Author's Note: Wow. This took me so, so much longer than I had planned on. Arf. Anyway, I promise I'll try to make the next update more speedy. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!
To the Snow
Part Two: "The Hunter and the Wind"
"Sora?" Kairi asked again, her voice cracking with desperation now that several long moments of silence had passed since she'd asked Sora to leave with her. There were tears welling in her bright amethyst eyes now, and she blinked quickly to keep them from spilling over. A quick, ragged breath and epileptic spiders was all it took.
Sora looked back at Riku, who stood perfectly calm and seemingly untouched by the situation. The brunette sighed. Kairi's tears and Riku's arrogant composure both told him to leave with his girlfriend, to endure the ride home with her, go out tomorrow morning and buy a big shiny ring; but spiders and the sudden hitch of the Higure's breath as he noticed Sora's stare pulled in the opposite direction. Was there nothing that could make this easier for him, or, better yet, make the decision for him altogether?
As Sora dropped his gaze to the floor, his hands fidgeting at his sides, Kairi let out a small, strangled sob. His heart refused to respond, but he did wince at the pathetic sound.
When he made no move to comfort her, she spoke again. "I guess I'll see you at home, then," she whispered as a soft ringlet fell away from her neatly arranged hair. For a long while Sora fixed his gaze on the hem of her gown and waited for its rustle of movement as she turned and left. For almost as long, Kairi attempted to fix her gaze on Sora's face, but he had hidden it from her quite well. Without another sound, the fringe of coppery fabric at the edge of his view spun slowly and then receded.
A tremor passed through his frame as Sora forced himself to stay still. Both the temptation to run after his girlfriend and the temptation to step closer to Riku and defiantly watch her go were nearly overwhelming. He refused to give either of them the pleasure. At the moment he was displeased with both of them; Kairi for the same reasons as always – Riku because his attitude towards her had been, Sora felt, uncalled for. No matter how unsatisfied with her Sora was, and no matter what Riku's intentions or incentives had been, Kairi did not deserve to be treated that way.
Sora suddenly had the idea to go home then – not to Kairi's apartment, but to his own. He hadn't been there in some time, but was sure it would be clean and welcoming. No doubt his mother had sent maids by to keep the place tidy, and keep watch for his return. She was convinced that Sora was going to break things off with Kairi soon, and extremely displeased with the notion. She was probably right on the first account. At least, that was how it seemed now, as Kairi slipped out of view, stubbornly refusing to turn back and give Sora the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Sora was, however, convinced that if he apologized quickly enough, and with enough false sincerity and gifts, she would accept it. The problem was, he wasn't sure if he'd have the energy to do so.
"So..." Riku drawled. Sora heard the fabric of his rather casual suit rustle as he turned towards the brunette, and could almost hear the small, satisfied smile that crossed his face. "It seems that's the end of that, eh?"
"Not quite," the younger man snorted. He thought to reach for another glass of champagne – his fourth for the night – but decided that he would need something stronger and turned to the tender standing behind the gleaming wood of the bar. A bourbon on the rocks, please. Yes, Knob Creek would do fine, thank you.
Beside him, Riku ordered a drink as well, the name of which Sora had never heard before and found just a little shocking. Curiously, he watched the bartender prepare it. A rich golden liquid was poured into a shot glass, filling it about two-thirds, followed by what Sora assumed to be Bailey's. The latter was poured carefully over a spoon and allowed to trickle into the glass, where it sank to the bottom. A quick glance at the first bottle showed it to be a butterscotch schnapps. So that was a Cocksucking Cowboy? With a quirk of his brow and a swig of his Creek, Sora made a mental note to try one some time, and tried desperately not to choke as he thought of the cocktail's name as Riku threw back the shot.
"So what you're saying," Riku continued, pausing to return his glass to the barkeep and nod a thank you, accompanied with a dazzling smile, "is that even though I insulted your girlfriend, and then you chose to stay here with me anyway, she's still got you in her clutches? I'd figured she'd drop you after that."
Sora slowly nodded, savoring a sip of his bourbon and sighing to himself. "You'd think so, but...No, it's not quite that easy with her. I didn't choose to stay with you,she chose to leave without me. She'll convince herself that she made the decision too quickly and that as long as I apologize for not following, she should be ready to forgive me."
"You don't sound too pleased by that."
"I'm not sure that I am."
Shaking his head and laughing almost silently, Riku took a step closer and stared deep into Sora's eyes. When he spoke, his voice was low and soft, alluring as all hell as it sent shivers down the brunette's spine. "Then why haven't you just ended things yet? You deserve to be happy just as much as she does, don't you?"
Again Sora sighed. "It's not that simple," he explained, "I just...don't know anymore. Can we talk about something else now, please?" He rushed the question and then mentally kicked himself for how desperate and whiny he sounded.
Again, Riku laughed. "What would you rather talk about, then?"
"Anything," the brunette answered quickly, not willing to confront the silence that contemplation would bring hot on its heels. It was in vain, however, for at the request, Riku merely shrugged and laughed another short, almost derisive laugh and waited for Sora to start the next conversation.
"Why did you provoke her like that?" Sora decided upon this topic only after a handful of long, anguished moments. He'd wanted to avoid this, to pick some other conversational centerpiece, but he'd also found himself incapable of thinking of anything else. When he spoke his voice was low, strained in a curious mixture of worry and breathless anticipation, and hope. Berating himself, he muttered a curse and turned quickly away from the Higure.
"I've always despised her family, Sora," Riku's tone was almost apologetic. "Most self-respecting artists do. The way they handle things...the millions of dollars they rob away from unsuspecting 'clients'...it's disgusting. I'm sorry if I overstepped some boundary, but I promised myself that if I ever had the chance to, I'd tell the DeNuovannis exactly what I think of their twisted little business."
Feeling ashamed – mostly about his egocentric expectations for Riku's answer – Sora dropped his gaze to the ground. He was slowly becoming familiar with the sight, and it caused him to sigh heavily, careful to let the breath out as silently as possible. Where exactly was his life heading now? Only an hour before he had been on a clearly marked path to an idyllic life with an adoring wife and...and what? But now he was...well, he was still tiptoe-ing along that thin line, wasn't he? On one side, there was that old, familiar but unloved path, and on the other, there was still that strange darkness. It terrified him and enticed him all at once, while the road that lead to Kairi effected him in no way whatsoever.
Another sip of his bourbon sent warm shivers through Sora's body and he almost cringed at the stinging bite of it. He'd never gotten used to it, but it was what he'd originally liked about the drink so he didn't really mind. The thought that the bite reminded him to pay attention to reality occurred, and he laughed to himself, finding the notion pathetic and affecting poetic.
"So," he responded finally, turning back to his companion "you're an artist?"
"I fancy myself a painter," Riku corrected, throwing back another Cocksucking Cowboy. At the same time, Sora finished off his Knob Creek, and felt the warmth of the drink creep up into his cheeks. He was sure he was flushed now, and his head swam as the liquid hit his stomach.
"Got any paintings?" The brunette dropped any last shred of formality, and in exchange over-dictated every syllable, afraid his words might slur, and the result was just as telling, as every consonant came out ridiculously over-exaggerated.
Laughing, the silver-haired man replied, "Nothing worth seeing, really." As he spoke, his eyes wandered across the room, landing on the painting Sora had earlier chosen as a focal point during his stilted conversation with Sephiroth. They flicked away almost immediately and Sora pretended not to have noticed the subconscious indication. His gaze was tempted, several times, to inspect the painting, but he managed to keep himself in check.
"What do you do then?" He asked, immediately berating himself. "I mean, do you have any part in the Higure business, or are you kind of pursuing your own thing?"
"I don't really do much, actually. Seph's PR agent set it up so that I deal with a lot of the public appearances with him, so that the company would have more of a 'down-to-Earth, family feel to it', as she said. They pay me for that, but really, it's all parties and TV appearances. Nothing important, and nothing I really particularly enjoy."
Sora nodded politely, taking no real interest in Riku's words. He'd expected to hear something a little more intriguing.
"Don't get me wrong," the youngest Higure continued with an exasperated sigh, "at first it was nice making a living out of doing nothing. But I'd rather make my own way in the world, really." Riku shrugged. "It sounds weird; millions would kill to be in my position and not have to do any real work, but it's just not...satisfying."
Smiling, the brunette took one last swig of his bourbon, and set the glass aside for the night. He knew exactly how Riku felt.
"So how about you, Sora? What keeps you busy these days?"
"Nothing," he scoffed. "I do absolutely nothing with my life. I graduated college about a year ago, and my parents just want me to take over the family business, but...well, right now I do nothing but..." Sora trailed off. He didn't want to get back on the subject of Kairi right now.
"But what do you want to do?"
As he spoke, Riku took a step towards Sora, bringing them a bit too close to be considered casual. Leaning against the bar, he smiled innocently at the brunette, who cleared his throat and found he was unable to force his legs to move so that he could step backwards. But the silver-haired man was quite a picture at the moment, his own legs stretched out in front of him and his white dress shirt unbuttoned just enough to reveal the dip of his clavicle. His hair was now swept back behind his ears, and his eyes watched Sora intently. The brunette suddenly felt very dizzy, and over-heated.
"I want to get out of here," he murmured, mostly to himself, pressing a hand to his forehead. Riku heard the request, though he wasn't meant to, and pushed away from the bar he'd been leaning on.
"Sounds good," Riku replied, his smile now more of a smirk. Again, Sora felt his head swim, so much so that he had to close his eyes and suppress a tiny groan of despair.
"But this is your birthday party," he practically pleaded, "shouldn't you, you know, stay here? I'll just go home and..."
"And let Kairi and your parents decide what the rest of your life is going to be like?"
Sora froze. Riku's words were undeniably true. If he left now, without really thinking things through, he'd be returning to that predetermined path and the unhappy, discontent, but surface-perfect life he'd been living for years. But if he just stayed a little longer, just let Riku tow him a long for just a bit more...well, the worst that could happen was that he'd walk that tightrope between decisions for a few more hours.
"C'mon," Riku continued, "let's get out of here, then. We'll go get some air." He tossed his head towards the door, smiling brilliantly, and Sora could do nothing but blink dumbly.
Would he stay here and stand stagnant on his thin little line, or would he take a shaking, uncertain step forward, and maybe just see which side he fell to?
"Alright," he murmured, and the Higure's smile softened. They made their way easily through the crowd, despite being the guest of honor and his...his what? In any case, most of the party-goers seemed not to recognize Riku, even though it was indeed his birthday they were there to celebrate. Sora shook his head and sighed. What kind of world was he living in? Somewhere, out there, in reality, someone was celebrating their birthday with only a handful of close friends, a liter of cheap store-brand soda, and a large, greasy pizza. That seemed much more appealing, much more satisfying.
When was the last time Sora had considered someone a close friend?
As they exited the building, Riku and Sora both took in deep breaths of the stale, city air. The brunette felt it sting in his lungs. It was one of many things he'd never gotten used to.
He remembered a time when he was spoiled with fresh, clean suburban air, and grass and trees were everywhere. That was back before his father and Mr. Strife from down the street has pursued their business plans; back when Sora did have a close friend. God, was it really so long ago that he and Cloud had played in back yards, caught salamanders in small streams, laughed and...been truly happy?
"Fuck," he muttered to himself, dragging a hand through his hair.
"Something wrong?" Riku asked, his focus on the sky, his voice a little distant, but still worried.
"I hate this city," Sora answered curtly.
"Then I know exactly where to go," the silver-haired man said with a smirk. He hailed a cab, holding the door open as the brunette slid in before him. The destination was murmured quietly to the driver, and despite a valiant effort, Sora was unable to hear where it was Riku planned to take him.
With a heavy sigh, Sora leaned against the car door, pressing his forehead to the cool, smooth glass of the window. What in the world was he doing? Running off with another man, leaving a girl who'd loved him from years, abandoning a padded, sparkling life that required little to no effort. It was insane; he was insane. Sora groaned, regretting his Knob Creek, as well as the several champagnes.
Hadn't he gone far enough with this? Where was the part where he finally came to senses, turned around and went home to Kairi? It had happened last time...eventually. But, last time hadn't felt quite like this. Last time hadn't weakened his knees with just one look, muddled his thoughts with every spoken word. Then again, last time neither of them had actually wanted that. They'd just let her believe that they did.
Sora hadn't been drunk last time either.
Finally, the cab came to a stop. The brunette released a relieved, heavy breath and practically tumbled out the door. Behind him he heard Riku laugh softly. Pouting, Sora took a moment to pretend to be surveying his surroundings. In reality he was far too agitated to pay attention to anything but Riku's footsteps as he moved closer.
"So?" The Higure asked, his tone indicating that he expected a positive reaction.
"So what?" Sora threw back unthinkingly. It was only after Riku smirked and shook his head, obviously amused, that Sora realized taking out his frustration on Riku would not help in bringing himself back to a reasonable train of thought.
Heaving a sigh he decided to answer truthfully, only to find that the brief, vivid almost-clarity of anger had left him alone with his booze-addled mind, unsatisfied-hormone driven thoughts.
"I think I'm too drunk for this," he murmured. By now he knew better than to try and keep the statement to himself. Riku seemed to have a knack for hearing things Sora had meant to go unheard.
But the silver-haired man's reaction surprised him. A concerned hand was placed gently on Sora's back, and Riku asked – just as softly and just as concerned – if he was alright. Sora had expected another derisive chuckle. Nodding, he shrugged off Riku's hand and took a few steps way, closer to wherever it was the taxi service had dropped them. At first glance it seemed like some sort of park. At second glance, it still looked like a park.
"You said you hated the city," Riku offered, now standing next to Sora again, "so I figured this was the furthest we could get from it for now."
The brunette – to his dismay – was touched by the thought, but the effect was undone by his companion's final two words. What exactly was 'for now' supposed to mean?
Sora scolded himself, clutching his head in his hands. Why did it have to mean anything?
He could feel Riku's stare, watching his pathetic little show of confusion, and his knees trembled. Sora groaned. He had just met the man and already it was painfully obvious that he wanted Riku. Riku had thrown his life into turmoil, without any real effort, or even – so it seemed – any concern about the fact. And yet Sora still wanted him. Badly.
Clenching his jaw, Sora started walking hurriedly. He had no destination, unless away could have been considered one. All he knew was that he had to get away; from Riku, from thoughts of Riku, from his own imagination's relentless attacks.
He could not tell if the real Riku was following, because he was too busy trying to evade the fictitious Riku. But his arms found Sora's waist, his lips found Sora's neck, and his broad chest found Sora's back. They were pressed together, so close, and Riku's fingers were walking tantalizing paths up Sora's abdomen...
And then the real Riku spoke.
"Are you sure you're okay?" he was standing some distance behind the other man, watching him worriedly, his long hands hidden deep in the pockets of his slacks. Sora did not answer. He just plopped onto the ground, slumping backwards to lay in the cool, lush summer grass. Surprisingly, calm was found only a few deep breaths away.
"Sora?" Riku sounded more concerned than before as he sat down next to the brunette.
"Yeah," Sora answered quickly, "I'm fine. Sorry. I'm...alright. I think." Again he was surprised by the absence of Riku's chuckle.
"So tell me," the other returned without missing a beat, "aside from getting out of this city, what is it that you want?"
While Sora was not nearly as drunk as he had been only a minute earlier, he was still tipsy enough so that it took some effort to refrain from answering with a simple and misguided 'you'. But, God, did he want Riku. He wanted to hold him, kiss him, sleep with him...
"I want to be a doctor," he replied quickly, covering his flushed face with the back of one hand. "A pediatrician. I want to go to medical school. I want to help people."
When he was done, Sora felt much better. He'd never admitted that before. God, how pathetic was that?
"What about you?" he asked, eager to take the focus off of himself. "What do you want, Riku?"
Sora could sense Riku's body tense up. For a long while he stayed silent, until he finally laid down, supporting his weight with his elbow so that he was facing Sora.
"I don't know," he admitted, laughing at himself. "I've never really thought about that. I mean, I've lived comfortably all my life, freely. No one's ever asked me that, and no one's ever made me do anything, so I don't think it ever occurred to me to want something."
Sora's heart was pierced with jealousy, and he tried not to sound bitter as he encouraged Riku to think about it now. He was almost sober, so it wasn't too hard.
Despite his previous claim of not knowing, Riku's answer was almost immediate.
"I want to paint. I guess I've always known that, but what I really want is to paint and know that someone really likes my work. Genuinely likes it, I mean, not like they think buying my painting will make Sephiroth more inclined to go into business with them. I..." he trailed off, and Sora watched as his expression faded and his bright eyes became very distant. "And I want someone to know who I am. Not know my name, or recognize me, or any of that bullshit. I want someone to know what really makes up who I am."
At that moment, doubt dissolved, and Sora decided. He would go to medical school, and he would be a pediatrician. There would be no more waiting for someone else's permission. Forget about Aikagi Enterprises. Someone else could take care of that, because Sora was going to be a doctor.
"God, that all must sound so cheesy," Riku laughed, sitting back up. Sora followed suit and smiled, shaking his head.
"Not at all," he said. For the next few moments he did nothing but watch as Riku displayed a truly sincere smile, his eyes sparkling. It was the Higure who finally broke away from the stare, clearing his throat and curtaining his face with his hair.
"What about Kairi?" he asked, a question which wiped off Sora's smile and instantly finished off any lingering effects of the champagne and Knob Creek.
"I...that is a very confusing subject," he answered.
"Explain it," Riku's words did not have the tone of a demand, but Sora interpreted them as such anyway. And he had no problem with complying.
"I can't tell if I love her. Sometimes I think it might, but there's always this one part of me that doesn't. But...I can't leave her because I don't think I can find someone else. I mean, what if that's really all there is? What if you just can't love someone with your entire being?"
"Are you happy with her?" the other man interrupted. "Does she make you happy? And I don't mean just every so often, or even most of the time, but all the time. Constantly. Even when she'd not there."
"No."
"Then I don't think it's love, Sora. Love will never hold you back from happiness. Sure, no matter how much you love someone, or how much they love you, you'll have your share of problems. But in the background there will always be that happiness you feel just because they're alive."
Blinking, Sora looked up at Riku quizzically. The other man stared back, completely serious and utterly unrelenting with his darkened, probing eyes.
"You're right," Sora admitted softly, sliding closer to Riku. The letter reached out hesitantly, and when Sora made no move to object, placed a hand on the brunette's thigh. Sora's own hand fit perfectly over Riku's, and just as perfectly when curled at the crook of Riku's neck.
"You're not still drunk, are you?" Riku asked, voice soft and low and breathless.
"No. Not anymore."
"Good."
His arms found their way around Sora's waist, pulling him closer so that the younger man was forced to kneel rather than sit, his knees dragging his expensive pants across the grass until they collided with Riku's. Sora drew in a deep breath just before their lips met. He was trembling, his hands loosening their grip on Riku as he suppressed a satisfied moan. It felt like ages since he'd kissed someone. He knew it had been almost six years since he'd kissed another man, but for the life of him could not recall the las time he'd kissed Kairi.
And he definitely couldn't remember the last time a kiss had felt like this.
A small laugh escaped through Riku's nose when Sora's lips slid against his own as the brunette smiled. He'd forgotten how much more comforting it was to hold than to be held.
Kairi's face – tear-streaked and wide eyed – leaped instantly into his mind's eye, and Sora struggled to dismiss her. It had been an easy task only a moment ago, but he found it difficult to do now.
As if sensing his uneasiness, Riku groaned into their kiss, a desperate, throaty sound, and hugged Sora closer to him; his grip on the younger man was almost possessive and the brunette was forced to scramble forward so that he was draped across Riku's lap. He moved his hands into Riku's thick hair, fingers tangling in the locks as the Higure's own digits wandered across the hem of Sora's shirt.
Slowly, he parted his lips, breathing out against Sora's mouth, his hot breath tracing ghost kisses along the brunette's lips until he smiled, opening his mouth just enough for Riku's tongue to slip inside. Sora released a soft moan as it brushed his own, and pushed back, pressing his body flush against the other man's and doubting that he would ever get enough of this delicious contact.
Riku's hands finally found their way under Sora's shirt, sliding adoringly across the smooth skin of his sides. Sora shivered and deepened the kiss, suddenly starving and wildly wanting. Immediately, Riku pushed back, more desperate and ravenous than the younger man, sending him falling backwards. Their legs interlocked and bodies writhed in a desperate attempt to meld together.
The silver-haired one pulled away for a quick breath, and somehow amethyst eyes and auburn hair and wringing hands found their way into that minuscule opening.
"Oh God," Sora groaned as a wave of nauseating guilt washed over him.
"Yeah, Riku agreed in a sacred whisper, smiling as he leaned in for another kiss.
"I shouldn't be here."
The brunette's words almost didn't stop Riku, and Sora was disappointed that they had. One more kiss, one more moment of that divinity, and he would have forgotten about her all over again, and perhaps forever that time. But now...
"Please don't do this, Sora."
"I can't, Riku. Kairi -"
"You don't love her," Riku groaned, his lips finding a home at the corner of Sora's jaw.
"I don't even know you."
"You already know me better than anyone else ever has."
"Riku, I -"
"I need you, Sora."
The brunette blinked back tears, gently pushing Riku away and rolling out from underneath him. "You don't know that."
"Yes, I do."
Sora sighed and stood. He began walking away, pausing only when Riku called out his name for a third time. Steeling himself against the desire to turn back and just melt into the older man's arms, he stepped forward and continued to walk away.
He'd made his decisions. He would not sacrifice his own happiness for his father's expectations. He would not sacrifice it for Kairi's sake. But neither would he destroy her in the process of finding his peace. If it happened like this, he would shatter her. If he just explained his confusion, made her realize that she deserved someone who would truly love her, who would not torture her like he had, then she would survive.
Riku's path would lead to the ruin of everything, and Kairi's wouldn't change a single thing. So Sora would make his own. In time, maybe the other two would come to understand.