Part 2

JJ's day in court goes as well as can be expected, but that doesn't mean it isn't a sea of anxiety and terror.

He sends me out to get him a bottle of water just before it starts, and that's when EJ texts me.

Thinking of you and your family.

Well, that's nice. But since EJ can never be with me, I'd just as soon he kept his nice thoughts to himself. I consider texting him back to tell him so, even though I know he'd only respond that everyone knows we're friends and it would look odd if he didn't support me on my beloved baby brother's day of reckoning.

My phone buzzes again while I'm still standing there indecisive with JJ's water and two dollars to pay for it in my hand.

I know Aiden Jennings. He's a terrific attorney. More of a specialist in criminal matters than Justin is, as well.

EJ has a law degree and a great deal of familiarity with the criminal justice system. I know he knows what he's talking about. I know he wouldn't talk up Aiden Jennings if he didn't think he was telling the truth. He's managed to say the only thing that could give me the slightest hint of peace of mind, and now I can't bring myself to tell him to go away (or just block his number) like I know I should. Instead I text back.

Thank you.

I get an answer instantly.

Your brother is lucky to have you. There's nothing fraudulent about that, Abigail.

I turn off the phone and bury it deep in my purse before running back to JJ with the overpriced water.

I steadfastly refuse to think about EJ for the rest of the hearing. Instead, I think about other people. That's my job. Every time JJ catches my eye, I need to look calm and confident and supportive. Never nervous. As my mother clutches my hand, I need to feel solid and trustworthy and positive. Never flighty.

I slipped, but I can go back to being the good girl I was born to be.

I can.

The judge has a touch of Anne Milbauer in him. Not more than a touch, thankfully; but he certainly thinks that making an example of a Horton would show the world that he's unbiased and can't be bought. I don't understand this perception that the Hortons somehow have unlimited power and have perpetrated a reign of terror on the town of Salem. So my family refurbished the town square and helped build the hospital. That's not exactly the same as running a criminal empire.

Still, when the judge talks about not making assumptions because someone is from a good family, I believe deep in my heart that he must somehow be thinking about me, not JJ. JJ has owned up to his mistakes and fought back from his bad choices. My mistakes are hidden.

As EJ promised, though, Aiden Jennings is good at his job. When the hearing ends, JJ is sentenced to nothing worse than community service and the rest of the family gathers for a celebratory party.

I find myself off in a corner with Will, which is nice. We've known each other all our lives and he's one of the most understanding people in the world. About the only thing he wouldn't forgive me is the affair I've had with his mother's fiancé.

"Johnny texted me a picture of the cupcakes you baked this morning," Will starts, putting EJ in the air between us as soon as possible. "Thank you so much for doing that. I don't want to think about what would have happened if Mom had given it a try."

I force a laugh. "I'm sure it would have been fine."

Will cocks his head and looks at me as if I've taken leave of my senses. "No, it wouldn't have. It would have been a disaster. I would have starved to death growing up if Dad couldn't cook. Or if the Pub didn't have takeout. Or if my friends' parents didn't say 'Poor Will, we always try to feed you because we never know what's going to be going on at your house.' And then Mom would act all offended, and I'd be like 'you know it's true,' and she'd mumble and change the subject. It's better that now she lives in a mansion with a kitchen staff."

"Are you excited about your mom and EJ getting married?" I ask, just to torture myself. I deserve it.

To my surprise, he glances around and lowers his voice. "She's my mom and I want her to have what makes her happy."

"But you like EJ," I prompt, lowering my own voice in turn.

"He's helped me out," Will says tersely. "I was going through some stuff and he helped me out. He loves his kids and he's smart and powerful and handsome."

I'm not going to argue with any of that. Especially the handsome part. "You're worried that they aren't right together?" My heart is pounding so hard I'm afraid Will can hear it. There's someone in the world besides me who doesn't think EJ and Sami are written in the stars, and it's someone who is close enough to them to know.

"I can't understand wanting to marry a man you've shot in the head," said Will with a bluntness I haven't heard him use in ages. The long process of coming out of the closet and becoming a father exhausted him; now that he has a boyfriend and a baby to love, he seems much stronger. "I can't understand wanting to marry a man who threatened your children. Who tried to kill your children's father. Who raped you more than once. Mom and EJ are violent and they're volatile and—" Will breaks off. "But I want what she wants," he corrects, normal and steady again.

"Do you still want your parents together?" I wonder aloud. That's what we bonded over as children, Will and I. Wanting our parents together. Scheming to get our parents together. Keeping our parents together against all odds.

"No!" Will shakes his head. "Thank God that's over. I can't believe we used to waste so much time playing matchmaker when we were kids."

"I never felt like it was a waste of time." My eyes seek out the portrait of my father with baby JJ on his hip and his other arm around me. It's sitting on the table across the room. I can't really see it from where we are, but I don't need to. Knowing it's there is enough.

"I'm sorry, Abs," says Will. I don't know if he knows what I'm trying to look at, but he can probably guess. "Your parents were different."

"Maybe not." A heavy sigh escapes me. "I don't know what would have happened if my dad had lived. I bet JJ wouldn't have spent the morning in court, but—"

"It all worked out," Will reminds me gently.

"I always thought my parents' love story was so beautiful. He was so handsome, my dad, and so smart and so worldly. But he'd done things, in the past, and he thought he deserved to be alone forever. He never would have gone after my mom. She was the one who went after him, at first. She was sure that there was goodness there, warmth and decency that everyone else was afraid to see. Goodness that he was afraid to see. And he, he treated her like a partner. She was never his damsel in distress who needed saving. She was his equal. He valued her thoughts whether they were at work or at home. They were just a perfect match. They wanted the same things. They liked the same things. They needed the same things. They had the same sense of humor. That was what I always wanted, you know?"

"You'll have it someday."

I shake my head. "I won't."

"That guy," Will accuses, but I know he isn't accusing me. "Last time we talked, you said there was an older man."

"And I told you it was over."

"Is it still over?"

"Yes. It has to be."

"When was the last time you talked to him? Have you talked to him today?"

"Kind of busy with family things today to reignite an inappropriate affair," I say, gesturing around the room and hoping Will doesn't notice I dodged the question.

"I guess," he agrees. "Is he the problem? Did he tell you that you'd never find the right person? Did he make you feel that way?"

"No. No, he told me the exact opposite. He told me I'd be fine. He told me I was beautiful and intelligent and unique…"

"He's not wrong about that. So why would you feel like you'll never have that kind of relationship?"

I force a smile, then drop it when I see Will isn't buying it. "If it was going to happen, it would have happened by now."

"You're twenty-five," says Will, like that's all the argument he needs.

"So? You're younger than I am and you're paired up with the love of your life."

"I was really lucky. Sonny walked into my life and made it easy on me. We're the exception, not the rule. People look at us and think we got too serious too young. Then people say stupid things to gorgeous smart women like you and Gabi like you're running out of time or something. Like everyone's life is supposed to be in exact lockstep. That's not how it works."

"I know. If it were any other day, I'd agree with you. I'd tell you I know things will be fine. I'd tell you things are fine."

"If it's not about this older guy, is it about Chad?" Will persists.

"Chad never really wanted me. He was okay with having me when he couldn't have Melanie. And then there was Cameron." I roll my eyes. "If he really cared, he wouldn't have handed me to Chad like a fake brain tumor consolation gift." Will stifles a giggle and I start to feel better in spite of myself. "The first guy I really cared for, I really thought I could make anything work for him, was Max, but he wanted to date anyone other than me, including his nieces."

Will raises an eyebrow. "Especially his nieces. Bet he would have changed teams and dated me if I'd been out at the time."

This time I laugh for real. "Well, you are irresistible."

"Don't worry," he whispers conspiratorially. "So are you. It runs in the family."

"Love runs in the family," I correct him. I gesture toward our great-grandmother's favorite chair. "She'd always tell us to follow our hearts. My heart is telling me to want things my head knows I'll never be able to have. It's my destiny."

"That's not you. I spent my childhood up close and personal with my mom, who really does want what she can't have. She's addicted to it. That's why she destroys great guys like my dad and Rafe when she has them, and then gets into the most toxic relationship possible and calls it the greatest love of her life."

"Maybe I should have stayed with Josh," I muse.

"That nerdy guy you dated for two weeks in high school? You were always into Max."

"And Max was the guy I could never have. Josh was the good guy I could have had. Maybe he was my Rafe. The guy I should have just stayed with." I would have been bored to death. I would have cheated on him with EJ.

"Did you just say your Rafe?" Uncle Lucas interrupts us with a beautiful dark-haired woman in tow. I hadn't known he was seeing anyone, but it must be serious if he's bringing her to family events. Especially when the family event is about how nice it is that the resident teenager won't be going to jail after all. "Because I don't think Jordan would take that well."

"We were speaking metaphorically, Dad." Will clasps his father's hand and half-hugs him. "This is why you shouldn't eavesdrop."

"You can't blame me for being concerned about my niece." He mock-looks me up and down. "Don't get involved with anyone who used to be married to Will's mother, okay?"

As I look wildly around for a path of escape, I catch a glimpse of Lucas' date's face. I could swear she's thinking that staying away from Sami's exes narrows down the dating pool in Salem considerably. Or maybe I'm projecting. Then she catches my eye and smiles a little, and I think I'm probably not. She's obviously met Sami already.

"Will," says Uncle Lucas firmly. "I'd like you to meet someone. This is Sheryl Connors. Sheryl, this is my son Will and my niece Abigail."

We exchange pleasantries, and I bow out as gracefully as I can so Sheryl can try to ingratiate herself to Will without the distraction of me.

A distraction is all I'll ever be.

TBC