
"I could get as much as I wanted," Reed replied. Shane nodded.
"It's true." The strawberry blonde blushed, even though he know it was coming.
"Burt, It was nice talking to you, but I gotta go. See ya!" Ginny said as she shut the phone and the camera followed her as she was walking up the steps, "GIRLS! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT BLAINE'S BED IS OFF LIMITS?"
She disappeared up the steps and Shane turned the camera on himself and tssked.
"Our family is quite special. Mom was just on the phone with my brother Blaine's boyfriend, Kurt's dad, Burt. Blaine and Kurt are not going to like this one, but that's not my problem. So next up, let's head to the living room."
Shane turned the camera around and walking into the living room. Reed was playing Twister with Lee and Millie spun the spinner. It was very cute. "Wight Fwoot, Geen."
"THAT'S ME!" Millie shrieked happily clapping her hands.
"Those are my little cousins Millie and Aleigha. Millie is 6 and Lee's 10. Their mother's a druggie and their various fathers are in jail."
"Shane! Why'd you tell them that?" Ginny asked frusterated.
"It's true!" Shane replied defensively.
"So they live with us along with their brother Parker. And that hottie over there, that's Reed. He is just one fine pot of sexy loving. Look how freaking flexible. I would just love to bend that over the- anyways… I'm going to have to edit that out"
Shane's face was extremely pale and he looked terrified. Reed blushed the darkest anyone's ever seen him. He didn't know the other boy felt like that about him. They weren't even officially together and they've only even kissed all of about twice. Both times just a one second peck on the corner of the mouth.
"Shit! I forgot to edit that out!"
"but… he loves playing with that little ones. They bake a lot since we have so many in our family and eat it really fast. And man, you have no idea how much it kills me to see him covered in flour and sugar. Oh god. I just wanna lick it off. Everywhere. And I do mean EVERYWHERE if you catch my drift and OH SHIT! I'm gonna have to edit that out too!"
"I'm a fucking idiot! I forgot to edit that out too! DAMMIT!" the youngest Anderson boy screamed as the strawberry blonde turned even redder than it seem possible. Being embarrassed, he tried to get out of his best friend's grasp, but Shane just wasn't having it as he tightened his arms.
"Anyways before I embarrass myself farther, Let's move on to the lesbians."
The camera went up the steps to Jane and Quinn's room. Jane was sitting on Quinn's bed in between her legs. Both girls has mused hair, kiss-swollen lips, hickies, and wrinkled clothes. They had clearly been 'getting it on'.
"Oh my God…" Jane trailed off.
"This is my twin sister Jane, she's 16. That's her er, best friend Quinn."
Dane snorted.
"Q's 18. They like to eh, have relations in my brother, Blaine's, bed."
Blaine, Reed, Ginny, Ellie, and Dane burst into hysterical laughter at Shane's choice of wording. He shushed them.
"I don't see why it's such a big deal," Jane huffed.
"I know babe, I mean Blaine's bed is a lot bigger than either one of ours and if we push them together your dad gives us the responsibility talk… ehhhh," Quinn replied starting to kiss Jane's neck. J giggled.
Quinn hid her face in her girlfriend's neck as she blushed. Jane looked about ready to kill her brother.
"Quinnie, I need to cool off…"
"What if I don't want you to?" Quinn replied with a sultry smirk. Jane giggled and their lips connected.
Jane picked up her clutch that was sitting on the table and began to bang it against her forehead.
They went at it for a few seconds before Quinn's hand started to unbutton J's skin tight jeans. The camera abruptly turned around and them Shane turned it on himself.
"GIRLS!" Ginny shrieked, "If I knew this was the kinda stuff on the movie, it wouldn't be sent it! The babies wouldn't be watching it!
"I'm not a baby!" Lee exclaimed.
"We're not that little," Millie mumbled.
"Do you thin kwe want that on video?" Quinn murmed into Jane's neck.
"WE WEREN'T AWARE WE WERE BEING RECORDED!" Jane screamed, "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU SHANE!"
And with one swift motion Laine was placed next to her on the couch and she was leaping across the room on top of her brother. It took Dane, Reed, and Blaine to pull her off.
"Not an image I wanted to see, Little Sis, I mean I bet all the straight guys out there want to just rip of their pants and… anyways, but I'm not straight and well, you're my little sister so it's pretty dang gross. Hmm, let's go stalk Blainers now. Haha, He'd kill be if he know I called him Blainers. Oh well." Shane continued to go down the hall to Blaine's room. Blaine was holding Parker and talking on his phone.
"Yeah, Babe… I mean I love Rachel to pieces, but sometimes… Yeah… no it was totally last year, but I did like the color… hmm… Yeah I love you too… Really?... And Finn?... amazing… So tomorrow it is… bye Beautiful."
Blaine blushed, Dane wolf- whistled and Ginny shushed them.
Blaine lied Parker down on his bed and picked up his guitar.
"Well this is embarrassing… I'm singing T-Swift."
"I see your face in my mind as I drive away Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie And we know it's never simple, never easy And I can't breathe Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt And we know it's never simple, never easy And I can't breathe It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend And we know it's never simple, never easy I can't breathe I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me
It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me
Never a clean break, no one here to save me, oh
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry"
"Beautiful brother, I am touched," Lee said wiping her eye mockingly.
"It was awesome, Lee," Ginny told her.
"Yeah, shut up!"
"Blaine, be nice."
Blaine turned back to the baby, "You like Taylor Swift huh? She's pretty, like J and Quinnie. I love you baby."
Blaine picked up his cousin and cooed at him for a while dancing around his room, "Sometimes, I like to pretend that you're my baby. Mine and Kurt's. We're gonna have a beautiful baby like you one day, maybe you'll get to meet Kurt soon."
Everyone laughed and Blaine blushed.
"We were having a private moment!" he insisted.
"It was lovely Blaine," Quinn assured with a shy smile, still unsure of herself after the previous incident.
"Kurt know that he's having your babies?" Shane asked.
"Shut up."
Shane turned the camera back on himself, "This is getting a little too sappy for my taste. Okay Blaine, you have some weird mommy thing… good for you. But yeah. Oh lookie. There's my baby sister Laine now."
The camera turned on Laine skipping through the hallway, her wispy blonde curls in pig tails and her pink dress floating behind her. She banged on Dane's door. No one answered. She banged again.
"I'm so cute," Laine announced. Everyone chuckled slightly.
"Yes, yes you are," Millie assured her.
"But don't get too cocky," Dane said with a snort.
"Laine is two and right now she is banging on Dane's door. Dane is 20 and he's always with his girlfriend Ellie. They seem to be attached by the hip… or well, other parts. Just saying."
"Shane?" Ellie said calmly.
"Yeah?"
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" she too leapt to attacked the youngest Anderson. This time it only took Dane to get her off along with Shane's assurance that he hadn't caught them doing anything embarrassing.
Eventually Dane came to the door. He looked around, saw no one was there and slammed the door shut. Laine banged again, this time tugging on his pant leg when he answered.
"Hey babe, what's up?" he asked,
Laine peeked around the door, "What are you doing in there?"
Ellie came to the door at that moment and smiled, "We're studying."
"That's dumb."
A musical giggle left the red head's mouth, "Tell my professor that, Love."
"Can we have a tea party? I asked J and Quinnie, but they were doing their taxes."
Dane looked skeptical, "Taxes?"
The blonde nodded, "Yeah, taxes. It's when they kiss and stuff."
At this point everyone, even the girls burst into hysterical laughter.
"Is that what you're telling them?" Blaine asked with a snort.
The older girl gave her boyfriend an amused look. He made a disgusted face, "That's my baby sister."
"I thought I was your baby sister?" Laine asked with a pout. Dane rolled his eyes and sighed.
"You're my other baby sister," Laine's face light up in a smile, "Now, as much as I'd love to have tea with you, El and I have to study. Ask Shane, He'll do it… It'll shore him major brownie points with Reed."
"Tay!" Laine yelled, "SHAAAAAAAAAAAANE!"
Shane turned the camera back on himself, "Well shit. I guess I better go, but yeah. That's our family in a nut shell. We're Queer. Like, really queer. Just saying. And crazy, majorly crazy. Might drive our new mom absolutely nutso, but hey, that makes for good tv right? I know. So yeah, like pick us and stuff."
The camera turned off.
Everyone tackled Shane.
I'm gonna end it there. So it'll be a while before the actual swap happens. Basically, Quinn still needs to find a way to deal with the fact that she's going to be shown with her girlfriend on television; she's not really out yet. As well as Kurt meeting Blaine's family. He knows Blaine's parents, but not everyone living with them. He's not going to find out until after the swap though.
Glee Quote of the chapter: "I had sex with your mom. Seriously. I came to your house, I cleaned your pool and them I had sex with your mom. In your bed. Nice star wars sheets." –Puck (At least I think it goes like that. I love that quote)
My life quote of the chapter: "Yeah, Rach thinks the tooth fairy is sketchy. She's like 'Mommy I don't want a fairy in my room while I'm sleeping! That's scary!'"- My cousin about her 8 year old daughter.
So guys please review, I know that you're reading this. Also tell me what you want the switch Mom to be like.
Review, your brother won't make an embarrassing wife swap video.